| Latest articles: About Facebook and relationships
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 October 2011: While generally facebook is considered a fun way to keep in touch with friends and share photos, it can be a huge source of turmoil in a relationship. If I had a dime for every time I read "I'm worried because I saw something on her/his facebook..." ...
Is Pornography cheating?
This question has 100 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2011: The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
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The mental images of my wife having sex with other men from the past are killing me!
Q. Hi, I hope someone can help me. Like many other 'askers' on this site, I have trouble accepting my wife's sexual past (though I am truly getting better and better). I am in the process of starting therapy again to help me get through these intense ...
A. 13 January 2013: Just saw your follow-up, but yes you absolutely will find something else to obsess about without the exes. That's how these disorders work. You are not learning how to cope with her past, you are learning how to cope with obsessive thoughts. This ... (read in full...)
The mental images of my wife having sex with other men from the past are killing me!
Q. Hi, I hope someone can help me. Like many other 'askers' on this site, I have trouble accepting my wife's sexual past (though I am truly getting better and better). I am in the process of starting therapy again to help me get through these intense ...
A. 13 January 2013: Like I said, you've got to see a psychiatrist. These kinds of things, anxiety disorders and OCD, are almost impossible to overcome on your own. I know people who have suffered for many, many years because they are convinced that mental issues should ... (read in full...)
Despite our disagreement, our relationship is not over. But should I have tried to sort it out? Instead of walking away at the time?
Q. My boyfriend of 3 years and I have just had a huge fight and I don't know if I overreacted a bit. Basically, we ended up talking about the law and it became clear we have totally different opinions about it (in a nutshell, I do as I am told and he ...
A. 12 January 2013: The way he was behaving I think are some red flags. I understand debating WHY laws exist, but claiming you will break laws you don't like, THAT'S mental. You were not crazy, so don't let him convince you that you are.
You were assertive for once... (read in full...)
Truly, should I forgive her? She claims she still loves me despite all her actions?
Q. I've been in a relationship with my fiancee for 5 yrs. She moved into my apartment 2 years ago. l love her deeply and she means the world to me but am beginning to wonder if my love is not being reciprocated. August 2011,she asked some boy out on ...
A. 12 January 2013: No, she does not deserve another chance. She will continue to go behind your back again and again. It sounds like she has some psychological issues as well, asking a stranger for a baby.
I know what you WANT to do is give her another chance a... (read in full...)
I am sick of my B/f sneaking around behind my back to jerk off! Is it normal for men to be like that?
Q. Okay so anybody's advice would be excellent, especially a womans. I'm 18 and have been with my 22 year old boyfriend for 1 and a half years, our sex life is average, and I'm always keen even if I don't finish. He's jerked off to internet porn during ...
A. 12 January 2013: OP I have many links about this on my profile, I recommend you take a look. I think they will help you a lot.
"Wouldn't you rather have him whacking to some porn, living some fantasies, and ^^^ing a fake vagina rather than cheating on you?"
Y... (read in full...)
Is a brazilian wax worth the pain?
Q. So i'm really nervous now, I've booked myself in for a full Brazilian wax in a few days. But my friends have made me really nervous saying the pain is terrible!! I have a bad pain threshold, but I think of it as deal with the pain for something that ...
A. 11 January 2013: If it's bad you can just tell her to stop. She won't do it in one go, so if you can't tolerate it, just stop. No big deal.
I personally don't find the pain worth it, I trim it and that's all I do. It's not going to be blinding horrific intolera... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is a model and I'm worried he will eventually get tired of being with a normal girl, plus we have different religious backgrounds. Are these real issues or am I being silly?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles, I am in need of some advice on a few issues with the one guy. I will give you some background information to my situation. So I am 32 and a year ago I met a guy who is 31, he chatted me up when I was out for the day in a...
A. 11 January 2013: You're being silly! He could be with anyone he wants and he's with you. That's all there is to it. I don't know many models who want to date other models, most I've talked to really enjoy having the stability of a non-model being in their life. You ... (read in full...)
Can short guys have success with women? And if so how? I need advice on how to cope better with my height.
Q. I am a 5'4" male and i am very insecure about my height. I know that women love tall guys and that most of them turn their noses at the thought of dating a guy as short as me. However, I also know that some guys my height and shorter do have suc...
A. 11 January 2013: I've never dated a short guy, but that's because I started dating my current partner when we were both young. Short guys are easier to kiss anyways. The only benefit I find from dating a tall guy is that he can reach things for me, otherwise I don't ... (read in full...)
My husband going to massage parlors. Do I leave him?
