Like what
he writes?
... Add *immD to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *immD a private message | | | *immD's profile:Any advice I give should not be taken personally. I'm not here to judge you, so you can be sure any advice I give is strictly objective. What you choose to do with my advice is completely up to you, though you can be sure the advice I am giving you is what I feel is best for you.
Please keep an open mind when asking for advice. It seems that many people aren't really looking for advice, they are just looking for justification to do what they already have in their mind to do. This site is about gaining an unbiased perspective on things. Please don't ask a question if you've already made your mind up on what to do.
Some things to remember:
- The "pullout" method is NOT a method of birth control. This is just something people do to rationalize their thoughts that sex without a condom feels better than it does with a condom. Even though a man doesn't climax, he still secretes fluid the entire time that has the potential to make you pregnant. Don't be a fool, if you are old enough and mature enough to have sex.... use birth control.
- There is no excuse for "revenge" sex. If your partner cheats on you, immediately going out to sleep with someone else as revenge doesn't make it right.... it makes things way worse. Relationships aren't about keeping score. If you believe they are, then you shouldn't be in one.
- Relationships rarely end easily. Especially long term relationships. It is very common for one partner to breakup with the other and then continue to text them or call them. Many times sex can start again as well. Unfortunately, there was a reason you two broke up in the first place and odds are a cycle with start to where you start to spend more time together and eventually feel like you ARE together... only to break up again. So before you post those "He broke up with me but he still texts me!" questions, remember this.
- There are about 50 million posts here regarding porn. Please do a search prior to posting questions like "My boyfriend watches porn, what should I do?". This is a touchy subject here but my opinion on porn is that it's not a big deal - as long as it's not an addiction. To MOST men, watching porn is strictly a tool for masturbating. Those women are not the type men want to have relationships with. Ask and most men will tell you that as soon as they "do their deed" they shut it off. It's not like they watch it for any other purpose. From my experience, the women that have issues with porn have issues with their own self confidence and they are insecure. There are many women out there that are confident that they satisfy their men sexually and feel that their husband watching porn is harmless. However, don't get me wrong, there are times when a man is addicted to porn and will choose porn OVER sex with their partner. This is where porn is unhealthy. My point in all of this is if you are in what you consider to be a "perfect" relationship with a great guy who does anything and everything for you, there is no need to penalize him if he watches porn. If you STILL have a problem with it, try watching it with him. Make it a sexual experience for the both of you. Or, record yourself with him. You'd be surprised what that does for a relationship. |
|
| Latest articles: What you need to know about Online Dating
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 August 2010: First, let me start off by saying that online dating is not a bad thing. In todays age of technology and the internet, I think online dating is just as good if not better than simply meeting someone at a bar, pub or nightclub. When you meet ...
|
Why is he locking himself in the bathroom with his laptop?
Q. This guy and i have been together for over a year now. i thought everything was going fine. now he locks himself in the bathroom with his laptop. is he cheating or am i just paranoid?...
A. 14 July 2010: Just curious, what do you consider the "worst kind of porn"?
And for the record, I hope you can see that all of this is a bad sign from him.... (read in full...)
Should I just ask him if he wants to be more serious? Or am I reading his actions wrong?
Q. So me and an old fling have been "seeing each other" for the past month.. not weekly.. but here and there. He told me he wanted to date but he doesn't want to get married; on our date he called me babe (never did before) and also said he wants to ...
A. 1 July 2010: Unfortunately, when you are "afraid" to ask somebody because you are unsure on how he will react, that is not usually a good sign. From what you told us, I am seeing a lot of red flags in your relationship and it has already ended once. ... (read in full...)
From a dream to a nightmare....
Q. Hi everybody... If I came here to look for help it means that I'm really f*** up at this point... Well I'll try to make the long story short. My and my bf (?) meet up 7 months ago, trough internet. I couldn't belive I'fe founded a guy like him: th...
A. 1 July 2010: You didn't do anything wrong. Don't put any blame on yourself. This man is a text book case of TROUBLE. He is showing all of the signs of a man with major issues that will never allow himself to commit to you or any relationship for that ... (read in full...)
Why does my husband want to gangbang me with another guy?
Q. so, i have been with my husband for a little over a yr and we've been married for 4 months of that year. i know...we moved way too fast...but i am also 8 months pregnant... anyways, i've always known my husband has always wanted to try the whole sw...
A. 29 June 2010: I know you mentioned this, but I think it's more important than you realize: You married this man too fast. Having a child is not a reason to get married. Now, I'm not trying to pass judgment, it's just a part of my explanation. There are some ... (read in full...)
