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... Send *immD a private message | | | *immD's profile:Any advice I give should not be taken personally. I'm not here to judge you, so you can be sure any advice I give is strictly objective. What you choose to do with my advice is completely up to you, though you can be sure the advice I am giving you is what I feel is best for you.
Please keep an open mind when asking for advice. It seems that many people aren't really looking for advice, they are just looking for justification to do what they already have in their mind to do. This site is about gaining an unbiased perspective on things. Please don't ask a question if you've already made your mind up on what to do.
Some things to remember:
- The "pullout" method is NOT a method of birth control. This is just something people do to rationalize their thoughts that sex without a condom feels better than it does with a condom. Even though a man doesn't climax, he still secretes fluid the entire time that has the potential to make you pregnant. Don't be a fool, if you are old enough and mature enough to have sex.... use birth control.
- There is no excuse for "revenge" sex. If your partner cheats on you, immediately going out to sleep with someone else as revenge doesn't make it right.... it makes things way worse. Relationships aren't about keeping score. If you believe they are, then you shouldn't be in one.
- Relationships rarely end easily. Especially long term relationships. It is very common for one partner to breakup with the other and then continue to text them or call them. Many times sex can start again as well. Unfortunately, there was a reason you two broke up in the first place and odds are a cycle with start to where you start to spend more time together and eventually feel like you ARE together... only to break up again. So before you post those "He broke up with me but he still texts me!" questions, remember this.
- There are about 50 million posts here regarding porn. Please do a search prior to posting questions like "My boyfriend watches porn, what should I do?". This is a touchy subject here but my opinion on porn is that it's not a big deal - as long as it's not an addiction. To MOST men, watching porn is strictly a tool for masturbating. Those women are not the type men want to have relationships with. Ask and most men will tell you that as soon as they "do their deed" they shut it off. It's not like they watch it for any other purpose. From my experience, the women that have issues with porn have issues with their own self confidence and they are insecure. There are many women out there that are confident that they satisfy their men sexually and feel that their husband watching porn is harmless. However, don't get me wrong, there are times when a man is addicted to porn and will choose porn OVER sex with their partner. This is where porn is unhealthy. My point in all of this is if you are in what you consider to be a "perfect" relationship with a great guy who does anything and everything for you, there is no need to penalize him if he watches porn. If you STILL have a problem with it, try watching it with him. Make it a sexual experience for the both of you. Or, record yourself with him. You'd be surprised what that does for a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: What you need to know about Online Dating
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 August 2010: First, let me start off by saying that online dating is not a bad thing. In todays age of technology and the internet, I think online dating is just as good if not better than simply meeting someone at a bar, pub or nightclub. When you meet ...
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I'm in love with my wife and her sister, please help me!
Q. Hi, I have a big problem. I've been married for 12 years and known my wife for 14. We have 2 great kids and our relationship is great. I love my wife, I really do. I wouldn't do anything in the world to hurt her. Problem is I love her sister as we...
A. 25 March 2010: Probably a little of both. It is very common to be wonder about the one that "could have been". Even if you aren't talking about marriage, it's not unusual to wonder what sex would have been like. But at the same time since you've known her for ... (read in full...)
Why do I keep thinking in this masochistic way?
Q. I've realized lately that when I'm thinking about guys I'm interested in, and I imagine what it would be like to be with them, I'll start out fantisizing about kissing them, but then I'll start imagining them hitting me. Not because I think they ...
A. 24 March 2010: Ummmmmm, those aren't normal thoughts I'm afraid. Have you ever had troubles with abuse when you were younger? Or somebody close to you? Something is triggering those thoughts in your head.... (read in full...)
I'm attracted to my best friend's aunt, how do I go about telling her how I feel?
Q. Hey everyone, I am a male and have been best friends with "Tim" for about 10 years. Lately we have grown apart but still talk, however, I have been attracted to his aunt ever since I was young. Im 22, and recently I found out (through "Tims" ...
A. 24 March 2010: Well, if you've given thought to the possible outcomes to this situation (how you're friend would react, etc) and you still want to go through with it, I'd say go for it. Now, what kind of relationship are you looking for? Strictly sexual? Serious ... (read in full...)
An affair that has destroyed me
Q. *OP's own title* won't go into the details the affair lasted over a year. We were caught four months ago. My husband wants to fix our marraige I don't. All I CAN think about is this other man. Will I ever get over this. Feel so alone. My heart is...
A. 24 March 2010: If there is absolutely nothing in you that wants to make your marriage work, then get a divorce. Period. Cut the ties with your current life, and start fresh. Perhaps some professional help wouldn't be a bad idea either. Talk to somebody who can ... (read in full...)
