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... Send *immD a private message | | | *immD's profile:Any advice I give should not be taken personally. I'm not here to judge you, so you can be sure any advice I give is strictly objective. What you choose to do with my advice is completely up to you, though you can be sure the advice I am giving you is what I feel is best for you.
Please keep an open mind when asking for advice. It seems that many people aren't really looking for advice, they are just looking for justification to do what they already have in their mind to do. This site is about gaining an unbiased perspective on things. Please don't ask a question if you've already made your mind up on what to do.
Some things to remember:
- The "pullout" method is NOT a method of birth control. This is just something people do to rationalize their thoughts that sex without a condom feels better than it does with a condom. Even though a man doesn't climax, he still secretes fluid the entire time that has the potential to make you pregnant. Don't be a fool, if you are old enough and mature enough to have sex.... use birth control.
- There is no excuse for "revenge" sex. If your partner cheats on you, immediately going out to sleep with someone else as revenge doesn't make it right.... it makes things way worse. Relationships aren't about keeping score. If you believe they are, then you shouldn't be in one.
- Relationships rarely end easily. Especially long term relationships. It is very common for one partner to breakup with the other and then continue to text them or call them. Many times sex can start again as well. Unfortunately, there was a reason you two broke up in the first place and odds are a cycle with start to where you start to spend more time together and eventually feel like you ARE together... only to break up again. So before you post those "He broke up with me but he still texts me!" questions, remember this.
- There are about 50 million posts here regarding porn. Please do a search prior to posting questions like "My boyfriend watches porn, what should I do?". This is a touchy subject here but my opinion on porn is that it's not a big deal - as long as it's not an addiction. To MOST men, watching porn is strictly a tool for masturbating. Those women are not the type men want to have relationships with. Ask and most men will tell you that as soon as they "do their deed" they shut it off. It's not like they watch it for any other purpose. From my experience, the women that have issues with porn have issues with their own self confidence and they are insecure. There are many women out there that are confident that they satisfy their men sexually and feel that their husband watching porn is harmless. However, don't get me wrong, there are times when a man is addicted to porn and will choose porn OVER sex with their partner. This is where porn is unhealthy. My point in all of this is if you are in what you consider to be a "perfect" relationship with a great guy who does anything and everything for you, there is no need to penalize him if he watches porn. If you STILL have a problem with it, try watching it with him. Make it a sexual experience for the both of you. Or, record yourself with him. You'd be surprised what that does for a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: What you need to know about Online Dating
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 August 2010: First, let me start off by saying that online dating is not a bad thing. In todays age of technology and the internet, I think online dating is just as good if not better than simply meeting someone at a bar, pub or nightclub. When you meet ...
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I find this strange but also erotic what should I do?
Q. my sister moved back to my house, not working just lazing around the house. she loves watching porno, we don't have any kids, but sometimes i come home from work early and she is masterbating. I find this strange but also erotic. what should I ...
A. 19 July 2010: He hasn't said he strongly objects to her doing this.
If she continues to do it, then it obviously doesn't bother her enough to stop. And so if it doesn't really bother you, then don't do anything. Now of course if you're bothered by it or you h... (read in full...)
Moving past but perhaps not getting over it
Q. I don’t have anything to gain from writing this post. I guess its just a way to say what is on mind and get it off my chest. When you break up with someone, yes it is sad but then you move on. I’ve just had a rather drawn out break up, and fo...
A. 19 July 2010: You are doing the right thing by moving forward. As you said, you cannot wait around forever.
Hope you are doing well and feeling better from your operation. Good luck in the future. :-)... (read in full...)
I feel betrayed by what I thought was my good catholic wife!
Q. I recently went to my wifes 20th high school reunion. I was ok with the fact that some of my wife's ex-boyfriends were there and unfortunately I personally know them all. My problem began when i read the last wills and tenaments from their senior ...
