Like what
he writes?
... Add *immD to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *immD a private message | | | *immD's profile:Any advice I give should not be taken personally. I'm not here to judge you, so you can be sure any advice I give is strictly objective. What you choose to do with my advice is completely up to you, though you can be sure the advice I am giving you is what I feel is best for you.
Please keep an open mind when asking for advice. It seems that many people aren't really looking for advice, they are just looking for justification to do what they already have in their mind to do. This site is about gaining an unbiased perspective on things. Please don't ask a question if you've already made your mind up on what to do.
Some things to remember:
- The "pullout" method is NOT a method of birth control. This is just something people do to rationalize their thoughts that sex without a condom feels better than it does with a condom. Even though a man doesn't climax, he still secretes fluid the entire time that has the potential to make you pregnant. Don't be a fool, if you are old enough and mature enough to have sex.... use birth control.
- There is no excuse for "revenge" sex. If your partner cheats on you, immediately going out to sleep with someone else as revenge doesn't make it right.... it makes things way worse. Relationships aren't about keeping score. If you believe they are, then you shouldn't be in one.
- Relationships rarely end easily. Especially long term relationships. It is very common for one partner to breakup with the other and then continue to text them or call them. Many times sex can start again as well. Unfortunately, there was a reason you two broke up in the first place and odds are a cycle with start to where you start to spend more time together and eventually feel like you ARE together... only to break up again. So before you post those "He broke up with me but he still texts me!" questions, remember this.
- There are about 50 million posts here regarding porn. Please do a search prior to posting questions like "My boyfriend watches porn, what should I do?". This is a touchy subject here but my opinion on porn is that it's not a big deal - as long as it's not an addiction. To MOST men, watching porn is strictly a tool for masturbating. Those women are not the type men want to have relationships with. Ask and most men will tell you that as soon as they "do their deed" they shut it off. It's not like they watch it for any other purpose. From my experience, the women that have issues with porn have issues with their own self confidence and they are insecure. There are many women out there that are confident that they satisfy their men sexually and feel that their husband watching porn is harmless. However, don't get me wrong, there are times when a man is addicted to porn and will choose porn OVER sex with their partner. This is where porn is unhealthy. My point in all of this is if you are in what you consider to be a "perfect" relationship with a great guy who does anything and everything for you, there is no need to penalize him if he watches porn. If you STILL have a problem with it, try watching it with him. Make it a sexual experience for the both of you. Or, record yourself with him. You'd be surprised what that does for a relationship. |
|
| Latest articles: What you need to know about Online Dating
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 August 2010: First, let me start off by saying that online dating is not a bad thing. In todays age of technology and the internet, I think online dating is just as good if not better than simply meeting someone at a bar, pub or nightclub. When you meet ...
|
He took my virginity and now I don't know how to handle the relationship!
Q. I was always desperate for love and to be loved. I met a guy at work and at first he wasn't my type and way too old (Im 24 he's 38), my family woudln't accept him. So I eventually (being nice) got to know him and started to develop feelings for him. ...
A. 15 October 2010: First, your virginity is yours to lose. You're old enough where your mom has no right to criticize you. If you feel you made a mistake in having sex with him, fine... but that's your mistake to make. Don't feel guilty or upset for doing it ... (read in full...)
Why can't we stop thinking about eachother and move on?
Q. Hi there Would really love some help with this please :) Me and my ex split up in February after being together for 2 years and quite a rocky patch. We did argue quite a lot, as we were both at uni and there was a lot to argue about-with us bo...
A. 15 October 2010: 2 year relationship and a rocky patch? Argue quite a lot? It's quite common for you to have those types of feelings after a breakup. Do you know why? Because you haven't been together. You haven't had the chance to fight. Nothing has changed ... (read in full...)
Will my boyfriend continue the cycle of abuse?
Q. Well me and Caleb have been dating for years. His dad abused his mom(not really in front of him). He has also done the same to Caleb and choked him even just last week for grades..he fights back with his dad whenever this happens. Thank god because ...
A. 15 October 2010: Not all children of abusers turn into abusers themselves. However, they're almost always effected by it in some way. Punching a wall? That is excessive. How about over all anger? I have a feeling he's had angry outbursts around you that you've ... (read in full...)
Will I ever feel better, can I trust him?
