| Latest articles: About Facebook and relationships
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 October 2011: While generally facebook is considered a fun way to keep in touch with friends and share photos, it can be a huge source of turmoil in a relationship. If I had a dime for every time I read "I'm worried because I saw something on her/his facebook..." ...
Is Pornography cheating?
This question has 100 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2011: The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
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I don't want kids!
Q. I'm a 23 year old male with a 23 year old girlfriend. We have been together since we were 17ish, had 1 or 2 breaks, but now were serious and committed. I live with her mum dad and sis, and have done for a couple of years now. We are happy and ha...
A. 17 February 2013: There IS no other advice. You are both in denial here. You think she will change her mind, she thinks you will change your mind but I don't see that happening. If you are certain it's not a matter of "telling her" it's a matter of breaking up.... (read in full...)
Will my wife get mad if I put up some erotica pictures in my office?
Q. I'm a big fan of vintage erotica and while my wife appreciates the beauty of photographs, I don't know if she is as big a fan as I am. Anyway, I just purchased a bunch of old photographs from Penthouse magazine creator Bob Guccione's colle...
A. 12 February 2013: We don't know how your wife will react either. Is there some reason you don't want to ask her? ... (read in full...)
Is five months too soon to move in with my boyfriend?
Q. I have been seeing my boyfriend for five months and we're thinking of moving in together. I spend about three or four nights a week with him anyway and we were on holidays together for over a week and got on great! I've known him for about ten ...
A. 12 February 2013: I would say yes, that's probably too soon. The way you word this question really sounds like you just don't know each other well enough. You're still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship where everything is amazing, your relationship probably ... (read in full...)
Will alcohol make you sick the first time you drink it even if it is just a small amount?
Q. My new boyfriend wants to bring over some champagne or wine for our romantic Valentine's dinner at my house. The problem is I have never drank alcohol in my life, just was never interested or associated with people who drink. Of course I would l...
A. 12 February 2013: I've never heard of that happening, ever. Some people are sensitive to wine, but only after at least a few glasses. Just one won't hurt.
Are you sure you didn't have food poisoning or a stomach bug that was just a coincidence from the cigarett... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't drink, how do I handle the alcohol issue in his birthday party invitation??
Q. Hey y'all ! So I've been in a LDR with my awesome boyfriend for a year now. He comes to see me often, so he's met my friends. this time, i want to throw a birthday party for him at my apartment...and all *my* friends will be invited obviously since ...
A. 10 February 2013: Why don't you not write it on the invite, but tell them over the phone or something?... (read in full...)
What would be the negatives about having a first child when aged 35?
Q. I am turning 21 this year and the thought of having children anytime soon within the next 5 years sounds really unappealing to me. A lot of my high school friends are getting married and having children already. I just want to be free and single a...
A. 10 February 2013: It's a good idea to wait if you're not ready. You are more likely to have a healthy child though if you do it before 35. After 35 you're still more likely to have a healthy child than not, but that's sort of the "cut-off" for when doctors say you ... (read in full...)
How can I convince her to give up her sex toys? And consider a real guy like me for sex?
Q. I a year a 25 year old male with a new girlfriend who is 21 years old. We have been going out for about three months. After the first week of dating the subject of sex came up She told me that she had bad sexual experiences with her last boyfrie...
A. 9 February 2013: It's not an either/or situation. For most women a vibrator is basically the equivalent of lube to a guy. Many can't even orgasm without one or take such a long time it's essentially not worth trying.
The rest depends on what bad experien... (read in full...)
Why didn't he tell me about this close female friend of his? Why has he saved hundreds of emails? And why is he buying this woman gifts that I don't even know about?
Q. I don't know if I'm overreacting or not... I hope someone can help me clear this up in my head. I have discovered that my husband of less than a year has a close female friend that until the other day, I did not know about. I found out when he left ...
A. 9 February 2013: Even if somehow they aren't having sex (it sounds like they are) he's emotionally cheating. I don't see how your marriage could survive this.... (read in full...)
I don't want kids!
Q. I'm a 23 year old male with a 23 year old girlfriend. We have been together since we were 17ish, had 1 or 2 breaks, but now were serious and committed. I live with her mum dad and sis, and have done for a couple of years now. We are happy and ha...