We want to have a three-some but we both have conditions
Q. My husband and I were talking about having a 3 some. The problem is, I'm not comfortable with him being inside another woman, and he is not comfortable having a guy involved in any way.. I thought about just having a 4 some to make it even but then ...
A. 29 June 2010: The reason he wants a threesome is so he can have sex with another woman with your consent.
You want a threesome so you can have another guy in the mix..
It doesn't sound like either of you want the other to be with anybody else but one ano... (read in full...)
Why won't he date me when we are having sex?
Q. Hello, I had been having one night stands with a guy from work for about 5 years . It was so painful because he would always say he didn't love me and then we would have a row and and I would try so hard to forget about him that I ended up seeing ...
A. 29 June 2010: You are being manipulated by guy #1. He's had 5 years to show you what kind of a guy he is. And after 5 years what causes him to change? Him seeing you in love and moving on. You are being manipulated and if you continue to talk to him then he ... (read in full...)
My wife has cheated and claims to be trying to change but I'm not sure how to handle this!
Q. my wife and i have been married for 6 years, about a year ago she found out i had been lying to her about a drug add. we moved into my dad's free home to get away from area. i lost my work do to economy (contractor). she went back to work at ...
A. 29 June 2010: You're right, this does sound like a step in the right direction. And as far as not being able to get that visual out of your head? Use it. Use it to be a constant reminder to keep you on the path back to making things right. Mistakes were made. ... (read in full...)
Was flirting online with a gal, but it's gone past flirting
Q. Hi all, thanks in advance for the advice. xx I have a friend that I met online 2 or so years ago and we talk almost everyday. She told me that she is a lesbian so I can not help but harmlessly flirt with her ocassionly. However, recently, I've fou...
A. 28 June 2010: Harmless flirting is just that, harmless. However, if you are developing feelings for her and are involved emotionally, then yes... you are entering "cheating" territory. Especially if you feel the need to keep all of this from your boyfriend and ... (read in full...)
Am I a lesbian or just not in love with my boyfriend?
Q. Okay, this might seem like a fake question, but it's not. I've been with a guy for over 4 years and only had another bf before him. In the last year or so I really haven't enjoyed etherosexual sex at all, like I just sat there hoping it would ...
A. 28 June 2010: Have you ever gotten turned on sexually by your boyfriend? Or any guys? If yes, then you're not a lesbian. Possibly bi, or just curious, but sometimes in relationships you just grow out of love. Maybe it's just time to move on from your ... (read in full...)
What do I do about my secret other life?
Q. Help me understand this man? I have been in a long distance relationship 10 yrs with someone I used to work with.I am married with 2 children whom I adore and would never hurt,my husband is a selfish man,I have been to a therapist who told me if my ...
A. 28 June 2010: Everybody else already summed up the basics, all I'm going to add is this:
This other guy doesn't sound like he's good news. It sounds like he's manipulating you and is very good at it. Most likely he's just attracted to the fact that you are ... (read in full...)
My wife has cheated and claims to be trying to change but I'm not sure how to handle this!
Q. my wife and i have been married for 6 years, about a year ago she found out i had been lying to her about a drug add. we moved into my dad's free home to get away from area. i lost my work do to economy (contractor). she went back to work at ...
A. 28 June 2010: At this point it's not worth trying to figure out which is worse, cheating or lying about a drug issue. Sure, cheating is very bad, but sometimes a drug issue includes lying about money, etc so it's just not worth it.
The fact that she is convi... (read in full...)
Is it bad that I've never masturbated?
Q. hies all, friends i'm a 19 year old male, and you may find it shocking but it's truth that i've never masturbated in my life. is something really bad,,? i've a few times(2or3) tried to masturbate by shaking my dick, but the white fluid won't co...
A. 28 June 2010: There's nothing wrong with you. Some guys are late bloomers. Try this: put on some porn (softcore/hardcore... whatever) and keep yanking it. Don't worry if nothing happens, just keep doing it while watching.... and when you least expect it - ... (read in full...)
My wife has cheated and claims to be trying to change but I'm not sure how to handle this!
Q. my wife and i have been married for 6 years, about a year ago she found out i had been lying to her about a drug add. we moved into my dad's free home to get away from area. i lost my work do to economy (contractor). she went back to work at ...
A. 28 June 2010: You both have been keeping secrets from each other. You lied about your drug addiction, she cheated. You both can't continue like this. You need to seek help, as a couple. Yeah, what she did sucks.... but what you did was also bad, so I suggest ... (read in full...)
