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... Send *immD a private message | | | *immD's profile:Any advice I give should not be taken personally. I'm not here to judge you, so you can be sure any advice I give is strictly objective. What you choose to do with my advice is completely up to you, though you can be sure the advice I am giving you is what I feel is best for you.
Please keep an open mind when asking for advice. It seems that many people aren't really looking for advice, they are just looking for justification to do what they already have in their mind to do. This site is about gaining an unbiased perspective on things. Please don't ask a question if you've already made your mind up on what to do.
Some things to remember:
- The "pullout" method is NOT a method of birth control. This is just something people do to rationalize their thoughts that sex without a condom feels better than it does with a condom. Even though a man doesn't climax, he still secretes fluid the entire time that has the potential to make you pregnant. Don't be a fool, if you are old enough and mature enough to have sex.... use birth control.
- There is no excuse for "revenge" sex. If your partner cheats on you, immediately going out to sleep with someone else as revenge doesn't make it right.... it makes things way worse. Relationships aren't about keeping score. If you believe they are, then you shouldn't be in one.
- Relationships rarely end easily. Especially long term relationships. It is very common for one partner to breakup with the other and then continue to text them or call them. Many times sex can start again as well. Unfortunately, there was a reason you two broke up in the first place and odds are a cycle with start to where you start to spend more time together and eventually feel like you ARE together... only to break up again. So before you post those "He broke up with me but he still texts me!" questions, remember this.
- There are about 50 million posts here regarding porn. Please do a search prior to posting questions like "My boyfriend watches porn, what should I do?". This is a touchy subject here but my opinion on porn is that it's not a big deal - as long as it's not an addiction. To MOST men, watching porn is strictly a tool for masturbating. Those women are not the type men want to have relationships with. Ask and most men will tell you that as soon as they "do their deed" they shut it off. It's not like they watch it for any other purpose. From my experience, the women that have issues with porn have issues with their own self confidence and they are insecure. There are many women out there that are confident that they satisfy their men sexually and feel that their husband watching porn is harmless. However, don't get me wrong, there are times when a man is addicted to porn and will choose porn OVER sex with their partner. This is where porn is unhealthy. My point in all of this is if you are in what you consider to be a "perfect" relationship with a great guy who does anything and everything for you, there is no need to penalize him if he watches porn. If you STILL have a problem with it, try watching it with him. Make it a sexual experience for the both of you. Or, record yourself with him. You'd be surprised what that does for a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: What you need to know about Online Dating
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 August 2010: First, let me start off by saying that online dating is not a bad thing. In todays age of technology and the internet, I think online dating is just as good if not better than simply meeting someone at a bar, pub or nightclub. When you meet ...
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His co-dependant relationship with his daughter has me concerned. Any advice?
Q. I have been married for 18 years and have overlooked my husband's codependency all along, until now. The relationship with his daughter who is 31 is starting to make me feel even more uncomfortable. She has always been treated like the wife and I ...
A. 17 September 2010: Since this has gone on for so long you don't have much in the way of options. The most obvious thing to do is talk to your husband. After 18 years, I would hope you two are able to sit down and have a mature conversation where you are allowed to ... (read in full...)
I lied to my online love about my age
Q. I am in love with a guy who is 26 and i am 15 years old.... i met him online...he dont know my real age and now i love him alot i want to tell him everything..but i am scared that he will leave me...my intentions was not bad...i was depressed bcause ...
A. 17 September 2010: Great job. I know it had to be very hard for you but you did the right thing. You made a mistake, but you are handling it VERY maturely. All I can say is give him time. He may be mad, upset, hurt, whatever.... but they are all understandable. ... (read in full...)
My fiance has terrible mood swings, what should I do?
Q. Ok.. so me and my fiancee have been together around 15 months, engaged since march.. i have a 21 month old child from a previous relationship, who sees my other half completely as her father, the biological one has no involvment at all. I am also 22 ...
A. 16 September 2010: Sounds like you have enough doubt in your mind right now to where you shouldn't get married. Not yet, at least. During the rough times is there abuse? Emotional or physical? Has he always been like this or is this new?... (read in full...)
Wedding already paid for but I'm not attracted to her and don't think I love her!
Q. Hi im a 25 yrs old man. I find very difficult for me to say no to other people or to tell anything that will make anybody feel bad. I been almost all my life a strong christian, trying to save myself to my wife. in until i was 23 i had never been in ...
