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... Send *immD a private message | | | *immD's profile:Any advice I give should not be taken personally. I'm not here to judge you, so you can be sure any advice I give is strictly objective. What you choose to do with my advice is completely up to you, though you can be sure the advice I am giving you is what I feel is best for you.
Please keep an open mind when asking for advice. It seems that many people aren't really looking for advice, they are just looking for justification to do what they already have in their mind to do. This site is about gaining an unbiased perspective on things. Please don't ask a question if you've already made your mind up on what to do.
Some things to remember:
- The "pullout" method is NOT a method of birth control. This is just something people do to rationalize their thoughts that sex without a condom feels better than it does with a condom. Even though a man doesn't climax, he still secretes fluid the entire time that has the potential to make you pregnant. Don't be a fool, if you are old enough and mature enough to have sex.... use birth control.
- There is no excuse for "revenge" sex. If your partner cheats on you, immediately going out to sleep with someone else as revenge doesn't make it right.... it makes things way worse. Relationships aren't about keeping score. If you believe they are, then you shouldn't be in one.
- Relationships rarely end easily. Especially long term relationships. It is very common for one partner to breakup with the other and then continue to text them or call them. Many times sex can start again as well. Unfortunately, there was a reason you two broke up in the first place and odds are a cycle with start to where you start to spend more time together and eventually feel like you ARE together... only to break up again. So before you post those "He broke up with me but he still texts me!" questions, remember this.
- There are about 50 million posts here regarding porn. Please do a search prior to posting questions like "My boyfriend watches porn, what should I do?". This is a touchy subject here but my opinion on porn is that it's not a big deal - as long as it's not an addiction. To MOST men, watching porn is strictly a tool for masturbating. Those women are not the type men want to have relationships with. Ask and most men will tell you that as soon as they "do their deed" they shut it off. It's not like they watch it for any other purpose. From my experience, the women that have issues with porn have issues with their own self confidence and they are insecure. There are many women out there that are confident that they satisfy their men sexually and feel that their husband watching porn is harmless. However, don't get me wrong, there are times when a man is addicted to porn and will choose porn OVER sex with their partner. This is where porn is unhealthy. My point in all of this is if you are in what you consider to be a "perfect" relationship with a great guy who does anything and everything for you, there is no need to penalize him if he watches porn. If you STILL have a problem with it, try watching it with him. Make it a sexual experience for the both of you. Or, record yourself with him. You'd be surprised what that does for a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: What you need to know about Online Dating
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 August 2010: First, let me start off by saying that online dating is not a bad thing. In todays age of technology and the internet, I think online dating is just as good if not better than simply meeting someone at a bar, pub or nightclub. When you meet ...
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Why do men enjoy penetrating a girl's mouth so deeply?
Q. Hi! Does anyone know why when you are giving your boyfriend a blowjob they want you to get their penis as far in your mouth as you can? I don't quite understand it, and hopefully I'm not the only person that has run into this. Thanks ...
A. 15 June 2010: While it's not exactly my cup of tea, some guys enjoy it because it is a form of domination. Not as severe as other acts of sexual domination, but making a girl gag with tears coming down her face.... domination.... (read in full...)
Is my husband lying about having affairs?
Q. Okay, straight forward, here it goes...Husband and I have been together for 5 years...Where he worked there was a woman who would come over to the house when we had barbeques and stuff...fine. She came over with her boyfriend at the time once, ...
A. 15 June 2010: He doesn't exactly sound like good husband as it is, why spend extra money? Tell him you know something is going on between them. It may or may not be sex, but SOMETHING is. Tell him to just be honest with you if he loves you, otherwise you can't ... (read in full...)
My brother's ex wife moved in with me and is expecting my baby, am I a bad person?
Q. My brother and his wife split up last october as he was being unfaithfull and they are currently going through a divorce. His wife didnt mind as they both decided that the relationship didnt work. However we all stayed friends and carried on seeing ...
A. 15 June 2010: LOL. q1605.... wow, I can tell you I actually look forward to your replies. It's the better part of my day. lol
To the poster, you're not a bad person. What happened between your brother and his wife is a bad situation, but it was not your fau... (read in full...)
My girlfriend had sex before we met!
Q. HEY. Me and my girlfriend is together for 2 years and got engaged some time ago [e-mail address removed]. My problem is that I cant deal with the fact that she slept with four guys before we started dating. When I think of this I get so angry th...
A. 15 June 2010: Have you had sex with anybody before you met her?
Everybody has to deal with their partner's history. This is life. The thing you have to remember is that it's YOU she wants to marry and is going to marry. People need to experience love, in... (read in full...)
