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... Send *immD a private message | | | *immD's profile:Any advice I give should not be taken personally. I'm not here to judge you, so you can be sure any advice I give is strictly objective. What you choose to do with my advice is completely up to you, though you can be sure the advice I am giving you is what I feel is best for you.
Please keep an open mind when asking for advice. It seems that many people aren't really looking for advice, they are just looking for justification to do what they already have in their mind to do. This site is about gaining an unbiased perspective on things. Please don't ask a question if you've already made your mind up on what to do.
Some things to remember:
- The "pullout" method is NOT a method of birth control. This is just something people do to rationalize their thoughts that sex without a condom feels better than it does with a condom. Even though a man doesn't climax, he still secretes fluid the entire time that has the potential to make you pregnant. Don't be a fool, if you are old enough and mature enough to have sex.... use birth control.
- There is no excuse for "revenge" sex. If your partner cheats on you, immediately going out to sleep with someone else as revenge doesn't make it right.... it makes things way worse. Relationships aren't about keeping score. If you believe they are, then you shouldn't be in one.
- Relationships rarely end easily. Especially long term relationships. It is very common for one partner to breakup with the other and then continue to text them or call them. Many times sex can start again as well. Unfortunately, there was a reason you two broke up in the first place and odds are a cycle with start to where you start to spend more time together and eventually feel like you ARE together... only to break up again. So before you post those "He broke up with me but he still texts me!" questions, remember this.
- There are about 50 million posts here regarding porn. Please do a search prior to posting questions like "My boyfriend watches porn, what should I do?". This is a touchy subject here but my opinion on porn is that it's not a big deal - as long as it's not an addiction. To MOST men, watching porn is strictly a tool for masturbating. Those women are not the type men want to have relationships with. Ask and most men will tell you that as soon as they "do their deed" they shut it off. It's not like they watch it for any other purpose. From my experience, the women that have issues with porn have issues with their own self confidence and they are insecure. There are many women out there that are confident that they satisfy their men sexually and feel that their husband watching porn is harmless. However, don't get me wrong, there are times when a man is addicted to porn and will choose porn OVER sex with their partner. This is where porn is unhealthy. My point in all of this is if you are in what you consider to be a "perfect" relationship with a great guy who does anything and everything for you, there is no need to penalize him if he watches porn. If you STILL have a problem with it, try watching it with him. Make it a sexual experience for the both of you. Or, record yourself with him. You'd be surprised what that does for a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: What you need to know about Online Dating
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 August 2010: First, let me start off by saying that online dating is not a bad thing. In todays age of technology and the internet, I think online dating is just as good if not better than simply meeting someone at a bar, pub or nightclub. When you meet ...
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She broke up with me saying she's going back to her ex for everyone else, not herself
Q. im 31 and met a girl of 23, she was with someone who she has 2 kids with, i never felt happy about seing her but she was very insistent as i felt guilty for what we was doing, it was a case for the first 2-3 weeks that we would meet every other ...
A. 28 July 2010: Sorry, I forgot you said the kids are with her at her Aunt & Uncles.
I think if you love her then you just need to give her some space. Pressuring her isn't going to help, in fact it may just make her feel worse. She has some things to work out... (read in full...)
She broke up with me saying she's going back to her ex for everyone else, not herself
Q. im 31 and met a girl of 23, she was with someone who she has 2 kids with, i never felt happy about seing her but she was very insistent as i felt guilty for what we was doing, it was a case for the first 2-3 weeks that we would meet every other ...
A. 28 July 2010: This girl has some SERIOUS issues. Halfway through reading your latest post I was thinking to myself "This girl has too much stuff going on with kids, job, no house, you, the family - she just needs to take a break and simplify things in her life ... (read in full...)
How far can Christians go sexually without violating our faith?
Q. I'm 17 years old and have been with my bf 6 months. I am a Christian and am unsure how far sexually it is ok to go. He has fingered me and I've given him a handjob but have began to think this is wrong and so my question is, how far, as a Christian, ...
A. 9 July 2010: If you want to be technical, then you've already gone to far. Sexual intercourse, technically, should be between a husband and wife only and is for reproduction. Catholics believe that while you may not get pregnant every time, you should expect ... (read in full...)
How do I know for sure if staying in my marriage is the right decision?
Q. How can I get past this, or should I even keep trying? My husband of 21 years had to fly to Texas because my father in law was dying. I had to remain home because of extra expenses of me and the kids. My husband shared a hotel room with his ...
