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... Send *immD a private message | | | *immD's profile:Any advice I give should not be taken personally. I'm not here to judge you, so you can be sure any advice I give is strictly objective. What you choose to do with my advice is completely up to you, though you can be sure the advice I am giving you is what I feel is best for you.
Please keep an open mind when asking for advice. It seems that many people aren't really looking for advice, they are just looking for justification to do what they already have in their mind to do. This site is about gaining an unbiased perspective on things. Please don't ask a question if you've already made your mind up on what to do.
Some things to remember:
- The "pullout" method is NOT a method of birth control. This is just something people do to rationalize their thoughts that sex without a condom feels better than it does with a condom. Even though a man doesn't climax, he still secretes fluid the entire time that has the potential to make you pregnant. Don't be a fool, if you are old enough and mature enough to have sex.... use birth control.
- There is no excuse for "revenge" sex. If your partner cheats on you, immediately going out to sleep with someone else as revenge doesn't make it right.... it makes things way worse. Relationships aren't about keeping score. If you believe they are, then you shouldn't be in one.
- Relationships rarely end easily. Especially long term relationships. It is very common for one partner to breakup with the other and then continue to text them or call them. Many times sex can start again as well. Unfortunately, there was a reason you two broke up in the first place and odds are a cycle with start to where you start to spend more time together and eventually feel like you ARE together... only to break up again. So before you post those "He broke up with me but he still texts me!" questions, remember this.
- There are about 50 million posts here regarding porn. Please do a search prior to posting questions like "My boyfriend watches porn, what should I do?". This is a touchy subject here but my opinion on porn is that it's not a big deal - as long as it's not an addiction. To MOST men, watching porn is strictly a tool for masturbating. Those women are not the type men want to have relationships with. Ask and most men will tell you that as soon as they "do their deed" they shut it off. It's not like they watch it for any other purpose. From my experience, the women that have issues with porn have issues with their own self confidence and they are insecure. There are many women out there that are confident that they satisfy their men sexually and feel that their husband watching porn is harmless. However, don't get me wrong, there are times when a man is addicted to porn and will choose porn OVER sex with their partner. This is where porn is unhealthy. My point in all of this is if you are in what you consider to be a "perfect" relationship with a great guy who does anything and everything for you, there is no need to penalize him if he watches porn. If you STILL have a problem with it, try watching it with him. Make it a sexual experience for the both of you. Or, record yourself with him. You'd be surprised what that does for a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: What you need to know about Online Dating
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 August 2010: First, let me start off by saying that online dating is not a bad thing. In todays age of technology and the internet, I think online dating is just as good if not better than simply meeting someone at a bar, pub or nightclub. When you meet ...
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He told me he doesn't enjoy receiving oral sex from me!!
Q. I am seeing my current boyfriend for just over 1 year . he has recently told me that he doesn't enjoy receiving oral sex from me as I am not very good at it in fact I am quite bad at it and it doesn't do any thing for him . Now I enjoy oral sex as ...
A. 24 November 2010: I agree with Dirtball, your guy doesn't sound very compassionate. However, here is the deal:
It is not unusual for a man to not enjoy oral sex from his partner. Oral sex TAKES 2. Yes, you are the one performing it, but every guy out there is... (read in full...)
We don't have sex enough
Q. I have a serious issue, my fiance only wants to have Sex once every couple weeks and i want it every night or at least ever other day, but i have never had to be the one to come on to a man before because the man always wanted it, i have hinted ...
A. 24 November 2010: Yes, the age difference is definitely going to be a factor. You have yet to reach your sexual prime in your life while his sexual prime is long gone.
I'm sure you've already heard people tell you that relationships with a big age differen... (read in full...)
She has a boyfriend and I don't want to come between them...but I love her. What should I do?
Q. Hi i have a situation, i've had feelings for this girl for 10 years (yea i knw its a lot), (we went to the same school thu :( ) but i haven't told her about my feelings yet, anyways i have been getting close to her lately but she acts to be ...
A. 24 November 2010: As she told you, girls know when you have feelings for them. The truth is, if she was at all interested in you romantically then she would have pursued you. She likes you but only as a friend, it's that simple. You must move on from her. ... (read in full...)
I've cheated and totally ashamed of myself, do I tell my partner?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 and half years, for the last two years since my best friend passed away I have been terrible depressed and thinking about life so much. I have lived with my boyfriend for quite a number of years, he is a l...