Should I pursue this guy?
Q. I have a question. I met this guy when I was 14 and he was 25, just once and he said he liked me then. He was a friend of my uncle, and we first met at my uncle's wedding. Obviously,nothing happened then since i was underage. I never saw him again ...
A. 24 March 2010: I'd be very cautious if I were you. How well does he even know you? He's already asking for a serious relationship or marriage? Age difference alone isn't that big of a deal, but with all of the other pieces together it just seems like it's not ... (read in full...)
What are my rights??? Airport Human Body Scanning?
Q. I am due to be flying in about a month's time. I really really detest the idea of this whole human body scan thing where any odd person can view my private parts and genitals. Most men don't seem to think it is a big deal, but as a woman it is a ...
A. 24 March 2010: This isn't like a science fiction movie where you see a perfect "naked" image of somebody. These devices are made specifically to see devices, bombs, etc. There's no zooming into your nipple, or checking out your vagina.
This is for your pro... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my wife and her sister, please help me!
Q. Hi, I have a big problem. I've been married for 12 years and known my wife for 14. We have 2 great kids and our relationship is great. I love my wife, I really do. I wouldn't do anything in the world to hurt her. Problem is I love her sister as we...
A. 23 March 2010: Fair enough. I guess it depends on the relationship your wife and you have, and how honest you can be with eachother. Put yourself in her position for a second. What if she came to you and said she was in love with your brother (even if you don't ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my wife and her sister, please help me!
Q. Hi, I have a big problem. I've been married for 12 years and known my wife for 14. We have 2 great kids and our relationship is great. I love my wife, I really do. I wouldn't do anything in the world to hurt her. Problem is I love her sister as we...
A. 23 March 2010: I'll make it easy for you: Don't do it.
You're just going to have to do what countless other guys do and just keep the feelings to yourself. You still have those feelings for her because in your mind you believe it is possible to have a relation... (read in full...)
Is there anything I can do to be more attractive physically or am I just too old to be considered attractive?
Q. I would like to hear a sincere answer. Not a mean one, but a sincere one. I've been feeling very depressed about my age and my appearance lately. I feel like I'm very plain and unattractive and I want SO BADLY to be attractive and desir...
A. 22 March 2010: Since you never stated your exact age we're just going by the fact that you are between 30 and 35, right? I'm not going to try to sugar-coat this. Nor would I try to just purposely "cheer you up". You wanted a sincere answer so here it is:
... (read in full...)
My girlfriend cheated on me with another girl, now I'm concerned about it happening again
Q. My fiancee and I have been together for about 4 years with a few breakups in the first couple. One of the problems early on was that she cheated on me. She is bi and she cheated with a girl. After a long time of soul searching and working things out ...
A. 19 March 2010: That's the thing about trust.... it's not always easy. While I'm not a woman, I'd suggest just talking to her. Relay your concerns... NOT that she's cheating (you don't want it to be confrontational). Tell her you just feel like she's not ... (read in full...)
I don't know whether to be supportive or to be grumpy so he knows how much he's hurt me?
Q. Hi all, I am 20 years old and until recently was in a relationship with (let's call him Mike) who's 22. We got together a year ago and a policy that we could kiss other people but nothing more, and to be completely honest about it. A month or so in...
A. 19 March 2010: If you think he genuinely loves you, then making him feel worse isn't probably the best idea. I'm not condoning his behavior as far as having sex with another woman, but it sounds like he has some deeper issues going on. You have managed to begin ... (read in full...)
I know he likes me as MORE than a best friend but I have a boyfriend. Help!
Q. I have a best friend who is a guy. Our mothers have been best friends since they were 15, so it was pretty much unavoidable to interact with my "aunt's" kid. *Jack* and I, by pure coincidence, are majoring in the same field in university. So w...
A. 19 March 2010: Yeah, he's probably acting a little bitter because a) he likes you and b) he's protective of you. Imagine liking somebody like that for a while and seeing them date other people. He may even feel awkward about bringing it up because of how you've ... (read in full...)
Men, Please help me feel better about my boyfriend's past!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating a few months but have already fallen in love. We're both 21. Recently we made the mistake of discussing each other's pasts. I'm a virgin, but he has been with one girl 2 years ago. He questioned losing it to her...
A. 19 March 2010: Danielepew is 100% right. You're not the only person out there who has concerns about their partners previous encounters. Yours is a bit more compounded because you are still a virgin so you are a bit more self conscious. Don't let your first ... (read in full...)
She has asked if she can have "meaningless sex" with my brother!!!