A. 9 February 2013: If you don't want kids and she does, that is a dealbreaker. One of you will always feel unhappy in the relationship and it just can't work.... (read in full...)
Guys, do you prefer shaved or natural/trimmed pubic hair?
Q. Dear guys, This is just a question for you: Do you prefer women to be all hairless/shaved/waxed in the pubic area or is it also okay for you if a woman is just a little trimmed or even completely natural? Would it be a turn off for you if you ...
A. 9 February 2013: I once found myself naked with a ridiculous hot guy who tons of girls were after and I hadn't shaved or trimmed in months, it was totally "wild." He made a quick joke, I laughed, he laughed, and then it wasn't an issue again. Unless he's a porn ... (read in full...)
In a subtle way, how do I encourage him to feel able to approach me? I want something to happen.
Q. I really want this guy who I see every week day and have nothing in common with him other than he works at my daughters school. We have exchanged constant stares over the last year, I feel that he is aware that I like him as when I return his gaze...
A. 9 February 2013: I think you would have to approach him because if he approached you and got rejected and you reported him to the school, his job could be in jeopardy. Just ask him if he'd like to get coffee sometime.... (read in full...)
He wants Anal and I do not. Should I stay with him, or just consider us as not compatible as a couple and move on?
Q. hi, this is my query, i have been dating my new guy for 6 months now, things WERE going well, but know there are problems in paradise, ( i know some of you are gone think this is silly). But he likes anal sex, i have never tried it never had th...
A. 9 February 2013: The vast majority of women find anal sex uncomfortable and painful, there's nothing wrong with you. Sex is not about how you can suffer in silence for him to have orgasms in different ways. Just say no, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. He ... (read in full...)
How can I have a normal conversation with my Bf? He implies I'm angry when I'm not.
Q. I feel like I don't know how to talk to my boyfriend anymore. Every time I talk to him he thinks I'm angry or mad. I'm never actually feeling like this so I don't understand why he always thinks I'm angry. I'm usually just trying to have a norm...
A. 9 February 2013: This is actually a really classic thing from sexist men. Anything that comes out of a woman's mouth is too loud, too emotional, too angry. Basically it's his way of "subtly" saying he'd rather you weren't really talking at all.... (read in full...)
Does this 'relationship' have any potential?
Q. we've been seeing each other for over a month now. Every week, but usually at his place. We will go out for dinner the odd time. He says he wants it to stay casual as he just got out of a 3 and a half year relationship. In the beginning he woul...
A. 9 February 2013: He is not looking for a relationship and you are, that means that right now you two are just not compatible. This won't end well for you, you should break it off before you get any more involved. You're probably thinking if you just stick it out, ... (read in full...)
Can anyone please explain to me how it's possible to be too sweet?
Q. Can anyone please explain to me how it's possible to be too sweet? Last weekend when I went out with a girl I've known a few years, we got a little drunk and totally unexpected she kissed me, I've liked this girl since the moment I met her but be...
A. 9 February 2013: I don't think it has anything to do with what she is saying. It has nothing whatsoever to do with you being too sweet or her needing a bad boy. If you ask someone to hang out, they never say "No thank you, that sounds boring." They will make up some ... (read in full...)
Always been attracted to girls. But also like watching gay porn. Could my porn use be affecting the fantasies I masterbate to and think about?
Q. I am very confused at the moment. Since I was younger I have always been attracted to girls. When I see girls in the street, I'm instantly checking them out. Never in real life have I ever looked at a make and though hmm they're attracti...
A. 8 February 2013: Why label it, just do what feels right. If you have no issues with your partner and like to fantasize about men, just do it and don't worry about the label. So long as it's not causing problems in your life, then there's nothing to worry about.... (read in full...)
Guys, do you prefer shaved or natural/trimmed pubic hair?
Q. Dear guys, This is just a question for you: Do you prefer women to be all hairless/shaved/waxed in the pubic area or is it also okay for you if a woman is just a little trimmed or even completely natural? Would it be a turn off for you if you ...