I haven't kissed my BF yet and we have been dating for 2 months
Q. "OPs Own Title" btw I am on my friends account . Me and My Bf Have been dating for 2months now and we Still haven't Kissed ! people are now saying omg why haven't you kissed?!? but no one replys just an awkward silence. My bf has kissed girls be...
A. 14 June 2010: Next time you see him just walk up to him and give him a big kiss. It doesn't have to be very long, or even with tongue. Just do it quick and then say "There, now we got that out of the way."
Trust me, you'll both feel a lot better.... (read in full...)
My new boss is my wife's ex-lover! Help!
Q. I have an awful situation at work: My new jerk-of-a boss was my wife's former lover in college. My wife is mortified by the whole situation, too. My boss also jokes around quite a bit with me, saying things like, "Been there, done that!" and adds ...
A. 14 June 2010: Besides quitting your job, all you can do is be professional. If he wants to be a jerk, fine. Do your job the best that you can do it and keep your relationship with him as professional as possible.
And as far as when your wife has to be aroun... (read in full...)
I don't want sex to hurt the first time!
Q. i have never had sex before and fear that the first encounter will be painful.what can i do to prevent the pain...
A. 14 June 2010: Go very slow and make sure it is well lubricated down there. Your partner being the male has the control as to how far it goes in, so as long as he takes it slow you will be fine.
Don't forget to practice safe sex. Use a condom.... (read in full...)
Help! My mother is forcing me to stay!
Q. I am 17 with less then a month before I am going to turn 18. I went to Texas with my aunt to visit my mother. My mother is now forcing me to stay with her until I am 18 and my family is doing nothing about it. I want to return to Washington so I ...
A. 14 June 2010: Who is your legal guardian? I'm assuming you have been staying with your Aunt? If so, how long? A little more backstory would be helpful.
Unfortunately, with less than a month there's really not much you can do legally either way. It'll ta... (read in full...)
Is the height and age difference between us ok?
Q. I am 17 and my height is 5'1 ( 153cm). My boyfriend is 26 and he is 5'10 ( 179cm). Is the height and age difference between us ok?...
A. 14 June 2010: The height is not an issue. Age is a matter of opinion. My opinion is that 26 year olds don't usually have much in common with a 17 year old. Usually they're at different maturity levels and at different stages in life.... (read in full...)
I'm not interesting in sex
Q. I'm 17, female and not interested in anything sexual, not even just kissing. I've never kissed or been kissed (or had sex), so could it just be lack of curiosity or is there something wrong? Should I be interested by this age like everyone else is ...
A. 14 June 2010: Everybody is different. Not everybody develops the same sexually. At 17 I wouldn't worry. You're still young and all it takes is one guy to bring out feelings you never thought you had.... (read in full...)
Should I get back together with my husband?
Q. So, my husband and I are separated, due to me finding out he cheated on me. I asked him to move out, and he rented an apartment, and let the OW move in with him (along with her 3 girls she will be getting custody of in a couple months). After a few ...
A. 14 June 2010: If you take him back you will forever be tied to this other women. Her character speaks for itself and you will always have that in your life.
I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. I'm just going to say this: The fact tha... (read in full...)
HIs fantasy freaks me out!
Q. I'm 18 and I'm having sex with a 40 year old man. We met on the Internet and met up in a hotel for the night, we stay in hotels most weekends and have for a while. its really amazing and we are both sexually attracted to each other and have amazing ...
A. 14 June 2010: I know you are of legal age, but it's just weird in general that a 40 year old man is okay with having sex with an 18 year old. Of course there is a physical attraction, but the level of maturity and life experience is something that keep normal ... (read in full...)
How do I make him stop asking for something I'm not ready for?
Q. Im 16 and my boyfriend Really wants a blowjob. and he's younger than me, he's 14. i dont really wanna do that, just thiking about it makes me gag. everytime he brings it up i tell him im not ready and im not sure ill ever be. but i can see he's s...
A. 14 June 2010: Well, it's encouraging to hear you didn't back down and do something you didn't want to do. While there are a lot of guys out there just looking for sex, there are just as many girls that would just give in and do the "popular" thing. Many of ... (read in full...)
Does age matter in a fwb relationship?
Q. Last Summer, I pulled a 25 year old chick at a music festival. It was my first sex for about a year and apparently, she enjoyed it too. I'm only 19 and I think the age difference made it even hotter. Since then, I've been a sorta 'booty call' for...
