Like what
he writes?
... Add *immD to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *immD a private message | | | *immD's profile:Any advice I give should not be taken personally. I'm not here to judge you, so you can be sure any advice I give is strictly objective. What you choose to do with my advice is completely up to you, though you can be sure the advice I am giving you is what I feel is best for you.
Please keep an open mind when asking for advice. It seems that many people aren't really looking for advice, they are just looking for justification to do what they already have in their mind to do. This site is about gaining an unbiased perspective on things. Please don't ask a question if you've already made your mind up on what to do.
Some things to remember:
- The "pullout" method is NOT a method of birth control. This is just something people do to rationalize their thoughts that sex without a condom feels better than it does with a condom. Even though a man doesn't climax, he still secretes fluid the entire time that has the potential to make you pregnant. Don't be a fool, if you are old enough and mature enough to have sex.... use birth control.
- There is no excuse for "revenge" sex. If your partner cheats on you, immediately going out to sleep with someone else as revenge doesn't make it right.... it makes things way worse. Relationships aren't about keeping score. If you believe they are, then you shouldn't be in one.
- Relationships rarely end easily. Especially long term relationships. It is very common for one partner to breakup with the other and then continue to text them or call them. Many times sex can start again as well. Unfortunately, there was a reason you two broke up in the first place and odds are a cycle with start to where you start to spend more time together and eventually feel like you ARE together... only to break up again. So before you post those "He broke up with me but he still texts me!" questions, remember this.
- There are about 50 million posts here regarding porn. Please do a search prior to posting questions like "My boyfriend watches porn, what should I do?". This is a touchy subject here but my opinion on porn is that it's not a big deal - as long as it's not an addiction. To MOST men, watching porn is strictly a tool for masturbating. Those women are not the type men want to have relationships with. Ask and most men will tell you that as soon as they "do their deed" they shut it off. It's not like they watch it for any other purpose. From my experience, the women that have issues with porn have issues with their own self confidence and they are insecure. There are many women out there that are confident that they satisfy their men sexually and feel that their husband watching porn is harmless. However, don't get me wrong, there are times when a man is addicted to porn and will choose porn OVER sex with their partner. This is where porn is unhealthy. My point in all of this is if you are in what you consider to be a "perfect" relationship with a great guy who does anything and everything for you, there is no need to penalize him if he watches porn. If you STILL have a problem with it, try watching it with him. Make it a sexual experience for the both of you. Or, record yourself with him. You'd be surprised what that does for a relationship. |
|
| Latest articles: What you need to know about Online Dating
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 August 2010: First, let me start off by saying that online dating is not a bad thing. In todays age of technology and the internet, I think online dating is just as good if not better than simply meeting someone at a bar, pub or nightclub. When you meet ...
|
I played with fire and I got burned!
Q. I cheated I came clean and now my husband has walked out on me! I'm so sad I regret it so much I know I'm not innocent I made a big mistake but I want him back! I wish I could turn back time and never played this stupid game I'm hurting and I'm ...
A. 21 April 2010: Congratulations and good luck to you both.
Learn from this experience......... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose my husband, but I don't want to hurt the 'online guy' by telling him I am actually married either.
Q. i'm 23 years old and married for 2 years now, recently me and my husband has been addicted to this online game, we haven't really have time for each other anymore, we don't go out like we used to. Well, I met this guy from an online game, he was ...
A. 9 April 2010: You are cheating on your husband. If you continue with this other guy then you will only hurt your husband more because he WILL find out eventually. End it with this other guy, regardless of his feelings.
My suggestion is to talk to your hus... (read in full...)
5 dollars for a 2 dollar coffee???
Q. There's a girl I work with, whom I get along with pretty well. She knows I really have a thing for her, but she's older than me. The other day I went to get coffee but she didn't have any money on her, so I bought her one. She said she'd pay me back ...
