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... Send *immD a private message | | | *immD's profile:Any advice I give should not be taken personally. I'm not here to judge you, so you can be sure any advice I give is strictly objective. What you choose to do with my advice is completely up to you, though you can be sure the advice I am giving you is what I feel is best for you.
Please keep an open mind when asking for advice. It seems that many people aren't really looking for advice, they are just looking for justification to do what they already have in their mind to do. This site is about gaining an unbiased perspective on things. Please don't ask a question if you've already made your mind up on what to do.
Some things to remember:
- The "pullout" method is NOT a method of birth control. This is just something people do to rationalize their thoughts that sex without a condom feels better than it does with a condom. Even though a man doesn't climax, he still secretes fluid the entire time that has the potential to make you pregnant. Don't be a fool, if you are old enough and mature enough to have sex.... use birth control.
- There is no excuse for "revenge" sex. If your partner cheats on you, immediately going out to sleep with someone else as revenge doesn't make it right.... it makes things way worse. Relationships aren't about keeping score. If you believe they are, then you shouldn't be in one.
- Relationships rarely end easily. Especially long term relationships. It is very common for one partner to breakup with the other and then continue to text them or call them. Many times sex can start again as well. Unfortunately, there was a reason you two broke up in the first place and odds are a cycle with start to where you start to spend more time together and eventually feel like you ARE together... only to break up again. So before you post those "He broke up with me but he still texts me!" questions, remember this.
- There are about 50 million posts here regarding porn. Please do a search prior to posting questions like "My boyfriend watches porn, what should I do?". This is a touchy subject here but my opinion on porn is that it's not a big deal - as long as it's not an addiction. To MOST men, watching porn is strictly a tool for masturbating. Those women are not the type men want to have relationships with. Ask and most men will tell you that as soon as they "do their deed" they shut it off. It's not like they watch it for any other purpose. From my experience, the women that have issues with porn have issues with their own self confidence and they are insecure. There are many women out there that are confident that they satisfy their men sexually and feel that their husband watching porn is harmless. However, don't get me wrong, there are times when a man is addicted to porn and will choose porn OVER sex with their partner. This is where porn is unhealthy. My point in all of this is if you are in what you consider to be a "perfect" relationship with a great guy who does anything and everything for you, there is no need to penalize him if he watches porn. If you STILL have a problem with it, try watching it with him. Make it a sexual experience for the both of you. Or, record yourself with him. You'd be surprised what that does for a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: What you need to know about Online Dating
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 August 2010: First, let me start off by saying that online dating is not a bad thing. In todays age of technology and the internet, I think online dating is just as good if not better than simply meeting someone at a bar, pub or nightclub. When you meet ...
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Contacting her again has resurrected all of these old feelings...what should I do?
Q. I'm confused. Recently, an ex g/f came up as a "do you know this person" on my Friends Reunited page. She and I had a very loving realationship 30 yrs ago..the break up was hard on both of us. We were best friends before and during our r...
A. 9 June 2010: Keep us updated. This is getting very interesting. Your initial thoughts and feelings may not be that far off about her, but just make sure you proceed with an open mind and consider the fact she may just miss you as a friend. Going into whatever ... (read in full...)
Will the guilt ever go away?
Q. My boyfriend and i of 5 years have been going through some rough times but were really trying to get through them. I have trust issues even though i know he would never do anything. Well i just became the worst hippocrite because i recently fooled ...
A. 1 June 2010: While you never know how you'd react till you are in that exact situation, if I was your boyfriend I'd like to think I'd react in this way:
1. I'd be furious at my so called "friend" for even trying it. The instant I found out he would no longe... (read in full...)
Will the guilt ever go away?
Q. My boyfriend and i of 5 years have been going through some rough times but were really trying to get through them. I have trust issues even though i know he would never do anything. Well i just became the worst hippocrite because i recently fooled ...
A. 27 May 2010: Do you have any feelings for his friend or are you attracted to him at all? I'm not asking you if you'd rather be with him over your boyfriend, I'm just curious if part of the reason you feel guilty is because a part of you was ok with him doing ... (read in full...)