A. 24 November 2010: Oddly enough, at this point this is probably the best thing that could happen to your relationship with your boyfriend. Talking to him hasn't worked. Things have been getting bad. Now, I don't support cheating and I'm not saying THAT is a good ... (read in full...)
Best friends with benefits!
Q. Dear Dearcupid readers and admins, I have a guy bestfriend. A bestfriend I have since the year 2005. We both like each other since college. We denied the feelings at first bec. I have a bf and he has a gf. His gf is very insecure with me because ...
A. 23 November 2010: Anytime a man who has a girlfriend asks you to wait for him, you should just run away. The relationship you are dreaming about or think is possible, isn't. If it was possible, it would have already happened. Sometimes you can be friends with ... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want to have a orgasm?
Q. I've been with my wife a total of 4 years, one of which married. We get along great in just about everything but there is something that worries and upsets me. After we got married my wife's attitude towards sex changed. I knew since we started...
A. 23 November 2010: It's not the sex that bother's you, it's the change in her behavior and her evasiveness. Obviously there is something she isn't telling you. I don't mean that she's cheating or anything like that. She's just not being honest and open with you for ... (read in full...)
I cheated with him when he had a g/f and now I think he's doing that to me!
Q. help me! i was looking through my boyfriends phone and we were just messing about, but in his inbox it said stuff like "dont worry babe mattys here for you xxxx" and thats the sort of stuff he says to me! its not fair i started crying to i tihnk he ...
A. 19 November 2010: If he has already done it once, then there is a good chance he's going to continue to do it. The problem is: He hasn't been pretending to be someone he's not. You KNOW what kind of a guy he is. He cheated on his ex with you. Unfortunately, the ... (read in full...)
2 girls traveled to see me, who do I choose?
Q. I am 23 year old boy from Berlin. I dated this girl from United States when i was like 18, she was actually my first love. It went actually pretty well until the time came when she had to return back to her country and we got separated. I missed her ...
A. 17 November 2010: Well, which out of all of those are most likely to go back home again? Are they all staying permanently? My suggestion is to take your time and don't rush into anything. You can be honest with them all that you miss them all and were broken ... (read in full...)
I saw something I shouldn't have seen!
Q. I saw my mate's boyfriend, kissing another one of my friends in the park the other day. They both saw me but carried on anyway, a few hours later they knocked on my door and begged me not to tell my mate. I'm confused, as i don't want to be the g...
A. 17 November 2010: chigirl's advice is spot on. Tell him either he tells or you tell. Unfortunately, it's not exactly your place to tell her the he's cheating on her... but this is a way to work around that.... (read in full...)
How do I go about breaking up with my girlfriend?
Q. I am in need of some advice on how to break up with my gf. We have been together just over two years. I still care about her deeply and have strong feelings for her, but I have lost sight of that spark that kept me so attracted to her.. Might say ...
A. 17 November 2010: The first thing you have to understand and accept is that there is no easy way to do this. It's going to be hard. 2 years is a long time and you already know she's emotional and that you will get emotional. So easy isn't going to happen.
As fa... (read in full...)
Do single men really think all women want to trap them with a baby?
Q. ok, so about 6 weeks ago I fooled around with a guy 10 years younger than me. It was just for fun and we did not have sex. I just needed a little something to make me feel alive since my life has been chaos and tragedy since March (husband killed ...
A. 17 November 2010: I wouldn't take it as personal as it sounds like you are. And trapped isn't the exact word I'd use. There are a lot of careless people out there, men and women alike. Granted, this happens more times in younger, more immature women... but being ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my mum I am dating a man 35 years older than me?
Q. I have been in a relationship for over a year with a man who is 35 years older than me. We have a special connection and love spending time together although it tends to be once a week as we both have very busy demanding jobs. I am 24 years old ...
A. 17 November 2010: The biggest question is: Why do you keep falling for older men and doing this to your mom?
We're not here to question your love for this man or tell you what you are doing is wrong. We're just here to point out the obvious in an objectiv... (read in full...)
I don't feel I should have to ask for oral sex, especially when I give him oral 2-3 times a week!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for almost one year and I give him oral 2-3 times per week without him asking but he has only given to me maybe once a month or less. I don't feel like I should have to ask-am I doing something wrong?...
