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I feel I have made enough mistakes in my life to hopefully help people when they get into a similar situation. This site is fantastic just for getting your feelings off your chest and to get some advice from people who wont judge you, I really enjoy just being a part of this and helping in any way I can!
I will happily admit that I dont have vast amounts of wisdom on marriage, bereavement and many other topics but I would never respond to a question where I feel I dont have enough personal experience to help in any way.
I hope you find some hope and meaning in my advice but always remember, do what feels right to you in your heart, not what someone tells you to do on here. We are only here to help, the hard bit is for you to make the decision yourself! |
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| Latest articles: Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
This question has 33 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2009: After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
For all those teenagers worried if they may be pregnant/got their girlfriend pregnant...!
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 February 2009: After reading many posts on this website recently from worried teens about whether or not they are pregnant, I would like to offer some advice to you all. 1. If you have had a period after the incident then it is highly unlikely you are pregnant...
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My ex b/f already knows I'm with another guy so why does he keep calling me?
Q. My boyfriend travel for 6month with no contact, not quite long I met this new guy in my life that love every bit of me, now my gone away bf is bad, I promise to wait 4 him, but it a new story now, my new bf knows about him and he won't give me any ...
A. 7 February 2013: Well you have to make a choice - which guy do you want?
What you have done is pretty awful, you promised to wait for boyfriend number 1 but when someone else came along you jumped straight into a relationship with him! You are hurting both men... (read in full...)
I cheated on my girlfriend but don't feel guilty. What should I do now?
Q. Ive been dating my gf for over 3 years now, and Ive been extremely faithful this whole time without ever being tempted until now. The last 2 years though have been rough, I havent been excited to see her, or genuinely been as happy as I was the ...
A. 7 February 2013: I think waiting until Valentines weekend is a bad idea, I know a face to face breakup is the ideal scenario but because you live so far away from each other its not really possible in your case.
Do you Skype each other? The next best thing to... (read in full...)
My roomate is trying to sabotage my relationships!
Q. i've got a real problem with my roommate. we've been living together for quite some time now; about 4 years. and she's really caused me a lot of issues in my social and dating life. she's practically a recluse. we work together, that's how i kno...
A. 6 February 2013: I'm not quite sure how renting/leasing works in the US, but here in the UK if, for example, 2 people have signed the contract for the rental of a property, then if one of those 2 people wants to move out as long as an alternative person is found to ... (read in full...)
How can I help my Bf? He was sobbing uncontrollably after spending time with me. He admitted he has problems at home.
Q. Last night my boyfriend came over to my house. We talked, ate dinner together, then watched a movie in my room, we did make-out once and then we fell asleep. When I woke up it was about midnight and he was sleeping with his arms around me and I no...
A. 6 February 2013: Well I'd ask your parents first if he can stay with you a while, and be honest with them - say there is something going on at home and he's really unhappy, but he hasnt opened up about it yet.
Hopefully your parents will be ok with that, and you ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my girlfriend but don't feel guilty. What should I do now?
Q. Ive been dating my gf for over 3 years now, and Ive been extremely faithful this whole time without ever being tempted until now. The last 2 years though have been rough, I havent been excited to see her, or genuinely been as happy as I was the ...
A. 6 February 2013: This pretty much says it all:
"I find myself only staying with her because we have a very good sex life"
You are only with her for sex, and because you dont know any better having been together so long. You admitted that with these other girls ... (read in full...)
My roomate is trying to sabotage my relationships!
Q. i've got a real problem with my roommate. we've been living together for quite some time now; about 4 years. and she's really caused me a lot of issues in my social and dating life. she's practically a recluse. we work together, that's how i kno...
A. 6 February 2013: Sorry but this seems really simple - move out! She has caused you problems as long as you have lived with her, she isnt a social person and it sounds like you dont get on very well. What on earth is keeping you there?
I'm sure there are plenty o... (read in full...)
He re-arranged my furniture because his kids wanted it that way! They were guests, surely they should have left it alone?
Q. Please help. I have stayed over at boyfriends place before, when his two kids of 9 and 7 were visiting as well. (They live with their mum.) There were no real problems. He had some time off to look after them when they had a couple of days off ...
A. 5 February 2013: Yes they probably should have just left it how it was, after all it is your house and they dont really have the right to be re-arranging furniture.