A. 19 July 2010: Hmmmmm. She "implied", right? She didn't flat out lie to you, did she? It sounds like you weren't too keen on hearing about her past and early on in your relationship you kind of just heard what you wanted to and didn't ask more. This allowed ... (read in full...)
Moving past but perhaps not getting over it
Q. I don’t have anything to gain from writing this post. I guess its just a way to say what is on mind and get it off my chest. When you break up with someone, yes it is sad but then you move on. I’ve just had a rather drawn out break up, and fo...
A. 19 July 2010: Sometimes moving past something involves putting things into perspective and understanding WHY things happen. Do you understand why this happened? Sometimes love, or lust in this case, has a way of blinding us from reality.
He has issues. ... (read in full...)
Is there such a thing as destiny?
Q. Is there such a thing as Destiny? I'm asking this because I believe that me and an old friend of mine are meant to be together, despite our ups and downs. You know when you feel a connection with someone and there is so much tension when you...
A. 16 July 2010: Destiny may or may not be real. I can't answer that for you. But what I will say is similar to what celtic_tiger brought up:
Destiny MAY be real, but even if it is you should not just wait around for it. Don't take the chance and wait for dest... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my husband leave me alone about smoking?
Q. I'm a smoker, and my husband doesn't like it. I don't understand why he thinks he is allowed to tell me what I can can't do. He said he likes it better when I hide it from him, but I don't see the point in having something so stupid be kept a ...
A. 16 July 2010: If you smoked before you were married then honestly, he probably shouldn't have married you. He did, and I agree he should just let it go. Now, I can see him just wanting you to be healthy and encourage you to quit, but he can't force you to ... (read in full...)
Girls, what does it mean when my wife takes her sexiest panties for a girls weekend?
Q. My wife recently went for a weekend girls trip to Atlantic City. Her girlfriend is recently divorced and is on sort of a sexual rampage, where she has had sex with lots of men in what I would consider immoral circumstances (married guys, MMF, ...
A. 16 July 2010: I'd tend to believe that it's just one of the many things women like to do when they get dressed up to party with the gals. Partly could be competitive, partly could be just wanting to "feel" sexy while out. Yes, I'd be just as alarmed as you are ... (read in full...)
When I ask for affection my husband says "Don't you have something better to do?"!!!
Q. I eloped with my husband a year ago. We were really intimate and spent a lot of time together. But for the last six months he's been having one thing after another, a lawsuit, probation, his sister's lawsuit, his friends multiple bf problems. He ...
A. 16 July 2010: Unfortunately it doesn't sound like you should have gotten married in the first place. How long did you know him prior to getting married?... (read in full...)
What are my rights here???
Q. I have been living with a man for 10 years, he was separated from his wife 3 years before me, the family was informed about us, i worked with him in his business, he had kids and i never had kids, he died, he did not leave a will, what are my ...
A. 16 July 2010: Agreed, you need a lawyer first and foremost. If you were here in the US, I'd say the only rights you have are what the ex-wife and kids SAY you have. If you can prove that you've been living together for 10 years, that may give you a little bit ... (read in full...)
Only been with bf six months, have clymadia, how do I tell him??
Q. hi ive been with my boyfriend for 6 months now, i recently had a smear test done ive had urine tests before and nothing showed at all but now I have clymedia and i have no idea on how im going to tell this to him, i have no idea where i got it from! ...
A. 15 July 2010: Yeah, it's not a choice... it's a responsibility. You must tell him.... (read in full...)
Can I put sperm inside me and get pregnant that way after we have sex?
Q. if my husband cums on my stomch can i use my fingure to but the sperm inside me will i be able to get preagan if i do it that way?...
A. 15 July 2010: Yeah, I'm going right for the WHY question.
As in WHY would you want to do that?... (read in full...)
I lied about my age to my bf, should I come clean?
Q. when me and current flame started talking, i never thought things would get as serious as they have, and i deffinitely did not think they would last past a week or two. he was 2 years older than me and very very mature so i was worried since i was ...
