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... Send *immD a private message | | | *immD's profile:Any advice I give should not be taken personally. I'm not here to judge you, so you can be sure any advice I give is strictly objective. What you choose to do with my advice is completely up to you, though you can be sure the advice I am giving you is what I feel is best for you.
Please keep an open mind when asking for advice. It seems that many people aren't really looking for advice, they are just looking for justification to do what they already have in their mind to do. This site is about gaining an unbiased perspective on things. Please don't ask a question if you've already made your mind up on what to do.
Some things to remember:
- The "pullout" method is NOT a method of birth control. This is just something people do to rationalize their thoughts that sex without a condom feels better than it does with a condom. Even though a man doesn't climax, he still secretes fluid the entire time that has the potential to make you pregnant. Don't be a fool, if you are old enough and mature enough to have sex.... use birth control.
- There is no excuse for "revenge" sex. If your partner cheats on you, immediately going out to sleep with someone else as revenge doesn't make it right.... it makes things way worse. Relationships aren't about keeping score. If you believe they are, then you shouldn't be in one.
- Relationships rarely end easily. Especially long term relationships. It is very common for one partner to breakup with the other and then continue to text them or call them. Many times sex can start again as well. Unfortunately, there was a reason you two broke up in the first place and odds are a cycle with start to where you start to spend more time together and eventually feel like you ARE together... only to break up again. So before you post those "He broke up with me but he still texts me!" questions, remember this.
- There are about 50 million posts here regarding porn. Please do a search prior to posting questions like "My boyfriend watches porn, what should I do?". This is a touchy subject here but my opinion on porn is that it's not a big deal - as long as it's not an addiction. To MOST men, watching porn is strictly a tool for masturbating. Those women are not the type men want to have relationships with. Ask and most men will tell you that as soon as they "do their deed" they shut it off. It's not like they watch it for any other purpose. From my experience, the women that have issues with porn have issues with their own self confidence and they are insecure. There are many women out there that are confident that they satisfy their men sexually and feel that their husband watching porn is harmless. However, don't get me wrong, there are times when a man is addicted to porn and will choose porn OVER sex with their partner. This is where porn is unhealthy. My point in all of this is if you are in what you consider to be a "perfect" relationship with a great guy who does anything and everything for you, there is no need to penalize him if he watches porn. If you STILL have a problem with it, try watching it with him. Make it a sexual experience for the both of you. Or, record yourself with him. You'd be surprised what that does for a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: What you need to know about Online Dating
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 August 2010: First, let me start off by saying that online dating is not a bad thing. In todays age of technology and the internet, I think online dating is just as good if not better than simply meeting someone at a bar, pub or nightclub. When you meet ...
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Caught wife in a car going down on another man, what to do?
Q. I was at a party this past weekend with my wife and in the middle of the party I lost my wife. When I tried to find her, she was nowhere to be found. Finally, I went out to chekc our car and she wasn't there. Ont eh way back I noticed a guy ...
A. 10 May 2010: Alcohol may let you let your guard down a little, but it doesn't make you do things you do not want to. To use alcohol as an excuse is stupid. To give you that excuse means she doesn't respect you. To do it in the first place means she doesn't ... (read in full...)
16 and sleeping with somone twice my age!
Q. Ok, so i'm 16 and did something very stupid! I slept with someone twice my age. I do regret it. It was just a bit of fun but everytime i see him, it's like my heart skips a beat, i just have a big smile on my face, i'm not in love with him! The ...
A. 10 May 2010: Have you tried telling him no? If you truly do not love him or have feelings for him, then you should be able to just stop. If you want to give the excuse "He's so fun to be around and I cannot help myself..." then it means you DO have feelings ... (read in full...)
My husband does not know how to be affectionate to me
Q. My biggest problem is that my husband does not know how to be affectionate to me. He tells me, "you don't accept the love I have for you." He thinks that because he feels love for me, that should be enough. He doesn't understand how much I need ...