A. 8 April 2010: I'd say nothing at all. I didn't get any special signs from something like that. I'd guess if she was interested instead of paying you'd back she'd say "Let me buy you a cup of coffee sometime..." or something like that.... (read in full...)
Bunny Boiler trapped my husband in a 5 year affair!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 16 years, we have two children ages 9 and 10, I caught him at this girls house 5 years ago, and he said he was helping her thru issues and they were friends- dumb me right- I believed him. I ask him to not talk ...
A. 8 April 2010: He's full of crap. He knew what he was doing, and if he truly wanted out he could've gotten out. He's been rehearsing his speech that he gave you for quite a long time now and even probably convinced himself that what he was telling you is the ... (read in full...)
I want to maintain a friendship with him and keep in touch with him when I leave my place of work.
Q. There's a guy at my job that i'm about to quit and move away from that i kind of like, but i wouldn't allow anything to happen because i'm about to move in with my boyfriend. i WOULD like to pursue a friendship with him, just see him one day out of ...
A. 7 April 2010: Everything you are saying seems to indicate that this is a friendship that you really shouldn't have since you have a boyfriend. If you were to say this was just a guy friend who you've had no attraction to and just got to be really good friends, ... (read in full...)
Do I have the right to hate my brother even though I don't remember what he did to me?
Q. Hey well im 15. But when i was 2 from 3 years old my older half brother molested me he was 12 threw 13 at the time i think. I dont remaber it at all. I only know what my mom said. He thought they were next door but my mom wasnt an she cought him in ...
A. 7 April 2010: What kind of person is he today? Does he show any remorse? Has he tried to ask for forgiveness? Has he tried to do it again to anybody else? These questions are all important and will influence how you proceed. That was at least 15 years ago, so ... (read in full...)
Should I call him?
Q. Hey all, thanks for reading this. I met this sweet guy when i was at the mall today. He was selling products, so i went over and pretended to be interested in the products to give us a chance to talk. The minute we started talking, we were getting ...
A. 7 April 2010: I always hated the game of calling/not calling etc. If you like him, call him. It's that simple.... (read in full...)
The love of my life is married to a monster! Do I help or step back?
Q. hi i have been with the love of my life for five years this year and we have become so close over the five years. We have been through alot, including a near death experience where she was nearly kidnapped. she is married and has two amazing small ...
A. 7 April 2010: If she is serious about getting a divorce, then take Laura's advice. Stay away and do what she says.... (read in full...)
Is it fair to ask my handyman boyfriend to paint for free?
Q. My boyfiend of 5 years is a handy man on the side I have asked him to paint my kitchen and he said he would give me an estimate Is it unfair to ask him to do it for free or what is a reasonable labor cost? I dont mind paying but.... ...
A. 7 April 2010: 5 years? Cost shouldn't even come up. He should WANT to do it for you. Now if it was a family member of yours (brother, sister, parents) then I can see the discussion of cost coming up. For you? No cost. But that's just my opinion...... (read in full...)
Finding his porn last night made me think....he has a different 'ideal' and it is NOT me!
Q. I hope to receive some input here - this issue has given me a great deal of grief over the last two years I have been dating my current BF. My history - I dated a boy my age for 8 years. I was his 'ideal'. He liked pink skinned, blue eyed, tall,...
A. 7 April 2010: Let me try to put this in a different perspective for everyone:
Your ex adored EVERYTHING about you. You were his ideal woman in every way. But he is your EX now.
Your current boyfriend loves you. He does everything he can to make you happy. ... (read in full...)
I played with fire and I got burned!
Q. I cheated I came clean and now my husband has walked out on me! I'm so sad I regret it so much I know I'm not innocent I made a big mistake but I want him back! I wish I could turn back time and never played this stupid game I'm hurting and I'm ...
A. 6 April 2010: This woman has admitted she screwed up and not only told us her whole story but continues to follow up with us. She has taken a lot of abuse here, some rightfully so... but again, she admits complete wrong doing and sees the mistake she made. Will ... (read in full...)