A. 17 November 2010: This may come as a surprise to some women, but believe it or not.... men consider it a turn on if their woman asks to have oral performed on them. Don't get me wrong, there are some guys that consider it a chore, just as there are some women who ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my parents that I'm pregnant?
Q. here is the thing i am 15 almost 16 in the uk -legal age of consent is 16 - any ways . me and my boyfriend of 2 years he is 24 okay now there is a age gap i am very mature for my age and my parents now know we are in a relationship and they thi...
A. 16 November 2010: Good job not waiting too long. Let us know if you have anymore questions.... (read in full...)
Help me understand this cheater....
Q. What kind of a person would cheat on their girlfriend, propose several months later, and marry her without ever telling her that he had an affair? The newly married guy, shared this with my boyfriend in a drunken stupor...My boyfriend told me, and ...
A. 15 November 2010: It's all about getting caught. Human nature is to rationalize that it's okay to do something wrong as long as you don't get caught. Some people have a conscience as the male anon said below, which would bother them knowing they did something ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my parents that I'm pregnant?
Q. here is the thing i am 15 almost 16 in the uk -legal age of consent is 16 - any ways . me and my boyfriend of 2 years he is 24 okay now there is a age gap i am very mature for my age and my parents now know we are in a relationship and they thi...
A. 15 November 2010: Well, it sounds like your mom will take it easier than your dad so you probably should tell your mom first. How to tell her? I would just sit down and be honest with her. I would suggest not having your boyfriend there at first, just you and your ... (read in full...)
Is there a slim chance I can get her back?
Q. I'm still madly in love with my ex-girlfriend. We had an amazing relationship, with a few problems, but nothing that time couldn't fix (we're only 21) However, I screwed up way too many times. The first offense was in may 2009 I e-maile...
A. 10 November 2010: This wasn't a "I screwed up once but can we rebound?" type of relationship. Unfortunately, and admittedly you screwed up. Many times in fact. Your ex "may" have feelings for you, but she doesn't trust you. And at this point she's got no reason ... (read in full...)
For the guys, does it have to be smooth as a baby's butt or is a little stubble ok?
Q. hey this is for all the guys on here! do guys really care if there is some stubble on a vagina if the girl is unable to get all of it off when shaving? or does it need to be perfectly smooth and hairless?...
A. 10 November 2010: Each guy is different. Some like it smooth, some like stubble, some actually like it hairy. Personally, the stubble doesn't bother me. If you shave it's almost impossible not to have some stubble. I believe the only way to get it truly "smooth" ... (read in full...)
She's 29 and lives across the Atlantic, should we get married?
Q. Hi, there cupid...,i am a guy 20 years old from Nigeria. I have a lady who lives in the U.S.A. She said that she loves me with all her heart but the problem is that she i older than me because she is 29 years old and am 20years old. If our ...
A. 10 November 2010: I would not worry about the age difference as much as the distance. Have you met in person? Or just online? You should base your decision about marriage on how your relationship when you are together, in person.... (read in full...)
We had sex and now he threatens to tell my husband if I don't do what he wants!!! Help!
Q. Long story short, I met a guy and we ended up having sex. I'm married. Now he threatens to tell my husband if I don't do what he wants, when he wants. How do I get out of this? Please help me....
A. 2 November 2010: Yes, the best way to stop somebody from blackmailing you is to take away their power. Telling your husband is the best way to do that. You may not like that answer, but you have to understand that there is no easy way out of this one. You need to ... (read in full...)
My he/she wife has left me and I'm broken
Q. What can or should I do; (heartbroken)? On Aug.26, 2010,I picked up my fiance from OKC Airport;she just arrived from Republica Dominicana, where she lives. Met her on the internet about a month before. We married on Sept.01, 2010,deepest love I've ...
A. 1 November 2010: I'm sorry, but I think I need to just point out the obvious here. Let me just see if I have all of this straight - You met a "woman" on the internet. After 1 month you met "her", but by then she was already your fiancee? That would mean in that 1 ... (read in full...)
What if I cannot stop my attraction to my sister in law?
Q. hi, Im back again with these SIL thing. I got your answers to the question however I dont think it done me much justice. Im still having these feeling in fact I woke up thinking about her. What if i cant stop it? I know im married and so is she with ...