A. 10 May 2010: In addition to what Emily said, I suggest just being honest with him and tell him what you need. It's not going to be an overnight thing, but bringing it up to him over and over to make him see what you need.... (read in full...)
Should you pursue the girl you like or let someone else pursue her?
Q. A question for the guys out there (girls are welcome to answer) If you pursue a girl you like, probably a few people will be hurt. If you let someone pursue the girl you like, only you will be hurt. So. To pursue or not to pursue? ...
A. 10 May 2010: Are you saying if you pursue this girl other people will be hurt by it? (friends of yours who also like her?) But if you stay quiet and don't pursue only you will know the pain of not having her?
My advice: All is fair in love and war. If she i... (read in full...)
Could she be interested in me despite her male companion on the bus?
Q. I have a situation for you: I see this young woman, occasionally, when we have managed to catch the same Metrobus on our short ride to work. (Different jobs, same exit.) We've caught each other's eye. She's very attractive; has this mys...
A. 10 May 2010: Yes, I agree.... NEVER hit on a woman while she is with another guy.
However, if there ever is a day that she is by herself by all means try talking to her. You never know, that could be her brother that she is seen with normally. ;-)
Otherwi... (read in full...)
Husband accused me of cheating but I haven't
Q. Well I have a problem and need some advice. My husband and I have been together 5 years And have 2 kids. Well he accused me of cheating on him yesterday while I was at work and I have never honestly even had thoughts about it it took a comment out ...
A. 7 May 2010: Well, this could be a classic case of transference. Sometimes a partner will do this when they are cheating or when they WANT to cheat. Or when they want their relationship to be over. It's classic because the other partner (you in this case) has ... (read in full...)
I am confused by my friend
Q. I am separated from my wife of 20 years, my marriage is over. My wife is seeing other men now. I have this female friend who has been my friend since grammar school. We meet for coffee dates once in a while. She still maintains an old friendship ...
A. 7 May 2010: It sounds like this friend has feelings for you in some way. The fact that she's sexually frustrated is making those feelings more apparent. The fact that you are showing an interest in this other woman is making your friend jealous, even though ... (read in full...)
2 men and I don't know what to do!
Q. Okay, I honestly dont know where to start.... well lets just jump in I have a 2 month old lil boy with a man i have been with for 3 years but for the past month i have been havin a emotional affair i have not slept with this new man but i have ...
A. 6 May 2010: Glad to hear things are going in a better direction for you. Keep us updated on everything and good luck. :-)... (read in full...)
My best friend likes me, This keeps happening and I end up losing friends.
Q. A few days ago my best guy friend told me he liked me as more than a friend. It completely shocked me. I have a boyfriend I've been dating for over a year and I talk to my best guy friend about my boyfriend all the time. For him to like me even ...
A. 5 May 2010: Having a true guy friend who's not your boyfriend is very difficult. Occasionally it can happen, but it's rare. Most times girls THINK they have a true guy friend, but he really has some deep down feelings buried. Being very close with a girl ... (read in full...)
Am I damaging our relationship?
Q. Hey everyone I am a 24 year old female and my bf is 39. We sometimes engage in mutual masturbation and when we do this, we view videos of women stripping on webcam. I find this very erotic and so does he. When he is watching the woman ...
A. 5 May 2010: If you guys have a good relationship outside of the bedroom, then there's nothing wrong with you two sharing a mutual interest when getting yourself off. He may get turned on simply by looking at those girls, but he might also be turned on because ... (read in full...)
Best friend wants sexual help but I am in a relationship!
Q. Hello, I am in a steady relationship and very happy with my boyfriend. I have a male friend who is very close to me as in...we are open and we used to flirt a bit before I fell in love with my boyfriend. I am still in constant touch with this fri...
A. 5 May 2010: You need to put your boyfriend first. This other friend needs to understand this and should respect your relationship. The fact that he is putting you in this position means he is being selfish, so you shouldn't feel guilty about saying no to ... (read in full...)