A. 8 February 2013: I just trim, nothing else. Never had any complaints.... (read in full...)
Wisdom teeth problem
Q. more of a health issue than relationship, but advice is appreciated, aunts this is so not a relationship question but it's bothering me , I was fine till recently I realized my wisdom teeth was coming out I thought I didn't even have them, I went to ...
A. 8 February 2013: We can't really answer that. It depends how they're growing in. If they're coming in alright (there's room for them, they don't become infected, etc...) you really don't need them out. For some reason dentists seem to insist that people get their ... (read in full...)
My sister is ill with a serious mental illness. I want the sister I know to return. How do others cope with a loved one with this illness?
Q. my sister is schizophrenic, in the last two months she has relapsed, she wont talk to me or family. It is hard explaining this to outsiders, but it feels like she is not here anymore (the way she was). You watch soaps, and in soaps where peopl...
A. 7 February 2013: I had a relative with schizophrenia. It is hard to cope with and you're doing great. It is completely normal for you to sometimes feel upset. Your sister has a mental health team, but what about you? You need to get yourself into therapy because ... (read in full...)
After five months he broke up with me, for doing all the things I thought made me a perfect girl friend. What did I do wrong?
Q. Basically ever since I was younger I've always had this preconception of guys as hard and unfeeling and only wanting sex. So when I picked a boyfriend, I picked one who wouldn't be emotional or sensitive or want me to open myself up, nor one that...
A. 7 February 2013: Yes your idea of men is wrong, they aren't some kind of other species, men have feelings too. They don't want to date an emotionless robot who refuses to show affection or open up emotionally. You don't want to be clingy, but you don't want to be ... (read in full...)
I had a sneak-peek at his email. I found out he's buying things for himself on line he's not told me about. Why the secret?
Q. I've just found out that my boyfriend secretly spends a lot of money behind my back as he left his email account logged in and i had a sneek peek. He even bought lots of stuff on my b'day for himself! When talking about what he buys, he obvi...
A. 6 February 2013: Not sure this is totally harmless. Not that there's really anything you can do, but sometimes people can develop shopping addictions where they buy and buy and buy and get themselves into financial trouble. Normally it affects women, but it can ... (read in full...)
What's a sweet way to ask a girl out on a date? And should I wait until Valentines day?
Q. I been meeting this girl, I do like her and I know she likes me to. Any sweet ideas on asking her out? Nothing over the top, I want to keep it simple. Valentines day is also coming up, I'm not sure if a girl would like to be asked out before...
A. 5 February 2013: Don't ask her out for Valentine's day or on Valentine's day, too much pressure for one date. I don't think it matters whether you do it before or after. As for the actual asking, I'd just ask her to her face in a simple way.... (read in full...)
Was it out of line for my therapist to tell me that I'm beautiful?
Q. Dear Cupid, I recently started seeing a therapist because I have issues with my parents at home. I've been verbally abused my whole life and that is why I've decided to seek out a therapist. Last night I had my fist session with my therapist and...
A. 5 February 2013: He probably just thought it was what you needed to hear at the moment. I wouldn't say totally inappropriate, but if it made you uncomfortable just find a new therapist.... (read in full...)
Desperate - wife found a pic and says she is leaving
Q. My wife and I have had a very close relationship - and we have both been known to get a little freaky regarding sex. We both use porn (me more than her), but she has never had any issues w/it at all. I recently created a "locked" folder on my pho...
A. 4 February 2013: If I found a picture of my boyfriend's female coworker in some kind of spank bank, I would freak out too. Not sure why you think it's not a big deal, because it kind of is. Maybe it's a BIT of an overreaction to immediately jump to divorce, but ... (read in full...)
We're waiting until we're married -- but what if he doesn't have enough to satisfy me?
Q. Dear Cupid I am a 30 year old female due to get married in a few months. My fiancé and I are both virgins, we decided to wait till marriage. It's never something I regretted. We have spoken about sex and I have friends who are sexually active ...
A. 4 February 2013: Penises have almost zero bearing on your ability to orgasm, the vast majority of women can't orgasm from penetration. Most either orgasm from oral sex, fingers (on the outside), or a vibrator. The best possible way for you to be satisfied later on ... (read in full...)
I got drunk and missed my personal tranining session, how do I apologise to my trainer?
