A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:In every magazine I have come across, whenever they write about sex it always has to deal with orgasms. from this I have the perception that if I am having sex with a woman she has to orgasm every time otherwise I won't be a real man and she will either cheat or leave me for no satisfying her. furthermore I have seen girls and women cheat on their partners or leave them because they don't have good sex with them.However, I have read on this website and on a few others that an orgasm is not the most important thing about sex or the aim. Which makes me wonder what am I supposed to be accomplishing through having sex (procreation aside)? and what is the most important thing about having sex?P.S. I am a virgin and I do not want to have recreational sex
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male
reader, Silius Sodimus  +, writes (22 January 2013):
There is no single answer to that. But I'll try to give you a clearer picture, if your having sex with a FB then the point of sex is pretty much to have an orgasm to fulfill the base needs of humans. When your with someone as a gf/wife it's a little different, the point isn't to ensure both of you cum EVERY time. IT's also a bonding experience, it strengthens the relationship. Regardless of what crappy women's magazines say women don't need to ALWAYS cum to enjoy sex, it's a little different with men. For men sexual fulfillment occurs at orgasm, for women it can vary quite a bit. Ladies correct me if I'm wrong but sex itself with someone you love dearly is wonderful particularly if he pays attention to your body and how your feeling during the moment, but orgasm is not necessarily the be all and end all for women although it's obviously pleasurable. So the best answer I can give assuming I'm right is this, sex with a partner creates a closeness and a feeling of being wanted, feeling attractive and a feeling of self worth in the eyes of your partner.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 January 2013):
 Well in my opinion there is sex and there is making love. while you can have sex without making love and you can make love without having sex they tend to be considered one and the same by many people.
to me the goal of sex is to pleasure your partner and bring you emotionally and physically closer to your partner.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the answers. I asked this question because sex and relationships are foreign to me and i want to understand them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2013): everyone is different, my friend. you're not gonna get a univeral answer that applies to every woman, as every woman has a different standard of what is good for them. i will say this: the girl i'm dating now has never been with a woman before until me, and she told me that all the times she's had sex with men, they never took the time to make sure she got off. they just got theirs and left her hanging. very one-sided and inconsiderate. with me, she gets off 3 or 4 times every time we have sex because i make a point to focus on her needs, which she has certainly let me know is a drastic and welcome change. a lot of women don't have patience for men who don't care about their physical needs or make an effort. i can say this: if you're putting forth an effort, and letting your girl know that you care about her physical needs, she will be okay with not getting off every time. as long as you're trying and you care. it's when they feel you don't care, and only care about getting yourself off, that they may develop a problem with you and potentially leave you. so basically, my advice: don't make your woman feel you don't care about her needs. now, moving on to a different topic. you say you're a virgin, so let me give you a few pointers. not every woman (few, in fact) can get off through penetration alone. just because it feels awesome to you, doesn't mean it's gonna be enough to get her off. if you do cum before her, don't ever be afraid to go down on her to finish her off or use your hand on her clit. the key here is the clit. it's the main spot to focus on. every woman wishes men would learn to pay a little more attention to that spot. just because you get off, doesn't mean the sex is over. and believe me, as long as you do this, you will ALWAYS have a happy woman on your hands.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (3 January 2013):
 When people cheat it's almost always for emotional satisfaction, not physical. Often not feeling wanted.
Orgasms aren't the only reason couples have sex, are they the only reason you would want sex? It's a way to bond emotionally and physically. But yes, sex does need to be physically pleasurable for her too if you plan to have a fulfilling sex life.
Orgasms for women don't come from penetration the vast majority of the time, mostly it is from oral sex, fingering (on the outside), or a vibrator. Your first time sex almost certainly won't, and your 2nd time onward probably won't either. You need to ask her what she needs to orgasm (if she doesn't know, she needs to masturbate to find out). Orgasms are definitely important, but it takes most couples awhile to figure out how to make the woman orgasm regularly and that's OK so long as it's a goal. If you want to orgasm every time, it's a pretty safe bet she does too.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (3 January 2013):
Dear OP,
That's a very interesting question and I guess there are many answers.
Sex is not a sport or a competition or a job, so it's not about an accomplishment, really.
In a relationship, it's a way to express your feelings with your partner and to create pleasure together. It's not only about making a woman orgasm, it's about both partners enjoying the closeness of each other.
Some random science about sex which might also help you figure out what sex is about: During sex, women release a hormone that makes them feel deeply connected to the man (Oxytocine). It creates a feeling of trust, bond and empathy. And when men have sex, they release a hormone which causes them to feel great pleasure (Dopamine). And for both parties, (good) sex just makes people happy because it's linked to the happiness areas in our brains.
So, having sex together can make a couple more happy with their relationship and create a feeling of intimacy.
To me, good sex is a physical expression of love, pleasure, lust and knowledge of the body. It's not only about making a woman orgasm, but also about showing her how much you like her body, how much you like her, how tender you can touch, how much you desire her and long for her etc. So to kiss her, touch her, pet her, lick her, tell her nice things.. that makes a really good lover to me :)
Of course I'm not going to leave someone if he can't make me orgasm everytime. And I think most women wouldn't do that. Magazines write a lot of stupid things that don't reflect reality. Sex has a different value to everyone, and although many people find it important, it's by far not the only thing that counts.
If you don't want recreational sex, then you should try to find a partner who has the same opinion about this.
But may I ask you, since you never had sex, why do you already decide about this now?
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (3 January 2013):
 If you are a virgin don't worry to much, you probably aren't going to give a woman an orgasm on your first time and women don't expect that. Just try not to cum to quickly, make sure she knows you are into her and care and enjoy it.
Long term having an orgasm every time is nice for a woman's sex life, but in reality we have lower expectations!
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