A. 9 July 2010: You are going to get greatly varying opinions on this. Some will say divorce him because you can't trust him, others will say marriage counseling is the best way to fix this. Honestly? Both answers are correct. You can't trust him. He cheated ... (read in full...)
Soon to be ex wife wants a farewell f*ck but I have a girlfriend!
Q. I am about 2/3 the way through a divorce with my wife of 20 years. I have been separated from her for 4 months now and seeing someone else who I care about very much. This woman was an affair that turned into a committed relationship. My wife and ...
A. 9 July 2010: From the little information you've given, I am assuming it was your affair with this other woman that is the reason for your divorce, right? I don't want to split hairs here with you saying the marriage was troubled before the affair and that's ... (read in full...)
Stay with a controlling man?
Q. My man and i are complete opposites. he is possessive, controlling,jealous and has a short temper. im a free spirit and love my freedom and independence. but when we are not fighting everything is absolutly amazing. the sex is great and when he's ...
A. 9 July 2010: Has he ever resorted to violence? If not, do you feel deep down that he is possible of resorting to violence?
I'm not asking if you feel he loves you or not because I'm sure he does....... (read in full...)
Texting a girl during work, why does my co-worker seem nosy about it?
Q. Alright, well there's a girl I work with who I've been trying to get with for the longest time. She's older than me, but we always talk and flirt and whatnot. Yesterday I was working and I was texting on my cell phone to another girl that I am ...
A. 9 July 2010: Yeah, I agree with Ask oldersister.... I think you're looking more into this than you should because you are interested in this girl.
Texting during work is distracting to other workers who don't text and know they shouldn't be texting. Now the ... (read in full...)
Please help! So confused because I'm in love with my second cousin ..
Q. all these days i was totally keeping this with myself, say for ten long years... now i feel little relaxed that its not only me who feels this but there are so many ppl... i just wanna know, are these kinds of relationships just an attraction or can ...
A. 9 July 2010: What is his EXACT relation to you? (mother's, uncle's, etc)... (read in full...)
How do I let her down gently without hurting her too much?
Q. So first off i am only 20 years old, and very mature for my age, and i have been with my girlfriend, who is turning 21 this year, for almost a year, at first i was sketchy about even dating her because she was so different in personality than i ...
A. 9 July 2010: No problem. I'm glad you were able to go through with it. Stay strong and don't waver at all. She's probably clingy because in her mind she still thinks there is a chance you two will be together. She'll get that idea from things like returning ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to be this ready or is it just that I'm more mature than most females my age?
Q. Hi, My boyfriend and I have been talking for about 19 months but we've only officially been dating for 14 of those months. He's 20 and I'll be 19 in September but neither of our families has a problem with us being together. We've had our ups and ...
A. 8 July 2010: Maturity is about having an open mind to all possibilities. That includes the possibility of your relationship not working. That doesn't mean you should always think the worst, it just means you keep your mind open. Close minded people are unable ... (read in full...)
Help!! Is there anything I can do to get out of this downward spiral?
Q. I know this doesn't really deal with relationships, but I need some advice. In high school, I did my work and got good grades. Sure, I was reserved and kept to myself. Everything is different in college. While I am still pretty reserved, I have...
A. 8 July 2010: Anxiety and frustration is quite common for someone your age. In the past, you've always had the luxury of time. Plenty of years before you would be out in the real world. Now you are realizing the pressure is on. You feel like you have to do ... (read in full...)
My husband won't go to anger management, is it time to divorce?
Q. My husband gave me an ultimatum last week which was I needed to return home by Thursday otherwise he was going to his scheduled appointment with his attorney to end our marriage. I really need him to go to anger management or something since his ...
A. 8 July 2010: Agreed CaringGuy. When physical violence has been a part of a relationship, it's time to end it. Physical abuse, as well as verbal are types of control. He's trying to control you, whether it's beating, putting you down or worse. Since you did ... (read in full...)
She broke up with me saying she's going back to her ex for everyone else, not herself
Q. im 31 and met a girl of 23, she was with someone who she has 2 kids with, i never felt happy about seing her but she was very insistent as i felt guilty for what we was doing, it was a case for the first 2-3 weeks that we would meet every other ...
A. 8 July 2010: If this was the standard "on again, off again" relationship I would agree to cut ties. But this is a bit different. Unfortunately you are in a tough position anyway. And the only thing I can suggest is taking a step back and trying to separate ... (read in full...)
