| Latest articles: About Facebook and relationships
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 October 2011: While generally facebook is considered a fun way to keep in touch with friends and share photos, it can be a huge source of turmoil in a relationship. If I had a dime for every time I read "I'm worried because I saw something on her/his facebook..." ...
Is Pornography cheating?
This question has 100 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2011: The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
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A phone call shattered my world, find out husband had an affair. If I leave will it stop the pain?
Q. Hi One evening I got a call from a girl saying to ask my husband who she is. I asked ... it is a work collegue who he has being having an affair with for 4 months. He said he ended it 1 month ago and didnt have sex. I believe him and he's promise...
A. 30 January 2013: It won't immediately stop the pain, it will initially hurt more, but I'm guessing you will immediately feel relief even if you are sad. Over time though, it will hurt less and it's the right decision. I don't see how you can forgive him for an ... (read in full...)
Do nice guys really finish last?
Q. Hello. I know I'm a very nice person at a great heart, because towards everyone I treat them well, except those who are not worth being nice to or who pissed me off. I am smart, kind and being sensitive is my weakness. I have researched over ...
A. 28 January 2013: The "nice guys finish last" thing doesn't apply to guys who are actually nice. Let me explain. There are guys who are nice, they do not struggle with women. Even guys who are nice who are very physically unattractive generally do not have trouble ... (read in full...)
How can I convince my Boyfriend that his smoking weed is a deal breaker for me?
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for 9 months now. When we first met i didnt know he smoked weed, but as time went on he seemed to smoke more and more to the point where i said it was bothering me. His personality has changed and the smell drives me ...
A. 25 January 2013: If it's a dealbreaker then you have to "break" your "deal." Meaning if he doesn't stop, you have to actually call it off. You can give him warning first, but if this is a dealbreaker for you and he doesn't stop, there's really nothing else to do.... (read in full...)
Should I marry my long term bf despite lack of physical attraction & chemistry? please help.
Q. hello, i am in emotional dilemma right now. to be honest that is an understatement. i am in hell because everything that is going on with my life is in turmoil. i don't know if i should marry my bf for 10 years. i don't know what to do? i only ...
A. 25 January 2013: No this is just a recipe for disaster. Why don't you want to be happy? Yes this will hurt for the time being to call it off, but you will move on. Agreeing to spend your life with someone you shouldn't be with, that will hurt for years and years.
... (read in full...)
I met one of my students at a bar and now I can't talk to her
Q. Hi i'm 24 years old and just got a job as a history teacher. Over the summer, I met this amazing girl. I met her in a bar so I just assumed that she was over 21 so I never bothered to ask for her age. She's beautiful, smart, funny. The most gorgeous ...
A. 25 January 2013: I agree with the wait it out advice. It's been so long that I'm fairly sure nothing would happen. If she approaches you or tries anything (which I doubt she will at this point) then you can talk to HR or the school equivalent and explain the ... (read in full...)
Online date turned out to be much bigger than I expected. How do I let her know I am not physically attracted without hurting her?
Q. Hi so recently i set up a profile on a dating site. I was contacted by a girl that looked really cute. We talked for a bit exchanged phone numbers, and texted a bunch, she was really cool and we had some common interests. We met up recently and i ...
A. 25 January 2013: I would agree with the first male anon. Just say thanks, and don't follow-up for a second date.... (read in full...)
Can I fix this job interview mistake?
Q. i went for job interview today for a guest room co ordicator and they asked me about my goal in five years and i said it would be to open my own salon. now that was really stupid and not realistic as i should have said it would be to excel in the ...
A. 25 January 2013: That's not stupid at all, it's much more honest than some recycled manufactured line. It sounds ambitious. If you try to go back on it, you will sound wishy washy. If you don't get the position that's not why. That question is designed just to make ... (read in full...)
How important is oral sex?
Q. The basic question here is how important is oral sex to you? I'm aiming this at both genders just to get an overview from both sides. I've been with some people who absolutely love oral and others who aren't really that interested in it and i'd li...
A. 23 January 2013: For many women oral sex is to them what intercourse is to men. Only 25% of women orgasm from intercourse but 85% from oral sex. So to that 85% of women it's kind of like asking how important is intercourse to men? Personally I don't like receiving ... (read in full...)