However they are just kids, and for the sake of an easy life it was probably easier for your boy... (read in full...)
Does low self-esteem lead to infidelity?
Q. Just trying to make sense of something that probably isn't easy to make sense of. I recently broke up with my longtime gf of nearly 6 years after catching her in an inappropriate text/email/Facebook "flirtation" and the subsequent lies she made in ...
A. 5 February 2013: I think it can be in some cases yes. I must admit I have been one of these girls, and still struggle with the same issues - I was bullied as a teenager for about 4/5 years by a group of boys who would say I looked like a man, I was fat, ... (read in full...)
If you are friend with benefits, does it make the guy lose respect for you?
Q. Does sleeping with friends work what i mean is when your friends with a guy and you start sleeping with him do you still have his respect. Or does he start to lose respect for you as if he would if you were a one night stand.? So if you have been...
A. 5 February 2013: It depends on how clear you are about your intentions with each other from the start, how close you are as friends and if one of you has feelings that are more than just 'friends'.
For example, if you are casual friends with a guy who you know... (read in full...)
Her boyfriend saw the message I sent to her telling her I missed her, and now she claims I've ruined her life! What can I do?
Q. So this girls boyfriend of 3 1/2 years dumped her last year and said he never wanted to speak to her again. We started seeing each other and hav been seeing each other constantly the last 10 months but it was never a relationship, always in ...
A. 5 February 2013: There is not a lot you can do I'm afraid, she has shown that she loves her boyfriend and doesnt want anything more to do with you.
It seems she was just using you in between the break up and getting back together with her ex, in those 3 weeks sh... (read in full...)
My overweight family keep calling me fat!
Q. My family keep caling me fat, My younger sister is at least a stone or two heavier than me (atleast 14lb heavier than me for those who aren't from the uk). My mum is overweight, my dad is overweight and yet all they ever do is call me names like fat ...
A. 5 February 2013: Its not going to give them any satisfaction to see you not eating, in fact it will just make it worse - you will be hungry and grumpy so you will annoy them being in a bad mood, and they will also say that you are starving yourself for attention and ... (read in full...)
Was that a nice way of blowing me off? Or does he actually want to see me again?
Q. So I went on a date with this guy the other night. We had a nice dinner and a few too many drinks. We ended up making out a lot and I decided that I shouldn't drive so I slept at his place. We slept in the same bed and he wanted to get physical but ...
A. 4 February 2013: I would lean towards saying he was blowing you off, but I dont think anyone can be sure what he really meant by that.
I'd simply give it a week, if you have not heard from him in 7 days (from the date) then delete his number and move on. You shou... (read in full...)
Am I doing the right thing in deciding not to get back with my ex?
Q. Ive written questions on this board before and I really appreciated the help. Im at a different stage now and I would be grateful for some advice again. I am currently divorcing my second Husband, the relationship was terrible. I have one child ag...
A. 4 February 2013: I think you have made the right choice, it seems there are many reasons why your first husband is not right for you (you're not attracted to him, he drinks too much, he is moody etc) and there is no point in getting the kids hopes up when clearly it ... (read in full...)
Why did my ex want to be in contact and then change his mind?
Q. I was in love with my ex. As are most people. I would like to think that he was in love with me too. He broke up with me on Halloween. I suppose out of fear, because he has never seen a relationship work. Not with his parents or with his own ...
A. 4 February 2013: This guy has serious ISSUES.
1. He is a divorcee - so how old is this man? I presume he must be a fair bit older than you if you are 18-21. So if there is an age difference that is not going to help matters.
2. However this brings me onto my n... (read in full...)
Who should I show loyalty to in this tricky situation? My BF or my ex?
Q. Hello everyone, I have a problem. My ex wants to apologize to me "for everything," and I want my boyfriend to be in the know when my ex and I meet up to talk about it. The problem is that I feel like I'm disappointing my ex if I let my boyfrien...
A. 4 February 2013: Why do you need to be friends with your ex? What is this chat going to achieve? Why is your ex still in your life anyway? Why are you worried about disappointing your ex when you have a boyfriend?
To me it seems like your ex is still WAY too invo... (read in full...)
I feel like my dream has turned into a nightmare with this girl! What would you do?
Q. Okay, I met a girl through the internet about 5 months ago. We talked for days on end and when i met her in real life instantly i felt a connection with her. Ended up going to dinner with her the first night and then talking all night on her bed ...
