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... Send *immD a private message | | | *immD's profile:Any advice I give should not be taken personally. I'm not here to judge you, so you can be sure any advice I give is strictly objective. What you choose to do with my advice is completely up to you, though you can be sure the advice I am giving you is what I feel is best for you.
Please keep an open mind when asking for advice. It seems that many people aren't really looking for advice, they are just looking for justification to do what they already have in their mind to do. This site is about gaining an unbiased perspective on things. Please don't ask a question if you've already made your mind up on what to do.
Some things to remember:
- The "pullout" method is NOT a method of birth control. This is just something people do to rationalize their thoughts that sex without a condom feels better than it does with a condom. Even though a man doesn't climax, he still secretes fluid the entire time that has the potential to make you pregnant. Don't be a fool, if you are old enough and mature enough to have sex.... use birth control.
- There is no excuse for "revenge" sex. If your partner cheats on you, immediately going out to sleep with someone else as revenge doesn't make it right.... it makes things way worse. Relationships aren't about keeping score. If you believe they are, then you shouldn't be in one.
- Relationships rarely end easily. Especially long term relationships. It is very common for one partner to breakup with the other and then continue to text them or call them. Many times sex can start again as well. Unfortunately, there was a reason you two broke up in the first place and odds are a cycle with start to where you start to spend more time together and eventually feel like you ARE together... only to break up again. So before you post those "He broke up with me but he still texts me!" questions, remember this.
- There are about 50 million posts here regarding porn. Please do a search prior to posting questions like "My boyfriend watches porn, what should I do?". This is a touchy subject here but my opinion on porn is that it's not a big deal - as long as it's not an addiction. To MOST men, watching porn is strictly a tool for masturbating. Those women are not the type men want to have relationships with. Ask and most men will tell you that as soon as they "do their deed" they shut it off. It's not like they watch it for any other purpose. From my experience, the women that have issues with porn have issues with their own self confidence and they are insecure. There are many women out there that are confident that they satisfy their men sexually and feel that their husband watching porn is harmless. However, don't get me wrong, there are times when a man is addicted to porn and will choose porn OVER sex with their partner. This is where porn is unhealthy. My point in all of this is if you are in what you consider to be a "perfect" relationship with a great guy who does anything and everything for you, there is no need to penalize him if he watches porn. If you STILL have a problem with it, try watching it with him. Make it a sexual experience for the both of you. Or, record yourself with him. You'd be surprised what that does for a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: What you need to know about Online Dating
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 August 2010: First, let me start off by saying that online dating is not a bad thing. In todays age of technology and the internet, I think online dating is just as good if not better than simply meeting someone at a bar, pub or nightclub. When you meet ...
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Do I worry about her or continue to trust my boyfriend?
Q. Dear readers I am in a new realtionship with a Man for 4 months now. He have a female friend whom he's very closed to and so does she to him. It makes me quite uncomfortable-- especially that i can see how excited and proud he is of her-- I notic...
A. 26 April 2010: I wouldn't just end it. You have every reason to be upset given the situation with this other girl. I would talk to him... about everything. Let him know just how hurt you are and that you are seriously questioning your relationship. His ... (read in full...)
Partner says he'll give me more sex if I dye my hair!!!
Q. My partner says if I dye my hair blonde, he will give me more sex but I don't want to dye my hair. He watches a fair amount of porn by the way, which I think interferes with our sex life already. But should I leave him or adapt?...
A. 26 April 2010: He clearly finds other women more desirable then you. He's even told you that if you looked differently he would like you and desire you more.
Do you not like yourself or respect yourself enough to put up with that from him?... (read in full...)
Will I look back and regret sleeping with a 46 year old man?
Q. Hi, thanks for your time, I'm 17 and the guy I'm having casual sex with is man who is 46, with the benifit of hindsight will I look back and think what he is doing is wrong? It's just a pattern I've noticed throught life, as I get older I look bac...
