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I feel I have made enough mistakes in my life to hopefully help people when they get into a similar situation. This site is fantastic just for getting your feelings off your chest and to get some advice from people who wont judge you, I really enjoy just being a part of this and helping in any way I can!
I will happily admit that I dont have vast amounts of wisdom on marriage, bereavement and many other topics but I would never respond to a question where I feel I dont have enough personal experience to help in any way.
I hope you find some hope and meaning in my advice but always remember, do what feels right to you in your heart, not what someone tells you to do on here. We are only here to help, the hard bit is for you to make the decision yourself! |
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| Latest articles: Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
This question has 33 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2009: After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
For all those teenagers worried if they may be pregnant/got their girlfriend pregnant...!
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 February 2009: After reading many posts on this website recently from worried teens about whether or not they are pregnant, I would like to offer some advice to you all. 1. If you have had a period after the incident then it is highly unlikely you are pregnant...
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How do we tell our parents that my 17 year old girlfriend is pregnant?
Q. I really don't know what to do with this situation. I'm 21, in my last year at undergrad (pursuing my PhD), and have a 17 year old girlfriend back home who, after a very passionate end-of-summer date in August, is now three months pregnant. And she ...
A. 14 November 2012: You have to thin about the statutory rape issue first - doctors, midwives and counsellors are going to get involved seen as she is under 18 and chances are the authorities might get involved due to her age, and that is where you run the very real ... (read in full...)
Do you thnk I was out of order texting him about him beating up his ex?
Q. I'm in such a state about my ex I don't know what to do. We split up a month ago, we had a terrible relationship. Basically he was looking through my facebook messages within a week of us being together, he saw that men messaged me dirty things and ...
A. 13 November 2012: Sorry but you were totally out of order! You have 'beaten him up', you admitted you hit him so you have no right to have a go at him when you are just as bad. Pot calling the kettle anyone?!
I bet your defense for hitting him was because he was s... (read in full...)
She's not interested in "shrooming" with me...
Q. I really love her, we've been together for 9 months as of the other day. I ask that anyone who reads this, do so with an open mind and not cast judgement or speak against "drugs", assert that I have a problem or anything likewise. Things were really ...
A. 13 November 2012: You ask us not to 'judge', yet you are judging your girlfriend for not wanting to do drugs with you. She is just a sensible young girl that doesnt need to delve into some wacky psychodellic world, or become a paranoid scizophrenic hooked on weed. ... (read in full...)
Do guys really prefer girls with long hair?
Q. do guys really prefer girls with long hair? I have really long dark hair down to my waist, but most the time I leave it naturally curly/wavy because it looks nicer and has more texture. But the amount of guys who mention my hair on a night out is ...
A. 12 November 2012: A lot of men find long hair more attractive because it is very feminine, so a pretty girl with long hair is a 'classic beauty' so to speak.
However I know plenty of girls with short hair who are fancied by a lot of men (look at Frankie from the... (read in full...)
How to get my wife in a thong
Q. Trying to get my wife to wear anything even a little sexy to bed. Nothing elaborate- would be thrilled for 5 min in a thong or anything beside cotton boring briefs. Been married 15 years- she is beautiful. Don't feel like this should be asking...
A. 12 November 2012: I echo what grymsoul has said - how can you have been married 15 years when you are 26-29? That is just nonsense!
Back to the actual question - buy her some sexy lingerie (not a thong though, many women dont like wearing them because they are... (read in full...)
I've fallen in love with my older brother's girlfriend
Q. Ok, well all type this kind of long and kind of short so fell free for any advice. Well, I think I'm falling in love with my older brothers gf. It did not happen at first, I really love this girl. I don't know how to deal with my feelings any more...
A. 12 November 2012: I think she is just a filler, a comfortable safe person that fills the void your ex has left. You dont love her at all, you just love the comforting feeling you get when you hug her and you love that she is nice to you.
You know this will nev... (read in full...)
Was this a drunken one off, or should I pursue her further despite her having a boyfriend?
Q. At the beginning of the semester I became good friends with a girl that I met. We hung out for the first couple of weeks and during one drunken night, I told her that I was beginning to develop feeling for her. She has a boyfriend and I told her ...
A. 12 November 2012: I'm sorry but this question is completely irrelevant, she has a boyfriend and there is no way you can change that, so there is no point in pursusing her. End of story.
Find a single girl who you can actually date, rather than chasing someone ... (read in full...)