Is he just trying to have sex with me? Or do we really connect?
Q. I met a man one night through a mutual friend. He lives a couple states away but asked for my number so that we could "keep in touch." I assumed it was just a friendly thing as I'm a very social person with friends all over the world. But when we ...
A. 27 May 2010: Yes, he could just be trying to get laid... but he COULD be genuine. There are a lot of cynical people out there now a days who are going to tell you not to trust him, but in the end you just need to base your opinion of him on your own ... (read in full...)
My husband left for another woman but I still love him
Q. Hi i am a 39yr old women married to a 39yr old man, we have been together 24 years and married 17 together we have 3 children. 5 weeks ago he woke me up to let me know he had met someone else, he met her 2 weeks before they started texting each ...
A. 27 May 2010: Wow. To be together that long and to do that to you is unbelievable. He's got some serious issues going on in that head of his. Has your relationship been strained at all in the past or has there been any sign of him loosing interest at all? ... (read in full...)
Will the guilt ever go away?
Q. My boyfriend and i of 5 years have been going through some rough times but were really trying to get through them. I have trust issues even though i know he would never do anything. Well i just became the worst hippocrite because i recently fooled ...
A. 26 May 2010: Well, here's what I think: I think you're making yourself out to be the bad guy here when you shouldn't. And the longer you don't tell your boyfriend, the more guilty you're going to seem when you shouldn't. Whether you like it or not, HE ... (read in full...)
Why is sex painful?
Q. why does it hurt when he does deep inside of me ( my leg on his shoulders) but it does not hurt when it is not hitting the end ( my legs open at th side of his arms while he is on top of me ). is thr somethng wrong? ...
A. 26 May 2010: You are extremely young to be having sex. Your body is still developing and essentially you are still growing. When a girl is in her teenage years her body is changing and developing to be able to handle child birth. Once your body goes through ... (read in full...)
Will the guilt ever go away?
Q. My boyfriend and i of 5 years have been going through some rough times but were really trying to get through them. I have trust issues even though i know he would never do anything. Well i just became the worst hippocrite because i recently fooled ...
A. 26 May 2010: Well, not to get too personal here, but what exactly happened? It wasn't sex, it wasn't kissing, then what? The only reason I ask is because you may be beating yourself up for nothing here. Describe what happened and that may change a lot of our ... (read in full...)
Will the guilt ever go away?
Q. My boyfriend and i of 5 years have been going through some rough times but were really trying to get through them. I have trust issues even though i know he would never do anything. Well i just became the worst hippocrite because i recently fooled ...
A. 25 May 2010: Why did you do what you did? This isn't about making you feel guilty anymore, or proving you did something wrong because you already know all of this. I'm just curious if you've admitted to yourself yet as to why you did it. The most common ... (read in full...)
Warn the Cheating Ex's New Girlfriend?
Q. My ex was cheating on me. For more details you can go here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-checking-a-partners-internet-activities-a-violation.html I have since the break-up been breaking my own rule and checking his Facebook. I alre...
A. 25 May 2010: Don't do it. First, it means you are still being sucked into his world and you'll be better off not doing it. Second, girls don't want to hear that. He's obviously a sweet talker and good at playing the game. You'll just be viewed as they psycho ... (read in full...)
I recently found out that my wife cheated on me when we were engaged.
Q. I recently found out that my wife cheated on me when we were engaged. We've been married over 10 years and before me she had this boyfriend named Jim. Right after we got married we moved about 3 hours away to another part of the state for my job...
A. 25 May 2010: Well, she says she hasn't cheated on you but that's most likely because you moved away which I'm sure you've already thought about.
Yes, as you put it she is a cheater and a tramp. She's also a liar. The question is, how has she been the 10 y... (read in full...)
Will the guilt ever go away?
Q. My boyfriend and i of 5 years have been going through some rough times but were really trying to get through them. I have trust issues even though i know he would never do anything. Well i just became the worst hippocrite because i recently fooled ...
A. 25 May 2010: The guilt will not go away unless you tell him. If it does eventually go away without telling him, it means you have become the very thing you fear... a cheater.
