A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I bought an engagement ring for my live-in girlfriend a few months back. In fact, I had it custom made. I hadn't found the right time to propose yet, so I hid it away in a silver box on the top shelf of the cabinet we keep wine glasses in. We use that cabinet a lot, but almost never the top shelf. My girlfriend can't reach up there very easily even with a step-stool. I checked on the ring often and it was never molested. I considered this a very safe place both to hide from her and to keep from losing it.Imagine my horror when I came home from work yesterday to find that she decided to take out all of the wine glasses and put them into a different cabinet. Yes, this included the top shelf. I pretended it was no big deal, but as soon as she left to use the powder room I checked for the ring. Thank goodness, it was still in the top corner.However, I am pretty sure that she found it there. She took *everything* out. I imagine she thinks it is a Christmas gift now. I don't know what to do! I could propose at (or before) Christmas, of course, but what if I don't get a chance? (I want to plan something special and that has proven difficult for a variety of reasons I won't go into.) She thinks she is getting the ring now. Further, because the ring is not a traditional diamond solitaire (it has a colored stone) she probably suspects it is NOT an engagement ring. It cost WAY, WAY too much money to just give as a regular Christmas gift now and replace with another engagement ring later.I am not sure how to handle this. Do I ask her if she found anything special in the cabinet? Pretend it didn't happen? Rush the proposal? Postpone the proposal until after Christmas? I feel trapped!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 November 2012):
 Honey, start planning a LOVELY proposal surprise for her! And yes, do it BEFORE Christmas!!
Good luck!
A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (2 November 2012):
 Hi
Propose on Bonfire night, amongst the fireworks and stars
Why wait till christmas ? You clearly want to BE engaged.
If she did see the ring she will wonder if its for her if you don't propose soon!
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A
female
reader, StarryEyes101 +, writes (2 November 2012):
 I agree. Pretend it didn't happen. Don't let on that you know she has seen it. Move it. Put in something shabby looking so she won't look in there. Wait 'til Christmas Day. Let her open her presents. Then plan to do something special later in the day or night then pop the question. She will be disappointed to see that you didn't give it to her as a gift. But when you do that later in the day, she will feel on top of the World.
Good Luck :D
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): "Further, because the ring is not a traditional diamond solitaire (it has a colored stone) she probably suspects it is NOT an engagement ring."
"I am not sure how to handle this. Do I ask her if she found anything special in the cabinet? Pretend it didn't happen? Rush the proposal? Postpone the proposal until after Christmas? I feel trapped!"
"Rush the proposal? Postpone the proposal?" Are you kidding? Call me old-fashioned and even an old fart, but if you're already shacking up with your live-in girlfriend and have been for an extended period of time, then what's the big deal about giving her an "engagement" ring and "proposing" a marriage that is unlikely to happen any time in the foreseeable future, even if you should somehow manage sometime over the next several months/years to find the right time to "propose?"
Engaged = "No, I haven't married her but yes, I'm still sleeping with her."
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): You are going to have to propose either on or before Christmas or she will think you changed your mind about the gift or even bought it for someone else. You dont want to give it as a normal gift as it cost way too much. But what better than a proposal on Christmas - makes it all the more special.
Dont ask if she saw it as it will just spoil the entire idea. Just go with the flow. Remember she could have also brought it up with you. Just ignore it and go ahead and propose, dont stress over it. Congrats and enjoy
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): I don't know what is keeping you to offer her the ring.
But I do know you have to create that special moment.
Don't rush it, but take her out to dinner or something else special you like to do.
If she has found the ring, she'll likely guess why you'll do it but try to pretend she doesn't know.
So. Don't wait for the right moment. Create the right moment! And the first step to do that is to pick a date.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (2 November 2012):
 I think you should just pretend it didnt happen - she hasnt mentioned it so there is no point in you bringing it up and ruining the proposal! Ok so she found the ring, she might realise its an engagement ring or she might think its a gift. But what she doesnt know is WHEN you are going to propose, so that will still be a surprise!
Dont rush the proposal, but dont delay it either - do it at the right moment as you had planned. If she is expecting it as a christmas gift and then sees on christmas day that she has another present she will be a bit confused, but it wont be a big deal - the proposal will still take her by surprise. If she realises its an engagement ring, again she wont know when you are going to propose so that will still be a surprise for her.
Nothing has been ruined so dont panic, you are not trapped at all! It is a shame she has seen it, but these things happen so let it go. The proposal will be a surprise, she doesnt know when that will happen so even if the ring isnt a surprise, the overall moment will still be. Carry on with your propsal as planned, do it when you want to and dont move things around just because of this bump in the road.
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