A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in such a state about my ex I don't know what to do. We split up a month ago, we had a terrible relationship. Basically he was looking through my facebook messages within a week of us being together, he saw that men messaged me dirty things and was furious. I didn't say dirty things back but he wondered why I hadn't blocked these men. Well he was insnely jealous since then, he called me a slut everyday, I admit I hit him once because he was screaming in my face and calling me a fat ugly c*nt who's worthless and I didn't deserve to have my kids. I'm going througha custody battle and he basically tried to make things worse by threatening the kids dad and pushing him over. I found him on a dating site and after months of him calling me a slut I ended things. He wouldn't even admit it was him on the site. Well I moved on quickly because I met a really nice guy. He's lovely and we haven't argued yet with the ex we were arguing within a week. I found out that my ex had beaten up a previous girlfriend and I was so furious, it really wound me up that he thinks he can treat women like their nothing so I text him. I know I shouldn't of as we're not together but now he's saying things like why don't you do the world a favour and kill yourself, he said there's men that have gone up to him and they called me a slut and I've slept with them all. These men I've never even heard of them, I don't know who they are. I'm tempted to message them all on facebook to ask why they'd said that. Do you thnk I was out of order texting him about him beating up his ex? I have so much going wrong right now, I wonder what the hell I do to people to make them act that way. I admit that when I'm out I dance like a crazy person, I get a lot of male attention, but I don't sleep with them all. Yet these guys have slept with hundreds of people and I get tarred with that brush. Why do men act this way!
View related questions:
facebook, his ex, jealous, my ex, split up, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2012): Oh no I didn't text him telling him to commit suicide he did that to me. Well the men who message me I know them, I thought they were friends. I'm really chatty and friendly I always smile at everyone, some people say I act a bit ditzy.I guess I come accross in the wrong way then, I really hate the dirty messages, but he thought I liked it as I didn't tell them to stop I just ignored it. I have a bit of a clearer head about it all now anyway. I was trying to get him to feel bad, just how he had made me feel. But he lacks remorse about anything. I'm sat here stewing over things and he's probably forgotten all about this already. I know I should ignore him and cut him out of my life. Its all quite petty what it turned into. My children are the most important thing and that's what ill be concentrating on from now on x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2012): Do yourself a huge favor. Cut contact with him. Do not try to influence him. Do not try to figure him out. That is all a waste of time. Texting him, suggesting that he commit suicide, these are immature acts of petty revenge. It should be beneath you. Continuing contact with him, in any form whatsoever, is unhealthy for you.Instead, focus on nurturing your children. Determine that you will no longer act without considering the consequences of your behavior. If men are sending you messages you don't wish to receive, then you need to figure out why they think you want those messages. You may be presenting yourself in a way that suggests you want those types of messages. Where did you have general conversations with them? Online in random chat sites, on Facebook or other social networking networks, on dating sites, via text or in person?Some people say that you attract what you exude. What is it that you are exuding? Be honest with yourself. Ask a close friend for some help if you can't figure it out.
...............................
A
female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (13 November 2012):
 Yeah you should've left it alone. What he does now, no matter how despicable, is no longer your business. What would saying those negative things about beating up a girl achieve really? He won't suddenly change because you disprove of his actions, he won't think about what you are saying and feel hurt, he will just insult you because he's an ass. Also why listen to him egging you on about those random men calling you a slut? He's full of shit and trying to rile you up, and it's working quite well. Don't message the strangers on Facebook about this. It's likely he made the whole thing up and you will look like a fool. You know you are not a slut so why let this guy get to you so much? You need to learn to see this for what it is, a crazy jealous guy who is throwing out ridiculous insults to upset you. It's all crap. Don't speak to him ever again and block him everywhere you can. There's no point in speaking to him again.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2012): That is true I know I shouldn't of hit him it was totally out of order. I don't understand why men sent me these messages, I had general conversations with them and then they'd get like that, I really don't like it. But these messages were from before I was ever seeing him. I don't know the way he was with me he just made out I was such an awful person and whatever I did he made me feel bad. Whatever happened in the past has nothing to do with me, I feel resentful that he's made things worse between my kids father and I so I was lashing out at him. I've apologised now anyway.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (13 November 2012):
 Sorry but you were totally out of order! You have 'beaten him up', you admitted you hit him so you have no right to have a go at him when you are just as bad. Pot calling the kettle anyone?!
I bet your defense for hitting him was because he was screaming in your face calling you names, so what if his ex was screaming in his face calling him names? That would mean in your eyes it is ok for him to hit her, because that is your reason for hitting him. At the end of the day you were not around when your ex was with his ex, you dont know what happened between them so you cannot judge. I'm not sticking up for him, because it is NEVER ok to hit someone. But you hit him, and regardless of the names he was calling you what you did is NOT OK either. You are both as bad as each other in my eyes, therefore you are a complete hypocrite for texting him criticising his behaviour.
You said he treated women like they are nothing, but by your own admission you have treated him like he's nothing because you hit him. Dont be so quick to judge others when you have done the exact same.
And what was the point in texting him anyway? What did you hope to achieve? If you are over your ex and happy in your new relationship you wouldnt want to text your ex, you would be glad he is out of your life and wouldnt want to re-open communication.
Again, what do you hope to achieve by messaging random men on Facebook, apart from pissing your new boyfriend off? These men will deny it, your ex will stand by his story and you will be none the wiser. Your ex is probably just lying to get you angry, and it is working. He is trying to get a reaction out of you, and he is winning.
No-one is conspiring against you, it sounds like you are your own worse enemy. It does make me wonder why men were sending you dirty messages on Facebook in the first place - men dont just randomly message you and carry on messaging you if you dont respond. You must have added these guys on facebook, and spoke to them leading them on - so you have invited trouble upon yourself.
And now you are inviting more trouble into your life by contacting your ex again, and now wanting to contact more random men accusing them of something pointless. Who cares what your ex thinks or says, you are not with him anymore so let him go around acting like the jealous crazy person while you remain dignified and move on with your life. If you get involved again you are going to look just as crazy as him and this will be a never-ending cycle, and you will soon lose your new boyfriend because he will get fed up of you messaging all these random men on Facebook and you obsessing over your ex.
Stop making trouble for yourself, delete your ex's number and never speak to him again. Let him go around saying whatever he wants, when he sees that you dont rise to it and dont get angry he will soon get bored and move on to some other poor girl. Focus on your new boyfriend and forget all about your ex, he is not relevant and you shouldnt care about him anymore.
...............................
|