Q. What have I done? I've really hurt him:( how do I apologise? So I got drunk last night and I'm the kinda girl that never drinks. (I'm a good girl, i dont party or anything) But I was bored so I drank last night and woke up with the biggest...
A. 4 February 2013: He's angry because you wasted his time and money by not showing up. The only thing you need to do is pay for your missed session. That's far better than an apology.
If you have feelings for him, wait for this to die down then ask him out and find... (read in full...)
If I'm pregnant how do I tell my boyfriend its not his?
Q. Hey Cupids, got my self in a little bit of trouble and need some Help and advice. I had a one night stand January 26th early morning January 27th. The guy i had the one night stand was without a condom. We were both having a few social drink...
A. 4 February 2013: It sounds like either period or anxiety to me. You could be pregnant, but if you were there's no way you'd have symptoms yet. Wait until the blood test is done before deciding what to do. But you should probably consider ending the relationship ... (read in full...)
Who should I show loyalty to in this tricky situation? My BF or my ex?
Q. Hello everyone, I have a problem. My ex wants to apologize to me "for everything," and I want my boyfriend to be in the know when my ex and I meet up to talk about it. The problem is that I feel like I'm disappointing my ex if I let my boyfrien...
A. 4 February 2013: You seem to have this way backwards. "I don't think my boyfriend needs to know every single thing that I talk about with other guys (particularly my ex,)"
No your boyfriend doesn't need to know everything you talk about with friends, but with you... (read in full...)
Feeling comfortable with anal?
Q. im 16...me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost a year have the best sex imaginable...but we rarely have it...we look up many positions,lubes, handcuffs,etc...we try it all...he wants to try anal now...im very scared to even attempt to do it ...
A. 4 February 2013: The best new sex trick for you right now is to learn how to use condoms/birth control. You're still learning the absolute basics, no need to move onto very advanced things that can cause serious injury (if you do it wrong you can destroy the muscles ... (read in full...)
Confused about masturbation and things related.
Q. Right some questions, masturbation when in a relationship - isn't the whole point of masturbating because you can choose who you want to look at as in porn/think about and not many people think of their own girlfriend because there is no point? ...
A. 4 February 2013: I have many links about porn on my profile and I think they would help you, take a look through them for more advice.
Most people do masturbate when in relationships though, but porn and masturbation are two different issues.... (read in full...)
Anyone have experience with an IUD?
Q. Hey guys. I have a health concern but I'm not looking for medical advice per se, more whether others think it sounds serious or not. I have to tell this to someone because I don't have anyone else, and I'm scared :( I'm 20, and got a copper IUD...
A. 4 February 2013: What you're describing sounds pretty normal for a copper IUD, with a perforation you wouldn't feel the string and it's most likely to happen within the first month or two after insertion (you're also probably be bleeding heavily and in severe pain). ... (read in full...)
I want to try being a transgender hooker. What are the pros and cons?
Q. I am a male who loves crossdress on a regular basis. I am small in stature and a bit feminine so I have no problem passing. I have dated and have had sex with men as well as women. Last month I decided to take a vacation in a city that has a big ...
A. 3 February 2013: Your odds of getting murdered doing this are 1 in 500 and your odds of getting raped and/or beaten are greater than your odds of not getting raped/beaten. Not worth it. If you have another option, do that.... (read in full...)
I'm 16. Is it wrong for me to have unprotected sex, already had a miscarriage and want to get pregnant?
Q. ok so heres the deal...me and my bf have been dating for almost a year now...we stated having sex 5 months after we began dating...but we NEVER used condom...we are 2 highschool students and he is to graduate this year...i have suffered a miscarrage ...
A. 3 February 2013: You need to use condoms. You're going to ruin your life AND his if you don't. You're way too young to get pregnant. You won't be able to provide any kind of a good life for a baby because neither of you has a decent job. Condoms are cheap and easy, ... (read in full...)
Girls: Would it bother you if a boy was stronger than your boyfriend?
Q. Girls, would it bother you if a boy was stronger than your boyfriend? My girlfriend invites me to her home often. She has a 12 year old brother who wrestles. He's always challenging me to wrestle and arm-wrestle. So, I did one day and he beat me b...