Q. I have been married to my Husband for five years. We both have two boys and all four of them live with us. About four years ago I found they my husband was on dating website we split up but decided to try and work things out. About two years ago I ...
A. 11 January 2013: He's cheating on you regularly, of course you should leave him. Just because they are prostituted women doesn't mean they aren't other women. Not to mention going to places specifically with foreign women? There's a pretty good chance that means ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if first time sex felt right?
Q. So I had sex for the first time last night and I have some questions, I apologize if this is a little explicit... I didn't feel any pain when he entered me, thankfully- my hymen was already broken through fingering and he knew what he was doin...
A. 11 January 2013: That pain is him going too deep and hitting your cervix. He needs to go less deep. You should try positions where he can't do that, like in missionary put your legs inside his, try spooning too.
If you enjoy being fingered internally because ... (read in full...)
I need help ASAP! This guy is acting so dumb!
Q. I started talking to this guy a month ago, he is the type that acts like a player but he really doesn't get too many girls. We go to college together in California and after we began talking about 4 days later we had sex, I know that was a no no. ...
A. 10 January 2013: You're hoping that we know some magic trick or secret that you don't, but we can't make a dumbass realize his dumbassery. There is nothing you could do or say. In fact leaving him and never giving him another chance IS the best way to make him ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has not treated me right since he discovered I had a one night stand before dating him. Do I end things?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years and we are getting married soon. At the beginning, he was really sweet, caring and understanding. The kind of guy that I have always wished for. However, one day, I told him that I had an one ...
A. 10 January 2013: Serpico, you think RJ is an innate evolutionary trait (despite all evidence to the contrary) but that addiction, which is almost unanimously agreed on by biologists to be genetic and is so chemically ingrained that people die from withdrawal is ... (read in full...)
Girls don't find me attractive. Do they prefer the guys who break their hearts and show no respect?
Q. Im 22 years old and cant help it but face the truth and it gets me down. I have always realised I'm not good looking/ attractive. In school, people used to get into relationships all the time, not me, I knew what was wrong girls didn't find me that ...
A. 10 January 2013: I once started dating an arrogant jerk. The relationship lasted less than 2 months before he started asking me to give up my hobbies so I would be on call 24/7 for him. I walked.
Then I met a guy who was shy and polite. We're still together... (read in full...)
Things got ugly discussing an unexpected pregnancy. Do I need to tell him if I don't keep the baby?
Q. I recently found out I was pregnant with my ex's baby, we have generally got on well until I found out he had lied to me about seeing another girls whilst we were split up for a bit, then lying about getting back together with her 2 days after I ...
A. 10 January 2013: No you do NOT need to tell this abusive monster what you plan to do, he is no longer entitled to have an opinion on or be informed about anything you do. If he tries to contact you again, take out a restraining order. Do what is best for you and ... (read in full...)
The mental images of my wife having sex with other men from the past are killing me!
Q. Hi, I hope someone can help me. Like many other 'askers' on this site, I have trouble accepting my wife's sexual past (though I am truly getting better and better). I am in the process of starting therapy again to help me get through these intense ...
A. 10 January 2013: Like others have said, it's great you know this is your issue rather than hers. I highly suggest searching the site for the words Retrograde Jealousy and Retroactive Jealousy and reading the tips from Yos, as he is the resident DC expert on this.
... (read in full...)
My ex won't get rid of his new gf that hates us still being friends.
Q. My ex and I split up over a year ago, but continued to spend time together as if we were still together. Then in August I moved back home from college and he stayed there. We both cried as I had to leave not know when we would see each other again ...
A. 10 January 2013: You're behaving as though you are still couple (and so is he) when you aren't. If you are broken up and he is dating again, you can't be expecting him to put your "friendship" before their relationship. Did you maybe also consider why she is so ... (read in full...)
I think he's suffered a lot of abuse. How can I calm down my aggressive boyfriend?
Q. I have been with my current boyfriend just under a year. He's had a pretty unfortunate life up till this point and I suppose you could say suffered a lot of abuse from a young age (though I don't know any details as I avoid asking him about it)....
A. 9 January 2013: This guy is totally out of control. You need to think about your safety here, because right now he is a danger to you. Abusive pasts are awful, but unfortunately for some men who are abused, they take that abuse and flip it around onto other people ... (read in full...)
When we have a fight no matter whose fault it is, b/f switches off his cell phone till I beg for forgiveness on facebook. I can't take this!
Q. Dear Cupid My bf of 2 years always switches off his mobile when we fight and make me suffer until I send him sorry msg to his Facebook account even when he started the fight and even when he's wrong He did it now too. I can't go thru this suffer...