Do men only want women in their 20's?
Q. Do men only want women in their 20's? What happens when you get to 30, 40 or even 50? What happens then? Will all the guys be busy chasing all the hot young 20 year olds and ignore the older women? So guys- who do you prefer?Women your own age...
A. 6 April 2010: Lots of younger guys like older women. Some men PREFER older women. Women who are in their 30's and 40's can be a lot more mature then women in their 20's (no offense intended to you women still in their 20's)
So to answer your question... (read in full...)
Should I go with my best friend to the prom since his girlfriend can't go?
Q. My 2 bestfriends are dating each, one is a senior and the other is a freshman, prom is comming up and she can't go with him because her mom won't allow it. So he's been getting upset since he couldn't find someone to take to prom, so I mentioned to ...
A. 6 April 2010: If you are truly just friends then you should bring it up. If he is holding off asking you because there are some feelings between you two...then that changes things.... (read in full...)
Finding his porn last night made me think....he has a different 'ideal' and it is NOT me!
Q. I hope to receive some input here - this issue has given me a great deal of grief over the last two years I have been dating my current BF. My history - I dated a boy my age for 8 years. I was his 'ideal'. He liked pink skinned, blue eyed, tall,...
A. 6 April 2010: All I can say is: Every guy has their "ideal" type of woman. A type of girl who they are even unconsciously attracted to. But that doesn't mean they aren't attracted to other women and can't be happy with other women. And it is NOT settling. Is ... (read in full...)
How can I track down a police officer I fancy with only his first name?
Q. I am very interested in a neighborhood police officer. He is also interested but is always on duty when we see each other and can't ask me out. I would like to get in touch with him but only have his first name. When we introduced ourselves we ...
A. 2 April 2010: You're going into this like you're doing something wrong and you are not. Yes, his name is common... but the receptionist isn't thinking "Is this woman calling to ask this guy out?". Keep in mind, a police station receptionist is not a 911 call ... (read in full...)
How can I track down a police officer I fancy with only his first name?
Q. I am very interested in a neighborhood police officer. He is also interested but is always on duty when we see each other and can't ask me out. I would like to get in touch with him but only have his first name. When we introduced ourselves we ...
A. 2 April 2010: Do you know what police department he works for? If you do (the City, Borough, etc) then I would start there. You can try calling there and making up something like: "I just wanted to get the full name of one of your officers who was kind enough ... (read in full...)
Am I crazy? Or is he a cheater in denial?
Q. For a while now, I have had suspicions that my boyfriend is cheating on me. No concrete evidence, just overly flirty texts, rumors etc. So I have asked him multiple times and we end up fighting every time and hE always denies it. I recently con...
A. 2 April 2010: Would you consider yourself somebody with trust issues? From what you've told us I see no specific reason to not trust him. Is there a chance that he is telling the truth and that all of these rumors are untrue?... (read in full...)
We've been talking on the internet for 2 years, should I meet him?
Q. Should I meet up with a guy I met on the internet when I travel to his country later this year? I met this guy on a facebook application about 2 years ago and we've chatted very regulary on msn ever since. We have lots of common interests and I ...
A. 2 April 2010: I would not worry about being in a new country where you do not speak the language. If you feel comfortable with how well you know him and his family, then visiting shouldn't be a problem.
I would listen to CaringGuy's advice, though.... be very ... (read in full...)
He keeps me on the side! Should I walk away?
Q. Me and my x dated for 2 1/2 years we were friends years before and were 21 and 22 not really partiers, during that time i use to get in alot of trouble with friends and lost my job he also lost about 80lbs. He said we were going downhill when i lost ...
A. 2 April 2010: Walk away. He doesn't sound like he's given you any signs that he cares about you.... (read in full...)
I haven't forgiven my mother for grounding me when I was 12!