Q. Hello. I am 32 and have been involved with a 22 year old woman who's marriage has been pretty bad. We have grown close to each other and she tells me she wants to be in an open relationship with me. We have only been physical a few times and Im ok ...
A. 19 March 2010: Yeah, it's not the brother's fault in this case. She's just trying to get what she wants without respecting what YOU want. Without knowing too many details, is her marriage bad solely because of her husband or could she be partly to blame? I only ... (read in full...)
Married but have been seeing someone else for 8 years and I just can't let her go...
Q. I am married, happily married with a baby, i know.. i know it is very easy to say if you are so happily married why do you cheat? I met this wonderful girl, that is gonna make any guy very happy one day, we have been together for 8 years and are ...
A. 19 March 2010: You can either do the RIGHT thing, or the SELFISH thing. In the end, this all comes down to you making the choice. You're only "happily" married right now because you are getting away with cheating on your wife because she doesn't know about it. ... (read in full...)
I'm 18 and not allowed to marry until I'm 24, how can I convince my dad that I'm mature enough?
Q. Okay, so here goes... My boyfriend Nolan and I are madly in love, have been for a good 4 years now. We are both 17 at the moment, and both virgins, saving ourselves for each other. We've known for a while now that we want to spend the rest of our ...
A. 19 March 2010: If you elope then you are just proving your father right. Show him how mature you are by waiting. Tell him that you and Nolan want to get married and while you would really like his blessing now, you are willing to wait until he gives it to you. ... (read in full...)
Is it OK to let my LDR girlfriend go to the prom with another guy?
Q. My LDR gf just told me today that there were 3 guys who ask her to the prom. i ask her if she going and she said i dont know. Is it really okay to let my gf go to the prom with another guy. ...
A. 19 March 2010: A prom is usually pretty important to a girl. As I see it, you either find some way to attend the prom with her, or let her go with another guy. There are many difficulties in a LDR, this is one of them......... (read in full...)
Is this what I think it is?
Q. I am 40 years old, but I can pass for a twenty something student. I ended a 10 year relationship two years ago. Afterwards I did the whole dating thing Internet, friend setups blind date, even the call the ex late at night for a booty call...I was ...
A. 18 March 2010: I wouldn't automatically assume he just wants a booty call. If you can go slow and keep things as outside of work as possible then I say what do you have to lose? Feel young, enjoy it. Just make sure you make it clear that you want to not start ... (read in full...)
I value your opinions here... Does he want more?
Q. I have known my dear friend "Larry" for over 10 years and we have a great relationship. We are both single and using this time to grow closer to God. Lately, I'll send him a simple "good morning" or "how was your day" text message and he responds ...
A. 18 March 2010: He likes you and he wants more. There is no doubt about it. NO doubt what-so-ever. It sounds like the next step is yours to make.... either reciprocate his feelings or not. Just be honest.... (read in full...)
I desire my cousin. How do I approach her on this?
Q. I am a 21 year old and my cousin is 20 and we are very close. She is my best friend and we have grown up together. When we were little we would bathe together and always hang out and once we got old enough we started to play the doctor game wher...
A. 18 March 2010: If you two are really that close, then I would suggest just being honest with her again. Tell her what you are thinking. For this specific case I would not suggest any other methods. Just be honest.... (read in full...)
She always rushes out the door at the end of class, why is this?
Q. Hey, I'm looking for advice. There's a girl in my class that sits next to me who I've been talking to since the start of the semester several weeks ago. She's really sweet, and very pretty. We always talk, and occasionally the professor will assign ...
A. 18 March 2010: It probably means she's not interested. Sorry to be blunt, but if she was she'd probably flirt and hang around a little more. That doesn't mean she doesn't like you as a friend. Two choices: 1. Ask her out anyway, you can do it in a casual sort ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never reaches climax during oral sex, only intercourse. Any suggestions?
Q. My boyfriend never and I mean NEVER cums when I give him a BJ. I have went over 25 minutes and he never cums. I told him I want him to cum and he does not. Is this his own self control, or am i doing something wrong. His penis remains erect very ...
A. 18 March 2010: Two Possible Reasons: 1. Age. It does get much harder for men as they get older. 2. Technique. Don't take this as saying you are bad at it, but each man is different. It takes time and patience on both ends (male and female). You need to pay ... (read in full...)
I feel the need to constantly text him because I want him back! What should I do?
Q. Please help,i moved in with my boyfriend 6 months ago and he is the love of my life,Im 39 hes 42.We have both been married and are both divorced.I met him a year ago and for the first time in my life i knew id met the man i wanted to spend my life ...