A. 9 January 2013: Why not give him a taste of his own medicine. Block him from all forms of communication, facebook, email, phone and never let him contact you again. This guy sounds very immature and not worth your time.... (read in full...)
Is there anything I can do to reduce my sex drive?
Q. Hello, I have a sex question. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over two months now, im 18 hes 25. And Lately he says all ive wnated to do is have sex, and i have. Im consantly "horny" when im around him, and when im not with him i thinkg a...
A. 9 January 2013: Yes, that's normal. Clitoral stimulation is how women have orgasms.... (read in full...)
Is there anything I can do to reduce my sex drive?
Q. Hello, I have a sex question. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over two months now, im 18 hes 25. And Lately he says all ive wnated to do is have sex, and i have. Im consantly "horny" when im around him, and when im not with him i thinkg a...
A. 8 January 2013: No wonder you are feeling like that, he gets off and you're sitting there frustrated! There's no release for you so all that sexual tension keeps building. You're still pushing him not because you want more sex, but because you want an orgasm and ... (read in full...)
Why did my boyfriend ask me if I had ever been pregnant?
Q. My question is not a very long. But my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a month. And a couple days ago, he asked me if I had ever been pregnant. I told him no and when I asked why he wanted to know, he said no reason. Is he just ...
A. 8 January 2013: I've asked my boyfriend really odd random questions because I see something happen in a movie or on TV or read it in a magazine and I genuinely am just curious. And if I had a nickel for every time I read about something on this site and ask about ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and cousin had sexual banter on facebook. Should I say something?
Q. got on my boyfrirends facebook and in his messages back and forth to my female cousin was dumb stuff like him flirting with her like she said i might stop by to see you next week when ill be in your area and he says you bringing the condoms or ...
A. 8 January 2013: "any way im sure its harmless"
How is that harmless?! Leave him! That is NOT appropriate behavior for someone in a relationship, ever, with anyone, at all. I'm not sure how to interpret that as anything except that he genuinely plans to sleep with... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has not treated me right since he discovered I had a one night stand before dating him. Do I end things?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years and we are getting married soon. At the beginning, he was really sweet, caring and understanding. The kind of guy that I have always wished for. However, one day, I told him that I had an one ...
A. 7 January 2013: Male anon, again you're still not answering what your solution is. No one is forcing anyone with RJ to stay with someone who has a sexual history, I've heard many posters on here say the men suffering this should break up with their partner. And ... (read in full...)
Karma: people seem to get rewarded for bad behaviour, so is there any point in being a good person?
Q. Hi, I was wondering if anyone saw anything bad happen to bad people? I see a guy who cheated in the IQ test to get a job become the manager of a company. I see a woman who cheated on her husband living happily with her husband and kid. I see dislo...
A. 7 January 2013: Of course they frequently get away with those things, but it's often that farther down the line it bites them in the ass. I've seen plenty of slimy backstabbers getting all the best projects and otherwise excelling thanks to stomping down everyone ... (read in full...)
What is the key to happiness? Is it a sum of everything, or something specific (such as love)?
Q. They say you "can't find a home in the arms of a man", I suppose meaning that a man can't provide you happiness or be 'the big thing' of your life. I just wonder, what is the key to happiness if it isn't love (as in a relationship)? I...
A. 7 January 2013: I think it's the sum of everything. I am a happy person and my partner is certainly a piece of that, but he's not everything. I am in a great job doing rewarding work and making enough money. I take really fun classes after work and on weekends to ... (read in full...)
Worried I cant get pregnant when I'm older, help?
Q. Had unprotected sex on 4 different occasions since I lost my virginity, I was really worried I'd get pregnant but I've just got my period like normal... Now I'm really worried that one day when I want kids I won't be able to have them?? Is there so...
A. 7 January 2013: Why are you having unprotected sex? That's really dangerous.
Anyways, no it doesn't mean anything is wrong. You only have about a 5-7 day window every month to get pregnant and if you were lucky enough to miss that window, you wouldn't get preg... (read in full...)
How can I get my fat girlfriend to lose weight?
Q. MOD NOTE: This was original poster's chosen title... Hi all Ive been with my OH (other half) for nearly 4 years now - when we first met she was 196lbs at 5ft 10 and it didnt bother me much. I was still attracted. Now, she is 219lbs! and thou...
A. 7 January 2013: Could she have a hormonal issue? My friend was battling obesity for years. She ate healthy foods, cut out alcohol, rode her bike every day, and she was still obese. Turned out she had thyroid issues. Once she started her medication the weight came ... (read in full...)