A. 11 June 2010: q1605 is 100% right. I speak from experience here when I say this: This IS your experience. You are in a perfect situation. You get to have a casual, sexual relationship with an older, experienced woman.... and she likes it! You don't have to ... (read in full...)
Help! I like my friend who is already in a serious relationship!
Q. Okay, so i've got this family friend who i'm really good friends with and recently i've started to like him. I only see him twice a year when our families go camping but when i do we get on really well. The only problem is he lives an hour away and ...
A. 11 June 2010: What kind of help do you want? Help getting him? Help getting over him?
If he has a serious girlfriend than he's off limits. You just need to convince yourself of that and slowly you will get over him.... (read in full...)
Love this guy, but my ex hates him! Confused!
Q. hi, bascially i really really really like this guy. I no he will go out with me, BUT ,my ex boyfriend is like worst enimies with him. now i dont want people to think im only going out with him to get back at my ex. also i dont want him 2 try and ...
A. 11 June 2010: Well, deep down is there a possibility you want to go out with him to get back at your ex? If not, than who cares what everybody else thinks? If you like him, go out with him. And as far as your ex trying to break you two up, hopefully the fact ... (read in full...)
How to make a long distant relationship good going?
Q. hi dearcupid!as everybody say long distance relationships are very difficult and hard to maintain and there arises many problems of misunderstanding.but what my question is that how to maintain a long distant relationship good going?give me some ...
A. 11 June 2010: Will you get to see each other at all during those 3 years? If so, how often?... (read in full...)
Is taking a paternity test of my brother's child crossing the line? I have evidence to suggest his girlfriend has been lying for 7yrs!
Q. Okay this is a weird story and question but here it goes. When my brother was 16 he got this girl pregnant and she was 22 at the time (which i find very gross). No one in my family knew the child or even the girl for that matter existed until the ...
A. 11 June 2010: She may be a slut, but what good would come of this if you found out the baby is not your brother's? The other possible father as you say, is a loser. What chance would the child have for a good life if everyone finds out, in addition to his mom ... (read in full...)
Struggling to give my boyfriend oral..
Q. How can I blowjob my boyfriend with out hurting him with my teeth and I can't get it all inside my mouth how can I get it all inside cause I feel I'm gonna vomit because its long ??...
A. 11 June 2010: This may sound weird, but if you're looking for tips on blowjobs watching some pornos will help. You can learn different techniques and how to deal with a penis that may be larger than you can handle.
Just make sure you are of legal age to watch... (read in full...)
How to make a long distant relationship good going?
Q. hi dearcupid!as everybody say long distance relationships are very difficult and hard to maintain and there arises many problems of misunderstanding.but what my question is that how to maintain a long distant relationship good going?give me some ...
A. 11 June 2010: 3 years is a long time. Can you give us some more details on your exact situation? The more info we have, the more we can try helping you and giving you some ideas on how to make it easier for you two.... (read in full...)
How do I make him stop asking for something I'm not ready for?
Q. Im 16 and my boyfriend Really wants a blowjob. and he's younger than me, he's 14. i dont really wanna do that, just thiking about it makes me gag. everytime he brings it up i tell him im not ready and im not sure ill ever be. but i can see he's s...
A. 11 June 2010: Well, I'm sorry this happened but that should show you what kind of a guy he is and what he wanted from your relationship. Wait to do that kind of stuff when it's with somebody who truly loves you and cares about you, not just themselves.... (read in full...)
How can he just leave me in this situation and throw me to the wolves when he is supposed to love me?
Q. dear cupid, i cannot find work and haven't been able to in four months. my boyfriend makes 180,000.00/yr., is selling his house from his past marriage, but because his ex-wife is putting such a financial strain on him and he spent so much money da...
A. 10 June 2010: You should be hurt because he doesn't love you. You also shouldn't continue to be in that relationship. He clearly values material things over you. Given the fact that he has ex-girlfriends and ex-wives, it's a good bet he's going to spend that ... (read in full...)
Who to believe my best freind or my ex?
Q. "OP Own Title" ok ive been hurt in the past a few times and do have trust issues so when i meet my ex at christmas i did question his motives i told him of my past so he could understand why it would take me a while to open my heart to him. now ...
A. 10 June 2010: They've both been seeing each other behind your back. Something like this doesn't happen quickly. Feelings have been building up for a while and most likely they've been having many conversations without you knowing.
I'm sorry to say this, bu... (read in full...)
How do you understand mixed messages?
Q. Ok, I need some advice. What is it about guys? Can you not just say what you want?! How do you interpret and understand all the mixed messages and tell if a guy really likes you or not. Are we just friends, do you want more? Why cant guys jus...