Q. Hi I need advice as i have no one to confide in My husband had a year an a half affair with a workmate 5 years ago. We did not have sex very often because of me, i was suffering depression after my children and i think he felt regected and ver...
A. 15 October 2010: Well, the problem is HE hasn't actually told you anything. You had to confront him about it. If you never actually found those texts, would he still be cheating?
In these types of situations, YOU are the best judge here. What does your heart or... (read in full...)
Why do you answer to these questions?
Q. I just want to know something, why do you guys answer to these people? what do you plan to get out of it? do you think "God" will reimburse you for your efforts and "love"? do you feel better by helping others you don't know? I really don't see any ...
A. 14 October 2010: I'm not religious in the least. I do this because I WANT to.... (read in full...)
Going on my first-ever date -- at 20! Tips appreciated.
Q. i need help! tomorrow i am going on my first date ever and i have no clue what to do! i am in some serious need of dating tips. for example, what are some topics i can bring up if things start to get awkward? What food should i eat? What should i ...
A. 13 October 2010: The best advice is for you to be yourself. Don't over-think everything. And as far as physical contact goes, just do what feels natural and what feels right to you. Don't be pressured into doing anything you don't want to.
FYI - lots of eye c... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's ex died 7 months ago and I feel he is just stringing me along
Q. Here it goes. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. His ex-girlfriend, who found out she had leukemia about a month before they broke up (about 2 years ago) passed away about 7 months ago. My boyfriend still talks about her, and o...
A. 12 October 2010: Your initial thoughts and feelings are correct. While I wouldn't necessarily put it as "stringing you along" he definitely cannot commit to you. He still loves his ex and he misses her a lot. And I'm sorry to say, but if he still has a picture of ... (read in full...)
I have fallen for my ex's sister!
Q. Here is my story/question. About a year ago i broke up with my girlfriend whom I have 2 kids with. When she left I started hanging out with her sister. Just over ayear has passed since the breakup and her sister and I have become super good frien...
A. 12 October 2010: Seeing/Talking to her is not helping you get over your feelings. She's screwing with your mind. You already know that a relationship wouldn't work with her but your lust for her is making you ignore rational thinking. Your obsessed with needing ... (read in full...)
In the middle between two guys with an issue
Q. I have two best friends, Jacob and Sam, they know each other and are very close. Sam developed feelings for me and we are seeing each other. i went over to a friends house a few days ago and Jacob was there. He started doing things like laying on ...
A. 11 October 2010: Very immature and childish. How old are these boys?... (read in full...)
After 11 years my partner has still not divorced his wife!
Q. I have been with my partner for 11 years, we have 2 children together. When i first meet my partner he had not long left his wife. Within a year i was pregant and he left me, we later go back together and have since had another planed child and ...
A. 11 October 2010: Have you ever heard the expression "Actions speak louder than words."?
This entire time you've been looking for him to perform a specific action, which is to divorce his wife. Unfortunately, during all of this time you have ignored the biggest ... (read in full...)
I have fallen for my ex's sister!
Q. Here is my story/question. About a year ago i broke up with my girlfriend whom I have 2 kids with. When she left I started hanging out with her sister. Just over ayear has passed since the breakup and her sister and I have become super good frien...
A. 11 October 2010: Thanks for keeping us updated. We look forward to hearing from you in the future if anything else happens. Hope you enjoyed your holiday. :-)... (read in full...)
I have fallen for my ex's sister!
Q. Here is my story/question. About a year ago i broke up with my girlfriend whom I have 2 kids with. When she left I started hanging out with her sister. Just over ayear has passed since the breakup and her sister and I have become super good frien...
A. 8 October 2010: If she's conflicted? Yes. She may understand that a relationship with you wouldn't work out in the end and still being "friends" would just make it harder for her. Sometimes the best way to deal with these feelings is to just withdrawal yourself ... (read in full...)
He's sneaking around, how is it my fault?
Q. After being with my boyfriend for eleven months, we were on the computer together. He was going through emails and I happened to catch a glance at something. Knowing he would flip out if I brought it up that exact second, I wanted to do a little ...
A. 8 October 2010: Find a new boyfriend.
If you don't even feel comfortable enough to have an open and honest conversation with the guy then why are you still in a relationship with him? You say he's done this before, and now it's happening again? This isn't an... (read in full...)