Sleeping with my friend who I want a relationship with, but he is not being honest with me about what he wants!
Q. Ok my question I have is about a guy who has become a great friend in my life over the past 4 months. About a couple of weeks ago we slept together and I was ok with it. Than it happened again. I have realized in the meantime that I would sometime ...
A. 12 November 2012: It sounds like you are just a FWB to this guy and wont be anything more I'm afraid. You are old enough to know by now that if you have sex before you are at least dating then you are never going to be much more than sex to him. If he wanted a ... (read in full...)
Any advice on where to meet guys? Tried hobbies, gym and bars with no success.
Q. I absolutely don't know where to meet guys. At work most of guys are married or involved or much older, plus it's not a good idea to date anyone from work. In Gym where I go to, there is never any interaction. I just work out there 3 times a week a...
A. 8 November 2012: Erm well if you dont like bars, dont want to talk to men in the gym, dont want any more hobbies and dont want to try online dating then I'm sorry but there isnt anywhere else to meet people I'm afraid, aside from spotting a cute guy walking down the ... (read in full...)
He's making me choose, him or my dream, what do I do?
Q. Hey there guys/gals. I am in need of help :/ Let me explain: I am 18 and have a boyfriend of a little over a year and known him for about 6 years. We both have dreams and aspirations as many others although he's not very fond of mine. My dream is...
A. 8 November 2012: Your dream should ALWAYS come first. You are going to have to work every day of your life for the next 40+ years, so you need to love what you do otherwise you will be unhappy for the rest of your life.
I know you love your boyfriend, but at y... (read in full...)
Confused about what to think and do about my ex girlfriend. any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Q. we broke up over three weeks ago for certain issues i won't waste time explaining (no one cheated and no one lied, etc). we didn't speak for the first week at all, and then we finally started talking a couple of weeks ago. we text each other cons...
A. 8 November 2012: Its very hard to say what she wants or where this will go without knowing the reasons why you broke up. So if you could provide more information that would be very helpful!
But here is some generic advise that I would give anyone in this situatio... (read in full...)
My mother went through and cleaned my room without any warning. I feel violated, my dad says "get over it"!
Q. DearCupid Aunts, I need your opinion on something. I came home the other day to find that my mother had gone through my entire room, and cleaned it out. My drawers, all my laundry, several of my purses/backpacks, and private papers, had been...
A. 8 November 2012: Well your mum was pretty stupid, throwing out important things like bank details etc without shredding them is just plain dumb, she has left you open to identity fraud.
However she was trying to help, and it is her house (you dont own the hous... (read in full...)
Should I be having side effects now I'm on the pill?
Q. i'm on the pill and strangely I haven't experienced any side effects yet, people say you experience depression, mood swings, emotional, headaches, cramps and breast soreness, weight gain... yet i've been on it a month and I haven't had any of that, ...
A. 7 November 2012: It is a myth that everyone should experience side effects on the pill, in fact if you get negative side effects then you should be going back to the doctor to get changed onto a different one!
And the biggest myth of all is the weight gain, af... (read in full...)
I'm married and had an on/off affair with a married man for three years. I ended after his divorce, but now he has someone new, and I think he wants to rekindle our affair.
Q. I've had an on and off relationship with a high school classmate. Everything was good.he got married and so did i. We were seeing each other regular. We would have sex which was good to him. I was good with it because i got the attention i was look...
A. 7 November 2012: Why is he back? Because he, like you, is a serial cheater with no morals. He knows he can have sex on a plate from you, with no emotional attachment. If you are offering it (which you have done for years), why would he want to stop? He knows he can ... (read in full...)
My ex wants to be friends with benefits.
Q. i started seeing someone gradually for only 8 weeks, at first i really did genuinely like him and maybe shouldnt of rushed into things as quick as we did... but we did and within 4 or 5 weeks he started addressing me as his girlfriend which was ...
A. 7 November 2012: I think it sounds like he is desperate to keep you in his life one way or another, so if you cant be his girlfriend then he thinks FWB is the next best thing. I bet he also thinks that if you stay as FWB for a while then eventually you will fall for ... (read in full...)
I'm married and had an on/off affair with a married man for three years. I ended after his divorce, but now he has someone new, and I think he wants to rekindle our affair.
Q. I've had an on and off relationship with a high school classmate. Everything was good.he got married and so did i. We were seeing each other regular. We would have sex which was good to him. I was good with it because i got the attention i was look...