A. 16 September 2010: You both need to take a step back and think things over. Cancel the wedding for the time being. Just because you cancel it doesn't mean you can never get married to her in the future, but you've got too many doubts right now. It sounds like ... (read in full...)
Should I fight for my abusive relationship with the man I love, or move on?
Q. I met the love of my life when i was 15, and we got married as soon as i turned 18. We had separated because he had cheated on me. Soon after we got back together, our marriage became abusive, everything between name calling to every-other-day full ...
A. 16 September 2010: Your relationship will never change. There is no "fighting" for your relationship because you've never really had a good relationship. End it and move on before, like CaringGuy said, he kills you.... (read in full...)
Our height differences seem to be creating an issue in our relationship! Any advice?
Q. Theres a guy at school who I really like and I know that he likes me too. He is a foot taller then me though. You can laugh. But I've been told its cute... Bearing in mind hes very tall for our age and Im pretty short for our age. This was never a ...
A. 16 September 2010: My wife is over a foot shorter than me. It's more common than you think. Having to bend down for hugs or anything else like that shouldn't be a chore for being with someone you truly care about. My point is, height shouldn't matter in a ... (read in full...)
She constantly accuses me of cheating
Q. My girl and I have been together for over two years lived together two yrs this month. In that two years, she has cheated once, we were broken up for a bit. Has failed to find/keep a job, doesn't clean w/ being told, doesn't wake up with our 5mo old ...
A. 16 September 2010: Sounds like she's got some serious personal issues. You can try counseling for her (if she'd even agree to it) and even couple's counseling for both of you, but in the end it comes down to her getting her act together. She either needs to ... (read in full...)
Should I apologise to a girl that thinks I'm a stalker???
Q. This girl really hurt my feelings when she called me a stalker... but I was not stalking her - or harrassing her. I just sent her messages on myspace saying 'hi' and that I hoped she had a good day... and then I left her alone. She then came into ...
A. 16 September 2010: Just leave her alone.... (read in full...)
Can anybody tell my why your vagina feels different from one day to the next?
Q. My husband accuses me of cheating all the time. His reason is one day we will have sex and my vagina is tight and the next time he says its loose. He tells me a man can tell when another guy has been in his "stuff". I'm NOT cheating on him. Can an...
A. 16 September 2010: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-does-it-feel-different-every-time.html... (read in full...)
Why does it feel different every time?
Q. My husband accuses me of cheating all the time. His reason is one day we will have sex and my vagina is tight and abd the next time he says its loose. He tells me a man can tell when another guy has been in his stuff. I'm not cheating on him. Can ...
A. 16 September 2010: Your husband's reasoning for accusing you of cheating is SEVERELY flawed. There are deeper issues at hand, the first being his lack of trust.
How long have you been married? Has there been cheating from either of you previously in the relation... (read in full...)
I tingle so much after sex
Q. After having long sex with my husband I usually cum multiple times and when we are done it tingled so bad I can't control it y does this happen it's only happened with my husband ...
A. 16 September 2010: This is not a bad thing. This means you have great sex and you have a great emotional connection with your husband.... (read in full...)
Online romance and fake pictures?
Q. me and my boyfriend started dating online we've been together for 2 months now and he has faked many pics, i have asked him before if he was lying to me but he has said that his friends just put them on the internet. how do i know if he's lyi...
A. 16 September 2010: Have you ever met him yet in person or has this "relationship" strictly been online?... (read in full...)
I can't stop eating! Pregnant?
Q. Hi everyone, Ok here goes; recently I have been feeling a little strange. For starters I cannot stop eating! I am always hungry. I had no idea why, i'm quite a small girl and I dont usually eat a lot, but right now I literally cannot seem to fill ...
A. 16 September 2010: The worst thing anybody can do is try to self diagnose yourself. Let me ask you this: Are you online looking for reasons you may be eating more, or are you online looking for reasons you might be pregnant? If you are just looking for reasons you ... (read in full...)
I lied to my online love about my age
Q. I am in love with a guy who is 26 and i am 15 years old.... i met him online...he dont know my real age and now i love him alot i want to tell him everything..but i am scared that he will leave me...my intentions was not bad...i was depressed bcause ...