A. 15 July 2010: You need to tell him the truth. There's no way around it. And let this be a lesson to you for the future.... you can't trick somebody into falling for you. Pretending to be someone you are not, or pretending to be a certain age that you are not, ... (read in full...)
My best friend's bf kissed me plus, what should I do now??
Q. My bestfriend and I were supposed to hangout. It was gonna be her and her boyfriend me and my friend Brent. Her boyfriend was driving us. Both Brent and my bff had to cancel to do something else so me and her bf decided to just go hang at the mall ...
A. 15 July 2010: Ahhhhhh, gotta love being a teenager with raging hormones. First of all, you don't just go to the mall to "hang out". You both have raging hormones for each other. You wanted this and he did too.
There's not much we can say because you're g... (read in full...)
I slept with his brother years ago and now my b/f can't get past it!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year. We have our rough times but love each other very much. We live in a small town, where we both grew up, and know each other's families. Years before I met/began dating him, I met his older ...
A. 15 July 2010: This is something he must deal with. You didn't make a mistake. It's just a part of your past. Now, if you cheated on him with his brother... that is different. That would be a mistake. But don't blame yourself or feel guilty for anything ... (read in full...)
12 years and 4 kids.. now how did I go from the wife to the mistress?
Q. 12 years and 4 kids.. now how did I go from the wife to the mistress. We broke up 6 months ago due to him cheating with this 20 year female and now as we supposed to be trying to work things out he has moved her in with him. Now we took a step back ...
A. 15 July 2010: I HIGHLY disagree with the midlife crisis excuse. This is more than getting caught up in an online "emotional" affair. 12 years, 4 kids and he moves out with a 20 year old that he still hasn't given up? Well, he hasn't because he doesn't want ... (read in full...)
Why do nice guys end up last?
Q. Hello ladies, I have a really deep question which I'm having trouble getting the answers. I'm currently 26, and I've had over 30 Relationships failed, I never gave up but I keep asking myself why. My friend (who is a gal) says that I'm "Too Nice", ...
A. 15 July 2010: I can tell you from experience, nice guys usually end up last because they don't take chances. They don't put any pressure on women or truly go after them because, well.... they're too nice. Sooner or later that nice guy needs to learn that if he ... (read in full...)
Am I setting a good example by staying for the kids, or am I setting myself up to be alone with a stranger when the kids leave the home?
Q. Hi, I am 28yrs old and have been married for 9 years. I am not sure exactly what answers I am seeking, but am compelled to tell my story in hopes of gaining some advice, or at least a different perspective from those in similar or different ...
A. 14 July 2010: Let's start at the beginning. You met your husband when you were barely 18. Then, you were pregnant at 19, and finally you married shortly after. Just look at that 2-3 year span right there. Did you want to marry your now husband out of love, or ... (read in full...)
I want to work in porn but am worried about my boyfriend, its not fair!
Q. I need help!?! With all the pressure from everyone asking what am I going to do with my life after I graduate high school I had no idea and I talked to my bf about working in porn because it seemed like something I would enjoy and get paid well for. ...
A. 14 July 2010: And to answer your latest response:
It takes a special kind of man to tolerate his girlfriend/wife working in porn. No guy wants his girl having sex with anybody except him. Most porn stars (while I'm not an expert) will usually move towards ... (read in full...)
I want to work in porn but am worried about my boyfriend, its not fair!
Q. I need help!?! With all the pressure from everyone asking what am I going to do with my life after I graduate high school I had no idea and I talked to my bf about working in porn because it seemed like something I would enjoy and get paid well for. ...
A. 14 July 2010: I'm having trouble figuring out what your question is. Let me try to get this straight:
It's YOU who's considering working in porn, right?
HE says it's okay, right?
But now YOU feel it's a bad idea to work in porn because of your boyfrien... (read in full...)
Do my scars discomfort her?