Q. I am a 23 year old, married, new mom. My mother contacted my husband after the baby was born and is wanting to get together. Now, he is pressing me to have my mom in our lives. I have not been on speaking terms with my mom for years. When I w...
A. 2 April 2010: How was your mother all of the years prior to that incident? Has she done anything like that before? I'm not saying she was right, but parenting is difficult... as you will find out. You're not always going to be right.
From the little bit of i... (read in full...)
Living with and loving my cousin but now he likes someone else!
Q. >ok,so, i have a problem,I'm in love with my cousin,i live in the same house as he does his 18 and I'm 24 yrs old, i live with my 2 aunts, and the thing is that i don't look 24 i look like I'm 17 or 18, OK it all started one day wen we decided ...
A. 2 April 2010: Have you tried confronting him?... (read in full...)
Is this guy a jerk or not?
Q. i know a guy. we met online 3 yrs ago. he gave me his no. and asked me to call him up. i did and we would talk regularly. but then we had an argument and we stopped talking. i liked him but he had said something rude. he was 18 then i guess. w...
A. 2 April 2010: Don't get involved. It sounds like you don't know him enough and you are letting your crush guide your decision. His actions up until now are unpredictable.... (read in full...)
Do guys ever just want to stay friends?
Q. Will guys ever CHOOSE to be just friends with a girl? If he finds her beautiful inside and out- nice, sweet, amazing looks, smart, etc- and they're both single? There's sexual tension. Can he ever just want it to stay platonic? Happened with ...
A. 1 April 2010: Pretty much what Laura said. A guy won't usually JUST be friends with an attractive girl.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend gave weird answer to my money questions and now I'm confused!
Q. i m in a commited relationship...its a ldr..well jst for fun i asked my bf.. How do you think a woman and a man in a relationship should handle money together? n the reply which he gave i found completely irrelevant...he said that Money org...
A. 1 April 2010: I'd break up with him if I were you. Who needs a guy like that? Caring about other people over himself. Being responsible. Not wanting to blow money on needless things. Yuck.
Now, what do you think is the RIGHT way 2 people handle money wh... (read in full...)
Should I make this gigantic life change for the woman I love?
Q. So I impregnated a woman with 4 kids who is in a verbally and physically abusive marriage. I did not know most of the facts at the time and it was sort of a woops moment, but yea. We always went to my place, etc.. Plus she wanted it. Kept...
A. 1 April 2010: It's clear you're not just blindly in love here and you're doing whatever you can to protect her. I applaud you for that. If it really is true that he is going to jail, that changes things slightly. This gives you the chance to be with her ... (read in full...)
How do I stop carrying on with my best friend/FWB when I don't want a relationship with him?
Q. My FWB and I are like soulmates. We get along so well together and live together and make each other very happy. We've been content being "just friends" and although I'm pretty sure he would like an official bf/gf relationship with me, he doesn't ...
A. 1 April 2010: Sorry, but it sounds like you're already boyfriend and girlfriend. You're living together, you consider yourselves "soulmates" and you make eachother very happy. It doesn't get much better then that. If you try to change things and even try to ... (read in full...)
How can I convince him to take the next step?
Q. i in iove with a married man and he feels the same but he is afraid to leave his wife. we get on together and share a lot. how can i convince him to take the next step? We are same age, we trust each other too....
A. 31 March 2010: If you are having an affair with a married man then trust is not guaranteed. Every "mistress" feels like they are the more important one between them and their wife, but in all honesty that is not true. HE is the more important one to himself. ... (read in full...)
She's getting attracted to girls again, and is bugging me to let do something with them! I think it's cheating. Help!
Q. Me and my girlfriend 'W' have been together for almost a year and a half. We met at school and liked each other straight away. I was shocked to learn recently that she used to only like girls, and has in the past had girlfriends, but she says it ...
A. 31 March 2010: Two Possibly Scenarios: 1. Involving another girl should be considered cheating in your eyes and you just tell her it doesn't matter if it's another guy or another girl, it's someone else having your girlfriend intimately. 2. Depending on you... (read in full...)