I am engaged to a man I don't respect but in love with another
Q. I am engaged to a man who is very good to me, I'll call him Dan. When I say jump, he says how high and he will do it right away. Part of the reason I feel like I am growing away from him is because of a few things: 1) I will always make more money ...
A. 5 May 2010: I'm sorry to say, but part of the problem is you. You cannot keep flip-flopping between the two men. You are engaged, but you are not married. First, do not marry this man if you have any doubts. It's that simple. In the end it'll be easier for ... (read in full...)
How can I get over the fact that my husband lied to me about being a virgin all those years ago?
Q. When I met my husband over 30 years ago he told me that he was a virgin (as was I). However, recently, and during a difficult patch in our marriage he confessed that this was a lie. This has upset me terribly, and to make it worse he says that it ...
A. 5 May 2010: You aren't supposed to feel ok about this. He lied to you and it's only natural to question your relationship knowing what you know now. The best thing you can do now is look at these last 30 years and the things he has done in that time. Sure, ... (read in full...)
I've been hurt and I think he's taken...
Q. I've been single for quite a while now and there is this new man in my life, we've been talking for 2 weeks. We've kissed twice and everything is going great. I'm too scare to continue because i've been hurt and i don't think i can go any further ...
A. 4 May 2010: Well don't end it. If you like him, tell him. What's the worst that could happen? He ends it and you're at the same outcome as you ending it. But if he reciprocates, then you've gained much more.... (read in full...)
Didn't want to fall for him, but I have!
Q. Ok so I've been with my husband for 8 years but these past 4 months I have been having an affair. He has a girlfriend, but is nit happy. We agreed at the start that it was just gonna b a bit of fun. When we meet it is generly just a physical thing, ...
A. 4 May 2010: So.... what advice are you looking for? Should you tell him?
I'd suggest being honest with your husband first and foremost.... (read in full...)
How should I handle his rude behaviour during our long distance relationship?
Q. I have been in this relationship for about three months already. We used to be at the same school so we get to see each other everyday. Those were the times when i felt like I was really valued so much. He would bring me home everyday, we talk on ...
A. 4 May 2010: I'm sorry to say, but it looks like your relationship is over. Those actions of his are not just being "rude" but it sounds like he's moved on.
This is unfortunately very common for relationships that begin while in school when you see each oth... (read in full...)
I want to give him my virginity but there's a problem..he already has a gf!
Q. im 19 and i found a guy that i want to lose my virginity to. We have been together for a month and i feel 110% ready. The problem is that he has a girlfriend on the side....
A. 4 May 2010: Let me repeat that back to you:
You want to give your virginity to a guy who admits to having a girlfriend on the side?
Do you value your virginity? Does he have any plans to break up with this other girl?
I'd think long and hard before doi... (read in full...)
Since I lost the baby we just exist together, nothing else!
Q. Ok here's my problem: I started dating my at the time boss 2 years ago. I liked him so much I gave my notice and quit just so I didnt feel weird about us working and being together. That was 2 years ago, we now live together and for the most part I ...
A. 3 May 2010: Situations like this are usually best when you have a professional mediator who is able to help you both communicate your feelings better to each other. The loss of a baby like this requires both parents working together to move forward. I suggest ... (read in full...)
I'm bi, thought he was gay but he likes girls too! Do I tell him I like him?
Q. Hey :D Ok, I'm a bi-sexual girl, who broke up with her long time girlfriend about 7 months ago. I met this guy about 3 months later. I started developing feelings for him; he was the first person I'd had feelings for since my exe. However, this guy ...
A. 3 May 2010: There's no reason not to tell him. The biggest thing you have to question is his unfaithfulness. If he does it to his boyfriend, he can potentially do it to anybody... especially you. But as far as any other reasons? Nope. Tell him if you want.... (read in full...)
I'm 18 and like a 14 year old!