A. 1 November 2010: I know the kind people on this site have already tried to talk you out of cheating on your wife both in this post and I'm sure in the last as well. It sounds like you are just looking for "permission" to do it. Unfortunately, you're not going to ... (read in full...)
He's watching porn... is he a player? Am I too ugly for him?
Q. Hi everybody. I need you to judge me. My boyfriend said I'm too jealous. We been together for 3years on and off. I always check on his stuff. Like his cell phone, computer. I always see what he been watching on the internet. I found out last pas...
A. 1 November 2010: I think your biggest issue is the fact that you are insecure with yourself. Being jealous? Not trusting him? That kind of a stuff is a serious turn off for guys. I'm not saying he is an angel and I really don't want to get into another porn post ... (read in full...)
I think I've finally had it! Should I break it off?
Q. Confused, pissed and frustrated. I can't stop feeling angry over boyfriend not helping me co-sign for an apartment. We have been together 10 years. Lived together for 5 years, 3 years lived in my own apartment(we do better with a little space ...
A. 29 October 2010: After 10 years, it's hard to imagine him changing. I think what you've seen of him is pretty much who he is. I'm not going to tell you that you should dump him, I'll just ask you to ask yourself "Is this who you want to spend your life with?".
... (read in full...)
My husband is rubbing his affairs in my face!
Q. I have been reading your colume for awhile and i felt it was time to reach out to someone. iv been married for 24 years my husband 2 years ago took out a young girl out for valintines night.for the past 2 years their has been 2 different women call ...
A. 29 October 2010: I'm not trying to be rude here, but I must ask - since you know this, what have you done about it? Have you confronted him? To me it seems that he will continue to do it as long as he feels he can get away with it.
What can you do? You can tell... (read in full...)
I can't stop masturbating over my co-worker!
Q. i need help i work with a polish women shes 23 small blonde hair big boobs face and smile like you wouldnt beleave she just looks awesome, shes so friendly get on well every time i speak to her or even look at her i get an massive erection neve...
A. 29 October 2010: How old are you? Are you married or do you have a girlfriend?... (read in full...)
Can I make a woman happy with a small penis?
Q. hello people, I am not a native speaker of English. If I make mistakes, pls forgive me. if you do not have this problem, I don't think you can fully understand what it feels like to have a small penis. My character has unfortunatelly b...
A. 28 October 2010: It depends on when and where you are naked. All of us men look ridiculous if we were just standing in the middle of the room naked. Our bodies aren't as beautiful as the female body. Besides, all guy's penises are small at that point. lol
But w... (read in full...)
Can I make a woman happy with a small penis?
Q. hello people, I am not a native speaker of English. If I make mistakes, pls forgive me. if you do not have this problem, I don't think you can fully understand what it feels like to have a small penis. My character has unfortunatelly b...
A. 28 October 2010: Ever hear the expression "It's not the size but how you use it?".
There are men that have a large penis that are bad at satisfying women because they don't know how to use it properly. On the flip side, there are men that have a smaller penis wh... (read in full...)
First time am having sex in my life need to have some suggestions!
Q. Me and one of my friend but she's really not my girl friend we gonna have for first time and me for first time having sex she asking me to keep my penis inside her am just scared to do that and she want me to cum in her mouth bcus fist time I'm ...
A. 28 October 2010: Do you want to have sex with her or not?
If you do, make sure you buy some condoms for protection. Then let her lead the way.
If you do not want to have sex, then tell her you don't feel comfortable and that you want to wait until you are in... (read in full...)
Is it possible there is no pleasure in sex?
Q. Is it possible for a promiscuous person to not enjoy sex? Why sleep around if there is no pleasure? ...
A. 27 October 2010: The very definition of promiscuous is having multiple partners. At that point it would be logical they would only be doing that for enjoyment. So to answer your question, I'd say "no".
However, certain psychological disorders could lead someone ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for him to masturbate to porn whenever I am not at home?
Q. my guy masturbates every time I am not home to porn is this normal? Even if we have sex on a regular? It always makes me angry when I find out , should I be worried ? I have talked to him about it but he says its normal but it hurts my feelings ...
A. 27 October 2010: dirtball is 100% right. Is it normal? Not necessarily. Is it common? It seems to be that way more and more. For the most part it comes down to what dirtball said as to why he is doing it. Tool or obsession. From a guy's standpoint I can tell ... (read in full...)