A. 7 November 2012: This all boils down to these questions? Do you still want to be married to your husband? Or would you be happier with the man you are having an affair with?
If you want to be with your husband, then stop cheating and focus on working through ... (read in full...)
My "bad boy" past is catching up with me and I'm going to lose my girlfriend because of that. Help!
Q. Dear Everybody, I met a wonderful lady at the beginning of the year. She means the absolute world to me. To give you a bit of background. She is currently seperated. She has 2 beautiful children and her ex husband works away alot. They se...
A. 7 November 2012: What was the crime you committed? I would get in touch with a lawyer if I were you, one that specialises in family law and see if he could actually take the kids away because of your crime.
I would find it highly unlikely that he could gain ful... (read in full...)
Is all this normal... or am I being irrational?
Q. Dear cupid, my boyfriend and I have been together on and off, for nearly four years now. It has had it's good parts and it's bad parts like any relationship I guess but I feel like I have hit a wall in the relationship now. I am coming here because ...
A. 6 November 2012: There is not a single reason to stay with him - he is a serial cheater hence why he cannot trust you, because he cant trust himself and he knows what he is capable of, hence why he is afraid of someone doing the same to him.
This relation... (read in full...)
Financial situation with husband's kids, ex and myself is making me want to leave the marriage!
Q. My stepdaughter has been living with us for 4 months. She does not pay rent, clean house or buy food. She has a full time job but spends her money on wine, clothes and going out. That brings me to my problem. Her mom and dad have the wackiest ...
A. 2 November 2012: You have to talk to him, this whole situation is absurd and I dont blame you for wanting to leave. He is treating his ex better than he is treating his wife, and he cannot be allowed to carry on like this.
Tell him everything you have told us ... (read in full...)
Can anyone shed any light on the "husband as head of household" concept?
Q. Can anyone give me some perspective on the husband as the "head of the household"? My fiance comes from a religious background and says this is important.I would like to understand what it is goig to mean in terms of how things will be different ...
A. 2 November 2012: Well it usually means that if the man is the 'head of the household' he will be the decision maker and control the finances of the household. It will mean that the man and woman are divided into traditional roles, so the woman does the cleaning and ... (read in full...)
Can anyone shed any light on the "husband as head of household" concept?
Q. Can anyone give me some perspective on the husband as the "head of the household"? My fiance comes from a religious background and says this is important.I would like to understand what it is goig to mean in terms of how things will be different ...
A. 2 November 2012: Well it usually means that if the man is the 'head of the household' he will be the decision maker and control the finances of the household. It will mean that the man and woman are divided into traditional roles, so the woman does the cleaning and ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend accidentally found the engagement ring I bought her
Q. I bought an engagement ring for my live-in girlfriend a few months back. In fact, I had it custom made. I hadn't found the right time to propose yet, so I hid it away in a silver box on the top shelf of the cabinet we keep wine glasses in. We use t...
A. 2 November 2012: I think you should just pretend it didnt happen - she hasnt mentioned it so there is no point in you bringing it up and ruining the proposal! Ok so she found the ring, she might realise its an engagement ring or she might think its a gift. But what ... (read in full...)
My married lover has moved on to another girl and I am so hurt, what should I do now?
Q. I have been cheated by my married Lover, he has moved on to a "new girl"(another victim).he has completely removed me from his life,We both are in the same office, spend 8 hrs together, sitting besides each other, but we dont speak at all. he cut ...
A. 1 November 2012: You cant tell his wife, chances are she wouldnt believe you even if you told her. You would just come across as a jealous crazy woman obsessed with her husband, and her husband is obviously a brilliant liar so he will tell her something along the ... (read in full...)
When do you know it's the right time to break up?
Q. When do you know when to break up? Me and my boyfriend have been together about 6 months, which might not sound very long, but its by far my most serious and long term relationship. Most of the time I'm so happy with him, but sometimes I feel like ...
A. 31 October 2012: Just because he is busy with work doesnt mean you should break up with him! You need to grow up a bit I'm afraid, in the real world people are busy, and just because he cant see you every night whenever you ask him to doesnt mean that he takes you ... (read in full...)
I'm twice her age. Why does she flirt? Should I flirt back with her?
Q. Why does she flirt? Should I flirt back with her? A girl, 19, who I am friends with, and I am 40. We work together once a week and sometimes end up at the same events. She flirts with me about 1/2 the time. like sometimes she doesnt at all and ot...