Women--how would you feel if your male partner turned you down for sex?
Q. I haven't had any experience with this kind of thing myself but I'm just curious to hear opinions. You sometimes hear from men that their partners are always too tired for sex or are stressed etc. I know that obviously some men are going to get...
A. 23 January 2013: It happens very often actually if you look through this site. For me, it stings a little, but when it's just an occasional thing it doesn't bother me longer than a few minutes. If it was happening a lot it would probably hurt my confidence in the ... (read in full...)
Whats a fair amount for boyfriend to pay if he moves in?
Q. My boyfriend and i have been together for 4 years. We are both late 20s. Lately we have been talking about moving in together. i have my own place and he still lives at home. Its not the best time to try and sell my house with out loosing money (he ...
A. 23 January 2013: He does NOT sound ready to move in with someone. He also sounds sexist. Joking constantly about sexist things does in fact make him sexist. If you let him move in what will happen is exactly what you think will happen. He will mooch off you, weasel ... (read in full...)
My ex keeps texting me wanting an explanation for why I broke up with him
Q. My ex boyfriend and I broke up October last year, but it was a long drawn out process of being off and on since April. He cheated on me back then and I still loved him but couldn't trust him, realised I needed some space. Eventually when we done ...
A. 23 January 2013: Why do you owe him an explanation for why you "treated him badly after he cheated?" He's already explained it to himself, it's because he cheated. Block his number and move on. He's just harassing you now.... (read in full...)
Feeling neglected. Why doesn't my partner want to make love?
Q. Me and my partner have been together 2 and a half years and we love each other dearly. He is very affectionate and cuddles me and kisses me but when it's time for bed he just turns over and goes to sleep. Leaving me feeling frustrated, hurt and ...
A. 22 January 2013: Maybe this is just an issue a lot on here, but my thought immediately goes to "how much porn is he watching?" That's one of the top causes of low libido in young healthy men nowadays.... (read in full...)
I don't want to look fake but I don't know how to do my makeup
Q. IM blonde blue eyes and i dont feel i am the prettiest of girls so inorder for me to look nice i like doing my make up but i have no idea how boys like it, i dont want to come acroos as fae but i still want to look nice, can you help me?...
A. 22 January 2013: A lot of girls your age will pile the makeup on and that's a mistake. If you think you really need something for your skin, try a tinted moisturizer and a good cream concealer for zits. Make sure you ALWAYS take it off at night. Always. Sometimes if ... (read in full...)
My partner is constantly belittling my looks, my opinions and my intelligence.
Q. I love my partner and he loves me, but I dont feel like he appreciates me. I am an attractive lady and have always had a lot of male attention my whole life. I am now 36 yrs old and look probably 28 yrs old. Not that I am basing who I am off my ...
A. 22 January 2013: These are huge red flags of an abusive relationship. Textbook examples. He is isolating you from your friends and family and whittling away your self-esteem. You need to get out now before he does something worse.... (read in full...)
Why do some women find aggressive behaviour in men a turn on? I don't get the female mind!
Q. Hey all I have a question on the confusing female mind! I was chatting with a couple of women recently and they both confused the hell out of me. One had slept with some chavy guy who she regretted sleeping with but said she did it because the h...
A. 22 January 2013: We do? My boyfriend is a shy skinny quiet nerdy guy who is the least angry person I've ever met. He does not yell and he has never gotten physically angry at me ever. If he did, we would be over. I once dated a guy who got so mad he punched a wall. ... (read in full...)
Had a pleasant coffee together, then he left the ball in my court
Q. Hi everyone. i would like some thoughts into this situation. I went a guy online and over the weekend we met for coffee. We ended up talking for about an hour or so. It wasn't magical sparks flying everywhere, but it was a nice conversation. ...
A. 21 January 2013: It means he doesn't want to be too pushy and is politely leaving it up to you whether you see each other again. If you want to see him, give him a call.... (read in full...)
Is is true that guys think less make up is better?
Q. So the guy i'm seeing has been coming over mine recently, the thing is at the beginning I used to wear a lot of make up thinking i needed it. But now i've noticed I like waking up with only a bit of makeup and feeling more fresh looking, although ...
