A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married to my Husband for five years. We both have two boys and all four of them live with us. About four years ago I found they my husband was on dating website we split up but decided to try and work things out. About two years ago I found out he was going to erotic massage parlors and taking to escorts. He agreed to go to counseling if I would not leave him. He did not go. Dumb me stayed anyway. Just before all of this began to happen we moved several states away from my friends and family. Well I just found an address on his GPS under fav and looked it up and he is either going to a counselor or a Russian Massage parlor. I do not know what to do. My oldest is about to graduate from High School and I will not leave until that happens. Do I confront him, spend all my money living here till my son graduates? Do I leave everything alone and see if something happens or what. He is a good husband other than that. We have lots of sex and he is great with my kids. When he is with me he makes me feel very important but I am finding it harder to make him feel important. Any suggestions would be helpful.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, smplyital +, writes (2 March 2013):
Sweetie,
Have you gotten the answers you were looking for? I am floored by a similar discovery. I find that people are so quick to say .. the husbands never get sex! That can be so far from the truth. I am HIGHLY sexual. Anyway. If you need to talk more, please feel free to hit this us again and I can maybe throw some thing your way. Its all about support. good luck!
Elizabeth
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2013): He has serious emotional problems, he is addicted to going to these parlors. He is willing to keep doing it meaning he is willing to lose you. He begs you to stay because he needs the safety and security of a marriage, which to him is totally separate from what he gets at these parlors. He wants to have both really, but if push comes to shove and he had to lose one, he will rather lose you. you should stop sleeping with him because you could get diseases.you should also divorce him already because he's never going to stop what he's doing, and as long as you stick around he has no need to. He will probably spend the rest of his life with this habit whether or not you stay or divorce and if he ever re-marries. let that be his own problem and/or another poor woman's problem, not yours.you also should examine what's going on with YOU that you are continuing to accept it despite how much it is messing you up. What are you so desperately afraid to lose, that you are still here in this marriage? You need to free yourself from whatever unhealthy distorted need that is so you can do what's best for you.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (12 January 2013):
 Some women I know would say that you need to dump the man, but I think that's not such an easy thing to do. I agree with others, however, that he is always going to go to massage parlors.
I think you should ot sleep with him. You don't know what you he could give you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2013): Sounds like a man with a high sex drive who thrives on variety and the excitement of illicit sex. Once anyone has started down this road, it's hard to stop. If he is still doing it, even after your discussions, it means he IS prepared to lose the relationship with you otherwise he wouldn't still be chancing it.
Careful of STD's etc. If he has had multiple partners you really need to safeguard your health.
The trust is shot to pieces here. I'm wondering if you might be better separating anyway?
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A
male
reader, Broadminded +, writes (11 January 2013):
 He's addicted to the lifestyle. He knows that you know about it and he hasn't stopped. So, what do you want? When will he stop? He's willing to risk his marriage on the chance that you will end it. If you want to save it you'll need to go to counseling as a couple. That way he'll have to talk and you'll find out why he won't stop. If he won't go then leave the marriage because he's not going to change. Sorry to sound so cold. But you know the story and so does he. Nothing's going to change unless you take some action...one way or another.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 January 2013):
 Are you really having SEX with him if you suspect he is cheating on you with prostitutes?
I don't understand that at all. IF I thought my husband was cheating SEX would be the LAST thing I'd want from him.. well, second to last.. and STD would be the last thing I'd want.
What DO you want to do?
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (11 January 2013):
 He's cheating on you regularly, of course you should leave him. Just because they are prostituted women doesn't mean they aren't other women. Not to mention going to places specifically with foreign women? There's a pretty good chance that means they're trafficked (meaning slaves who are raped). Being good with the kids can't really override that.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (11 January 2013):
 He has a problem, and his not seeking help through counselling, leaves you with a situation which will never be any different. Yes, talk to him, and tell him that you are considering leaving, as you don't see how you can continue to live this way. With your son close to finishing school, it is a difficult situation. Have you had any counselling yourself?
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