A. 16 September 2010: Exactly, Dirtball. To the anonymous young girl, the age difference isn't the issue here. It's the fact that his love is built on the lies you have told him. How old does he think you are? And what about your Marfan syndrome? I know such a ... (read in full...)
He doesn't even try to have sex with me anymore!
Q. My boyfriend doesn't seem to want me as much lately. He doesn't kiss me, hold me, or tell me he loves me as much as he used to. He don't even try to have sex with me anymore! He used to try A LOT! I don't know if he's bored of me or if he found ...
A. 15 September 2010: I'm going to have to backup Dirtball on this one. I agree with him. From what you've told us, this just seems like another spike in the "line graph" of your relationship. Sure, no relationship is easy... but strong, solid relationships do have a ... (read in full...)
I lied to my online love about my age
Q. I am in love with a guy who is 26 and i am 15 years old.... i met him online...he dont know my real age and now i love him alot i want to tell him everything..but i am scared that he will leave me...my intentions was not bad...i was depressed bcause ...
A. 15 September 2010: An email may be the best way for you. You can explain everything to him calmly and lay it all out for him. If you do so on the phone or however way you usually talk it may be more difficult for you to explain it to him without crying or lying even ... (read in full...)
In love...
Q. Hi there, im an 18 year old girl and 4 years ago i saw this guy and i was blown away! I'd like to think of it along the lines of love at fist sight. What i feel for him is deep, in the past 4 years, he's all i thought of. 1 day i decided to invite ...
A. 14 September 2010: Well, generally the more you have to gain the more you have to lose. He's never going to know how you feel until you ask him. Fear of rejection is something everybody must deal with.... (read in full...)
Son looking at pornography on the computer?
Q. I recently caught my son on the computer looking up pornography and masturbating, i sent him to his room and told him not to ever again, and that it was wrong. i think i did the right thing, but I'm not sure. he's only 11 and it seemed like he was ...
A. 14 September 2010: Raider's is 100% right. Good advice.... (read in full...)
What's the difference between being honest and being negative?
Q. What is the difference between being honest and being negative? People told me many times.including family,and friends, ''you are being too negative'' And I just cant see, where am I going wrong. I feel, Im just seeing the truth.. What is wrong wi...
A. 14 September 2010: Sometimes there is no positive. But if people go out of their way to comment that you are negative, then this is more than just one incident... it's a pattern of being negative. The odds of you surrounding yourself in so many situations have have ... (read in full...)
What's the difference between being honest and being negative?
Q. What is the difference between being honest and being negative? People told me many times.including family,and friends, ''you are being too negative'' And I just cant see, where am I going wrong. I feel, Im just seeing the truth.. What is wrong wi...
A. 14 September 2010: How you choose to look at things is unrelated to something happening or not happening. One is an event occurring, the other is your outlook on a possible event. You want to use your train crash? Fine. There are two ways you can look at a train ... (read in full...)
I have problems with my violent teenager son, who doesn't want me to date!
Q. I am having problems with my teenager. He's 13 and doesn't want me to date or talk to anyone. I decided not to bring any man around until I felt that it was serious. I have found someone who I am very happy with. My son won't accept it. He is very ...
A. 14 September 2010: Not to sound like I'm oversimplifying this but:
YOU ARE THE PARENT!
What would your mother or father have done if you acted this way to them? He's only doing this because you are letting him. You don't need to be his friend, it's okay for hi... (read in full...)
I lied to my online love about my age
Q. I am in love with a guy who is 26 and i am 15 years old.... i met him online...he dont know my real age and now i love him alot i want to tell him everything..but i am scared that he will leave me...my intentions was not bad...i was depressed bcause ...
A. 14 September 2010: You have no choice, you must tell him the truth. Your relationship, including your love is a lie. You are basing your feelings on the fact that he does not know the truth about you. And he's planning to visit you? You MUST tell him, you have no ... (read in full...)
When is it TOO FAR with opposite sex friends???
Q. I need help. my boyfriend and i have been together almost 6 months. he only has friends that are girls. One of them is in love with him and finds it "hard to see him with someone else" and he thinks its still okay to go hang out with her. His other ...
A. 13 September 2010: It sounds like they're already going too far. When a man has a girlfriend, any other friendships with girls need to be really limited. In my opinion, the second you put a friend who is a girl ahead of your own girlfriend... you've gone too far. ... (read in full...)
I don't love my wife and before I die I want to be in love once more!