A. 23 April 2010: CindyCares, you deserve a high five for that response. Bravo! lol... (read in full...)
I want to have her back, I know we are meant to be together!
Q. OK, My ex gf and I broke up 4 mo. ago. We got in contact about two weeks ago, started talking, then she wanted to hang out. We did, everything went great. I had tried to get her back in the past to no avail, and after a few days got ...
A. 23 April 2010: It sounds like you're going to have to talk more with your actions then words. Trying to convince her through conversation or promising stuff is not what she wants to hear. SHOW her that you're putting her first. Show her that she is your friend. ... (read in full...)
Will I look back and regret sleeping with a 46 year old man?
Q. Hi, thanks for your time, I'm 17 and the guy I'm having casual sex with is man who is 46, with the benifit of hindsight will I look back and think what he is doing is wrong? It's just a pattern I've noticed throught life, as I get older I look bac...
A. 23 April 2010: As already brought up, a normal 47 year old should find sex with a 17 year old girl weird. Especially if he's had children himself.
You are being used for sex by a MUCH older man. Will you regret it? Maybe. But there's also a good chance t... (read in full...)
Partner says he'll give me more sex if I dye my hair!!!
Q. My partner says if I dye my hair blonde, he will give me more sex but I don't want to dye my hair. He watches a fair amount of porn by the way, which I think interferes with our sex life already. But should I leave him or adapt?...
A. 23 April 2010: He's telling you he'd rather have sex with somebody else. A blonde specifically. Leave him, you don't want somebody like that. Or, you can tell him you'll start pretending to be a blonde if he'll start pretending he's not a selfish a*#hole.
... (read in full...)
Should I call off my wedding to a man who finds me unattractive?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we're engaged and getting married this summer but lately he's been acting weird towards me he complains about my weight he tells me that I'm not attractive anymore, the sex is awesome, he wants it all ...
A. 23 April 2010: When the man who you plan on spending the rest of your life with tells you he doesn't find you attractive anymore, he's got some issues and you probably shouldn't be marrying him.
I'd consider talking to him, tell him your concerns and see how ... (read in full...)
Is there a family connection?
Q. hey this is confusing but here goes,my bfs cousin is my mothers uncles son...so what does that make my bf? im not really good on family relations ...
A. 23 April 2010: So your boyfriend's cousin is your mom's cousin? You need to make a more detailed family tree to be sure but it sounds like your boyfriend is a 2nd or 3rd cousin of your mom's.... (read in full...)
Is this a new trend? Twenty-somethings hitting on 40-somethings?
Q. To all of the men out there. I am 48 years old and have been getting hit up on by gorgeous guys in thier early 20's. Is this a new trend going on? Are these guys just looking for sex? FYI i have not been going out with any of them because of the ...
A. 23 April 2010: It is a trend, yes... but not a new one. Younger guys have been attracted older, more mature women for a long time... it's only recently become more culturally accepted due to more public displays of it in the movies and in real life (Demi Moore, ... (read in full...)
He was staring at my ass, what does this mean?
Q. i told a boy i liked him, since we say hi everyday(its a step up from saying hi once a week, waves to me, smiles at me, and one of my friends says he was staring at my ass. what does this mean?...
A. 22 April 2010: It means he was checking out your body in a sexual way.... (read in full...)
Why does everybody think it's bad when girl cheats but cool when a man cheats?
Q. I would like to know why when a gurl cheat everybody think it's bad but when a man did the samething they think it's cool I would like to know why? Please...
A. 22 April 2010: +1 for what CaringGuy said. REAL men don't cheat and don't think it's right for other men to cheat.... (read in full...)
Do I worry about her or continue to trust my boyfriend?
Q. Dear readers I am in a new realtionship with a Man for 4 months now. He have a female friend whom he's very closed to and so does she to him. It makes me quite uncomfortable-- especially that i can see how excited and proud he is of her-- I notic...