Should you tell him? Depends. Why would you tell him? To eliminate your guilt? ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with a boyfriend who has a problem with my weight?
Q. Hey, thank you in advance for any answers. I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months and we were best friends for around a year before this. I've always wanted to be a bit slimmer and have been up and down with my weight and he knows this. I've...
A. 25 May 2010: To echo what Vintage64 said, you don't need a boyfriend like that. Anybody you are with should like you for who you are. Now, if you were your current weight when you got together and then over the years gradually gained 150+ pounds, I can see ... (read in full...)
Should I be content to be the mistress?
Q. I am having an affair with a married man for 5 months now. He is older than me and has 3 children. I work with him for about an hour twice a day. We knew each other for over a year before anything happened. It started out as a bit of fun but ...
A. 25 May 2010: He's telling you what every guy who cheats on his wife tells his mistress. Cheaters always makes their mistress feel like they are more special. It is common. In the end he is a simply a cheater looking for sex on the side.
He's older, he has a... (read in full...)
Could the "friends with benefits" concept work here?
Q. 11 years ago, I was a waitress in a lounge. I got to flirt with drunken men for a living - and I was good at it. I was in a completely new and dysfunctional relationship, and unknowingly pregnant at the time. One night, an absolutely beautiful ...
A. 25 May 2010: Can I ask you a question? How would you feel if you found out he was sleeping with other women behind both you and his wife's back? Would you want to continue having sex with him or would you stop?... (read in full...)
Making A Fool Of Myself perhaps?
Q. I have just returned from a lovely cruise ( third this year) and already booked this ship again for two month time many of the apssengers have been on this ship loads of times as its small and gfriendly I am worried thaqt I might have made a fool...
A. 25 May 2010: I'm not just saying this to make you feel better. I'm being honest when I say don't worry about it. What you are describing is nothing. These thoughts of doubt are just in your head. Enjoy the cruise and relax.... (read in full...)
Could the "friends with benefits" concept work here?
Q. 11 years ago, I was a waitress in a lounge. I got to flirt with drunken men for a living - and I was good at it. I was in a completely new and dysfunctional relationship, and unknowingly pregnant at the time. One night, an absolutely beautiful ...
A. 25 May 2010: Try getting him to talk to his wife about you being his "sex wife". I'll admit, it is far from normal... but there is a small possibility she'd go for it. Especially since you all openly talk about sex.
Otherwise, a friends with benefits... (read in full...)
Wrongfully confessed?
Q. I have this friend who i have known for 10 years,he wanted to date me when we were younger but I kindly declined because he was involved with someone and did not break it off before pursuing me.We remained friends.Now so many years later I feel as ...
A. 25 May 2010: Yes, confessing your feelings when both of you are in the relationships you are was not a good thing to do. All it does is create tension on both sides. He probably worked hard to get over you and now, depending on his feelings for his wife, will ... (read in full...)
Please advise! Just found out I'm pregnant, my fiance wants to adopt it out...
Q. I am 18 and just found out I am pregnant... I think I am about 3 or 4 weeks. I was never told that antibiotics would cause my birth control to not work properly, and the condom broke. My fiance and I are both very scared right now. I refuse...
A. 25 May 2010: Do what YOU want. Plan on keeping the baby. You could always change your mind about adoption later in your pregnancy. However, more times then not you will want to give the baby up less and less as your pregnancy gets closer to birth.
Yes, ... (read in full...)
She said "He dreams about me" and its true but I can't tell her that!
Q. Hi I'm a guy, 19 years, in the last six months have been in a class for adult education to improve my maths. In my class is a girl (21 years) who I think is really cute, nice and intelligent. Today when we were at the school to fetch some pap...
A. 25 May 2010: Girls have pretty good instincts about a guy liking her. There is a good chance she knows about your crush. And the fact that she knows AND said "He dreams about me.." is actually good.
I agree with eyeswideopen.... just go for it. You don't ha... (read in full...)
He's making subtle comments about commitment -- should I press him?