My mom told me my husband touched her inappropriately. What do I do?
Q. Okay here is the story. This past two weeks ago my husband and I stayed at my mom's house. My husband and I stayed at my mom's house in one of the bedrooms and my mom stayed on the couch in the living room. We all went out Saturday night and got ...
A. 8 July 2010: If you do that then you are no better than him. Also, the longer you are with him, the harder it will be to break it off and end it later. What about your family, including your mom, in the mean time?... (read in full...)
During sex wife called out ex-boyfriends name
Q. how can I trust my wife, during sex she call me one of his ex-boy friend name. can i trust her any more ...
A. 8 July 2010: Wow. That sucks. Question: How long were her and her ex together? And how long have you two been married? I'm not excusing what she did, but if they were together for 15 years and you've only been married for a year... than it may have been an ... (read in full...)
My mom told me my husband touched her inappropriately. What do I do?
Q. Okay here is the story. This past two weeks ago my husband and I stayed at my mom's house. My husband and I stayed at my mom's house in one of the bedrooms and my mom stayed on the couch in the living room. We all went out Saturday night and got ...
A. 8 July 2010: One thing is for sure, somebody is lying. Deep down, without thinking too hard about it.... which one did you believe at first? The longer you think about it, the more you can convince yourself either way. And judging by your reaction to us, it ... (read in full...)
B/f said he "kind of cheated"
Q. Hi everyone, Im a bit confused...basically i have been with my bf for 3 and a half years-in this time we have had an open honest relationship. he was my best friend for years when we were at school and since returning from uni we have been together...
A. 8 July 2010: I agree with the others. A man can be raped. And if his story is true (and it sounds like it probably is) than he was raped. If you look at the facts both before and after - before he was loving, your relationship was great; after he was distant ... (read in full...)
How do I let her down gently without hurting her too much?
Q. So first off i am only 20 years old, and very mature for my age, and i have been with my girlfriend, who is turning 21 this year, for almost a year, at first i was sketchy about even dating her because she was so different in personality than i ...
A. 8 July 2010: Ok, you're changing it up a bit now. Your original post made it seem like it was her need to be close to you and clinginess that was driving you away from her, now you are saying she's an amazing girl, your relationship was almost "too" perfect, ... (read in full...)
How do I let her down gently without hurting her too much?
Q. So first off i am only 20 years old, and very mature for my age, and i have been with my girlfriend, who is turning 21 this year, for almost a year, at first i was sketchy about even dating her because she was so different in personality than i ...
A. 7 July 2010: She is very clingy, and it sounds like this is a pattern for her. She gets too serious too fast and scares men away. As Jmtmj said, she will get hurt no matter what. You cannot avoid this. You just need to try to keep in mind that she is the one ... (read in full...)
Should the good guy dump his wife of 20 years for the old girlfriend?
Q. My wife and I just passed our 20th anniversary, we have two girls 10 and 14. My wife has various emotional issues and our home life can often be chaotic. I have always done much of the home work (cooking, keeping an eye on girls' schoolwork, ...
A. 7 July 2010: I do not support cheating. Cheating, and running around behind your wife's back is wrong, no matter how bad of a wife she may be. With that said, I do support you wanting to be happy. Staying in a relationship just for you kids is not a good ... (read in full...)
Did I handle this situation correctly?
Q. I was just on this dating website chatting to another user, everything was going fine and then he saw me on FACEBOOK, after that he just went cold and blokced me. I sent him a curt email telling him he was immature shallow and not all that attract...
A. 7 July 2010: Sounds like somebody you don't want to be chatting with at all. I would just tell him "Thank you for showing me your true personality early on so I don't waste anymore of my time on you.".
Or you don't say anything at all and be the better p... (read in full...)
My 18 year old son is dating someone my age!!
Q. My 18 year old son has started dating a 35 year old woman, which is my age, I am having alot of different feeings, from near break down to breaking her in half. I don't want to do the wrong thing and push him closer to her. I can't imagine dating ...
A. 7 July 2010: As "icky" as this may seem, it's becoming more and more common. Lots of guys are into older women, and reverse. There's no "cookie cutter" response to give to this, all I can say is such relationships don't work. Each of them is at a totally ... (read in full...)
Bad little brother, need help!!
Q. Ok, I just recently caught a glimpse of my little brother masturbating to the computer, but he didnt see me. I didnt get a very clear view of the picture at first, but I did notice that it was a saved image. I waited a while and then hopped on the ...