A. 3 February 2013: My boyfriend is a skinny guy who probably would get his ass kicked in every situation. I do not care.
I agree you're probably "seeing" an issue when it wasn't there because your ego is bruised. I doubt she cares at all, it's you who cares. M... (read in full...)
How should I approach the attractive girl on Facebook?
Q. Hey, so there is this girl I am friends with on Facebook and I find her very attractive, we have about 80 mutual friends (which in todays society meens f**k all, cos we probably added one another just because we have mutual friends, it's a numbers ...
A. 1 February 2013: I think it's weird to message someone you've never met. The only way I can possibly see this going anywhere is if you have one of your 80 mutual friends introduce the two of you.... (read in full...)
No marriage, no will, no life insurance and thinking of the future. Should I stick around?
Q. Last night I expressed my feelings, to my boyfriend of 5 years, about what would happen to me if he died. He is much older than me and we are not married. I was thinking about this because I had pneumonia and he had the flu and both were really ...
A. 1 February 2013: Your boyfriend sounds unbelievably selfish. He doesn't give a crap about you. There's no nicer way of saying it. My boyfriend and I are in our early 20's and we've even thought of this. We're not married and we still are ensuring the other is taken ... (read in full...)
Now that her mom is sick, she only has time for her friends. Should I end things?
Q. Hi I've been seeing a girl for nearly 2 years,she is great and everything but recently her mother has become ill, so she has to look after her. Now i ask to see her but she always says shes busy looking after mum, but she goes to the cinema once ...
A. 1 February 2013: It's not a good sign that she is going through a hard time and is pushing you away rather than looking to you for support. Spending three whole months apart when you're only 10 minutes away is, in my opinion, as good as ending the relationship.
... (read in full...)
My cousin is coming to visit, should I change my ways while she's here?
Q. sounds like an odd thing to ask advice on.. but my cousin is coming to stay for the weekend at my university in two weeks and i don't know if she'll be happy about how i really am here.. i think she has an idea but doesn't fully know. i'm a big...
A. 1 February 2013: If you are literally having a moral dilemma over missing out on partying for two nights, I think your cousin is absolutely right about your behavior. It's two nights, not a permanent situation. Your cousin is visiting, you should be hanging out with ... (read in full...)
My fiancé wants to become a surrogate through artificial insemination for her friend. What do I say?
Q. This is going to be weird but here it goes. My fiance brought up a weird question to me. Her long time friend because of a health condition her window to have a child is closing fast. My fiance came to me and asked me how I would feel if she would ...
A. 30 January 2013: I think she's probably just throwing the idea around rather than seriously considering suggesting it. Besides, you don't even know if the friend would be OK with that, it would certainly change the nature of the friendship (and not for the better), ... (read in full...)
My husband bought a necklace for a random waitress. I find it inappropriate, he thinks it's charity. Thoughts please.
Q. Mod note: I added she was the waitress to make the question more clear. I found a receipt for a swarovski necklace in the sale in my husbands week day apartment. When I asked him about it, after a few laughs, he said that he goes to a chinese ...
A. 30 January 2013: I think he's lying about who he gave the necklace to. I could be wrong, but that's what I immediately think. I think he bought it for another woman he wants to have sex with or is having sex with and then when you caught him, he came up with the ... (read in full...)
Do I need a friend like this? How do I drop her?
Q. Friendship dilema. Hi. I have been friends with a couple of girls for 20 years. They are mostly fun to be with - but one is a bit more cheeky, gobby and rowdy than the other. When we are out she always think she knows it all, tries to show yo...
A. 30 January 2013: Everytime she wants to hang out, say you are busy. Don't tell the other friend, just only hang out with her alone.... (read in full...)
A phone call shattered my world, find out husband had an affair. If I leave will it stop the pain?
Q. Hi One evening I got a call from a girl saying to ask my husband who she is. I asked ... it is a work collegue who he has being having an affair with for 4 months. He said he ended it 1 month ago and didnt have sex. I believe him and he's promise...
A. 30 January 2013: It won't immediately stop the pain, it will initially hurt more, but I'm guessing you will immediately feel relief even if you are sad. Over time though, it will hurt less and it's the right decision. I don't see how you can forgive him for an ... (read in full...)
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