A. 24 October 2012: Teenagers mood's often vary, hence why you see the variation in her flirting. She probably sees it as a game, a bit of fun, trying to see if she can get you to flirt back. Some girls like the idea of an older man being attracted to them, it is ... (read in full...)
Best places and best strategies to meet women? What do you suggest? And are my co-workers right about random approaches to meet women?
Q. Hello all. I am 23 years old and i just moved into a new city where i barely know anyone. So far it has been 4 months and I feel like my love life has been a bit slower. To be honest I know I am very shy when it comes to approaching women, b...
A. 24 October 2012: All of abella's ideas are great - coffee shops, gyms, cooking classes (bound to be full of women and its cute to see a guy wanting to learn to cook), baking is very fashionable at the moment and will be full of girls closer to your own age so maybe ... (read in full...)
If I become a Chartered Accountant will it turn off girls? Will they see me as boring?
Q. I'm already a bit shy and not good with girls. I'm trying to figure out what do to as a career, and I'm considering becoming a Chartered Accountant as I'm good at it and it does pay exceedingly well. But I'm worried if it will turn girls off. ...
A. 24 October 2012: As long as you are still an interesting person to talk to, dont talk about work all the time and have lots going on in your personal life then you will be fine.
I would never judge a guy on his job, I'm attracted to the person not the career. ... (read in full...)
She tells me she loves me but is she just using me?
Q. Dear Cupid, I hope you can help? I will try and give you as much history as I can to make the picture clear. I can count on one hand the serious relationships I have had in my life. But everyone of those relationships ended with them ch...
A. 24 October 2012: She is messing you around and playing with your emotions and you need to put a stop to this immediately.
She is obviously very confused and is experiencing conflicting emotions, she obviously likes you but cant get past whatever it was that you... (read in full...)
I'm 22 dating a 16 year old and have very conflicting feelings about this
Q. I'll start things off with honesty since that's the best method of any question. I am 22 with some time to come before I am 23. I haven't dated much, only having 2 girlfriends in my whole existence, yes I have had sex but nothing spectacular to say ...
A. 24 October 2012: Umm I would check the laws in your state if I were you, in most states in the USA the legal age of consent for sexual intercourse is 18, some cases 17. I dont know of any states that it is 16! So that will be your biggest issue, if you even come ... (read in full...)
I've just broken up with my Gf. Can I have some advice please? Her mixed messages and all the pain I've been going through is a heavy load.
Q. My girlfriend of 2 and a half years just broke up with me on Saturday saying we need some space. She says I need to become more independent and self sufficient. I can see where she is coming from but I can't tell if it is tough love or forever....
A. 23 October 2012: I dont really see any mixed messages from her to be honest - she has treated you pretty badly, dumped you and told you why, so why are you thinking she is interested still?
I think the whole 'I still love you' business is her trying to soften t... (read in full...)
She is 'too busy for me' so I'm going to break up with her. Is there a RIGHT way to break-up?
Q. I have recently decided to break up with my girlfriend. We have been going out for about 1 year and a few months. I am breaking up with her because she is too busy for me or just doesn't feel the same about me anymore. I don't want to hurt her or d...
A. 22 October 2012: There is no good way to break up with someone, if you love that person of course it will hurt when the relationship ends. You just have to be honest with her and talk to her in person - give her the real reasons as well rather than some made up ... (read in full...)
But which one? The guy who drinks a lot and is cheating on me versus the nice good looking guy? And why do I still feel so much for the first guy?
Q. I am confused, i am in a good relationship with a great guy, who loves me and the sex is great. however he's in a relationship with the mother of his daughter.(they stay in the same house, she doesn't have anywhere else to go, plus he loves th...
A. 22 October 2012: The second guy. What is the point in trying to have a relationship with a man who lives with someone else? You are just his bit on the side, good sex and someone to have fun with, then he can go back and play happy families whenever he wants.
... (read in full...)
We've already broken up twice. So is there any hope we can have a future together??
Q. My ex and I had been together 6 months and things seemed to be going just fine. But once school started he began to pull away. After 8 days he told me that i was beginning to annoy him and that wed have to break up if it didn't stop. I started...
A. 22 October 2012: No, this relationship has no hope I'm afraid. He treats you like crap, I dont even know why you are holding onto the idea of being together!
This is not what a real relationship is, this is just him being a jerk, playing games with you and mess... (read in full...)
Halloween anniversary. But will we still be together by then? Help
Q. So I have been with my boyfriend for three years this halloween. When we first hung out, it was absolutely fun, it came to the point he was calling his mother to see what to do about falling in love with me. We both have been through some horr...