A. 7 July 2010: How old is your "little" brother?... (read in full...)
Scared I'm no longer a virgin!
Q. well i need help. i am so scared that i am not a virgin, because my boyfriend and i decided to play around and i want to know if am still a virgin if he fingered me...
A. 6 July 2010: You are scared that you are no longer a virgin now, after the fact.... why weren't you scared DURING? If your boyfriend pressured you, then you should not let him do that. If you are afraid of him, then you need to let somebody know... a parent, a ... (read in full...)
Would you (as a guy) turn a girl away over something like this?
Q. Bonjour, I just wanted guys opinions because even though I know it's normal, as in it's not unhealthy, I don't like it. On my left side I have always had one long inner labia. I feel like it will freak guys out and/or get in the way!! Argh I hate ...
A. 6 July 2010: Perform a Google search on this topic, you will see that your concern is VERY common. There are a lot of girls/women who feel the same way, and to be honest.... it doesn't bother men. Penises come in many different shapes and sizes, a woman's ... (read in full...)
Opinions on what constitutes cheating?
Q. My boyfriend has a close female friend who he used to like. I'm wondering what are people's opinions on what would be classified as cheating( apart from kissing and having sex)? Thank you...
A. 6 July 2010: Even better, I like what the anonymous reader wrote (first answer)... (read in full...)
Opinions on what constitutes cheating?
Q. My boyfriend has a close female friend who he used to like. I'm wondering what are people's opinions on what would be classified as cheating( apart from kissing and having sex)? Thank you...
A. 6 July 2010: Each situation is different. There isn't a clear set of rules. You're probably better off listing some behavior and asking us if we consider it cheating.
But to partially answer your question, if your boyfriend is more emotionally invested... (read in full...)
I want to know how my best friend's husband feels about me. What should I do?
Q. I am currently married, and only have been for six months. My husband is loving and supportive, and we treat each other very well. Although we have a strong emotional relationship, I have never been interested in him sexually [we have sex, it's ...
A. 6 July 2010: You gave the correct answer to your own question in your post. You believe people make choices. The choices is yours on this, to tell him or not to tell him. The question you just need to ask yourself is WHY? Why do you need to get this off of ... (read in full...)
Any thoughts on what I am?
Q. Hi, I'm 17, male, i've been going out with this girl for about 9 months now, and we're are having sex. its great. Getting to my point, as much as i enjoy to look at her naked, i think i'm weird, and worry about what i like. For instance, i...
A. 6 July 2010: It sounds like you are bisexual. I know, you say you don't want to kiss boys/men... but as a straight person I can tell you that I don't want to kiss every single girl I see out there. Maybe you just haven't found the "right" boy yet.
But s... (read in full...)
He left us for a younger woman, do you think he'll be back??
Q. My husband of 23 years recently walked out on me and our children (10 and 15)after behaving really badly towards us, and our extended family and friends, for a couple of months. He packed and left and moved straight in with a 24 year old he met at ...
A. 2 July 2010: There is a definite chance he will change his mind. But it's more complicated than that. Why would he change his mind? I know you would like to think he would just wake up one day and realize "I miss my wife!", but most times in these instances ... (read in full...)
I want to tell my mother that I'm going to start transitioning to being a male.
Q. for a good part of my life i have felt like i was really a guy but never told anyone. now i want to start going to therapy and maybe transitioning from "female" to male. the main problem is my mother, who i know wont understand or approve of this. ...
A. 2 July 2010: Something like this you can't expect your mother, or anybody else for that matter, to understand or accept immediately. You, yourself, said "for a good part of your life" so it has taken you a while to be comfortable with the idea as well.
I sug... (read in full...)
My husband's lies are troubling me, what is he up to?
Q. i have doubts.... my husband has lied to me a lot in the last 5 yrs. but the biggest ones just started last yr. he chose to take a job offer that had him leave for 11 months. he did not ask me if i was ok with it. he just signed up and told me he ...
A. 2 July 2010: I can't comment on whether or not he's having an affair because there just isn't enough information given to make an accurate assumption.
The biggest cause for concern is more basic, and that is the secrecy and lack of sharing. Let's say he's not... (read in full...)
I like him, he likes me, how to make the next step?
Q. Hello. I'm confused and would like some help. I've recently grown close to a guy who was in school with me. I really fancy him and there's a lot of signs that he may feel the same way about me. The trouble is we rarely talk to each other in person....