A. 10 June 2010: For the record, women are just as guilty as men at doing this. Not all women do it, but not all men either.
Can you give some examples of the behavior this guy has shown you? Odds are if you are getting ANY kind of sign, no matter how small, h... (read in full...)
Kissed another girl in a bar and my girl took off, how can I prove to her that I have changed?
Q. So I posted a question a few days ago about how to get back my girlfriend after I stupdly and self destructively kissed another girl in a bar last weekend. She took off for home two days ago to spend time with her family and get away from all of...
A. 10 June 2010: Time, patience, and understanding from her is what you need.
Time, you can't control. And all of this is not going to happen over night. You've had a lot of stuff building up in your life for a long time, so expect this to take just as long ... (read in full...)
How do I make him stop asking for something I'm not ready for?
Q. Im 16 and my boyfriend Really wants a blowjob. and he's younger than me, he's 14. i dont really wanna do that, just thiking about it makes me gag. everytime he brings it up i tell him im not ready and im not sure ill ever be. but i can see he's s...
A. 10 June 2010: Exactly. If he makes you do something you clearly don't want to do, and is okay with making you do that... then he doesn't care about you the same as you do for him.... (read in full...)
Concerned about the man she slept with while on a break
Q. I have been married for a little over a month now and very happy. Previously I had dated her for almost 2 years. We are great together although I am significantly older (I’m 41 shes 27) I recently found something out…and I am just trying...
A. 10 June 2010: She could be sincere in what she is telling you. She may have just been angry at you and deep in her mind did it to get back at you. There could be any number of reasons. I don't think you're crazy for doing what you did and agreeing to trust ... (read in full...)
Why can't she leave him for a better life with me?
Q. Ok. This girl I'm in love with, has a bf. She's with him for 5 years already. While with him she started to have feelings for me. But, she has hurt quite a few times because she'll ask me to move on a few days after confessing her feelings for me a...
A. 10 June 2010: The type of situation she is in is quite common. And the simple truth of the matter is she doesn't want to leave him. She may get upset and say she wants to go, but this happens in relationships like that. If she really wanted to go and really ... (read in full...)
How do you break up in a nice way?
Q. So, how to dump a guy nicely? What exactly should I say? I know that texting and e-mailing is such a cowardly thing to do, but I won't be able to look him straight in the eyes if I were to tell him person to person. This will break both of our ...
A. 10 June 2010: If the roles were reverse and you were madly in love with somebody, how would you prefer being dumped?... (read in full...)
How to make a long distant relationship good going?
Q. hi dearcupid!as everybody say long distance relationships are very difficult and hard to maintain and there arises many problems of misunderstanding.but what my question is that how to maintain a long distant relationship good going?give me some ...
A. 10 June 2010: I've said this many times in the past, and I'm going to say it again:
The only way long distance relationships work is if they are no longer long distance. Eventually both partners have to be together, and permanently. Otherwise, it will not... (read in full...)
I just can't see him as a platonic friend!!!
Q. I am really battling with something and i need your help. I am in love with my best friend and have been for almost 2 years. We get along great and can't imagin life without each other!! But my feelings keep making me feel sad, because i just can't ...
A. 10 June 2010: Have you told him how you feel?... (read in full...)
Do I dig and dig and get to the bottom of it all, or leave it for an easy life?
Q. Should I tell my fiance what I know, or leave it? OK this is a bit convuluted so bear with me. I met my fiance James through a friend from work called Lisa. I knew Lisa for a few years before meeting her friend James and, as you do at work, she ...
A. 9 June 2010: Leave it alone. You do what you needed to do and that was being honest with the man you are going to marry. Going any further is going to just make you look bad for stirring things up. Be happy with your husband, enjoy your life together. You ... (read in full...)
Do you think you attract the same type of person over and over again? And how to stop it!
Q. Do you ever notice that you attract a certain type of person? I wonder about that, if anyone else seems to find themselves attractive to the same type of person over and over again. I won't describe the type I've been attracting just because I d...
A. 9 June 2010: I think a lot of people are going to be confused by what you are asking, but I think I understand. You are asking if a person can attract the same type of person continuously, right? I don't think it works like that. Usually you attract the same ... (read in full...)
How do I stop this lust for my teacher?
Q. My teacher is really handsome, funny and smart, he's about 40 years old (i'm 15). It started when I was 12, I had a crush on him for a year and a half. But when I was 13 and a half I started to have sexual thoughts about him and I was desperat...
A. 9 June 2010: Sorry, but there is nothing you can do specifically. What you are experiencing is natural, all of us have been there in one form or another, but there is nothing you can do to make yourself stop lusting for him. It'll just be a natural progression ... (read in full...)