Q. Hi, I am 26 and my boyfriend is 31. We have been together with for just under a year. We have discussed marriage once before in this time seriously about 3 months ago. At that time I wasn't ready and I didn't know how to express it so I got real...
A. 24 May 2010: Just be honest. You don't have to start an official, deeply serious conversation about your future. Just talk to him like you talk to him about any normal day to day thing. You know he likes you, and you've said to us that your aren't as nervous ... (read in full...)
Looking at an escort site and my girlfriend found out...what should I do?
Q. Where do I start I have been seeing my partner of a year I'm 41 she is 42 we both have kids everything was amazing till I very stupidly one night I was waiting on here to return from work and I used her pc I was fed up been working since 5 am was ...
A. 24 May 2010: Ouch. That's a tough one. Most women just don't understand that a guy may just look at that type of site for fun. At one point all guys have checked out those sites. And no, it doesn't mean you're looking because you are actually interested.
... (read in full...)
"I want to blow his mind"
Q. I have known this guy since September. We met online and only chatted up until about 2 weeks ago. Well, a few days after we met, I went to his apartment to watch a movie, and things got carried away. We didn't talk about what happened, until ...
A. 24 May 2010: Blowing a guy's mind isn't about simply "getting off". To give a guy a great sexual experience, a girl needs to show how much she's into him. So many girls think it's just a matter of making him cum, but a guy REALLY gets turned on when they see ... (read in full...)
He got with my best friend after seeing me kiss two boys at my birthday party!
Q. I really dont know what to do about this guy i like! and the situation im in right now! if anyone could help me you'd be such a great help! I had my 18th birthday party on saturday night (but lets start from the begining) Ive been meeting a guy...
A. 24 May 2010: Say what you will about me, but you never answered my question. Do you think he would have slept with your friend if you didn't kiss 3 other guys that night?
Another question: What are you more mad at? The fact that he slept with another ... (read in full...)
"Online dating issues"
Q. "OPs own title"I decided to try the online dating. However, I am encountering the same problem over and over and wanted to know how others deal with it. The problem is about the amount of time taken by someone to reply. For example, this gu...
A. 21 May 2010: As Ask oldersister said, online dating takes patience. It is getting more and more common for people to meet today on the internet and even have a future together, but it's not usually a quick process. It takes patience to sift through the "junk" ... (read in full...)
Would a girl say yes when you ask her out and give you her phone number if she weren't interested?
Q. I finally got the courage to ask out this girl I've had a crush on for a while. She said yes but said she was busy this week but maybe we could get together next week or this weekend sometime. I asked for her phone number and she gave it to me no ...
A. 21 May 2010: Would a girl say yes even when she is uninterested? Yes. Because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings? Yes. HOWEVER: Some girls say yes when they are UNSURE. That means the door is somewhat open for you. Now, some of the girls on here wi... (read in full...)
Is it really that bad for me to hang with a 21 year old?
Q. I'm 16, turning 17 in August. I'm really good friends with a guy but he happens to be 21. My parents know about this friendship and aren't very happy about it. My mom has even threatened to call the cops on him and wants to kick me out of the house. ...
A. 21 May 2010: I'll admit, there is reason for your parents to be alarmed. So many times a situation like this COULD be bad. An older guy like that being interested in someone as young as you... but just because it could be bad, doesn't mean it automatically ... (read in full...)
Is lending him money a good enough reason to get married
Q. Hi All, Here's the situation. My SO and I have been in a relationship for nearly a year and a half. We've lived together for a year now and are preparing to go off to grad school this fall. The thing is, he's asked me to cover his living expenses...
A. 21 May 2010: You saying "I just don't trust him enough at this point of the relationship" makes me think that not only should you not lend him money, but you probably shouldn't be getting married. At least not for a while. You shouldn't be put in this type of ... (read in full...)
Great guy but a small penis. Any tips?
Q. i have recently began a new relationship with a man i work with, having been messed around for a long time i realised that this one is different. He is sweet and charming and very respectful. However i have quite a lot of experience in the bedroom ...
A. 21 May 2010: I don't recommend making a big deal about it and actually having a specific talk about it. If you do some searching online there are actually articles with some information for people in your position. They give tips on which sexual positions ... (read in full...)