Q. I am 18 and I think I am starting to like a guy who is 4 years younger than me. I know it is wrong, but I don't know what to do about it. Please help me...
A. 3 May 2010: In the grand scheme of things, 4 years isn't that big of a deal. If you were 36 and he was 32 it wouldn't seem bad. The problem is 14 years old is still young in the sexual and physical maturity stage.
What is the situation here? Is this jus... (read in full...)
We have a child together but she says we can't have a relationship until I'm 'saved'
Q. Hi I'm confused in my relationship and not sure were it is going. My girlfriend and I met about 18months ago, she had three children to her previous partner, and we now have a child of our own, which I'm real happy for. We love other a lot ...
A. 1 May 2010: Well, I'm going to state the obvious here and say that if she was truly "saved" all of this time she wouldn't have a child with you without being married. She's being very hypocritacle, the question is.... what caused this sudden change? Pressure ... (read in full...)
If I have not had sex for a long time, will doing it again feel like the first time?
Q. I haven't had sex for a long time now.When I do it again,is it going to feel like the first time?...
A. 30 April 2010: Please define "A long time now".
For some people it is common to go a few years in between relationships and sex. You don't seem very old to consider it "a long time".
If u were to wait 15+ years in between having sex, then yes I'd say it w... (read in full...)
What do guys consider a friend with benefits?
Q. What do guys consider a friend with benefits. I don't see a problem kissing someone, touching and possibly maybe giving a hand job or him fingering me as friend with benefits even if it happens a lot. I do think giving blow jobs, him going down...
A. 30 April 2010: A friend with benefits is someone you have sex with and there are no strings attached. No feelings, no dating, no awkwardness as far as sleeping over till then next day. Just sex. (including handjobs, blowjobs, etc)
Very rarely does it truly wo... (read in full...)
I don't think I can leave her until there is actual proof she has cheated on me! What should I do?
Q. I have been in a relationship with a confusing lady for 6 months now and I believe she is not only cheating on me but has the belief system in place to continually do so but I have no proof. She is part of a sect headed by a guy called isaac ...
A. 30 April 2010: Proof or no proof, I would get out of that relationship immediately. She's in a cult. That man has control over her and when then line between right and wrong is blurred in her head, THAT is bad. You need to have trust in your relationship, and ... (read in full...)
Why after 8 years do I feel jealous that my wife has dated a black man?
Q. my wife of 2 yrs (together for 8 years), had mentioned casually that she dated a black guy in colllege. Now i feel like Im not good enough to satisfy her beause he was so much bigger. She also has dated a lot mofe guys than me and it makes me ...
A. 30 April 2010: Look around man, how many of those other guys are still around? How many did she choose to spend the rest of her life with? She chose you. Everybody has things in their past but try to remember it's just that: the past.
You are her husband.... (read in full...)
Is there a way to make my hair grow faster?
Q. I'm 13 and have no penis hair or under arm hair is there a way to grow my hair faster?? Plz help....
A. 30 April 2010: Nope. Sorry. You need to just let nature run it's course.
I was the reverse. I had it somewhat earlier then everybody else and still got made fun of. You can't win. Kids will be kids.... (read in full...)
Does this girl like me?
Q. Well theres a girl who ive been really really good friends with for years....we got so close we started calling each other brother and sister two years ago because we didnt really think about each other in that way... but on Australia Day this year ...
A. 30 April 2010: It's difficult to tell. You are just going by what other people are saying.
If you are THAT close to her, why don't you just ask her? It doesn't have to be uncomfortably putting her on the spot or anything, but just tell her you've been thinking... (read in full...)
I swear she has had anal sex before.
Q. This is gonna sound like I'm some jealous macho American asshole, so sorry in advance. I am wondering there is any way to think if my girl has had anal sex before. I realize that I should trust her when she says no, and that love is built on trus...
A. 30 April 2010: lol. Each woman is different. From what you've said, there's no reason to automatically think she's had anal sex before. Some women have anal sex somewhat frequently and never get used to it going in and find it painful. Others can do it once ... (read in full...)