Should I join this man I have just met on his bike tour?
Q. A few days ago I met this awesome American guy who was in my city for a few days on a ciclying tour. Nothing happened, not even a kiss, nor hand holding, nothing at all. Just a lot of flirting and some compliments. We just chatted away and basically ...
A. 9 June 2010: What would be the possible outcome for such a decision? Is he going back home to America after the bike tour? Meeting up with a guy you got along with very well is harmless when done in a safe manner, but it just seems like you may be setting ... (read in full...)
Contacting her again has resurrected all of these old feelings...what should I do?
Q. I'm confused. Recently, an ex g/f came up as a "do you know this person" on my Friends Reunited page. She and I had a very loving realationship 30 yrs ago..the break up was hard on both of us. We were best friends before and during our r...
A. 9 June 2010: Keep us updated. This is getting very interesting. Your initial thoughts and feelings may not be that far off about her, but just make sure you proceed with an open mind and consider the fact she may just miss you as a friend. Going into whatever ... (read in full...)
He looked at porn right after we made love - whats wrong with me?
Q. I recently posted on here as i'd accidently discovered my fiance had been looking at porn on the computer..only one site had come up so i tried not to let it bother me as you all said and put it down to a one off. But earlier curiosity got the ...
A. 8 June 2010: You don't want to blow this up bigger than it has to be. I'd just try to monitor his behavior quietly. I don't recommend snooping. Just take notice to what he does after you guys have sex. This could all be a misunderstanding. Plus, if he is ... (read in full...)
He looked at porn right after we made love - whats wrong with me?
Q. I recently posted on here as i'd accidently discovered my fiance had been looking at porn on the computer..only one site had come up so i tried not to let it bother me as you all said and put it down to a one off. But earlier curiosity got the ...
A. 8 June 2010: As a guy, I agree with what Vintage64 says. HOWEVER...
....I must admit watching porn right after having sex with your partner is a little rude. I defend guys watching porn just like Vintage64 said, it is more of a tool, but there comes a time w... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has stopped talking to me, her best friends, she has deleted her Facebook.....Is there anything we can do?
Q. My (currently long distance) girlfriend started to be very distant with me. At first I put it down to stress from university. I spent her birthday weekend with her, and she seemed to have a good time. However, there was still a lack of emotion or ...
A. 8 June 2010: If this was just you I'd say leave it alone. But if things are changing that drastically and this is THAT out of the ordinary for her than I'd say you guys need to continue pursuing her. While it may be nothing, this could be a sign of depression. ... (read in full...)
She doesn't want children but I want to have them one day, am I just wasting my time with her?
Q. so i'm with the girl of my dreams, and a brief conversation we had one day is kind of bugging me. Were both in our early 20's, so this isnt anything to necessarily worry about any time soon: she is crazy about one of her sisters children- pictures...
A. 8 June 2010: A big reason for relationships not working, including divorce, is because couples are not on the same page when it comes to whether or not they want children. It's surprising how many times this topic does not come up.
Yes, you are still very you... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says if we have a baby he will settle down with me and stop hanging out on the streets, what should I do?
Q. hi i'm 17 and my boyfriend is 18 and wants to have a baby but he is alway out in the streets he say's if we have a baby he will settle down with me. What should i do?...
A. 8 June 2010: Tell him you'll have a child with him when he stops hanging out on the streets.....
And becomes responsible.
And shows you how much he loves you.
And cares for you.
And marries you.
And shows that he wants to help support you.
And wants ... (read in full...)
Contacting her again has resurrected all of these old feelings...what should I do?
Q. I'm confused. Recently, an ex g/f came up as a "do you know this person" on my Friends Reunited page. She and I had a very loving realationship 30 yrs ago..the break up was hard on both of us. We were best friends before and during our r...
A. 21 May 2010: When referring to her and her family being "ok", what do you mean by that? And what if they're not "ok"? It's not out of the ordinary to want to say hi and give your regards, but it sounds like you are using this "All I want is to see if they are ... (read in full...)
Contacting her again has resurrected all of these old feelings...what should I do?
Q. I'm confused. Recently, an ex g/f came up as a "do you know this person" on my Friends Reunited page. She and I had a very loving realationship 30 yrs ago..the break up was hard on both of us. We were best friends before and during our r...
A. 20 May 2010: Let her go. She is married with 3 kids and 30 years is a LONG time with a lot of changes. It sounds like she was just being polite, especially since you two did have some good times in the past... but it was just that, the past. If you want to ... (read in full...)
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