Am I in over my head with this younger lover?
Q. hi, i'm in a bit of a dilema, about 4yrs ago i met this guy (A)...he was married going through a divorce and i was in a very unhealthy relationship with guy (B). guy(A) and i became friends working together and he was like a shoulder to lean ...
A. 21 May 2010: It sounds like you have more than one problem here so I think you should look at them individually. First, forget this other guy for right now (guy A). Forget him, his age, etc. Focus on your boyfriend (guy B). You say you are unhappy with him, ... (read in full...)
Contacting her again has resurrected all of these old feelings...what should I do?
Q. I'm confused. Recently, an ex g/f came up as a "do you know this person" on my Friends Reunited page. She and I had a very loving realationship 30 yrs ago..the break up was hard on both of us. We were best friends before and during our r...
A. 21 May 2010: When referring to her and her family being "ok", what do you mean by that? And what if they're not "ok"? It's not out of the ordinary to want to say hi and give your regards, but it sounds like you are using this "All I want is to see if they are ... (read in full...)
Are we wrong to want to be together?
Q. i fell in love with my boyfriends best friend a year ago and we've had a secret relationship ever since i ended up getting pregnant and i know hes the father not my boyfriend i feel massively guilty but i don't think i should! I moved a 1000 miles ...
A. 21 May 2010: This isn't about accusing you of doing anything wrong, or making you out to be the bad guy here. The simple fact is, your relationship with your boyfriend is over. Him cheating and hurting you, and you doing what is only natural... wanting to be ... (read in full...)
Is masturbating dangerous at 14?
Q. i am 14 years old.i'm extremely excited about sex and i do masterbating by watching porn videos through the web. what i'm worried is that is masterbating good for health?.will it effect me in anyways?...
A. 20 May 2010: CaringGuy is right... what you're doing is only natural. But again, to echo CaringGuy... don't get hooked on porn. It should be a tool, not an interest.... (read in full...)
Are we wrong to want to be together?
Q. i fell in love with my boyfriends best friend a year ago and we've had a secret relationship ever since i ended up getting pregnant and i know hes the father not my boyfriend i feel massively guilty but i don't think i should! I moved a 1000 miles ...
A. 20 May 2010: So basically you both cheated on each other? That means your relationship is finished... whether you are still together or not. It's over. Tell your boyfriend the truth, let him move on. You and this other guy can then try to have a life and ... (read in full...)
Contacting her again has resurrected all of these old feelings...what should I do?
Q. I'm confused. Recently, an ex g/f came up as a "do you know this person" on my Friends Reunited page. She and I had a very loving realationship 30 yrs ago..the break up was hard on both of us. We were best friends before and during our r...
A. 20 May 2010: Let her go. She is married with 3 kids and 30 years is a LONG time with a lot of changes. It sounds like she was just being polite, especially since you two did have some good times in the past... but it was just that, the past. If you want to ... (read in full...)
Why do a lot of older people think that teenagers don't know what true love is?
Q. Hey i was wondering why do not all, but alot of older people think that teenagers dont know what true love is? and that it wont work out in the end? Because my boyfriend asked me to marry him, I said yes. I am 17 and my boyfriend is about 7 months ...
A. 20 May 2010: OK, since you asked... here goes:
Older people don't generally believe teenagers know what true love is, because older people have BEEN teenagers. We remember what it was like being a teenager. The thoughts we had, our feelings, our crushes,... (read in full...)
Will this change his mind after a huge argument...?!?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for quite some time. He's in the Army and currently training out of the state (AIT). The past two weeks have been extremely hard on him due to the fact that the training just got tougher. So, I'm not surprised ...
A. 20 May 2010: While I don't know the specifics of your argument, in the end it was just that - an argument. Things are said in the heat of the moment, which happens in an argument, but once things settle down the next day the information you gave him about your ... (read in full...)
Do you think she is testing me to see how far will I go to get her back?
Q. Question of the day !!! Ok my ex girlfriend and i were together for 5 years and we broke up 6 months back. WE have a 1 years old son together. I want to make things work and get her back. I have cheated on her before because of my own insecurities ...