A. 20 January 2013: That depends what kind of makeup and how good at it you are. But in general, less is more. Men in general don't like to see your makeup. The less of it they can see, the better. I.e. if you wear heavy foundation, especially if it's the wrong color ... (read in full...)
He wants me to give up my dream of children because he already has 4 kids
Q. i am desperately in.love with an.older man. i met him 2years ago however i have learned that he has 4 kids to his ex gf. i know he has been.hurt in.the past but he.wants me to give up my chances of having children because he already has them. i dont ...
A. 20 January 2013: There are many ways to be not compatible, the obvious ones like just not getting along, cheating, etc... But then there is the kind where you do not have the same life goals and no amount of love can change that. This is a biggie, you want kids and ... (read in full...)
Anyone have a boyfriend who was so satisfied he gave up porn?
Q. Are there any women here whose boyfriend's stopped watching porn because they felt they didn't need it anymore because they were satisfied fully? My ex claimed he would of stopped anyway if I hadn't of told him to stop....
A. 19 January 2013: Men who use porn regularly aren't doing it because they aren't satisfied, they are doing it because it's a habit and therefore satisfies a different need.... (read in full...)
I don't trust him to go to his friends birthday party
Q. Hi, I need some advice. My bf and I have trust issues, and his best friend is havi.g a bday bash. Loud music, booze, friends and girls. We planned to go together but the baby sitter got sick and I cant find anyone on such short notice... I do not ...
A. 19 January 2013: This party is irrelevant, your relationship is already over. You're letting this guy bulldoze over you and treat you like complete crap. He has cyber sex with other women, lies about it, talks sexually with women he knows and goes to great lengths ... (read in full...)
Why is it that straight men don't take two gay womens relationship seriously?
Q. so i have a very sincere question that i've been wondering for years. it's troubling me greatly. i have been out of the closet for over ten years now, and have dated nothing but really feminine women who don't "look gay" (despite being VERY MUCH ...
A. 19 January 2013: Because sexism, that's why. Basically some men are brought up believing that all women are supposed to be sexually available to men at all times. When two women are in a lesbian relationship, it's the ultimate way of being not available to guys. The ... (read in full...)
Husband sent a "lets have sex" message to a colleague
Q. My husband went out a few weeks ago with his friends to a concert. In the morning he was a bit hungover, but got up, went to the washroom and then hid his phone. I felt bad for snooping, but I wondered why he hid his phone so I found it and looked ...
A. 18 January 2013: He wanted to get her attention by saying "let's fuck?" I don't think so! Your husband is a lying cheater. If he's not already cheating, he wants to. You're not being too jealous, when people are in a monogamous marriage they are not allowed to be ... (read in full...)
What can I expect as far as possible symptoms as a result of ceasing to take birth control pills?
Q. Been on microgynon 30 for about 3 years now. I've slowly become fed up with it, took it to lighten periods and ive become unorganised(joining packs together without breaks, missing them) and I've decided to come off it now as I hate pumping my body ...
A. 18 January 2013: My period only started earlier when I stopped mid-pack, the other times nothing unusual, boobs shrank, otherwise no changes. I've started and stopped them three or four times now.
If you are worried about it starting early, try a Diva cup, the... (read in full...)
Can anyone pls explain how someone can be in love and then just lose feelings overnight?
Q. Can anyone pls explain how someone can be in love and then just lose feelings overnight? I joined on line dating. Not to date, not to cheat, but because I was bored because he would rather be out football training, than be home with me. He doesnt ...
A. 18 January 2013: Of course he left, you joined a dating site! It would be like if you went around telling everyone you were single. It doesn't really matter what your intentions were because he's not buying it, and frankly neither am I. You were upset with him so ... (read in full...)
Unplanned pregnancy. I'm from a strict family and don't know what to do ....
Q. Hi everyone I'm here to get advice and not to be judged Yes me and my boyfriend are both adults and been together for 4 years. We are both working however we both live in different towns. We had sex however I took the morning after pill but I...
A. 17 January 2013: No one can tell you what to do because we don't know how you will feel after you choose. Only you can predict that.
What you should do is 1) make an appointment to talk to a family planning clinic. One that actually offers abortion so that you... (read in full...)