A. 2 July 2010: Try finding something you have in common and using it. In both of your cases, it's your shyness. You're both shy, you're both nervous, and you're both awkward towards each other... yet you both want it to work.
Keep that in mind, and use it. ... (read in full...)
Threesome!
Q. I have been with my partner for 9 years and the sex is great were both up for anything really , but recently a friend of mine had a threesome two girls one man , I know my partner would love it and I definitly would ,but i cant help thinking would i ...
A. 2 July 2010: I agree with eyeswideopen. Any doubts, then don't do it.
And q1605... if you can get that published in a medical journal, I'll buy as many rounds as you want at a local bar of your choice while wearing an "I'm with Genius" T-Shirt pointing... (read in full...)
Fiance Web Cam (Cheating?)
Q. I am a divorced mother with two young children (2 and 7) and I have been in a two year committed relationship with a great guy. He has been single for ten years and is 41 without kids and I was only single about six months after my divorce when we ...
A. 2 July 2010: This is cause for a alarm, and there are a few reasons. First - when you are 41, don't have kids, and have been single for 10 years, you develop habits that are MUCH different than that of a person in a relationship, with kids. He's had time to ... (read in full...)
How can it be love if they need to be drunk to have sex?
Q. Is someone really in love with you when the only time they have sex with you is when they are drunk?...
A. 2 July 2010: No.... (read in full...)
He got married to someone else due to pressure from his parents, will he divorce her and come back to me?
Q. My BF got married under parents pressure but ran towards me in just a month.For 1yr, we are again dating.will he divorce and come permanently? We were in serious relationship for almost 5 yrs. But, he had to get married under parents pressure...
A. 2 July 2010: From a statistical / unbiased point of view, experience tells us:
He will NOT leave his wife.
He will NOT upset or go against his family.
He WILL run around secretly with you.
He WILL choose his family over you. (he did already)
This wil... (read in full...)
Who should buy the condoms?
Q. Hey, who do you think should supply a condom the boys or the girls? or should they take turns? Thanks....
A. 1 July 2010: As Soon567 said, there are plenty of places out there that give them away for free. They may not be ribbed for her pleasure or anything like that... but they at least may have different colors. :-)... (read in full...)
Can anyone give me some moral support?
Q. Hey guys i really need some help... ive been with this guy nearly 2.5 years now and i love him to bits... in the first month of our relationship he cheated on me with his ex and ever since then we have been tryna work on how to make us better... ...
A. 1 July 2010: The best thing you can do is just tell him how you feel and what you want from him. That's all. Too many times a person in your position feels guilty for wanting to be treated better. And you feel unsure about them being able to give you what you ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him about my STD?
Q. Soo I have this nasty ass ex boyfriend i've dated for 3 years and we had sex maybe a month ago. I heard he was sleeping around and sure enough he gave me clamidia. I took the z pack a week an half ago. Now i have a boyfriend and i don't know ...
A. 1 July 2010: Obviously you need to tell him, but I'd say only if the subject of sex comes up or things move towards that direction. If not, wait for the antibiotics to work and if all goes well, he won't have to know.
On a side note, I'd stay away from you... (read in full...)
Is it better to be the woman he loves or his best friend?
Q. I want to know if you are in a relationship is it better to be the woman that he loves and can share all the intimate sides with or is it better to be his best friend? ...
A. 1 July 2010: The best relationships are when the woman he loves IS his best friend.... (read in full...)
Help!!! Have I made the right choice?
Q. Have i made the right choice? My now ex partner and i were together for 7 years, its had its ups on downs and there had also been the slight bit of violence at times. We had 2 children 5 and 2 yrs. During this relationship i was never sure if i ...
A. 1 July 2010: Yes, you made the right choice. Anytime a relationship has ANY kind of violence, no matter how small you think it may be... it's bad. Just look at the facts: Violence, secrets, lies. Is that a relationship you always dreamed that you'd have?
... (read in full...)
Should I just ask him if he wants to be more serious? Or am I reading his actions wrong?
Q. So me and an old fling have been "seeing each other" for the past month.. not weekly.. but here and there. He told me he wanted to date but he doesn't want to get married; on our date he called me babe (never did before) and also said he wants to ...
A. 1 July 2010: Unfortunately, when you are "afraid" to ask somebody because you are unsure on how he will react, that is not usually a good sign. From what you told us, I am seeing a lot of red flags in your relationship and it has already ended once. ... (read in full...)
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