A. 22 April 2010: I would look at your relationship with him minus her first - how he treats you, how much affection he shows you. You're in the early stages of a relationship and those months are usually the most romantic and lustful. Is he lacking anything when ... (read in full...)
How do you know if he's cheating or losing interest?
Q. How do you know if your boyfriend is cheating? If he doent call you as much a s he used to or not very affectionate nor compliment you as before.. does it mean that he's cheating or losing interest? If he's calls changed.. and seems to be in a hurry ...
A. 22 April 2010: They all sound like signs he's losing interest. Is he cheating? Can't tell from any of what you said but losing interest can definitely be a side effect of cheating.
Have you tried asking him what has changed?... (read in full...)
I feel like I can't tell him when I'm upset! It's always me in the wrong!
Q. i live 30 miles away from my boyfriend, and we do see each other as much as we possibly can. on monday my boyfriend didn't visit because he had a lecture on the tuesday morning. then tuesday my boyfriend came to visit. i didn't realise until th...
A. 22 April 2010: A partner should do nice things for you because he WANTS to. He should never throw the things he does for you back into your face. In all honesty, you don't need somebody like that. He's manipulative and selfish. A guy should take you being ... (read in full...)
My ex showing mixed signals?
Q. She is now dating a girl and she hated my guts for a while but recently, she called my name out really loud in the hall, told me to come here, and hugged me.... I confused.... Does she still have feelings for me? I've been avoiding her for a long ...
A. 22 April 2010: I'm guessing you are younger then the 26-29. Please clarify because your age and social situation (school, work, etc) can effect our advice given.... (read in full...)
Is this heavy petting and will it lead to sex?
Q. My boyfriend whom i have been together for 2 months want to touch my breast and vagina when we are french kissing. Should I allow him to do that? Is that considered heavy petting and if I agreed to it will that be leading him on to sex?...
A. 22 April 2010: Yes, that will give him the message that you want the kissing to lead to sex. If you don't want to have sex with him yet, tell him you are not ready now so he doesn't get the wrong idea.... (read in full...)
Will he try to come back later on?
Q. good morning everybody,i thank everyone who takes time to read my question and give me an advice.I'm pregnant but my boyfriend acted stupid at the beginning,he lied to me,cheated,and even injured me.he ran away for twq months,and come back when i ...
A. 22 April 2010: You did the right thing by removing him from your life. You don't need him nor should you be with him after how he treated you.
Yes, there is a good chance he will try to return. He will apologize. He will use your feelings to his advantag... (read in full...)
Get over him? or love him in silence?
Q. i've been in love with a guy for almost a year now, but he has a girlfriend.they have been together for almost 3 years now.They're very much in love and are planning to settle down together in the future.He is unaware of my feelings for him and he ...
A. 22 April 2010: Sounds like you already know your choices.
1. Confess your feelings.
2. Move on.
It sounds like he's happy in his relationship and since he simply cares for you as a friend, you're best course of action is to just move on. Find somebody ... (read in full...)
How do I approach him?
Q. I guess my situation is the typical girl meets guy and has an interest but doesn't know how to go any further than that kind of situation. I've gone to this specific church building for the past two years and there has been this one guy there the ...
A. 22 April 2010: The easiest way for you to proceed is sitting next to him again. This can be done by maybe showing up a little bit later then usual so you can pretty much insure he will be sitting down first, and then make your way to him. Now, this isn't always ... (read in full...)
What do you do if you love someone so much but you feel you'll always be plagued with feelings of betrayal?
Q. Help, I need people outside the situation to give me their best advice. My (now) ex boyfriend's emotional affair is out in the open. I found out about it through doing detective work. Here's what happened. I was extremely busy in my career ...
A. 22 April 2010: This seems like a huge amount of going behind your back and keeping this a secret from you. I'm usually the first to say give them another chance, but again... this isn't exactly a "heat of the moment" lapse in judgement, this is calculated ... (read in full...)