A. 18 March 2010: If he's been on dating sites and on Facebook like you have described then there's a good chance it's not just a money issue. He is probably just unsure about your relationship. I know it hurts, but give him space. There's not really much else you ... (read in full...)
How can I keep the conversation going with him so that eventually he can be mine!
Q. So I've always been pretty shy when it comes to guys.. I wish I could overcome this.. There's this boy I've known for about 4 years and I've had a crush on him for about a month now, maybe longer.. We text everyday whether its a lot or just a little ...
A. 18 March 2010: Ask him out. But to avoid the awkward "I really like you, do you want to go out with me?".... you can do it like you're making him ask you out. For example: "So, when are you taking me to a movie?" or "Are you going to finally ask me out to ... (read in full...)
Men, Please help me feel better about my boyfriend's past!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating a few months but have already fallen in love. We're both 21. Recently we made the mistake of discussing each other's pasts. I'm a virgin, but he has been with one girl 2 years ago. He questioned losing it to her...
A. 18 March 2010: It's definitely possible for a guy to lose his virginity to a girl in that situation. While "good" guys won't always go for the one night stands and try to lose their virginity any way they can, they don't always wait for "the one". Sometimes a ... (read in full...)
She has asked if she can have "meaningless sex" with my brother!!!
Q. Hello. I am 32 and have been involved with a 22 year old woman who's marriage has been pretty bad. We have grown close to each other and she tells me she wants to be in an open relationship with me. We have only been physical a few times and Im ok ...
A. 18 March 2010: It sounds like she's making her own needs more important then yours. If she cares about you then she should honor your wishes. There are plenty of other guys out there for her. I would proceed with caution.... (read in full...)
Stupid drunken one night stand decisions!
Q. Okay i had a one night stand last night with this guy i met in a bar. I was really drunk, he was really sweet and we made out for a while before heading back to my place. We had sex, twice, both times without a condom and before he pulled out ea...
A. 18 March 2010: The odds of you getting pregnant are possible, but very low. If you been on the pill for an extended period of time and have been taking it EVERY day then you are most likely not going to be pregnant. But the chances of you getting an STD are ... (read in full...)
My guy does not know how deep my friendship is with this other guy and I feel as if I'm cheating.
Q. I have been in a relationship with a guy for 5 years and we have not had many problems. However we had certain differences in our taste and outlook that did show badly sometimes but despite it all we made it work out and we are planning to get ...
A. 18 March 2010: Ask yourself, what reasons do you have to stay with your current partner? Marriage is a very serious commitment, and if you are already having doubts, I believe you should think twice before going through with it. Could you be happy with your ... (read in full...)
(Specially for the MEN) Why should he act like that?
Q. So there's a guy who liked me.. Then after a year of not getting any prospective respond from me, he maintained to have a new relationship and now he's just got a girlfriend. What i really don't understand is.. Whenever he saw me he seems sooo ne...
A. 18 March 2010: He's acting like that because he still likes you. Even though he's got a girlfriend those feelings are still there. Does that mean he doesn't like his girlfriend? No. There's really nothing you can do about it, he just has to work it out on his ... (read in full...)
Should I go and meet her or is she just playing games?
Q. I met this girl online, maybe 2 weeks ago, she is 18 and she seems like the perfect girl for me but she lives in cali and i live in north carolina. We talk every day, she told me she loved me and she wants to be with me etc. I dont know if she ...
A. 18 March 2010: 2 weeks seems a little fast for her to be telling you she loves you. Especially without even meeting. I suggest talking on the phone first, and then just proceeding slowly. If you can confirm she is who you think she is, then maybe suggest ... (read in full...)
Embarrassing BDSM fetish....
Q. I have a really embarrassing BDSM fetish. I have always had a deep desire to be humiliated, degraded, and owned. The problem is that my boyfriend and I were both raised very traditionally and when I brought up the subject he completely freaked out. ...
A. 17 March 2010: Difficult topic. This is a lot to ask a boyfriend depending on how long you've been together. If you plan on marrying him then that is a different story. Whoever you marry should trust you and WANT to please you and be secure enough to do what ... (read in full...)
Are we having an affair?
Q. This man I work with is very sexy to me. We are both married so everything is off limits. We became cool and we talk about our sex life which is boring on both parts. My husband doesn't do some things I like and vice versa on his end. Anyway, I ...
A. 17 March 2010: It's quite simple actually: Tell your husband. If you can tell your husband without any hesitation and you are confident he will be ok with it, then it's not an affair. If you can't tell your husband and you know he would either be hurt or upset, ... (read in full...)
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