Would I make my boyfriend horny if I sat on his lap?
Q. My bf asked me to sit on his lap. Does that makes a guy horny if I do so?...
A. 31 March 2010: Sometimes. Sometimes it's just an example of being close to somebody. Do you want to make him horny?... (read in full...)
Is she confused or scared or just playing me up?
Q. I am a shy guy and this girl found me in office. She seems much younger. There is nothing much charming about me, but this girl went nuts when she saw me. She giggled whole day looking at me from her desk and sent on vibes that were too strong. I ...
A. 31 March 2010: She sounds pretty young and immature. Add that to the fact that you seem VERY shy and the fact that this could effect your job.... I'd suggest NOT trying to have a relationship with her.
You don't need that kind of stress. There are plenty o... (read in full...)
Should I make this gigantic life change for the woman I love?
Q. So I impregnated a woman with 4 kids who is in a verbally and physically abusive marriage. I did not know most of the facts at the time and it was sort of a woops moment, but yea. We always went to my place, etc.. Plus she wanted it. Kept...
A. 31 March 2010: Well, I think it is admirable you are willing to do so much for this woman. However, I think BEFORE you do anything you need to be 100% SURE she is willing to do the same for you. I've seen it over and over... a woman in that type of relationship ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my boyfriend's cousin, what should I do?
Q. I've been divorced for three years now, and about 3 months ago met a wonderful guy, at the beginning i thought it will work out for us. He drinks a lot and is very jealous, I can't even say a well known singer is hot or he'll blow a gasket. I met ...
A. 31 March 2010: There is no way to leave your boyfriend "in a good way". If you don't love him then it's just time to move on. Tell him your relationship isn't working and it's time to see other people. After that is done, then you can see if things will work ... (read in full...)
Is he just using me?
Q. Hi i have been going out with this guy for around six months. i really like him. we got on really well and never did a day do by without him texting me or us chatting. He had been away for six seven week visiting his family he came back last w...
A. 31 March 2010: You love somebody who does not love you back. Sorry. Dump him.... (read in full...)
Friend gave me head while I was asleep.....
Q. I was at a party with my GF and we slept on the couch of a female friend that was hosting the party. I was on one end sort of sitting back and my GF was laying in the opposite direction. Well the problem is I wake up at about 6:30 am and look...
A. 30 March 2010: Tell your girlfriend and tell her immediately! Sooner or later it WILL get out somehow... and the longer it takes, the more your girlfriend will feel like you are hiding something by not telling her. You were raped, and while no police will ... (read in full...)
Do I come clean or leave the reason for the break up as is?
Q. Okay so I have made a mess of things and I just want to try and do the best I can from the mess I've made! I've been dating this guy for about 6 months and it has been really good and I have NO complaints, this guy is almost perfect.... He has been...
A. 30 March 2010: I can understand you not wanting to hurt this guy, and I applaud you for doing what you feel is right... but judging by your relationship with your ex I'd say getting back with him is a bad idea.
What's wrong with giving this new guy a chance? ... (read in full...)
What is your take on this love letter?
Q. XXX is to protect my ex's name, and mine. Please tell me of the tone of the letter, and the idea of the ballet tix. I am asking of as many people's feedback as possible. ----- Dear XXXX, I ask you to read these words with an open mind and he...
A. 30 March 2010: Hmmmmmmm. The letter is bordering between "incredibly cheesy - stay away" and "really good". He went a little too far with "I deserve another chance..." in my opinion but he said a lot of right things also. The ballet tickets were are VERY good ... (read in full...)
Can I call him my boyfriend? Or what? Are we going out?
Q. Ok, we have been going out together since the end of Jan. He hasnt made a move on me physically until now. However we have amazing conversation and we know everything about each other. I thought I was more into him but recently he invited me to a ...