A. 22 October 2012: This man is cheating on you and verbally abusing you - there is no reason on earth why you should stay with him.
I know you love him, and have a child with him so that makes you want to stay, but you need to find some self-respect from somewher... (read in full...)
What was this guy's intention? Does he think he is entitled in some way to treat me so poorly?
Q. i met this guy at the club he invited me to come over his friends' birthday party. I thought I was his date but he ditched me as soon as I got there. there were all complete strangers and I didn't know what to do. so I said I have to go hom...
A. 22 October 2012: He sounds like he is playing games, and nobody but him will know what his true intentions are.
He could be genuine and saw you at the club, thought his friend would like you and wanted to set you up. Or he could just be messing you around, ... (read in full...)
Really confused right now. I could really use some advice on dating, please?
Q. I've been dating this girl for about three weeks now. We initially met online and have been chatting and SMS-ing since about June. However due to illness and busy work schedules, we weren't able to meet up until earlier this month. She was the on...
A. 22 October 2012: Yes she is dating more than one guy, at least she was honest about it though! She is obviously keeping her options open at the moment, seeing how it goes with the guys she is dating before she decides who she likes the most.
And yes, she probably... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant, I look after his son. But he's gone cold on me. And he's talking to his ex. Can we make this work?
Q. Dear cupid. I been dating my boyfriend for nine months now. At first he was the best. Now he acts different towards me and my family. He seems so cold like he doesn't care about nothing. He says he is hard on me to make me stronger, but its on...
A. 18 October 2012: To be honest I dont think this can work I'm afraid - it sounds like he is still in love with his ex and is just using you. The pregnancy is unfortunate, you must have got pregnant very early in the relationship so there was never any time to get to ... (read in full...)
So why does he act inconsistently if he likes me? He says he likes me.
Q. He likes me, it's pretty obvious. He asked me for my number, invited me out for coffee and generally keeps texting me and flirts when he sees me. And his friends keep nudging him when I am around. Then he invited me out for a party last weekend but ...
A. 18 October 2012: Maybe his pride is a little hurt because you didnt go to the party, yes you were ill but he might be wondering if that was just an excuse to blow him off, so he might not be sure where he stands with you at the moment.
There could be loads of... (read in full...)
Seems she likes me. I like her too, but I don't want a Gf, not yet. Plus I suck at talking to girls. Any tips on what to do please?
Q. Okay, so the girl I like has heard that I like her from someone else, though I have pretty much confirmed it since, and everyone is telling me to ask her out, however, though I do like her, I do not want a girlfriend - yet. She doesn't talk to ...
A. 18 October 2012: Well if you dont want a girlfriend there isnt much you can do - if you start talking to her you will lead her on, giving her hope that she will be your girlfriend soon when in fact that is not true.
Carry on as normal, dont talk to her and leav... (read in full...)
Do we go ahead and get engaged and married after four years of an on off relationship or do we go our separate ways?!
Q. Do we go ahead and get engaged and married after four years of an on off relationship or do we go our separate ways?! Hi, I ve posted on this website before and I ve found the answere really helpful so I am hoping for some advice please. Basically...
A. 17 October 2012: I have no doubt that this girl is 100% wrong for you and under no circumstance should you marry her. You could have said this one sentence and that would have been enough to convince me she is not the girl for you:
"she is going out to meet som... (read in full...)
We've been fighting and he's texting someone late at night. Plus he says we're "on a break'. Should we stay together?
Q. My boyfriend and I are on a break. However we are still living together, it's awkward. We have been fighting a lot, especially in the last few months, and we have only been together for 8 months, living together for 6. Tensions were high and I ...
A. 16 October 2012: I dont really understand what you are asking here....read this back to yourself:
He said, "broken up, what part of that don't you understand"
I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you the same thing, what part of 'broken up' dont you understand? ... (read in full...)
My married lover has moved on to another girl and I am so hurt, what should I do now?
Q. I have been cheated by my married Lover, he has moved on to a "new girl"(another victim).he has completely removed me from his life,We both are in the same office, spend 8 hrs together, sitting besides each other, but we dont speak at all. he cut ...
A. 26 September 2012: Look - you allowed this to happen. You willingly got involved with a married man, you knew he was just using you because you were 'the other woman', you were never the only woman in his life so you could never be anything more to him than just a bit ... (read in full...)
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