Why does he ask me these strange questions in bed?
Q. I have been in a relationship for almost 1 year with my guy. We both have previous marriages and have dealt with a lot of "Drama" from both sides over the past year. Our sex life is great! Every night.. and sometimes more than once in a night. ...
A. 30 April 2010: Are most of these questions actually during sex? Does he ask you strange things at other times as well? When you hear things involving his brother or your sister.... that's just starting to go over the line.
Testing is a possible explanat... (read in full...)
Why does he ask me these strange questions in bed?
Q. I have been in a relationship for almost 1 year with my guy. We both have previous marriages and have dealt with a lot of "Drama" from both sides over the past year. Our sex life is great! Every night.. and sometimes more than once in a night. ...
A. 29 April 2010: Yeah, that definitely sounds weird. He shouldn't be saying those things unless he gets off thinking about you with other men... be it with him or without.
Maybe not quite a red light, but definitely a yellow for PROCEED WITH CAUTION.... (read in full...)
I really hope this doesn't mean I'm asexual
Q. There's something strange going on in my brain O_o. I posted a question here about a month ago asking about sexuality and I said that even though I had always liked boys, I had lost interest in them and now liked girls, I wanted to know if my ...
A. 29 April 2010: You don't have to make a decision. It almost seems like you're trying to force yourself to choose a side and a label. You can't make yourself love somebody, crush on somebody, or even be attracted to somebody. It just happens. My advice is to do ... (read in full...)
Should I take this job with my half-brother despite our history?
Q. I need some serious help my older Brother moved in with us when I was 16 we have the same father but not the same mother... but he needed a place to go and my mom let him stay with us he was 17 at the time ...I've seen him a couple of times when we ...
A. 29 April 2010: Do you see any realistic possibility of a future with him? Marriage? Children? What are you looking to get out of it?
Be honest with yourself and put some serious thought into what would happen if you took the job. Is it worth putting yourself... (read in full...)
Why does my fiance have the desire to look at porn when we have a healthy sex life?
Q. I need a man's perspective on an issue. Me and my fiance have a healthy sex life. I, unlike some women, have a sex drive (I'm not a slut, I am very faithful to him). I try to keep things interesting in the bedroom and I never refuse him when ...
A. 29 April 2010: There are a certain percentage of men out there that fantasize about having sex with many different women. The key word here is "fantasy". As in NOT real. Some might say it's a primal instinct, some thing it's just a typical guy... but the bottom ... (read in full...)
She says she doesn't want to be FWB but isn't that what we are??
Q. How do I figure this girl out, before I start I have to say that I am a typical young bloke who is very open and honest. I am very attracted to a girl I work with and we have worked together for about 4 years, we flirt all the time, I was stra...
A. 29 April 2010: No offense to you, as you have made your position clear to her and us... however, I believe she just wants a commitment. Because you can't commit to her, she doesn't want things to go too far. Yes, you are kissing and yes she is giving you hand ... (read in full...)
Be silent and keep her or speak up and lose her??
Q. *OP's own title* We were classmates in kindergarten then she transferred to another school in grade school.. in highschool we were classmates again up until 2nd year.. then she transferred again to another city. we lost contact for 10 years and then...
A. 29 April 2010: Do you honestly believe she would be open to having a romantic, sexual relationship? Saying "I am lesbian but I go for straight girls..." is pretty selfish and is destined to set you up for a lot of heartbreaks and even hurt some friendships.
... (read in full...)
Has too much happened for us to have a chance of making it?
Q. I can't believe this happened the way it did but here goes. I went to a party with a girl I have been trying to get interested in me for weeks. She got extrememly drunk and she passed out. I took her to my place and she kinda woke up a little ...
A. 29 April 2010: It depends on what really happened. Did she: a) Really just want to have sex with someone and since you didn't want to she found your roommate? or b) Get so drunk that she truly didn't know what she was doing?