Q. Hello people, I have a problem here, or maybe I'm paranoid. Either way, I know this gal, She's 21, and I'm 27. Oh and I should make it clear that I have a number of scars on my body and 2 on my face because when I was in Afghanistan in duty an ...
A. 14 July 2010: It sounds like this was the first time she's seen the one's on your body, right? If that's the case, then yes I'm sure that's why she's acting weird. We all would, including you, if we were in her position. I'm not saying she's going to just run ... (read in full...)
My husband has lied to me and cheated on me. Why can't I forgive?
Q. my husband has lied to me and cheated on me thru phone sex,date sites,porn,actual contact with another female,i have caught him everytime,and confronted him,but i cant seem to move past it,he says he is a sex addict,and goes to therapy,and has made ...
A. 14 July 2010: There's no reason you should forgive him. Being a sex addict isn't an excuse. It's my own personal opinion that a true, clinical "sex addict" - who is diagnosed, etc - only make up about 10% of all people who claim to be sex addicts. If your ... (read in full...)
Would if negatively affect a man if his mother wasn't present throughout most of his life?
Q. Hi! I would just like to ask your opinion, my ex boyfriend and I broke up after 4 years together. Sometimes I dont understand his behaviour. I would just like to know what are the effects of a man who has grown up without a mother since 7 yrs old ...
A. 14 July 2010: All of those things you learn from a mother. A mother loves you and nurtures you and also gives you praise and makes you feel better about yourself. We learn not necessarily by being taught, but by how we are treated. I will say with certainty ... (read in full...)
Why is he locking himself in the bathroom with his laptop?
Q. This guy and i have been together for over a year now. i thought everything was going fine. now he locks himself in the bathroom with his laptop. is he cheating or am i just paranoid?...
A. 14 July 2010: Just curious, what do you consider the "worst kind of porn"?
And for the record, I hope you can see that all of this is a bad sign from him.... (read in full...)
Would if negatively affect a man if his mother wasn't present throughout most of his life?
Q. Hi! I would just like to ask your opinion, my ex boyfriend and I broke up after 4 years together. Sometimes I dont understand his behaviour. I would just like to know what are the effects of a man who has grown up without a mother since 7 yrs old ...
A. 14 July 2010: A lot of people will try to tell you that single parents can raise a child just as good as a conventional marriage, but in reality... that is not true. Yes, it is possible for single parents to raise their child well, and for their kids to turn out ... (read in full...)
Please help! Did I cause it!? Should I pretend like it never happened?
Q. My cousins came down from Ohio. And they were staying with my aunt. So my sister and I stayed with my cousins got about a week. Akward things happened between me and my cousin. (the one who is a boy). We are second cousins too. He would put his head ...
A. 13 July 2010: It sounds like he is attracted to you. It's normal. It doesn't sound like he's acting on it or wanting to have a relationship with you. It's just his hormones. I'd ignore it. But I'd also suggest not teasing him if you can by sitting on his lap ... (read in full...)
Is she "double" cheating now?
Q. So I have met this girl. I actually knew her before but we ran into each other and we were instantly attracted to one another. When i was checking my phone she grabbed it from me and put her number in it. So we started talking. I found that she h...
A. 13 July 2010: The answer is as clear as day in that post of yours my friend.
She's a liar and a cheat. She may not do it on purpose, which is why she is so believable... but she is what she is.
Stay away.... (read in full...)
My verbally abusive husband!
Q. My husband had been verbally abusive and physically abusive by way of grabbing my arm and restraining me and even a push. I moved out about 6 weeks ago and over that time he's continued to show signs of his abuse ways except for our last phone ...
A. 13 July 2010: Absolutely YES that is your inner voice warning you. Odds are this is not you transferring your ex onto your husband, but most likely just the type of men you are drawn to. That is something your therapist should be exploring.
Your inner vo... (read in full...)
Why cant a make a guy cum from a bj?