My ex knows my Facebook password, do you think it's him deleting my male friends???
Q. Hey cupid my ex had the password of my email when we were together he went into my myspace account when we was broken up and I was very upset we still didn't get back together... I just realized that on my facebook that every time I request a guy ...
A. 22 April 2010: Yes, it does sounds like he is doing this. As already suggested change the passwords on your Yahoo account and then Facebook. It is very easy to do this and can save you lots of trouble. If he isn't doing this then there is no harm changing your ... (read in full...)
My online friend...
Q. I met a man online four months ago. We have been communicating steadily. We are meeting in two weeks. After we exchanged pictures of each other and started getting to know one another the sparks were flying. I have not had sex in years as I am ...
A. 22 April 2010: Is his fantasy of getting aroused and having you take pictures of him normal? Well, everybody has different fantasies and fetishes and compared to other ones out there this doesn't sound TOO crazy. Definitely a little different, but nothing to be ... (read in full...)
Problems already in a new relationship! Move on?
Q. MOD NOTE: 2 posts combined...1st post..I have been in a relationship for about 6weeks and already had a few problems. I thought he was divorced, but it turns out he has only been separated from his wife since christmas, and she rang me to warn me ...
A. 22 April 2010: He sounds like bad news. He's already lied to you about being divorced and that helps reinforce what his wife is saying may be true.
The problem is most likely him and relationships. He was looking for something fun and different from his marr... (read in full...)
Addicted to sex and I want to change my ways
Q. Im 20 in the pass 9 years I've been sleeping with over 20 men I feel like I'm a slut I always did that just to having fun not to enjoy it when I think about all the # of men I've been sleeping with that makes me don't wanna live anymore I feel bad ...
A. 21 April 2010: It sounds like you should talk to somebody who specialized is sexual addiction counseling. Professional help could help you with your addiction and help you feel better about yourself.... (read in full...)
How do you know if she's had sex?
Q. how do you know if a girl has had sex/lost her virginity?...
A. 21 April 2010: Ummmmm.... well you can start by asking her.
Then, there's the knowledge part. There are some things you just can't be "told" about and sex is one of them. If a girl is still a virgin she should be very nervous if you get intimate enough w... (read in full...)
Is it normal for my boyfriend to be getting turned on by this?
Q. My boyfriend watches a lot of the BDSM type porn. The other night, we were in bed watching TV. I tried to intiate sex, but he claimed he was too tired. We were watching a criminal investigative type TV show. They showed clips of a girl that tied ...
A. 21 April 2010: People have weird fetishes sometimes. This is why you see tons of different porno films out there doing such crazy things. It's a way for guys (and girls) to watch the things they may get turned on by without actually living it in real life.
... (read in full...)
Worried about risking the only stable relationship in my life!
Q. My dear friend and I are currently single. He is a big flirt, Has questionable taste in women, very demanding of their time and affection, and then freaks out when he finds out they are or used to be junkies with complicated stds. I am afraid o...
A. 21 April 2010: Well, I think honesty is going to be your best bet here. If he is really your best friend and "soul mate" then he should understand what you tell him. He may not like it, but he should understand.
Yes, there is the chance that he doesn't ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend cheated on me with my friend, can I trust him again?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We have been extremely happy together. We hardly have even have gotten into fights. Recently I have noticed that he has been a little more distracted. Our friend did move in with us a month or so ...
A. 21 April 2010: I agree that first and foremost the other girl MUST go. She is no friend to either of you. I'm not saying that he deserves to be forgiven, I'm not saying he doesn't.... but having that kind of temptation around is bad.
Truthfully, he should h... (read in full...)
Can they really not have sex in the morning if they 'have to pee'?
Q. Me and my boyfriend's sex life has been declining. We used to have sex at night about 5 times a week. Now we are down to one, maybe two nights a week. He is usually too tired to do it at night, so we have been having morning sex. Well the recent ...