Q. I been with my wife for 10 years and married for 3. I love her but I'm not in love with her no more. We have a beautiful daughter together and she's the reason why I stayed this long. Here are my reasons why: I'm not attracted to her, she's not ...
A. 13 September 2010: Let me ask you this:
Why did you finally marry her after 7 years?... (read in full...)
I'm on hold while she figures out what to do with her MM
Q. I have been in a non-committed relationship with a woman for the past 3 years. I asked her a few times but she said she needed time to think before committing. Which was okay with me and I waited. Recently I found out that she was going out with a ...
A. 13 September 2010: You are right, she will continue to do this if you keep letting her. The truth is, if she wanted you instead of him she would have chosen to stopped seeing him. You're going to have to cut contact at this point. Let her see what her life is like ... (read in full...)
I'm not a cheater
Q. ok first off i am not a cheater i love my wife. now that thats out of the way my problem is this, for about a month ive been talkin to a girl on email dont know where she is from but we just would talk about lots of stuff. well woke up one morning ...
A. 10 September 2010: Sometimes cheating isn't about sex. Sometimes it's about the secrecy. Why were you talking to this girl? You two may not have had sex, but why did you feel the need to keep it from your wife? You must have known she wouldn't like you talking to ... (read in full...)
I do not believe my girlfriend...has she cheated?
Q. My partner and I have been seeing each other for about 15 months and she has lied to me on numerous occasions but denies cheating on me. I love her very much but her explanations for things that she has done leaves me doubting her. Here is ...
A. 10 September 2010: It's difficult to tell if she's cheated or not, but in my opinion the cheating is secondary to her lying. She seems like a chronic liar. Going out to seem like she has more of a life than she has? Not being able to come to her house because he ... (read in full...)
Can anyone advise me on the pros and cons of owning your own business?
Q. I have this dream of owning my own business. If anyone who does is reading this post, I'd love to hear what the advantages and disadvantages are. I have lots of options. I'm qualified with two diplomas i.e. media and computer studies. I'm lo...
A. 10 September 2010: Running your own business comes down to responsibility. It all falls to you. Some people look at this as a disadvantage, but the successful business owners look at it as an advantage. Basically, you're not making money if you are not working. ... (read in full...)
Her dad hates me, and I can't figure out his reason!
Q. I am 19 yrs old and have been dating my girlfriend Jillian,who is 18 for a little over 8 months now. From the very beginning her family really liked me, I get along great with her brother and sister, and her parents loved me. We have a great ...
A. 10 September 2010: Good job. There's no reason to be intimidated by him now, just be conscious of your future actions and show respect. For the record, no groping your girlfriend anywhere near her parents, especially her father. That goes for all the rest of you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems to have the hots for his neighbour!
Q. please help as this is driving me insane! I'm 36 and been wth my partner for 2 1/2 years, we dont live together, he lives alone and i live with my kids (not his). he has never in the 11 years at his address socialised with the neighbours - he ...
A. 9 September 2010: Have you tried talking to him? I don't mean starting a confrontation or a fight, but just being completely honest with him and showing him how much this is bothering you. His reaction should give you an insight to what he's thinking. If he really ... (read in full...)
Her dad hates me, and I can't figure out his reason!
Q. I am 19 yrs old and have been dating my girlfriend Jillian,who is 18 for a little over 8 months now. From the very beginning her family really liked me, I get along great with her brother and sister, and her parents loved me. We have a great ...
A. 9 September 2010: In addition to what Tisha said:
Keep eye contact. DON'T stare at your feet!
Be sure with your words. Don't use "ummmm" a lot.
Don't approach the conversation like you did anything wrong. As Tisha said, be positive. Your intentions are ... (read in full...)
Her dad hates me, and I can't figure out his reason!
Q. I am 19 yrs old and have been dating my girlfriend Jillian,who is 18 for a little over 8 months now. From the very beginning her family really liked me, I get along great with her brother and sister, and her parents loved me. We have a great ...
A. 9 September 2010: Is there ANY possible reason that you can think of for the change? Something you did differently, no matter how innocent you may think it was? Could your girlfriend have said something out of the ordinary at some point?
With your girlfrie... (read in full...)
Fell in love with a married woman who says that God wants her to work on her marriage!