I'm afraid I'm going to ruin my internship because I'm so tired all the time!
Q. This is not really a relationship question, but about job performance (or lack thereof, in my case.) Since most of you have jobs or had one, I would really appreciate your advice on this. Right now I'm finishing up my studies at uni through an i...
A. 17 January 2013: You are going to have a nervous breakdown, you've got to quit the internship. You just can't keep up driving 5-6 hours a day. Even if you mentally can deal with it somehow, you're going to be at risk for all kinds of physical health problems.
... (read in full...)
Can an antibiotic prevent pregnancy?
Q. Can ampiclox prevent pregnancy...
A. 17 January 2013: No antibiotics cannot prevent pregnany.
If you want to prevent pregnancy start taking hormonal contracetives or use a condom every time.... (read in full...)
Am I a loser for not drinking or doing drugs? Will I find a girl to date?
Q. How can I be comfortable with the fact that I dont drink or do drugs. Last night, I went out with my friends to a partyhiuse and there was rndless amounts of drinks and drugs there. I never drink, so I am the sober one. I have some friends who do ...
A. 16 January 2013: Why would that make you a loser? I have smoked pot, but it's always been for some sort of ailment (nausea, anxiety, etc...). I just plain hate the way alcohol makes me feel so I don't drink. I haven't been called a loser since middle school. Most ... (read in full...)
She doesn't want to change her Facebook status to 'in a relationship'....
Q. Im in a ldr with a wonderful girl for about 8 months, i've been introduced to her friends and family, in fact we spend christmas and new years together. i have pictures on my fb showing us together and she has shown me in other ways she cares about ...
A. 16 January 2013: Some people are not into facebook. If she was leaving it as single that's one thing, but some people just don't like to share much of anything on their facebook. Unless she's also behaving strangely in other areas of your relationship, I don't think ... (read in full...)
Should I feel guilty that I've stopped being a customer at a shop because of expenses?
Q. Should I feel guilty about this? For several years now I have got on very well with a local shop where I buy my lunch. They treat me like a daughter. But this year I need to conserve my money as I know I have some big expenses later this year....
A. 15 January 2013: Not eating out and buying coffee can save you thousands of dollars a year in food costs. You should NOT feel guilty. Your business was not keeping their business afloat. If they aren't selling something that attracts enough people, you won't make or ... (read in full...)
Birth control questions
Q. Hi, Looking for some birth control advice. I've been in a relationship with my partner for 3 and a half years and I've been on the pill for the same amount of time. It has worked brilliantly for me , even helped me to put on weight, gain a more wom...
A. 14 January 2013: "They are the most reliable form of birth control there is other than abstaining from sex altogether."
Hormonal methods or the coil are far more effective than condoms alone. I wouldn't advise anyone to use only condoms as a long term plan unle... (read in full...)
Birth control questions
Q. Hi, Looking for some birth control advice. I've been in a relationship with my partner for 3 and a half years and I've been on the pill for the same amount of time. It has worked brilliantly for me , even helped me to put on weight, gain a more wom...
A. 14 January 2013: I'm not quite sure I'm following why you are making the leap from pill to coil if you like the pill. If one pill isn't working there are literally hundreds more you could try, so you might want to try another before getting a coil (as they are ... (read in full...)
I'm looking for miss right but keep running into miss wrong!
Q. Dear Cupids, I know people have standards but I feel like I rule out woman by my dating pickyness. I am looking for someone who is around my stature(5'11). Someone a little shorter than me and skinny to big boned. I have graduated college(...
A. 14 January 2013: I think you're really limiting yourself here and being way too nit picky. The person you wind up being best suited to might not have all the qualities on your list. What if you find someone who you have great chemistry with, but she's only 5'3"? I ... (read in full...)
How can I deal with my housemate's partner who almost lives with us, but won't pull his weight?
Q. Need honest advice.. I've lived with my boyfriend in a small 3 bedroom share house for over 2 years. Just under a year ago, we found a third housemate who was great. I introduced her to one of my male friends and they soon started dating. Sin...