A. 21 April 2010: Yeah, the peeing thing is an issue for guys. The problem is this:
Guys may need to pee, but not really bad so they don't get up to go. Next thing you know you're both getting turned on and in the heat of the moment... you start having sex and ... (read in full...)
In love with an old teacher, what should I do next?
Q. I have mentioned my problem before but I had to delete it . I have been in love with one of my teachers for months now. My feelings are a little rare because he is 52 and I am 18! He is not married and has no kids and he looks younger than his age. ...
A. 21 April 2010: After graduation spend 6 months away from him. Prepare for college and get all of your things in order and even try to get him out of your mind. IF, at the end of the 6 months you still feel the same way, then simply contact him at the school and ... (read in full...)
Why do guys always stare at me?
Q. Everywhere I go, guys always stare at me, or beep their car horns, or try and chat me up and wolf whistle at me. I can't even walk my dog or go get a pint of milk from the corner shop without getting oggled. I dress appropriately, for example...
A. 21 April 2010: Most likely because you are beautiful and attractive. I can see how this would be bothersome to you and that you don't like them doing it, but I wouldn't feel like there is something wrong with you.... (read in full...)
I played with fire and I got burned!
Q. I cheated I came clean and now my husband has walked out on me! I'm so sad I regret it so much I know I'm not innocent I made a big mistake but I want him back! I wish I could turn back time and never played this stupid game I'm hurting and I'm ...
A. 21 April 2010: Congratulations and good luck to you both.
Learn from this experience......... (read in full...)
How can I be amazing at giving head?
Q. I give my boyfriend blowjobs but i know im not 'amazing' at it any tips to make it better for him?...
A. 20 April 2010: Using your hands is the number one most important thing to remember. Most girls doesn't understand this. Use both your mouth AND your hands.
Make sure you keep it very wet and slippery while going all of the way down.... (read in full...)
Where can we go to make love and have some privacy???
Q. hi everyone.. i am in a relationship since 3 years.. both of us are perfect for each other.. we share a great bonding together.. i am 21 years old and he is 22.. we study in the same college.. we live with our families in a small town in india.. we ...
A. 20 April 2010: How about outdoors? Are there any parks or open fields you can meet in the evening that aren't populated with people? Choose an nice clear night when the moon is bright and make love under the stars.
If that doesn't work then perhaps talking ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my brother the truth about his wife?
Q. My older brother and I went to the same college. I lived in a different dorm than him and rarely saw him in the two years we were at the same school. One night my room mate brought a girl in and had sex with her. They were both very drunk. ...
A. 20 April 2010: How has your brother's marriage been since their wedding? How has your sister in law treated him? Any signs of lying, cheating, etc from her?
You have to be a little careful.... yes, your loyalty is to your brother, but telling him the truth mi... (read in full...)
Does this mean our relationship has run its course???
Q. I have been in a relationship with my partner for 4 years, it hasn't been the easiest ride ever and has had it's abusive moments but not present anymore. we have 2 children together but there is a big question mark over the relatonship, on my part ...
A. 20 April 2010: Who would you miss more if they were no longer in your life? Your partner or his friend?
... (read in full...)
Besotted by my teacher...
Q. I am 15 years old and I am in love with a teacher at my school who is 25 years old, I may sound naive but it's not a silly little crush and I didn't choose to like him and I have never been a believer of age meaning anything, also he is single so i ...
A. 20 April 2010: I know this is going to be hard to hear, but you asked. This is a text book crush, and we've all been through it ourselves when we were your age. Once you get older you will understand that, unfortunately for you, normal people aren't interested ... (read in full...)
Home pregnacy test or blood test, which one is better?
Q. How accurate are home pregnacy test? Are blood test better ? Please give me your experince please...
A. 20 April 2010: Blood tests are the most accurate, but home pregnancy tests are usually performed first. If you get multiple home pregnancy tests coming up negative then there is a good possibility you are not pregnant. If they come up positive, then the next ... (read in full...)
