A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi there, i dont know where to start with this. last year i was violently assulted by a partner resulting in many injuries including scaring to my eye and loss of teeth. it was on the return from one of the dentist trips that i met my partner. i told him how i had been abused and he still wanted to take me out on a date. we went out on the date and he took me to a pub where he had slept with the landlady this caused a terrible scene and i was asked to leave the pub. after that he didnt contact me for a week. then he got in touch said he was sorry and we had a relationship. so far i have had to change the way i dress as he doesnt like me showing my tummy off to anyone so i wear t- shirts that cover me, i had male friends and he didnt like that at all so i ditched them all for him, he has accused me of sleeping with his brother, his mate and my next door neighbour who is married to my best mate, plus two other people who i have no idea who they were. the other week a friend called me (female) to ask how i was and although he has never even met her he went off on one. i admit i tried to hit him but he hit me around the face causing me bruising to my jaw and a really badly bruised arm, so in the end i left and stayed with her because i am not going through that ever again. when i came home in the morning (7am) he was just leaving and he called me everything under the sun. i had not done anything at all. i tried to call him but he was with a female that i know fancies him and when he did turn up on the night he was that out of it i was really worried that he was going to crash on his motorbike. when he was in my home i couldnt even understand what he wanted and he even admitted he didnt know why he had come. i took the keys away from him and then he started to get very aggressive, he involved my daughter who is only 13 into the arguement and when she had had enough and i had gone to bed to get out of his way he started to slam doors and all i could say was calm down but he didnt. he took my car keys and burried them in the garden because i wouldnt give him his keys because he was well over the limit. since then he has called me low life and scum i have arranged for a lie dector test to be carried out on me to prove i have nothing to hide but tonight he said that he couldnt deal with everything then when i put my view across he said that he loved me and wanted to stay and then when i went out to pick up my daughter he left and when i called him he said that he needed time on his own, i feel this man is a control freak, he has said that the only way that our relationship can survive is if he has his own space at his flat and comes round when he wants, sorry but i love the bloke but this aint going to hapen he either works as a family or not at all do you think im right
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female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (16 May 2008):
 I agree with the others that you seem to have gone from one bad apple to another. This man wanted to date you after your abuse because you are the kind of woman he wants, one to abuse. He knows how to manipulate you, how to control you and how to isolate you from anyone who would give you the advice we are giving you now. You need to leave this man and hurry up about it.
Not only are you in danger from this man but think about this, what if he starts to beat you and your 13 year old gets in the middle. Do you think he would stop in the heat of his violent passion to consider her life? The answer is NO. If she gets in the way, he will beat her too. And I guarantee that if he threatens you in front of your daughter she WILL get in the way. That is what family does.
I am sorry that you "love" this bloke but you can do better for yourself and you need to do right by your daughter. You've been conditioned to think this beating is love and it is not. He does not love you. This is not love.
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (16 May 2008):
 You're completely right - let him go. And quick. You really don't need this sort.
I think it's probably unlikely that your life is in danger, but certainly your emotional health is, and that of your poor daughter. You need to get yourselves away from him.
And as for you choosing bad men - don't listen to that. You've been very unlucky, and you're obviously a trusting sort of person who's been taken advantage of. I know, because I am, too. Next time try to go for a NICE guy, you know! But please get away from this nasty one, right now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): Sorry, now I've finished reading, I realise that I'm talking about the wrong man. You left the guy who was beating you, who knocked out your teeth and violently assaulted you.
Now your with a guy who controls what you wear, forces you to get rid of your friends, accuses you of sleeping with his friends, his brother, his mate and the next door neighbour and two other people that you don't even know. Your not allowed to have friends, even female ones. He's hit you (admittedly in self defense)His aggressive in front of your teenage daughter (poor kid, she'll probably grow up to be terrified of men, after seeing what they do to her mother)He believes your low life, he believes your scum. But he loves you and wants you to stay.
LEAVE THIS MAN IMMEDIATELY. YOU ARE IN DANGER.
You were abused in a previous relationship, and you seem to have walked right back into another abusive relationship. You've been with this man less than a year and this is how he's treating you. Your showing all the signs of a classic abuse victim. You leave one abuser to take up with another abusive man. Control freak is not the word.... He wants you alone and isolated so that he can have you to abuse, just like your ex partner did. You don't seem to understand what a proper, loving relationship is, cause honey this aint it. Him living apart from you is gonna increase the jealous accusations, it's not gonna stop him calling thinking of you as lowlife scum. What did happened to you in life for you to think that any of this is normal. What about your daughter. Dosen't she deserve to have a family life with her mother that dosen't include violent men who shout, accuse and hurt.
Sorry, but you shouldn't be dating. Your a walking target for a certain type of man. (see these warning signs courtesey of Ask Oldersister http://www.dearcupid.org/question/warning-signs-youre-dating-a-loser.html) He is not normal, this is not right. You and your daughter deserve more out of life than this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): I haven't finished your post. The first line was enough for me.
LEAVE THIS MAN IMMEDIATELY. YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER.
Call the police, stay with family or friends. Hide from this man. He will kill you if you stay with him.
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