A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, this is my query, i have been dating my new guy for 6 months now, things WERE going well, but know there are problems in paradise, ( i know some of you are gone think this is silly).But he likes anal sex, i have never tried it never had the interest, and i know i never will try it.He has asked twice and both time i gave him the same responce, which might seem harsh but it is how i feel, i told him i was not even willing to consider it.He keeps thinking it is just a fear i will get over and if he puts the right effort in to selling it to me i will eventually give in, but that is not how it is, i know i am not in two minds about it.The fact is anal sound like a bad idea in all forms for me.I previously asked for advice but it seems a lot of people are in the same mind as him! they think i have some kind of hang up or archaic reason to be in fear, they think i am under social pressure to not give in but i am secretly desiring it! and that i will one day break the barriers that are keeping from enjoying anal, and become ''modern'' and join the crowd.'NO ONE would believe it, when i say i have NOT tried and don't want to either.He seems comfortable with not doing it so far, but i know the need will escalate, and for what i have seen here it is a need not a want, as on some of the posts on DC, some guys are willing to risk relationships to get it.Should i just consider us as not compatible as a couple and move on? or should i stick to this guy??? It is starting to affect me and it will soon affect our relationship.a peace of your mind is needed here uncles and aunties :)thanks so much.
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (10 February 2013):
OP, I'm not a sensitive person by any means, but stuff like this should always be taken personally: after all it's your body we're talking about! When a guy brags and moans about wanting to do something to you that you're absolutely not okay with, you have to stand up for yourself. If he's permanently dropped the subject, good. If he brings it up again, you squash it like a fly. Always set your boundaries and let him know you'll won't allow him to cross them. Do that and you'll never end up in situations you'll regret later.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2013): Hi Happy to hear that the problem seems to be solved. Anyway, if he ever brings this up again, have you considered asking him why he wants it? And I mean exactly why, in detail. What exactly is so good about it, what makes it better than "normal" sex, how can he ignore the downsides, is it really worth it, how was it in the past, what exactly happened when he did it with other women... The more you can deconstruct it the better. More often than not this is a good way of finding out that people think they want sth. but actually don't. Maybe because they have a wrong, idealistic idea about it or because they have no idea since they have never really done it before. Which btw I suspect is the case with your guy.So anyway if he ever tries again, try this.Godd luck and all the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks a million everyone, i think the subject has been dropped, maybe i need to start taking things a little less personal, but he seems to have realized is not gone happen, whiles we are together anyways, i don't know for certain, but time will tell, thanks a lot for your replys
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2013): In reply to your follow up, always remember that people who brag about things are rarely the ones doing it. He sounds like an idiot who is trying to create some sort of image of himself which is actually a turn off to most women. He sounds like he is more concerned with impressing the guys with his tales rather than how you feel, which to me is a deal breaker. PS - for argument's sake I've just asked 6 of my guy friends if they have tried anal and they all said no. They said they are a bit curious at best, but they think the reality of doing it would actually be quite disgusting.
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female
reader, Dayzee  +, writes (10 February 2013):
You could tell him only if he thinks his penis is small enough to fit. That might shut him up.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (10 February 2013):
Just one addition: NEVER give in to something if you're not comfortable with it. Anal sex with you is off limits and he should respect that or get the hell out. Don't ever let anyone talk/force you into doing things you do not want. Stay true to yourself and listen to your gut.
Honestly though, if it were my bf I'd have dumped him by now. No is no.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (10 February 2013):
I had to deal with this in the past. Lots of girls do, unfortunately. These days, with every guy watching porn, they seem to think that anal is painless and common. The problem is that anal sex can be very painful and actually cause permanent problems like ruptures and other nasty stuff.