Do I have the right to see these conversations he has with another woman? Or am I in the wrong here?
Q. For the past month ive been suspecting my bf has not been entirely truthful on where hes been going and the txts hes been recieving, so on his phone bill a number appeared over and over again just as much as mine, so i made up a story and txt it f...
A. 20 April 2010: He was not being honest with you. For him to turn it back around onto you like you did something wrong is a classic defense mechanism guilty people use. He shouldn't have been talking to her in the first place. If it wasn't a big deal he should ... (read in full...)
Bridesmaid and groomsmen... should we hook up?
Q. My best friend's wedding is coming up in August and I'm a bridesmaid. One of the groomsmen is someone I dated for couple of months two years ago (he's actually the groom's best friend). Well, I never got over him and as far as anyone's told me, he ...
A. 19 April 2010: Well, for weddings it's pretty common for people to come with a date... even if they are a part of the wedding party. You can try to hook up with him, but you better be sure he doesn't bring a date.... no matter how serious he may be with her.... (read in full...)
Slept with ex and need some advice!!
Q. I recently split with my boyfriend of 4.5 years. The past 5 months have been a rollercoaster and although we only seperated 6 weeks ago i think i came to terms with it over a long period of ups and downs. We do not get along anymore and he is not ...
A. 19 April 2010: It sounds like you shouldn't be with either of those guys. The latest one doesn't want to commit and the first one betrayed you.
Don't feel guilty about this. I'd just suggest getting away from both.... (read in full...)
Does my step cousin fancy me?
Q. Hey guys! Okay please dont judge but this is a bit wierd. About two years ago my uncle got a girlfriend. ( he divorced his wife) now he is getting married to the girlfriend. She had a son two years older than me and we get on really , really w...
A. 19 April 2010: It's not weird to date him given these circumstances, but he may think that you think that. If you're not sure, just ask him out. You don't have to be formal about it and say "Will you be my boyfriend?". Just ask if he wants to take you out to ... (read in full...)
How do I start a friendship with her?
Q. hi i am "AD" [moderator replaced names with initials] and i am in love with a girl named "V" but i have no friendship with her and no relation and i wanna to do friendship with her but i scare to do so tell me a good solution to start a frienship ...
A. 19 April 2010: A little more info might be helpful to us. Are you in school? Where do you know this girl from? When do you see her?... (read in full...)
I think I am falling for my best friend, a girl, again!
Q. I think I am falling for my best friend, a girl, again. We have tried to go out twice before, and they lasted roughly...a day or so, but they were about a year apart. I think I am getting stronger signs from her that she likes me. So i just con...
A. 19 April 2010: Why did it not work in the past? I think I'd start with understand what didn't work and focus on changing that for the future.... (read in full...)
I played with fire and I got burned!
Q. I cheated I came clean and now my husband has walked out on me! I'm so sad I regret it so much I know I'm not innocent I made a big mistake but I want him back! I wish I could turn back time and never played this stupid game I'm hurting and I'm ...
A. 6 April 2010: This woman has admitted she screwed up and not only told us her whole story but continues to follow up with us. She has taken a lot of abuse here, some rightfully so... but again, she admits complete wrong doing and sees the mistake she made. Will ... (read in full...)
I played with fire and I got burned!
Q. I cheated I came clean and now my husband has walked out on me! I'm so sad I regret it so much I know I'm not innocent I made a big mistake but I want him back! I wish I could turn back time and never played this stupid game I'm hurting and I'm ...
A. 30 March 2010: Agreed, eyeswideopen. The worst part is that these people are more upset about THEIR loss. I think the #1 thing they should be worried about is their spouses feelings being hurt.
Anyway, to the poster.... I'm sorry. I know you're hurt now, and... (read in full...)
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