A. 30 March 2010: Well, it's sounds like you have a boyfriend to me. Since he sounds very shy I suggest just stepping up and tell him "I want to be your girlfriend!" Shy guys like that like it when the girl takes the initiative. Physical intimacy should come ... (read in full...)
Can I be forgiven for cheating? Do I deserve a chance to prove myself?
Q. This is what happened, i was with my now ex "Ladge" on and off for 2 years. We split and decided to become friends as we got on so well. We never loved each other but as she had a kid and enjoyed doing sports together we tried to keep a friendship ...
A. 30 March 2010: 8 days? Ok, you definitely need to give her some space. I know it's hard. You are worried she'll find someone else, but in reality if you too were together long enough it'll be hard for her to move on THAT quickly.
Try going one week without ... (read in full...)
She got with me for a bet.. now she really likes me but how can I believe her?
Q. Back in September I went to a church dance with a really nice girl. The dance was at another church and there was a whole bunch of us going back to our church in a van. Most of us fell asleep. Well the girl I went with was asleep in the seat ...
A. 30 March 2010: Truthfully, there is no way to know if she is telling the truth or not. She did admit that it was a bet to start with so at least she's being honest there. The best advice I can think of is to be honest with her. Ask her to just be straight with ... (read in full...)
I played with fire and I got burned!
Q. I cheated I came clean and now my husband has walked out on me! I'm so sad I regret it so much I know I'm not innocent I made a big mistake but I want him back! I wish I could turn back time and never played this stupid game I'm hurting and I'm ...
A. 30 March 2010: Agreed, eyeswideopen. The worst part is that these people are more upset about THEIR loss. I think the #1 thing they should be worried about is their spouses feelings being hurt.
Anyway, to the poster.... I'm sorry. I know you're hurt now, and... (read in full...)
How long do you wait until you simply agree to divorce this person and move on with your life?
Q. If your spouse came to you and said they did not want to be married any longer, moved their stuff out of the house and began separation procedings. Months after the initial discussion, this same spouse tells you their feelings have grown platonic, ...
A. 30 March 2010: Yeah, we're here to help but if you can provide us some more information it would be helpful. Don't be afraid to be more descriptive, we're all anonymous here.
With the info you gave, I'd say it's over and it's time to move on. But with some add... (read in full...)
Are you likely to fall pregnant having sex during your period?
Q. Me and my boyfriend had sex well i was on my period and we did it the pull out way cuz we both herd that it was unlikely to get pregnit well your on it. Does any one know what the chances or percentage that i could be pregnit? I wouldnt really mind ...
A. 30 March 2010: During your period is rare. But any other time using the "pull out method" isn't NOT a sure way to prevent pregnancy. You can still get pregnant that way. Use condoms or the pill to be sure.... (read in full...)
Can I be forgiven for cheating? Do I deserve a chance to prove myself?
Q. This is what happened, i was with my now ex "Ladge" on and off for 2 years. We split and decided to become friends as we got on so well. We never loved each other but as she had a kid and enjoyed doing sports together we tried to keep a friendship ...
A. 30 March 2010: It's not so much "convincing" as it's gotta be more "asking". If you know here friends or at least know how to contact them, then maybe trying to meet with them isn't a bad idea. She's already left the door SLIGHTLY open by saying "If I took you ... (read in full...)
Can I be forgiven for cheating? Do I deserve a chance to prove myself?
Q. This is what happened, i was with my now ex "Ladge" on and off for 2 years. We split and decided to become friends as we got on so well. We never loved each other but as she had a kid and enjoyed doing sports together we tried to keep a friendship ...
A. 29 March 2010: No insults, friend. First and foremost you are putting your life on the line to protect your country and I respect that. The simple fact of the matter is, you cheated. And not only that, you lied in the process. I'm not disputing the love you ... (read in full...)
| *immD's friends
These are mutual friends, so *immD has
added them and they have added *immD!
|