Q. My story started about 6 months back when I met this girl at my work. I felt an immediate attraction to her. It wasn't just a physical one either, I mean she had the perfect personality type to me. We started talking and flirting back and forth at ...
A. 9 September 2010: I'm sorry but in my opinion you should stay away. She seems entirely too unstable. I can see if it was strictly a matter of choosing you or her husband, but she already pushed you away to be with a third guy. You don't deserve that. No matter ... (read in full...)
I'm married but still crazy in love with my ex!
Q. Hi everyone, im 27 years old who has been married for almost 3 years. I am however still so in love with an ex that its killing me. we dated throughout college but because i had immigration issues and he wasnt ready to get married because he felt he ...
A. 9 September 2010: I think the best way to deal with your current situation is to separate your two issues. Your first issue and most important is your marriage. The second is your ex. Don't combine the two, that will only complicate things.
If you marriage... (read in full...)
One of my photographers recently has asked me to do more adult work for a private portfolio. Is this cheating?
Q. I am in a great loving relationship (5 years). I recently (a year ago) quit a well paying job as a stripper. I do artistic nude modeling to help make ends meet as my "respectable" job doesn't pay too well. One of my photographers re...
A. 9 September 2010: Well, doing it without your boyfriend knowing would potentially be cheating in his eyes. I know it's good money, but you have to understand that guys don't like their girl being exploited in any way. And even if you are okay with stripping, or ... (read in full...)
I don't see him committing! Do I walk away?
Q. I'm pushing 30 and I feel like my life has been one giant lack of progress. I have no idea how I got into such a massive rut. If I could wish myself into the perfect life... Relationship: A loving man who wants to share his life with me....
A. 8 September 2010: You seem like you are very sure about your goals, so if anything that should help simplify things. Either your boyfriend shares your goals and future outlook on life, or he doesn't. To me, though, it sounds like you already know what the answer to ... (read in full...)
How can you be cheating and committed in a marriage?
Q. I'm in a relationship with a married man have been for 6yrs. I love him he tells me he has feelings for me and he is very fond of me he doesn't want this to end His family is all grown up and married ,but what he tells me i find hard to understa...
A. 8 September 2010: He's telling you that YOU find it hard to understand? I'm sorry to tell you this, but that's just a reasoning method used by him. Committed relationship? The only thing he's committed to is treating 2 women in his life without respect. He cheats ... (read in full...)
He snapped at me and it stung! Why is he like this?
Q. Hey everyone! Have an issue and any feedback would really be appreciated. I'm 19 and my guy just turned 34. We've been going out 7 months. So we semi-live together, he has an apt. and we'll spend time there, I do laundry, we cook together, clean ...
A. 8 September 2010: I'm not trying to make you break up with your boyfriend, but I just need you to know that once a man gets to be his age his behavior is pretty much set. And don't confuse natural leadership skills with being stubborn. I'm not saying he's through ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is drinking everyday and I am lost here..what can I do?
Q. my boyfriend drinks every day first thing he does is has a beer when he wakes up....just there this evening he vomited for no reason he says it his nose being blocked up making him sick which i don't believe...i have a 2 year old son who dotes on ...
A. 7 September 2010: Well your first priority IS your 2 year old son. If he really likes this guy and all he sees is him drinking, is that a good influence? Clearly he has a problem and he needs help. Have you tried talking to him about it? Does he get angry when ... (read in full...)
He snapped at me and it stung! Why is he like this?
Q. Hey everyone! Have an issue and any feedback would really be appreciated. I'm 19 and my guy just turned 34. We've been going out 7 months. So we semi-live together, he has an apt. and we'll spend time there, I do laundry, we cook together, clean ...
A. 7 September 2010: Just don't let him make you feel guilty about anything. Relationships are about equals. If he wants his way on some things, don't let him make you feel bad for wanting YOUR way.
Has he snapped at you in the past? Has he made you feel guilty o... (read in full...)
He snapped at me and it stung! Why is he like this?
Q. Hey everyone! Have an issue and any feedback would really be appreciated. I'm 19 and my guy just turned 34. We've been going out 7 months. So we semi-live together, he has an apt. and we'll spend time there, I do laundry, we cook together, clean ...
A. 7 September 2010: I hate to bring this up because I'm sure you've already heard this... but there is a bigger issue at hand here I believe. Your age difference. And it's not just the difference in age actually, it's your specific ages. Him being 34, single, playing ... (read in full...)
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