A. 4 February 2013: A lot of people join dating sits when they are still in the process of getting over someone, just because she sent a message to a guy she used to date to say she missed him doesnt mean anything happened. Often joining the dating site is part of the ... (read in full...)
Why? I don't understand why my boyfriend cheated on me. I love him and don't want to end up bitter.
Q. Still to this day I don't understand why my boyfriend cheated on me. He always reassures me it's been three years, and he tells me he doesn't know what he was thinking back then and why he cheated on me of he could take it all back he would. ...
A. 4 February 2013: First things first, delete your email account so she cant contact you again - and if you want to set up a new email address, then make sure there is nowhere on the internet she could find it.
Call your mobile phone service provider (e.g. Vodafone... (read in full...)
Is 22 too young for a man to really settle down? Do we know each other well enough to make this decision?
Q. I am 21, I went to school with this guy, that we will call GUY. So..we have texted and talked via facebook/text for a while, off and on, but for these last few weeks we have talked heavily. All day everyday. We can't hang out at this moment ...
A. 29 January 2013: Of course you can fall in love and really click with someone, regardless of what age you are. And you can get serious with each other, you can make plans and want a future together. However I very much doubt that any male or female, under the age of ... (read in full...)
Does anyone else have to pay board to their parents?
Q. Hi, just a quick question! I am 20 years old, and have just moved back home. My parents have asked me to contribute $100 a week, for rent/bills/food. I work full-time, making about $600 (aus) a week. I also have my phone bill to pay, as well as ...
A. 27 January 2013: Most children who have full time jobs who choose to move back with their parents have to pay board, and what your parents are asking for is very cheap.
Imagine if you were living on your own, paying rent - that would be WAY more than $100 per... (read in full...)
Unexpected death of an acquaintance has got me thinking--whats the point?
Q. I've just found out that a colleague of mine with whom I used to work a some 4 years ago had a mortal car accident this morning while he was driving to work: the road was icy, he lost control of his car and crashed against a tree- he died. We wer...
A. 24 January 2013: The 'point' is whatever you choose it to be. Religious people have their own idea that we go to heaven if we have been good in life, and that gives their life a reason so to speak.
However in the absence of religion you create your own purpose ... (read in full...)
Am I being a good boyfriend.
Q. As of spring of this year me and my girlfriend will have been dating one year. Throughout this year we have had our fair share of troubles like most young couples and I am interested in knowing if I am doing anything wrong and if I am what I can do ...
A. 24 January 2013: You poor thing, this girl has you right where she wants you and you are blaming yourself when the reality is this - SHE IS TREATING YOU LIKE CRAP.
It is all her fault, you have not put a foot wrong in this relationship and quite frankly she is t... (read in full...)
Women--how would you feel if your male partner turned you down for sex?
Q. I haven't had any experience with this kind of thing myself but I'm just curious to hear opinions. You sometimes hear from men that their partners are always too tired for sex or are stressed etc. I know that obviously some men are going to get...
A. 23 January 2013: It happens WAY more than you think, if you search this site you will find that a lot of women have a higher libido than their partner and they are looking for ways to get their partner's to want sex more often.
So a lot of women are turned d... (read in full...)
Whats a fair amount for boyfriend to pay if he moves in?
Q. My boyfriend and i have been together for 4 years. We are both late 20s. Lately we have been talking about moving in together. i have my own place and he still lives at home. Its not the best time to try and sell my house with out loosing money (he ...
A. 23 January 2013: You should be splitting everything 50/50, unless one of you earns significantly more than the other. So that means he should pay 50% of the rent, food, gas, electric, internet, phone bill....anything that you pay for on this house he needs to ... (read in full...)
Why do some women find aggressive behaviour in men a turn on? I don't get the female mind!
Q. Hey all I have a question on the confusing female mind! I was chatting with a couple of women recently and they both confused the hell out of me. One had slept with some chavy guy who she regretted sleeping with but said she did it because the h...
A. 22 January 2013: As eyeswideopen has pointed out, you have just come across 2 rather disturbed individuals who clearly have issues - I would say that 99% of women would be turned off by what they both described.
If I found out a guy that I was dating was carrying... (read in full...)