If I keep acting like this I'm going to lose my best friend!
Q. Hi guys, I've posted on here before about this same problem but I'm still having trouble dealing. I fell for my best friend completely after we slept together a couple of times and I just can't seem to get over it and I'm worried I'm going to end...
A. 8 October 2010: The moment you two slept together your "friendship" ended. You can't go back to the way things were. You have feelings for him and you want to be with him. There's nothing wrong with that, however, if he does not feel the same about you then this ... (read in full...)
Why do so many marriages fail?
Q. Why do marriages fail? So many people get married, and feel that they are marrying their true love, while imagining that they will be together forever. They have relationships where the committment is "iffy" and there are lies and betrayals before m...
A. 8 October 2010: Yes, the earlier part of a relationships or "pre-marriage" is the easiest time of the relationship. Things are over-looked because there is more lust than love. But there are many reasons marriages fail. The biggest reason is because people don't ... (read in full...)
I'm ready to give up all together!
Q. How can I get over sex and men? I hate my body it's so disgusting. I'm a bit fat but working on it, although I'm not overweight, but almost. The problem is I have a disproportioned body, I have big hips, big butt with cellulite and thighs with ...
A. 7 October 2010: Well, it seems like you've already got your mind made up here but I'm going to give it a shot. Just try and listen if you can. Real men don't say the things you are hearing. Respectable men don't say the thing you are hearing. Every woman is ... (read in full...)
I have fallen for my ex's sister!
Q. Here is my story/question. About a year ago i broke up with my girlfriend whom I have 2 kids with. When she left I started hanging out with her sister. Just over ayear has passed since the breakup and her sister and I have become super good frien...
A. 7 October 2010: The only thing that'll help that feeling in your stomach is time, my friend. Good luck and I hope it all works out for ya....... (read in full...)
I have fallen for my ex's sister!
Q. Here is my story/question. About a year ago i broke up with my girlfriend whom I have 2 kids with. When she left I started hanging out with her sister. Just over ayear has passed since the breakup and her sister and I have become super good frien...
A. 7 October 2010: Also, be honest with yourself. "I just don't want to lose her as a friend..." Do you really feel that way? Would you still like to be friends with her when she has a boyfriend? A husband?
Many times people use being friends with the opposite... (read in full...)
Has anyone had a threesome just to keep their partner?
Q. Has anyone had a threesome just to keep their partner? How did this work out?...
A. 7 October 2010: Having a threesome is no reason to "save" your relationship. This is called blackmail or bribery depending on the perspective. Either way, don't do it.... (read in full...)
I stole money from my date and now I'm scared!
Q. I need help! I meet this guy at a bar we exchanged numbers went on 2nd date. He has a bit of an ego but I kinda liked it. But he turned me off because he kept talking about all the money he had that he had everything he wanted. We went to a hotel ...
A. 7 October 2010: You haven't learned your lesson. You are only sorry because you got caught. You need to forget about this man and get some help regarding your issue, because there IS a deeper issue at hand. Perhaps it's a power thing, trying to take power away ... (read in full...)
I have fallen for my ex's sister!
Q. Here is my story/question. About a year ago i broke up with my girlfriend whom I have 2 kids with. When she left I started hanging out with her sister. Just over ayear has passed since the breakup and her sister and I have become super good frien...
A. 7 October 2010: You are walking a very dangerous path. No matter how close you may be to one of them, and no matter how good of a relationship you think you may have.... sisters will always choose their sister. The same goes for brothers. They may say they ... (read in full...)
Advice needed quickly! How do you know if a guy is sincere?
Q. How do you know if a guy is being sincere (as opposed to the extreme of just wanting to sleep with you and then leaving)? Just for context: I was in a more serious relationship with this one guy, but the relationship didn't work out ultimately b...
A. 7 October 2010: The beginning of every relationship is like this. Two people getting to know each other, neither wants to draw any hard lines in the sand if they can help it for the sake of giving the relationship a chance. Gradually as you get used to each other ... (read in full...)
How can love ever be quantifiable??
Q. I have a question that is bugging me.... why do people say stuff like "I will never love anyone as much as my ex" when they're with someone new? Surely you either love someone or you don't - simple. I can honestly say that I know I loved my ex bo...
