A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't know if I'm overreacting or not... I hope someone can help me clear this up in my head. I have discovered that my husband of less than a year has a close female friend that until the other day, I did not know about. I found out when he left his emails open and I noticed one particular email address appeared more often in his inbox than any other. I know I shouldn't have done, but I had a look... and I am not happy with what I found. They talk *a lot* and have done for a couple of years. They write at length and form what I saw, it seems really personal, from both sides. They also seem to meet up quite a lot and although I can't be sure, it would seem as though it is always just the two of them. In the emails I saw (there were literally hundreds so I didn't see much in the great scheme of things)he told her that he would 'always be there for her' and that she is 'beautiful'. He also bought her a gift recently. I am really uncomfortable with this. Why didn't he tell me about her? Why has he saved hundreds of emails? Why is he buying a woman gifts that I don't even know about? I am worried about confronting him as I know that I shouldn't have gone through his emails, but I feel like he shouldn't have kept this from me. I am really hurt. I feel like he is cheating on me, even if there isn't anything physical going on. Am I completely out of order? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (9 February 2013):
He has not told you about this close female friend of his because it`s his dirty little secret.
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (9 February 2013):
 Hello
Not you're not out of order at all. In fact I think you should do a bit more snooping and, as Janniepeg suggests, use it as evidence when you seek legal advice. I doubt you want to think about the marriage breaking up, but this sounds highly dodgy and you should prepare yourself.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (9 February 2013):
 Even if somehow they aren't having sex (it sounds like they are) he's emotionally cheating. I don't see how your marriage could survive this.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 February 2013):
 He didn't tell you because guys rarely - if ever - tell their wives about the "bit that they are keeping on the side...."
You've got all the data you need to ask HIM all the questions that you posed herein.... AND, his replies will tell you if your "marriage" is over, or if it's possible to be saved.... Your call....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2013): I wouldn't go signing divorce papers just yet... but I would ask him about it. There is a chance that he is 'just friends' with her. Did you actually see anything that would indicate that there is something more than friendship? It is wrong of him to hide it from you, certainly, and wrong of him to carry on with it if you ask him to stop. Maybe there is nothing physical going on at all... but again, if you think he has crossed an emotional line then you should ask him not to see her... if he carries on... then it is time to think about moving on.
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A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (9 February 2013):
 I think you have stumbled across something that you wasnt supposed to know and he thought you would never find out about. He probably is cheating on you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 February 2013):
 He is cheating on you, already in less than a year. You have to prepare yourself for a divorce. It's normal to overreact to this. I am not sure if he's a close female friend he had known for years or a mistress who doesn't know he is married. He left his emails open so you did not purposefully snoop. It's like he doesn't even care if he gets caught, or maybe he wants you to know about it so you can divorce him. You don't have to wait until you find evidence of physical cheating. His intentions are very clear that it would lead to that road. If I were you I would save the emails as proof of infidelity and find a lawyer. I would skip the confrontation and go straight to divorce proceedings because such a man is not even worth fighting for. He is not worth your anger and tears.
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A
male
reader, Jimmy.L. +, writes (9 February 2013):
You feel like he is cheating on you? HE IS cheating on you in one way or another.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (9 February 2013):
 You are not overreacting. It needs raising and you need answers. Would he tolerate this from you? The fact that it is hidden shows he knows it is not appropriate.
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