A. 14 January 2013: I like both ideas from CindyCares and Cerberus. Either tell your housemate she needs to do his share or the chores, or go talk to your friend. If this is a new relationship I do understand her not wanting to start a fight so early on. No it's not ... (read in full...)
What does it mean if you send a facebook friend request to a guy and he didnt deny or accept the request?
Q. Please advice me: What does it mean if you send a facebook friend request to a guy and he didnt deny or accept the request? When I send this facebook request I also send a message to him asking him if he is on a dating site, and told him if he ...
A. 14 January 2013: Why do you think he's interested? It sounds pretty clear to me that he is not interested. If he wants to contact you he will. He has not and if I had to guess, won't. Time to move on.... (read in full...)
I don't believe I can satisfy my girlfriend physically. Should I leave her?
Q. Appreciate any answers. I believe I can't physically satisfy my girlfriend and as a consequence believe I should leave her. I want to leave her if as I don't want a gf I can't please and I worry that this may be a reason for her leaving me so t...
A. 14 January 2013: Why do you think you aren't satisfying her? If she's not finishing then you need to ask her what you can do to help her orgasm, oral sex, fingers, a vibrator, whatever she needs. Just as an FYI the vast majority of women don't orgasm from ... (read in full...)
He cheated and I continuously gave him grief. How do I let him know that I am sorry?
Q. Hi guys Little advice please. 7 months ago i found out my parnter had been cheating on me at the beginning of the year. i knew he was up to no good and my suspicions were confirmed when she contacted me months down the line telling me she h...
A. 14 January 2013: You fix it by leaving. This wasn't some one off drunken mistake, he was actively seeing someone long term. You can tell yourself you will trust him all you want, but you can't just consciously decide to and expect your brain to follow. You've given ... (read in full...)
How can I satisfy her needs during sex?
Q. I am the first to admit that I'm not the best in bed, I can never seem to last long at all, with or without a condom. I'm worried that the lack of ability to satisfy my girlfriend's needs may be grating her the wrong way (tho I always make a point ...
A. 14 January 2013: The vast majority of women (more than 3/4) of women do not orgasm from intercourse. As long as she's orgasming other ways, why does it matter if she orgasms from that? It's really just not how women orgasm.... (read in full...)
The mental images of my wife having sex with other men from the past are killing me!
Q. Hi, I hope someone can help me. Like many other 'askers' on this site, I have trouble accepting my wife's sexual past (though I am truly getting better and better). I am in the process of starting therapy again to help me get through these intense ...
A. 13 January 2013: Just saw your follow-up, but yes you absolutely will find something else to obsess about without the exes. That's how these disorders work. You are not learning how to cope with her past, you are learning how to cope with obsessive thoughts. This ... (read in full...)
The mental images of my wife having sex with other men from the past are killing me!
Q. Hi, I hope someone can help me. Like many other 'askers' on this site, I have trouble accepting my wife's sexual past (though I am truly getting better and better). I am in the process of starting therapy again to help me get through these intense ...
A. 13 January 2013: Like I said, you've got to see a psychiatrist. These kinds of things, anxiety disorders and OCD, are almost impossible to overcome on your own. I know people who have suffered for many, many years because they are convinced that mental issues should ... (read in full...)
Despite our disagreement, our relationship is not over. But should I have tried to sort it out? Instead of walking away at the time?
Q. My boyfriend of 3 years and I have just had a huge fight and I don't know if I overreacted a bit. Basically, we ended up talking about the law and it became clear we have totally different opinions about it (in a nutshell, I do as I am told and he ...
A. 12 January 2013: The way he was behaving I think are some red flags. I understand debating WHY laws exist, but claiming you will break laws you don't like, THAT'S mental. You were not crazy, so don't let him convince you that you are.
You were assertive for once... (read in full...)
The mental images of my wife having sex with other men from the past are killing me!
Q. Hi, I hope someone can help me. Like many other 'askers' on this site, I have trouble accepting my wife's sexual past (though I am truly getting better and better). I am in the process of starting therapy again to help me get through these intense ...
A. 10 January 2013: Like others have said, it's great you know this is your issue rather than hers. I highly suggest searching the site for the words Retrograde Jealousy and Retroactive Jealousy and reading the tips from Yos, as he is the resident DC expert on this.
... (read in full...)
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