A. 7 October 2010: If somebody tells you that he will never love anybody as much as their ex then they are not over their ex. And because of that, they shouldn't be in another serious relationship until they get over them. He is openly telling you he is not willing ... (read in full...)
Torn between love for husband and older 1st love
Q. When I was 13 I fell in love with a 26 year old man we had sex and my parents threw him in jail even though we were madly in love so life went on and I got married had 4 children and 20 years passed I found the much older first love on my space ...
A. 5 October 2010: You should realize now that 13 is very young for a serious relationship. How would you feel if one of your children fell in love with a 26 year old man and had sex at 13?
Than man you thought you knew back then was more of a dream. After 20... (read in full...)
He expected me to leave my husband for him!
Q. This is the situation: I took some distance from a friendship that was turning into somewhat of an emotional affair some months ago after asking your advice. I wrote the friend explaining how I felt and that the best thing would be to not have ...
A. 5 October 2010: You need to stop all contact with him. You both admit you have feelings for each other, but since both of you are married there is absolutely no reason for you two to temp yourselves. You have to accept that your "friendship" is over. You two ... (read in full...)
I have been in love with my best friend for a few years now!
Q. i have been in love with my best friend for a few years now and i hate the fact i have to feel this way. you can't help it. it comes naturally. we have known each other for over 7 years. i want to tell her how i feel about her but im terrified of ...
A. 4 October 2010: Well, I guess the first obvious question is: Is she gay/lesbian?
Having your best friend is hard enough if they are of the opposite sex, but for members of the same sex it severely complicates things if the other person is not gay. If she is o... (read in full...)
I am too scared to meet him because of age differences
Q. I've been overweight my whole life. I'm used to rejection and being told no guy would ever want me. Recently I've been talking to a guy who is about 17 years older than me. I am attracted to him and he is attracted to me, we've planned to meet a few ...
A. 1 October 2010: I'm assuming that since you said "I've been talking..." that this is an online relationship? You're talking about meeting him, which leaves me to believe that online or not, you haven't had much "in person" time together. Either way, you must be ... (read in full...)
Wife taking 24 condoms on holiday when she is going with 3 other women.
Q. hi my wife and i have funny kind of marrage (i think we have been married a lot of years) yes i know how many 30. each year she and 3 old (well same age girlfriends go away on holiday for a week. this year they are going on a crusie and i was...
A. 1 October 2010: Have you ever had sex with anyone besides your wife during your marriage? Does she know about it? Has she had sex with someone else?... (read in full...)
My girlfriends mom is so hot!
Q. Hey guys im 26 and my gf is 20. we have a baby together and everything is good. but the problem is her mom is 36 and is SO HOT. i mean hot hot hot hot! what do i do?? i stare at her constantly when im over her house. im trying not to get into creep ...
A. 30 September 2010: To control it, you have to WANT to control it. You can't have her mother, so you have to understand that and accept it. The #1 reason for lust continuing is believing there is actually a chance. There isn't. Get over it, and focus on your ... (read in full...)
He's leaving the wife!
Q. My man is in a loveless marriage, and he's leaving his wife very soon. We've talked at length about this and he just doesn't want to be there anymore. He's not moving in with me, but finding his own place. I know when the shit hits the fan it...
A. 30 September 2010: It all depends on his reasoning for leaving his marriage. If he's leaving because he is unhappy and feels there is no chance to salvage his relationship with his wife, then fine. But if he's leaving specifically to be with you... this complicate ... (read in full...)
When naked, do women still want to be treated with respect?
Q. I have found that when women are naked, they still want to be treated with respect. And I don't have the answers to all life's questions, but I want to know something...Do women prefer being treated with respect, or do the enjoy being ...
A. 29 September 2010: Always treat a woman with respect. ALWAYS. There's never a time a woman doesn't want your respect. She may want you to PRETEND during a sexual encounter, but this is just a form of roll-playing. Respect for her should always be there.... (read in full...)
Falling in love with my brother in law
Q. i'm 38 years old and i fell in love with my brother in law who moved with us recently, my husband is always travelling and doesn't have much time for me or my kids, who became really attached to their uncle, he is much younger than me and passing ...
A. 28 September 2010: You should not let your feelings for your brother in law influence your marriage issues. Focus on communicating your issues with your husband and try to fix it if possible. If you include your brother in law into your marriage problems you will ... (read in full...)