It's an output channel and simply not designed to have things shoved in there. I'll never understand some men's fascination with putting their dicks where poo comes out. Explain that to him. If that doesn't put him off, tell him you'll try it if he'll allow you to show a cucumber up his ass so he can grasp what it feels like. Say it and mean it, and trust me, it'll never come up again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am not sure, if this is true, but lately every man i ask said they got to have anal sex with the majority of the women they have been with, i haven't ask my currant boyfriend because i don't what to know! but by the look of things this is something he has done in the past, he is always bragging about how anal should be left to the experts and is always saying how some men make women hurt whiles it and this puts them off ever trying it again! and he genuinely believes that is their reason most women don't want to do it, because someone did it wrong, he doesn't believe can just not like it!
he is not the only one, even my male colleges say this! apparently they have it regularly and a lot of women love it.
i sat down and told my boyfriend that in my opinion it has to be psychological! some people enjoy been submissive and that probably gets them off... they might see it as the ultimate way to submit them selves to someone...
he just responded with a how do you know if you haven't tried it?
then he was gone tell me about the time he introduced some girl in to the idea of anal and i had to stop him, and explain to him how telling me that was a terrible idea, and maybe he should shut up!
this is wreaking things, honestly! i am so frustrated, i just had to tell him to drop the subject and stop bragging subtly about how good he is at anal.
i am starting to seem him differently, in away!!!...
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (9 February 2013):
 I think asking once is enough. Your saying no should have closed the subject off. He asked again, no wonder it's affecting you because it starts to come off as coercion or even bullying/ blackmail.
All you can do is explain (if he brings it up again) that you don't want to do it, will never do it, and that you're not on your own since many, many women don't want to do it. Ask him how he feels about bottom play? Does he relish the idea of a dildo up his anus? I doubt it very much, so why should you?
I don't know that you should finish the relationship over this, as he might have got the message. But if he keeps going on about it and he sees it as vital for your sex life, then I would say you're not compatible.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 February 2013):
 I do anal with my partner now and again.
IF you do not want to try it DO NOT.
even with a smaller penis and a well educated man on how to do anal it's not the joy men want to think it is for us women.... i was taught well and my partner rarely asks and it's not so bad so I do it.
YOU DO NOT WANT TO DO IT then don't do it.
you have told him twice no way no how and he's NOT LISTENING.
I do think that younger men men get way too much of their lousy sexual education from porn.... their ideas are geared towards looking good not being good...
You do not have to try something to know you don't want to do it... that only applies to small children learning to eat new foods IMO.
Adults have every right to say NO and you do to.
I tell you that I'm ok with anal so that you know that even I think you have every right to say NO to him to this....
you say "i know the need will escalate"
there is NO NEED for ANAL sex EVER..... therefore the NEED will not escalate... his DESIRE may... and you have to stand FIRM and JUST SAY NO....
if he continues to badger you for it... (if he is) then you have to consider that he's not respecting your wants or desire. And if he can't respect you, do you stay with him if everything else is fine? That's your call and it's a hard one.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2013): I am 100% with you, I never have and never will try anal. I don't understand it and most of my female friends agree with me. I don't think you need to end things yet, but you do need to make it completely clear that this is non-negotiable. Tell him you will never do it and he has to accept that and stop bringing it up. It is not a need, it's a want and one that he is unlikely to find many women who will be willing to partake in. If he cared about you at all he would stop pressuring you. If you tell him all this and he doesn't stop bugging you, then you should start thinking about ending it.
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female
reader, Cripes +, writes (9 February 2013):
Say you're scared it will hurt, and you're willing to try it ONLY IF he will take something of equivalent size in his anus first. He probably won't. Although you do of course run the (small) risk he says yes - but then if so, at least you'll have seen it from the other side!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni guess you are right, thanks a a lot :( xx
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 February 2013):
 The vast majority of women find anal sex uncomfortable and painful, there's nothing wrong with you. Sex is not about how you can suffer in silence for him to have orgasms in different ways. Just say no, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. He needs to get his head out of porn because in real life, women generally hate this. Once Jenna Jameson became famous she refused to ever do anal sex again. That right there is saying something.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2013):
Honey the best advice I can give is talk to him . I don't like or want anal and that me. This dude has to respect you for your needs and wants and dislikes and he has to know that this so a no go . Will it effect your relationship who really knows the answer to that ?
Take the relationship day by day and if he wants out then let him go . As you would deserve someone who respected your wishes . Don't be for ex or cornered into something you do not want to do. And for anyone responding and saying your missing out what load of tosh . Anal is mostly for mens pleasure not females . So stick to your guns .
And take care x
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female
reader, Dayzee +, writes (9 February 2013):
Does he secretly prefer men? Do you want anal warts? I'm with you. The anal area is for excreting and farts. Don't be pressured. I'd find someone who is more into romance and you And not into your bottom region.
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