Why is he locking himself in the bathroom with his laptop?
Q. This guy and i have been together for over a year now. i thought everything was going fine. now he locks himself in the bathroom with his laptop. is he cheating or am i just paranoid?...
A. 28 June 2010: He's flipping things back onto you. He said he's leaving you because "you don't trust him...."? Well don't be fooled, HE is the one who is being secretive. He didn't even give you a chance to have a reaction. If he is watching porn, how does he ... (read in full...)
Does bottoming out feel good?
Q. I am a guy with an average length willie (about 6"), and I have only bottomed out once in a womans vagina, in a very petite girl. She seemed to really like it, but I have read that it is usually painful or uncomfortable. Maybe it's because I just ...
A. 25 June 2010: As stated, everybody is different. Both men and women. Some women like it deep, others say it hurts. Some guys like the feeling while others don't feel much of a difference. So it is safe to say that yes, it is how you use it, but also who you ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid to have intercourse
Q. I am 27 years old and married for year and half. i am scared to have intercourse with my husband. he is a wonderful man and very patient and totally understands and i love him. i know it is not right to keep him waiting. also i surely want to have ...
A. 25 June 2010: Is there some past trauma that has effected you in this way? I don't want to make is sound like there is something wrong with you, but at the same time this isn't exactly normal. And honestly, the longer you let it go the harder it is going to be ... (read in full...)
Had sex with another woman while on break. Should I tell her?
Q. Okay, So me and my gf broke up about 3 months ago because of things that she was doing in our relationship that were setting us apart (talking to guys in the middle of the night, etc.). So we broke up. During the break I fell into this depressi...
A. 25 June 2010: Relationships are built on honesty above else. People make mistakes, that's life. But you didn't even make a mistake. You were broken up at the time. Telling her is not an admission of guilt, it's just being honest with her and more or less ... (read in full...)
Had sex with another woman while on break. Should I tell her?
Q. Okay, So me and my gf broke up about 3 months ago because of things that she was doing in our relationship that were setting us apart (talking to guys in the middle of the night, etc.). So we broke up. During the break I fell into this depressi...
A. 25 June 2010: Well, if you value your relationship and expect her to be completely honest with you, then you have to do the same thing and be honest with her. It's not going to be easy, and she may get upset at first, but can you really expect to have a long ... (read in full...)
How can I move forward and heal after this?
Q. My husband and I have been separated for a month and it will surely result in a divorce. I needed to leave because it just wasn't working out despite trying marriage counseling. I can't go back because there was abuse involved and he isn't ...
A. 25 June 2010: I'm sorry for having to be in such a bad situation, but it's very good that you recognized how bad things were and took the steps needed to get away from it. Too many times women in an abusive relationship never leave.
I know right now all of y... (read in full...)
Why is he locking himself in the bathroom with his laptop?
Q. This guy and i have been together for over a year now. i thought everything was going fine. now he locks himself in the bathroom with his laptop. is he cheating or am i just paranoid?...
A. 25 June 2010: After more than a year and saying "None of your business"? That doesn't seem like long term boyfriend material, I'm afraid.... (read in full...)
Why is he locking himself in the bathroom with his laptop?
Q. This guy and i have been together for over a year now. i thought everything was going fine. now he locks himself in the bathroom with his laptop. is he cheating or am i just paranoid?...
A. 25 June 2010: He's probably masturbating to porn or nude pictures. This leads to the age old discussion on whether or not porn is considered cheating, which has varying opinions. That aside, I think the biggest issue is him hiding it from you and just not being ... (read in full...)
What happens in Las Vegas... Really... What's happening in Las Vegas?
Q. We have only been living together for 3 months, and I even moved across country to be with him, as we were long distance for a year and a half. So, one morning before he left (for a boy's weekend in Las Vegas), I walked the bedroom and heard him at ...
A. 24 June 2010: Sounds like you need to examine your relationship. Let me ask you this, what has he done for you? You said you moved across the country for him, and already this sounds like a pretty one sided relationship. It sounds like you make all of the ... (read in full...)
Is it scarier to be a Grieving Widow, or to know one?
Q. I am so confused by the behavior of certain men. My husband killed himself about 4 months ago and I have been trying to deal with this loss and helping to heal myself and my two young boys. What I do not understand is the way that certain men have...
A. 24 June 2010: There are a couple possibilities. In my experienced, very rarely do a men and women have a true "just friends" relationship. Usually one of the 2 has feelings for the other. You illustrated this perfectly describing your situation. It's that ... (read in full...)