Is this a test?
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for a couple of months now. Sometimes if we go out for a meal she will comment on a woman and say she looks pretty and she tells me to have a look. I really dont like doing that while I am with her because I dont w...
A. 21 September 2010: It could go either way. She could be self conscious and this is her way of trying to get you to reinforce her self consciousness by agreeing that other women are prettier than her. Or, she may be the exact opposite and she's completely confident ... (read in full...)
Is this an affair with a married man?
Q. I met a guy who is 38 years old and I am 27.. It had never crossed my mind that I would like him.. U ignored him initially.. Than later due to his many attempts of asking me out, I agreed. The whole process takes bout 1.5 mths.. We started to be ...
A. 20 September 2010: You should just stay away from him. He pursued you at first so it wasn't your fault, but now you know the truth and you really don't want to get in the middle of another person's marriage. Heck, the have a child. You cannot get involved with that ... (read in full...)
Could my husband have a cheating addiction?
Q. my husband and i have sex all the time. i have never turned him down and i am willing to explore all kinds of dif. things.. i am very in shape take real good care of my appearance. he likes a tanned toned body long hair i have all that ... the ...
A. 20 September 2010: There's no other way about it, CaringGuy is right. There is no cheating addiction, it's a character flaw. He wants many different women. That's all well and good, but he shouldn't have gotten married. He made a commitment to you and there is no ... (read in full...)
Wife's story doesn't make sense
Q. should i belive my wife when she tells me she only had sex with one other partner than me, but let 4 other guys put there penis up to her vagina and just rubb the outside, i am having concerns she is running around now ...
A. 20 September 2010: These seem like two separate questions to me. First is whether or not those guys rubbing their penis on the outside of her vagina is considered sex or not. I don't see how at that point there's much difference between the penis being inside or ... (read in full...)
How can I convince my wife that an occasional non emotional sex night is not cheating or a threat to her?
Q. I am happily married. I love my wife very much, and would never contemplate having an affair. No interest. However, I really miss seeing and touching other womens naked bodies. The newness the excitement. It's just more exciting than the same old ...
A. 20 September 2010: I'm not saying "emotional affairs" are any better than having sex. Both are symptoms of trust and marital issues. The fact is, 2 people who are happily married do not WANT to have sex with other people, nor do they have emotional affairs. ... (read in full...)
How can I convince my wife that an occasional non emotional sex night is not cheating or a threat to her?
Q. I am happily married. I love my wife very much, and would never contemplate having an affair. No interest. However, I really miss seeing and touching other womens naked bodies. The newness the excitement. It's just more exciting than the same old ...
A. 20 September 2010: Just because you believe having sex can be "unemotional" doesn't mean other people, including your wife, feel that way. Sex is viewed by many to be a symbol of one's love. You are essentially "giving" yourself to the other person, giving them ... (read in full...)
Trying to address sexual incompatability with my husband
Q. Been married almost 12 years, but for various reasons (health, baby) stopped having sex with my husband for many years. I didn't realize how frustrated I was until I recently had sex with another man, which opened the universe for me. It wasn't at ...
A. 17 September 2010: Ok, where to start? Well for one, be prepared for a lot of "aggressive" answers here. Personally, I respect your honesty and candidness to us... but there are many people that are going to feel what you did is wrong... and it is.
First thing is... (read in full...)
How do I tell everyone, that I am bisexual?
Q. hey guys, i really dont know how to tell everyone that i'm bisexual and its killing me :( how can i tell people?...
A. 17 September 2010: Why do you want to tell everyone so bad? Sometimes when teenagers are trying to establish an identity they try extra hard to prove things to the people around them. While it is entirely possible you are bisexual, are you sure this isn't just ... (read in full...)
His co-dependant relationship with his daughter has me concerned. Any advice?
Q. I have been married for 18 years and have overlooked my husband's codependency all along, until now. The relationship with his daughter who is 31 is starting to make me feel even more uncomfortable. She has always been treated like the wife and I ...
A. 17 September 2010: Since this has gone on for so long you don't have much in the way of options. The most obvious thing to do is talk to your husband. After 18 years, I would hope you two are able to sit down and have a mature conversation where you are allowed to ... (read in full...)
| *immD's friends
These are mutual friends, so *immD has
added them and they have added *immD!
|