Q. My last boyfriend of 6 years never came during a blowjob. now my new boyfriend hasnt either Am i doing it wrong?? im really hurt hes stuck with a rubbish girlfriend!! are some men unable to come during a blowjob....why!!!!!...
A. 13 July 2010: Here is the biggest secret out there for any oral sex (both male and female):
IT TAKES TWO.
Guys tend to be lazy. They expect it to be like a porno where the guy just lays there and the girl does what she does. That is FAR from real. Each... (read in full...)
I have a sexual attraction to my friend but unsure how to proceed she is still married
Q. I have a friend I'm very attracted to. I am separated, she is in a failing marriage. I don't give her advise or temp her to leave her marriage, but I want her to. Because of our situations, we see each other a few times a month. This is a big ...
A. 13 July 2010: Tell her just enough to allow you to break things off amicably. Do not tell her "I have always loved you but I will respect your marriage..." because that will just cause more stress for her and her marriage. In contrast, you cannot just simply ... (read in full...)
Opinions appreciated. Am I still a virgin... or not?
Q. hi so, im not sure if i lost my virginity, like his penis was in me but he was pretty thick and i was pretty tight and it was my first time so it was really sore, he pulled out though when i said i couldn't take it so does it mean im not a virgin? ...
A. 12 July 2010: There is no right or wrong answer here, it's all a matter of opinion. I say yes because a) you went into the act with the mindset of having sex, and b) his penis WAS inside you... even if it wasn't in that far or for not very long.
I vote: No... (read in full...)
I'm in an amazing online relationship, only she doesn't know this one thing about me!
Q. Hi. I'm a 23 year old guy in a situation causing me lots of stress. I really hope you can help me. I'm in an online relationship with an amazing girlfriend. We love each other so much. We've had our ups and downs but we're still together, and ou...
A. 12 July 2010: I'm not sure if it's possible to improve your condition, but I think that's secondary. If there is any chance of meeting this girl and having a relationship with her, then you have to tell her. Otherwise, she's not in love with the real you... ... (read in full...)
My husband is a madman when he's angry!
Q. hi, i am 23 yrs old and have been married for 3yrs.. my husband is a very nice person, he's loving, caring and loves me alot but when he's angry he gets violent.. he dont let me speak in front of him, he says i have to shut my mouth just because i ...
A. 12 July 2010: Does he physically abuse you as well as verbally?... (read in full...)
I have to follow my heart and be with my love but I have a husband!
Q. I am married to a fantastic man and 2 beautiful children. My husband has been working alot, we are trying to save money to buy a house so we are in a rental now and it seems this is the hardest time for us. It is like we just co-exist in the same ...
A. 12 July 2010: Glad to hear it. We're not trying to judge you or even be close minded to your situation. We, in addition to seeing this a lot, are in more of a position to make an objective response. Your lust is blinding you, and while common, it'll only grow ... (read in full...)
She's engaged, but I want to be with her!
Q. I'll try to make this as short as I can. I had a crush on this girl for several years. I told her how I felt a few times and got shot down each time. Eventually I told her that I give up. That was about 5 years ago. We ended up not talking to ...
A. 12 July 2010: All you can do is talk to her. Tell her you want to be with her (again). If she says no and still stays engaged, then that is your answer right there.
And don't come back to us saying "She said she HAS to marry this man even though she loves me... (read in full...)
I have to follow my heart and be with my love but I have a husband!
Q. I am married to a fantastic man and 2 beautiful children. My husband has been working alot, we are trying to save money to buy a house so we are in a rental now and it seems this is the hardest time for us. It is like we just co-exist in the same ...
A. 12 July 2010: So let me get this straight: You are considering leaving a "loving" husband (as you put it), great kids, and a stable relationship where you are looking for a house, etc for a man who ruined his chance with you on drugs and alcohol and is currently ... (read in full...)
I really like his friendship but not attracted to him sexually, what should I do?