Both are scary and pose their ow... (read in full...)
My violent drug-using ex is threatening me and my family!
Q. Hi everyone.I have a trouble with my ex boyfriend.OK! I'm gonna start tell u how we met.I working at 7eleven. I am cashier.He was my regular customer.Last Christmas we're start talking and make the long story short.We were dating after christmas.On ...
A. 29 April 2010: Call the police. I wouldn't take any chances. If there is even a small chance he could do something to you or your family, call the police. Between the death threats and his drug possession, there should be plenty of things the police could ... (read in full...)
Why cant he just admit he likes me?
Q. Men irritate me lol. So I've known this dude for a few years now. I'm not sure if I like him, but I kinda think he likes me. This one time he comes up and stands to the side of me. He just kept staring at me- i kept on waiting for him to stop and to ...
A. 29 April 2010: Sounds like he's just shy. Playing games like he's doing is easy, but putting himself in a position of possible rejection is hard. Especially in a school type environment with friends and other peers around.
There's not much you can do except c... (read in full...)
Does watching gay porn mean I am a lesbian?
Q. hi last night i had a dream i was having lesbian sex with a stunning blonde girl, and lately i have also been masturbating to lesbian porn. im a girl and have a boyfriend who i love been with him for years and im definatly sure of my sexualit...
A. 29 April 2010: No, it doesn't mean you are a lesbian. If anything, you could be in the "bi-curious" category. If you and your boyfriend are happy sexually, then there's nothing wrong with watching either gay or lesbian porn on your end.... (read in full...)
I just don't know how to walk away from him!
Q. well, my Bf keep cheating, dating chatting on facebook. he denied that we are actually together once. i walked out and i came back to him.it's like there's something dragging me to him all the time. He hurts me badly, he doesn't care, he chat with ...
A. 29 April 2010: If you are that dependent on him, the first thing you need to do is look for another job. Do it in secret if you have to, but having some financial security will make leaving easier.
No matter what you may feel, you don't deserve the way he's tre... (read in full...)
2 men and I don't know what to do!
Q. Okay, I honestly dont know where to start.... well lets just jump in I have a 2 month old lil boy with a man i have been with for 3 years but for the past month i have been havin a emotional affair i have not slept with this new man but i have ...
A. 29 April 2010: Well, you can just try being honest with David. I know it's easier said than done, but sitting down with him and letting him know what you are feeling may be the best way to go. Let him know that the stuff he says about your wait REALLY upsets ... (read in full...)
2 men and I don't know what to do!
Q. Okay, I honestly dont know where to start.... well lets just jump in I have a 2 month old lil boy with a man i have been with for 3 years but for the past month i have been havin a emotional affair i have not slept with this new man but i have ...
A. 28 April 2010: So you'd rather be with David and be unhappy? I'm sure is a great environment for you child to grow up in. He left you 2 days before your wedding, do you think he is capable of doing that again?
If you stay with David then you need to break it... (read in full...)
We have a child together but she says we can't have a relationship until I'm 'saved'
Q. Hi I'm confused in my relationship and not sure were it is going. My girlfriend and I met about 18months ago, she had three children to her previous partner, and we now have a child of our own, which I'm real happy for. We love other a lot ...
A. 28 April 2010: If she became "saved" before you had this child together, then she's being a hypocrite and has no right to make you do this.
If she became "saved" after, which I presume is the case along with raiders, then this gets more complicated. Her reli... (read in full...)
2 men and I don't know what to do!
Q. Okay, I honestly dont know where to start.... well lets just jump in I have a 2 month old lil boy with a man i have been with for 3 years but for the past month i have been havin a emotional affair i have not slept with this new man but i have ...
A. 26 April 2010: Leave David. Staying with somebody who doesn't make you happy isn't good for you or your child. You don't need to be put down and have your appearance criticized. Especially from somebody who left you at least once already.
Leave him. Be with ... (read in full...)
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