A girl has a crush on my husband. Should I be worried?
Q. Well I soooo need help in this issue I have. My husband and I were having a great morning he walked into the living room to play with the kids and hid phone was right next to me in the bed then a text rolled in I looked at the phone becaues are frie...
A. 23 June 2010: It it was truly innocent, he most likely would have told you. Something like "Hey, this girl go my number from work and now she won't leave me alone.". The fact that he's hiding it is a little cause for concern. Is he cheating? Not necessarily, ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's reason for breaking up doesn't make sense!
Q. My girlfriend recently dumped me but I can't seem to understand why. Her reason was that when she was with me she was happy but when she was not she was really down. This seems really strange and sounds like she is not giving me an honest reason why ...
A. 22 June 2010: Let me get this straight.... she dumped you because when you two are not together she's sad? And she's said that she is so incredibly upset and misses you, but doesn't want to get back together? And she DUMPED you?
Something sounds weird th... (read in full...)
Should I act on these thoughts?
Q. I am a young woman and i have always been aroused by the thought of getting a strap on and having sex with a gay male. I am worried that people will think im strange especially my mom who is highly religious and gays are not accepted in her eyes or ...
A. 18 June 2010: There's nothing wrong with acting on your fantasy. And I agree, nobody has to know but you. It's harmless.... (read in full...)
My wife's sexual past that I didn't know about has made me a different person today.
Q. My wife lied to me about her sexual past and has now told me... 12 years later!!! Hi guys, I just wanted to say how much this site helped me become a different person i am today. what ive learned is that if my wife would of told me about her sexual...
A. 18 June 2010: Well said, my friend. All I will say is that some guys get hurt not by the fact that their wife has had a sexual past other than themselves, but the fact that they lied about it all this time. But they just have to remember just what you said, ... (read in full...)
Everyone is laughing at me because I was set upon totally unawares...
Q. Me and two girls were playing strip poker in the basement of a party and we were getting down to no clothes. The two of them lost their bras and then they decided I should lose my shorts, cause that is all I had left. So they tackled me and one sat ...
A. 18 June 2010: Ummmmmm..... tell them you don't have an erection for less than 5 girls at a time?... (read in full...)
My friend doesn't want me to go to strip clubs but why???
Q. Hi i have a question... the situation is my friend gets mad when i go to the strip club... im a virgin but i still go for lap dances... there's strippers that would have sex with me though or at least a bJ and some werent even going to charge.. ...
A. 18 June 2010: Simple, tell your friend only your girlfriend can tell you not to go to the strip clubs. If she's willing to be your girlfriend then you will have no choice but to listen to her.
Now, if she just wants a little fun on the side.... then tell her... (read in full...)
I want to get past this infidelity but don't know where to start.
Q. hi i am a 25 year old male and been with my girlfriend for 1 year 6 months. we was going good until while i was away at work for 3 weeks, found out that she had a party at her mates house and met a guy and they talked all night. i found this out by ...
A. 18 June 2010: I'm sorry to say, but your girlfriend is a cheater and a liar. That's not my opinion, that's just based off of the facts you gave. And I'd be lying to you if I told you things will be okay, because they won't. She's already lied and kept 2 ... (read in full...)
Is there any way I can break up with him without telling him about the other guy?
Q. so I'm going out with this boy and he's hurt me in the past, so I'm going to break up with him, but at the same time I'm going out with this other guy on accident. so how do I tell the first guy I want to break up with him without hurting him since ...
A. 18 June 2010: Even if there was a way to break up without him knowing, what's to stop him from finding out later down the line? Are you going to date this new guy in secret?
When you break up with him, just make it about you and him... even if he brings t... (read in full...)
He cheated on me with his ex, but says he didn't come!
Q. hello. my partner of 3 years had just recently cheated on me with his ex gf. they never had sex but did other foreplay type things. he reakons he didnt come when she gave him head could this happen? and also i need advice on what i should do... t...
A. 18 June 2010: Your boyfriend purposely allowed another girl to put her mouth on his penis. If you close your eyes and imagine it happening... visualizing it in your mind, how does that make you feel?
If that doesn't bother you at all, or if you don't care... ... (read in full...)
Don't want to go after a guy while I'm feeling all self-conscious and ugly
Q. hey im in the athletics team at school, and theres this other boy from a different school that i see at the matches. hes really cute, and ive met him and we've chatted a few times. the thing is, i really like him, from what iuve seen, and i th...