I'm dating a nice guy but want to end it because I don't want to get hurt again
Q. i have recently moved into halls for university, and moved in with a guy and we instantly hit it off. this was in September. now we are properly together and i like him so much, he makes me so happy and is definitely helping to repair the damage a ...
A. 22 January 2013: With any relationship there is always a chance it could end in tears - after all, love is a risk and there is no way of avoiding it.
You simply have to ask yourself this - is he worth the risk? You can go through life avoiding men and relation... (read in full...)
I am young but don't want to ruin my life with a dumb choice! What should I do about dating?
Q. I had a boyfriend for around 4 years I met him in high school and we became friends. However, our relationship as boyfriend-girlfriend was underground (very few people know about us going on for the first months) The main reason is my parents do ...
A. 22 January 2013: I think you are quite simply afraid of being alone, hence why you are entertaining 2 VERY DUMB ideas.
Dumb idea number 1: Getting back with your ex.
The main issue you had there was it being a secret relationship, and your parents not liki... (read in full...)
Am I stupid to go it alone at 39?
Q. I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly 10 years. We own a place together. We broke up for a few months a couple of years ago (my instigation), but missed each other and got back together. However, the things that broke us up haven’t really been res...
A. 21 January 2013: Of course you will meet someone else aged 39, your life isnt over just because you are 39! Do you think 100% of people aged 39+ are married or in relationships? There are going to be millions of other single people out there who are similar ages to ... (read in full...)
Is it a bad idea for ex couples to live together?
Q. Hi readers! I hope you can help me today. I came out of a three year relationship about three months ago, I was cheated on and lied to on multiple occasions throughout this and during this time also had my privacy taken away from me. As a result it ...
A. 21 January 2013: If he recently (i.e. within the last 6 months/1 year) has said he wanted to get back with her (before you were together) then yes I'd be worried and I definitely would not be comfortable with it.
If you had said they dated in 2007-2009 and had ... (read in full...)
Co-worker made out with me late one night and now avoids me saying he doesn't feel the same as me. What the heck?
Q. Hi, I currently have a boyfriend and have been with him for over two years. However about mid last month I had a situation with someone I worked with. It was during a work night out, I was only working there temporarily and don't anymore. Anyway as ...
A. 21 January 2013: You asked him what was going on, and he gave you the answer - what more do you need?! You said yourself "he replied that the answer was both" - I dont think I can make it any clearer than what he has told you:
1. He is not interested in getting ... (read in full...)
My ex has co-workers adding me on facebook to check on me?
Q. Hello everyone, My ex boyfriend and I of 5 years broke up back in August of 2012. Basically there wasnt no meet up to talk and say ok lets break up on move on instead he began to ignore me, act shady, be in love with me the next day again and ig...
A. 21 January 2013: There is no way to be certain that he is using his co-worker to spy on you, she might just be a nosey person herself and likes to add people she has briefly met! Or she might be one of those people that adds people they hardly know just to boost the ... (read in full...)
Does my lover really love me, or does he just feel comfortable? He won't commit.
Q. I have a coworker, i like him a lot we've been together as a friends for almost a year, started to see each other for about 3 months having diner, watching movies and snuggle on his couch with out having sex, but last month i spent the night af...
A. 21 January 2013: It sounds to me like you are just a casual relationship, 'friends with benefits' kind of thing. He made it 100% crystal clear that if you want a committed relationship he CANNOT give that to you, so he has been honest with you from the start.
... (read in full...)
First time seeing the college psychologist and I don't feel like I go anywhere, how can I ask for another psychiatrist without hurting her feelings?
Q. Ok, so I've never went to see a "professional" about anything before...I have slipped into depression lately after leaving my ex boyfriend and I just felt a little pathetic so I decided to make an appointment with a licensed psychologist at my ...
A. 16 January 2013: I dont think you quite understand what psychiatrists do, and if you are expecting someone to give you the answer to all your problems that is never going to happen.
The whole point of a psychiatrist is to get the patient (i.e. you) to talk, to... (read in full...)
My girlfriend never replies to my messages on time and it really bugs me!
Q. there is something that bothers me so much about my girlfriend and is that she does not reply my messages on time, if i text her she takes even hours to text me back and if i send her a fb message she reads it and then until next day replies. at the ...