Lack of experience and concern about my size is holding me back from forming relationships.
Q. I am a virgin and I am interested in sex and relationships but I am afraid because I am in experienced and i have a small penis. The internet forums I have been on I have seen women talk about not being able to stay with otherwise great guys who...
A. 6 January 2013: There is nothing to be "lacking" with a smaller penis. I promise you that men care WAY more about penis size than women do. The vast majority of women can't orgasm from penetration. Oral sex is to most women what penetration is to men. I'm one o... (read in full...)
BF of 2 years either doesn't pick up the phone, or he's verbally abusive. Is this because he got sex and doesn't need me now?
Q. Dear Cupid My bf of 2 years lives in a different city, I visited him 2 days back and we spent a day together. I came back to my work city yesterday. From yesterday he is not picking my calls or calling me back. Even if he picks up, he calls ...
A. 6 January 2013: How much money did he get from you? You should demand it back and then dump him. He sounds repulsive. Why would you want to be with someone who calls you gendered slurs? You shouldn't be in a relationship just for the sake of it. If you're not ... (read in full...)
Are public displays of affection at work OK or not? In disagreement with my BF over this.
Q. Hello! Hope you can help with some advice on this small issue. How much physical contact is OK/to be expected from your partner when at work? We work in different departments and when we met up for lunch he wanted to walk with his arm arou...
A. 6 January 2013: I don't think that's appropriate. I saw a couple walking out of my building the other night with their arms around each other and thought it was REALLY unprofessional. It's not about hiding it, it's just that your coworkers don't need to know that ... (read in full...)
Is this as sign that my husband is having an affair?
Q. My husband had a strand of hair wrapped around his penis. It wasn't mine. He says that our daughters hair that gets everywhere including our brushes in our room, has got caught in his clothes and worked its way down there. And that this is a common ...
A. 6 January 2013: I found a long blonde hair once in my own pubic area, I have no idea whose hair it is. Still have no idea.
I don't think it means anything.... (read in full...)
Karma: people seem to get rewarded for bad behaviour, so is there any point in being a good person?
Q. Hi, I was wondering if anyone saw anything bad happen to bad people? I see a guy who cheated in the IQ test to get a job become the manager of a company. I see a woman who cheated on her husband living happily with her husband and kid. I see dislo...
A. 6 January 2013: Most of the VERY successful people I know got where they are by being honest, empathetic, and cooperative. Sometimes it seems like bad behavior gets rewarded, but in the long run it will usually bite them in the ass. At some point success is based a ... (read in full...)
I have no motivation. How can I stop procrastinating and enjoy life?
Q. Not sure what is wrong... I have been feeling sad, lack motivation, and interest. I just want to watch tv all day except when I have to go to work. I have tons of things I need to get done in life, but I just sit on my couch and put it off. What c...
A. 6 January 2013: When I first moved after college I couldn't afford cable on top of rent. The amount of extra time I gained from it was amazing and I haven't actually bothered to get TV. Now I get my favorite shows online or Netflix and only watch the stuff I really ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has not treated me right since he discovered I had a one night stand before dating him. Do I end things?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years and we are getting married soon. At the beginning, he was really sweet, caring and understanding. The kind of guy that I have always wished for. However, one day, I told him that I had an one ...
A. 6 January 2013: Male anon, RJ IS something sufferers have to try to get over because it makes them miserable. There is nothing for women to "accept" because there is nothing for us to do. What is the solution then if not to help men "get over it?" The sufferer is ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has not treated me right since he discovered I had a one night stand before dating him. Do I end things?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years and we are getting married soon. At the beginning, he was really sweet, caring and understanding. The kind of guy that I have always wished for. However, one day, I told him that I had an one ...
A. 5 January 2013: "But ON THE WHOLE this particular trait in men is VERY consistent through different times and places. There is as much reason to think RJ is a natural male trait as there is for many female traits which are pretty much taken for granted to be ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my boyfriend for his best mate?
Q. I've fallen for my boyfriends best mate and I don't know how to handle it. They play on the same football team locally and as I wash all the kits, we got to know each other without my boyfriend there. We have a lot in common and just clicked....
A. 5 January 2013: "but I know if my boyfriend knew he wouldnt be too mad."
I think your boyfriend would pretty strongly disagree on that. If I knew my boyfriend had cuddled and kissed another girl multiple times, especially if that person was my best friend, I woul... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has not treated me right since he discovered I had a one night stand before dating him. Do I end things?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years and we are getting married soon. At the beginning, he was really sweet, caring and understanding. The kind of guy that I have always wished for. However, one day, I told him that I had an one ...