Q. I've been going out with a guy for over a year, and we get along pretty good, and have a lot of the same interests. However, I have never been sexually attracted to him. I was at first, until I realized the sex was not very good at all. The ...
A. 12 July 2010: I agree, no good can come of this relationship at this point. Getting buzzed just to make intimacy better? That is not good. I suggest being honest with the guy. He's not going to like it, but I'm guessing that's why you haven't said anything ... (read in full...)
She keeps requesting me as a friend on Facebook, and I keep denying her, but she's persisting! What is she thinking?
Q. Alright to make this short and quick as possible, my ex dragged me on with her for 6months. I basically waited for her. I decided to move on and so I'm like alright imma just delete her off facebook and I did this was like a week ago, and like a ...
A. 10 July 2010: I agree with doing nothing.... (read in full...)
I think my b/f may have slept with my sister -- should I confront him?
Q. I've been dating a guy for just under 3 years and, up until now, we've been so happy. About a fortnight ago, I went away for four days to celebrate the wedding of a family friend in Paris. My boyfriend stayed at home. I phoned him every evenin...
A. 10 July 2010: You've got to ask yourself, is there even the slightest chance your friend was wrong? I'm guessing there is. You shouldn't just walk out and leave without at least getting his side of the story. Have you ever had any remote thoughts that your ... (read in full...)
Do you think his behavior is unfair to me?
Q. Hello Guys, Idk where to start. Ive been having relationship for 11months.. and the begining of this relationship everything was perfect..5 months ago, my bf went to his country for his sick granddad and stayed there 2 weeks and this situatio...
A. 9 July 2010: No, it's not fair. It sounds like he has legitimate reasons to act the way he is, but that doesn't matter... you have needs. (and I don't just mean physical) You have emotional needs, and there are hardships in your life as well. Nobody can ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheated on me 4 times, and I kissed another boy. Can we still work out?
Q. [Moderator note: the age posted is probably incorrect. Aunts and uncles please respond to this as you would someone younger.] hi, me and this boy had a thing going on (we werent out)but this boy from italy came over for an exchange visit. he li...
A. 9 July 2010: No, it won't work out.... (read in full...)
How far can Christians go sexually without violating our faith?
Q. I'm 17 years old and have been with my bf 6 months. I am a Christian and am unsure how far sexually it is ok to go. He has fingered me and I've given him a handjob but have began to think this is wrong and so my question is, how far, as a Christian, ...
A. 9 July 2010: If you want to be technical, then you've already gone to far. Sexual intercourse, technically, should be between a husband and wife only and is for reproduction. Catholics believe that while you may not get pregnant every time, you should expect ... (read in full...)
Why is he locking himself in the bathroom with his laptop?
Q. This guy and i have been together for over a year now. i thought everything was going fine. now he locks himself in the bathroom with his laptop. is he cheating or am i just paranoid?...
A. 28 June 2010: He's flipping things back onto you. He said he's leaving you because "you don't trust him...."? Well don't be fooled, HE is the one who is being secretive. He didn't even give you a chance to have a reaction. If he is watching porn, how does he ... (read in full...)
Why is he locking himself in the bathroom with his laptop?
Q. This guy and i have been together for over a year now. i thought everything was going fine. now he locks himself in the bathroom with his laptop. is he cheating or am i just paranoid?...
A. 25 June 2010: After more than a year and saying "None of your business"? That doesn't seem like long term boyfriend material, I'm afraid.... (read in full...)
Why is he locking himself in the bathroom with his laptop?
Q. This guy and i have been together for over a year now. i thought everything was going fine. now he locks himself in the bathroom with his laptop. is he cheating or am i just paranoid?...
A. 25 June 2010: He's probably masturbating to porn or nude pictures. This leads to the age old discussion on whether or not porn is considered cheating, which has varying opinions. That aside, I think the biggest issue is him hiding it from you and just not being ... (read in full...)
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