A. 16 January 2013: Some people simply dont find the need to reply all the time! I hate messaging people, so I rarely text back unless I really have to (I'm 25 by the way). If someone asks me a question that I know I need to respond to,I will get round to replying ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and want to keep the baby but I have some doubts and my BF wants me to have an abortion. Any advise?
Q. I am 8 Weeks pregnant but I am only 20 years old. I have no clue whether or not I am going to keep this baby. I know that there are plenty of younger mothers these days, but I never intended in being one of them. When I was younger I always ...
A. 15 January 2013: These words, from your own post, tell you what you need to do: "I want the baby"
That means if you have an abortion, or give the child up for adoption, you will regret it for the rest of your life and that will be very hard for you to live wit... (read in full...)
How do I convince my parents that this guy is the one?
Q. I will be 16 in june, and my boyfriend is 8 months older than me. We both live in Florida and have been together for 2 and 1/2 years. I truely love him, and I'd love for us to get married before we're eighteeen, but that surely won't happen. So we ...
A. 14 January 2013: If he is 'the one', then it wont matter when you get married, because your love will last forever so the marriage can happen at any time. Getting married shouldnt change your relationship, it simply cements it. So getting married at 18 wont be any ... (read in full...)
I'm looking for miss right but keep running into miss wrong!
Q. Dear Cupids, I know people have standards but I feel like I rule out woman by my dating pickyness. I am looking for someone who is around my stature(5'11). Someone a little shorter than me and skinny to big boned. I have graduated college(...
A. 14 January 2013: Ok well I think you are unrealistic with what you want, you seem to have a shopping list and love simply doesnt work that way! You have to let go of what you THINK you want, and be open to anything. From the sounds of things if a girl didnt match ... (read in full...)
I want to make it clear to her that I'm not just another guy. I really like her. What should I say and where should we go?
Q. Hi guys, thanks for taking the time to answer this question. I met this girl in university that I have feelings for, we met only a month ago and we text very mild. I know this is a "bad" indication but when we see each other, we have lots to t...
A. 11 January 2013: Movies are not great for a first date because you dont get to talk, however if you went for dinner first and then to see a movie that would be much better? Alternatively you could just for dinner if you cant stretch to paying for both dinner and a ... (read in full...)
Is this a case of cultural differences? Is my wife blowing this out of proportion? Is there a right and a wrong in all this?
Q. When my wife and I fight, nine times out of ten it has to do with my parents. I feel like it usually comes down to a cultural issue. Im from SC and my wife is from Oregon. We currently live in my hometown in SC. My entire family lives within an ...
A. 11 January 2013: Well I'm not sure what 'SC' is, but I presume it is another part of America, so the cultural differences between two areas in America are going to be so small it is irrelevant.
Perhaps you have been raised differently to your wife, and her fami... (read in full...)
Breaking Up... Should I do it? Am I being too pushy or too helpful? What should I do?
Q. Well I need some help with my relationship. Here's the background: I am 17 and he is 16. One exact year apart in age. We have been dating for 2 years and 8 months. When met I thought it was love but found out it was infatuation. Long story sho...
A. 11 January 2013: Well yes you are mothering him, in the absence of his mother he relies on you to sort his life out - and this isnt a real relationship.
I dont think the age difference has too much to do with it, because most boys between the ages of 13 and 18 s... (read in full...)
He's 39. Is he likely to lose interest in me, now that he's found out that I'm a virgin?
Q. I'm 22. I've been seeing an older guy for some time now. He's 39. Despite the age difference, we connect on various levels. He's an amazing guy and I want to get to know him more and more. But here's the thing. I'm a virgin and I'm pretty sure ...
A. 11 January 2013: I very much doubt many men would be put off by sleeping with a virgin, in fact they would see it as a bonus! If you look on this site so many men are upset and complaining about their wives/girlfriend's sexual past, wishing they hadnt been with so ... (read in full...)
Girls don't find me attractive. Do they prefer the guys who break their hearts and show no respect?
Q. Im 22 years old and cant help it but face the truth and it gets me down. I have always realised I'm not good looking/ attractive. In school, people used to get into relationships all the time, not me, I knew what was wrong girls didn't find me that ...
A. 10 January 2013: Sorry I'm a bit confused - you say you grew up enjoying life with lots of friends, fast expensive car, went to the gym etc.....yet at the end of the post you now claim you have no friends and no money. Which is the truth?
Girls dont want the bad ... (read in full...)
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