A. 17 June 2010: You'd be surprised, but I'm sure just about every other girl you know is secretly having the same thoughts you are. Everybody has self esteem issues, and I'm sure a lot of women on this site here can back me up on this as well. Even a women that ... (read in full...)
Do boobs really matter that much? Feeling insecure!
Q. So my ex boyfriend and I have been broken up for about 2 weeks. He is talking to this girl, I checked her FB profile out she has a son, has big boobs, big ass, she's like a muslim or something, she gets around, has a filthy mouth, she's fat. Why is ...
A. 17 June 2010: Every guy is different. Some guys like legs, some like a woman's butt, some like boobs, it's just based on the specific guy. If I were you I wouldn't worry about whether or not your breasts are big enough, I'd worry about finding a guy that likes ... (read in full...)
She's 14 and I am almost 20. How can I postpone sex until she's older, without hurting her feelings?
Q. I'm having a slight problem, and mainly just need some words of advice and support. I'm 19, turning 20 soon and I met a girl online sometime around 9 months ago, at first it was just friendly talk and me trying to cheer her up (she's had a very har...
A. 16 June 2010: If you truly care for her and want to do what is best for her, then you must do the right thing. You are the adult in this situation, so you can't let her dictate what to do because she's young and just letting her infatuation influence her. You ... (read in full...)
I love him and he doesn't know!
Q. So, I have a friend who I've recently started to have feelings for. I actually think that I love him because every time I think about him, I get all emotional....The only problem is, is that he has a girlfriend. He used to like me, but I didn't know ...
A. 16 June 2010: Your options are limited because he has a girlfriend. All you can do is be honest with him. Tell him you know he used to have feelings for you and you realize you were too blind to see it. Then tell him you just wanted him to know you have ... (read in full...)
My ex was murdered and I am struggling to move forward!
Q. Hey guys, Needless to say i need your help once more About 6 years ago i met the most amazing guy i think i will ever meet. I fell in love with him instantly and, we had the most amazing relationship, that you could ever describe. I do believe ...
A. 16 June 2010: First, let me say that I am very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you.
Second, I think with how bad this continues to hit you.... you should really seek professional help. That's not to say there is anything... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend that I cheated?
Q. Should i tell him that i cheated? i have been with my boyfriend for 11months now and about 3 months into our relationship my ex came over to mine to give me back some old revision notes, i didn't know what was happening but next thing i knew he ...
A. 16 June 2010: If you think there is a possibility of a long future with your boyfriend then you absolutely have to tell him. Unfortunately, as the others have said... forcing himself onto you leaves a lot of open possibilities.
My guess is while you didn't r... (read in full...)
Is sex on a second date too soon from a guys point of view?
Q. Hi everyone, I just started talking to a guy who I met online about 2 months ago, and things are going great! We talked through e-mails for almost a month, and then he came to visit me and took me out, and we really hit it off and had a great time...
A. 16 June 2010: From a guy's standpoint, I'd say the standard "second date rule" doesn't apply here since this isn't the standard second date. You two know each other much better than a typical couple would after just 2 dates. With that being said, I still think ... (read in full...)
Should I have sex with my ex-boyfriend?
Q. i want to sleep with my ex-boyfriend soooooo badly...its been 9yrs or 10yrs...he wants to also..we have been conversating for about 4 months now....should i go for it.....???? ...we were young and immature when we were together back in the ...
A. 15 June 2010: As long as there isn't some other information about your past that you are leaving out for justification from us, I'm with the ladies..... go for it.
I advise keeping it informal with no strings. Less pressure is better.... (read in full...)
Is fourteen too young to lose your virginity?
Q. Im a 14 year old girl. I met my boyfriend a year ago and have been going out with him since but we have broken up 3 times but got back together. It may sound like a childish relationship but i no that its not. Iv had silly little boyfriends in my ...
A. 15 June 2010: Ahhhhhh.... does anybody else here long for the days of a 14 year old girl's biggest problem being gum stuck in their hair???
This is crazy. 14 years old is too young for sex. I've said this before, and I'll say this again - sexual intercou... (read in full...)
Why do men enjoy penetrating a girl's mouth so deeply?
Q. Hi! Does anyone know why when you are giving your boyfriend a blowjob they want you to get their penis as far in your mouth as you can? I don't quite understand it, and hopefully I'm not the only person that has run into this. Thanks ...
A. 15 June 2010: While it's not exactly my cup of tea, some guys enjoy it because it is a form of domination. Not as severe as other acts of sexual domination, but making a girl gag with tears coming down her face.... domination.... (read in full...)
| *immD's friends
These are mutual friends, so *immD has
added them and they have added *immD!
|