A. 20 May 2010: I don't think it is a test. Most likely she was just horny and is comfortable enough with you just to have sex, but there is a small chance she still has some feelings for you. But again, I don't think this is a specific test from her.... (read in full...)
We're like sexual ships that pass in the night....how do we get on the same schedule?
Q. My husband works late and rarely wants sex. When he does it is usually at 2 or 3am, when I am often too tired. I'm in the mood during the day, but then he's at work! How do I figure this out? I don't have a particularly strong sex drive a...
A. 19 May 2010: You just said "he's" at work, does that mean you do not? Could you two meet up on some days for a "quicky"?... (read in full...)
Dreading the upcoming conversation about anal sex!
Q. Hi there, I just read a question where the guy was worried his girlfriend was lying when she said she had never had anal sex before....I'm about to be that girlfriend. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months now and I really really love him. We ...
A. 19 May 2010: If you read any of my previous posts you'll see that I'm all about being honest with your partner. However, in this instance, I don't think you have to bring up your past anal sexual experience. Now, if you were VERY experienced with anal sex and ... (read in full...)
Is it safe to make this fantasy come true?
Q. Hey, is it safe to make the "rape" fantasy come true? Me and my boyfriend want to give it a try its both of are fantasies, but i dont want any thing to go wrong or be awkward after it happens, do you just go back right after into being the lovey ...
A. 19 May 2010: This is actually a more common fantasy than you probably realize. Yes, it can get awkward, but if you trust each other completely... then essentially it's harmless. The only thing I'd recommend is having a "safe word". Something that you can say ... (read in full...)
He's married but he still wants to sleep with me.
Q. ok...so i have been talking to my ex-boyfriend who is married and he keeps begging me to sleep with him again....apparently he doesnt care that he is married if he still trying to sleep with me. When we were togeher our sex was outstanding....he ...
A. 19 May 2010: He simply wants to use you. If he loved you, he'd be married to you. Don't subject yourself to that lack of respect. He only wants sex. Not to mention what wanting to cheat on his wife speaks about his character.... (read in full...)
My husband crossdresses . . . help!
Q. I found out about 2 years ago that my husband is somewhat of a crossdresser. We have been married for 15 years. He said he's been doing it since adolescence. First part of our marriage I would find underwear, garters and he always would lie and ...
A. 19 May 2010: If he truly feels ashamed of what he's doing, and that is a big IF... then he's got to get some professional help. It may be hard, and it may be extremely embarrassing, but again... if he wants to stop then he's going to need help. He obviously ... (read in full...)
Cupid's terrible timing!
Q. I met back up with a girl from college, and went to visit her. She lives 4 hrs away, and we hit it off really well. About 3 days after I returned home, she called and told me that she just found out she was a month pregnant by some army guy that she ...
A. 19 May 2010: Terrible timing indeed. The problem is there is no right or wrong answer. Having a relationship with a girl in a situation like this is not that crazy, but only if she means a lot to you and you believe she could be "the one". Unfortunately, it ... (read in full...)
He got with my best friend after seeing me kiss two boys at my birthday party!
Q. I really dont know what to do about this guy i like! and the situation im in right now! if anyone could help me you'd be such a great help! I had my 18th birthday party on saturday night (but lets start from the begining) Ive been meeting a guy...
A. 19 May 2010: You kissed 4 guys at that party. What right do you have to feel jealous for ANYTHING he does with anybody else?
Do you honestly think he would have done what he did if you didn't do what you did?
If you truly care about this guy then you sho... (read in full...)
He got with my best friend after seeing me kiss two boys at my birthday party!
Q. I really dont know what to do about this guy i like! and the situation im in right now! if anyone could help me you'd be such a great help! I had my 18th birthday party on saturday night (but lets start from the begining) Ive been meeting a guy...
A. 18 May 2010: You say it's ok for you to get with 3 other guys because it was your birthday and it's not as if you two are "together", right? So why isn't it ok for him to get with another girl? You guys aren't "together", right? What if it was HIS birthday? ... (read in full...)
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