A. 4 January 2013: I've found that generally only people who are knowledgeable in their fields actually know how to search the internet for the information they want efficiently. "if you go ask most members of the AIBS what they think of modern psychology, you will... (read in full...)
He's asked me to sign a Pre-nup! It made me Soooo Mad. Should I just sign the thing?
Q. So my boyfriend of 3 years is in the US Army and on Skype one night he told me to go to my front door. He had someone go write on my front porch step "will you marry me?" And the ring box sitting there with a vase of flowers. When I went ba...
A. 4 January 2013: I have to disagree with R1.
A pre-nup only protects assets that existed before the marriage, it does not protect assets gained throughout the marriage. For instance if one of you suddenly wins the lottery while married, that is not protecte... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has not treated me right since he discovered I had a one night stand before dating him. Do I end things?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years and we are getting married soon. At the beginning, he was really sweet, caring and understanding. The kind of guy that I have always wished for. However, one day, I told him that I had an one ...
A. 4 January 2013: "Not a single conjecture you wrote is consistent with the current consensus in the field of biology."
First off, I wasn't even talking biology, I was talking anthropology and sociology. Other cultures have had different views of how pregnanc... (read in full...)
Premature Ejaculation. Where do I go to get help? Who can help fix this? Because my Gf is getting sick of sex with me.
Q. My gf and I have been sexually active for about 2 years now, but lately she seems so bored of with sex. I mean she seems to have enough. I gave her long breaks from time to time and no im not trying to force it on her. Its just that when ever we...
A. 4 January 2013: Do you ejaculate within seconds of entering? If not, you probably don't have PE. For a lot of couples when the woman can't finish, blame immediately goes to the man not lasting long enough, when in the vast majority of cases you could last an hour ... (read in full...)
What am I supposed to be accomplishing through sex?
Q. In every magazine I have come across, whenever they write about sex it always has to deal with orgasms. from this I have the perception that if I am having sex with a woman she has to orgasm every time otherwise I won't be a real man and she will ...
A. 3 January 2013: When people cheat it's almost always for emotional satisfaction, not physical. Often not feeling wanted.
Orgasms aren't the only reason couples have sex, are they the only reason you would want sex? It's a way to bond emotionally and physical... (read in full...)
When do these things calm down and do relationships like this tend to last?
Q. How long do relationships tend to take to calm down? Alot of people say people that focus everything on their new gf/bf and spend all their time with them have an unhealthy relationship as they are isolated from friends. I do believe this is ...
A. 3 January 2013: Why is she immature?
They both sound happy. What's wrong with that? There's nothing in your question that indicates they are a bad couple or will break up. As his friends you will never have the impact on him that she does. You sound like you are ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has not treated me right since he discovered I had a one night stand before dating him. Do I end things?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years and we are getting married soon. At the beginning, he was really sweet, caring and understanding. The kind of guy that I have always wished for. However, one day, I told him that I had an one ...
A. 3 January 2013: "About his double standards that others have mentioned, when did we learn anything about this man's own sexual habits? People need to stop stereotyping men like this."
Why is it not OK to try to "stereotype" him that he's probably had sex befo... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has not treated me right since he discovered I had a one night stand before dating him. Do I end things?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years and we are getting married soon. At the beginning, he was really sweet, caring and understanding. The kind of guy that I have always wished for. However, one day, I told him that I had an one ...
A. 3 January 2013: "do know that retro jealousy is a product of male evolution - specifically being described by the phrase - 'Mommy's baby, daddy's maybe.'"
Sorry but that's nonsense. People have always known sex leads to baby, but that's the end of it. There ar... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has not treated me right since he discovered I had a one night stand before dating him. Do I end things?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years and we are getting married soon. At the beginning, he was really sweet, caring and understanding. The kind of guy that I have always wished for. However, one day, I told him that I had an one ...
A. 3 January 2013: It's still bothering him and he's punishing you. He has decided he is entitled to treat you like garbage because he believes you've lowered yourself somehow, even though you haven't. You are a human, not a car, and your sex partners are not owners ... (read in full...)
When do these things calm down and do relationships like this tend to last?
Q. How long do relationships tend to take to calm down? Alot of people say people that focus everything on their new gf/bf and spend all their time with them have an unhealthy relationship as they are isolated from friends. I do believe this is ...
A. 3 January 2013: It's called the honeymoon phase. It's stronger in some pairings than others and the time period is different, but usually only 6 months up to a year. It's just the bonding chemicals going crazy. It means they have good chemistry together. Lasting ... (read in full...)
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