Could my dad be cheating on my mom?
Q. I was browsing through my dad's phone and saw a msg from a woman in our church giving him her banking details and said " i luv u c u on d....." What does that mean? Is he cheating on mom....
A. 27 October 2010: You should never jump to any conclusions without more facts. Especially when it comes to snooping through somebody's phone. There are many other possibilities for what that text meant. I'd keep your thoughts to yourself on this matter until some ... (read in full...)
In the heat of the argument I told him he has a tiny penis! I know I have screwed up, so how do I fix this?
Q. Ok so ive been seeing this guy for a while now almost a year. He told me before that he always thought he had a small penis (he had been drinking, in fact i dont know if he remembers telling me that) but hes not small hes like 6.5 in. Ive been told ...
A. 27 October 2010: Ouch. That's a tough one. Let me try to put this into perspective from a woman's point of view. (This is a generalization and doesn't apply to EVERY single woman out there) but here goes....
Do you know how woman can be self conscious about th... (read in full...)
LDR boyfriend coming to see me and wants me to sleep with him but I don't want to
Q. I live in Australia and my boyfriend lives in India. Now he is coming to visit me in Australia and wants me to stay with him in a hotel. I don't want this coz i dn't want to hurt my parents since we are not married. How do i tell him this? I tried ...
A. 26 October 2010: What are the circumstances of your LDR? Have you met him before or is this an online relationship? Under no circumstances should he be making you have sex if you do not want to. Don't let him manipulate you into doing something you don't want to.... (read in full...)
Oral sex just for the fun of it
Q. I have been friends with this guy for a little over six months. We have great fun together, and we have at some point admitted we like each other, but he is not sure about getting in to a relationship with me. ( He says he's broken up with h...
A. 26 October 2010: Will a guy give oral sex to a girl just for the fun of it?
Yes. Guys enjoy having a "no strings" sexual relationship. Do not engage into anymore sexual relations with him unless he's willing to have a more traditional relationship with him. Ot... (read in full...)
Threesome lead to wife giving something that I had always wanted
Q. Awhile back, my wife and I got drunk and lost our inhibitions and did something we always fantasized about, but should have left as a fantasy. We had a threesome, with a complete stranger. We picked a stranger, because we thought the chances of a...
A. 26 October 2010: In my opinion, this is one of those times where you have to just put this behind you. Stop the threesomes for right now, sit down and have a nice, honest talk with your wife. Sure we can all sit here and discuss the pros and cons to threesomes ... (read in full...)
I am ready to say "I love you", and okay with being the first to say it, but should I? Should I just wait?
Q. We have been dating 9 months, 7 of the months have been pretty serious. We are both divorced and he has a four year old little girl who i get along with great and he has equal joint custody of..... I spend the night often but i make the decision to ...
A. 26 October 2010: I don't think you should be worried about saying it first. If you both came from difficult relationships then he may be having the same doubts you are, thinking to himself "Should I say it? Will I scare her?".
My suggestion is to be just as ... (read in full...)
I found naughty texts do I confront her?
Q. I have been dating my girlfriend for a little over 3 months. My friends don't think she is trustworthy. The other day I was going through her phone and I noticed a text from a guy named John. I clicked on it and it said thing like I want you so b...
A. 26 October 2010: Your relationship lacks serious trust. You need to confront that first and foremost, as the others have said. The problem is, snooping in her phone is a serious no-no. If you bring THAT up she will be pissed.
Why do you friends think she can'... (read in full...)
Will our relationship last?
Q. hi! am 23 years old, dating a 45 year old. he is married having three kids, his relationship with his wife is complicated. the wife left him with kids and went back to her home. the man is struggling so hard to raise the kids. will our ...
A. 26 October 2010: Try to put your feelings for his aside just for a second. Now, be honest, is a relationship with a married, 45 year old father of 3 who's relationship with his wife is "complicated" something you really really want for yourself? Especially at your ... (read in full...)
Should I tell her about my past with my ex?
Q. My ex gf cheated on her then fiance, now husband with me. It happened after a night of drinks, a conversation that we wanted to be friends, and that she wasn't as happy as she was when she got engaged. I in a way started to think there was a chance ...
A. 26 October 2010: No, there is no reason you have to tell her. Everybody has things that they did in the past that they may not be proud of. You didn't cheat on your girlfriend so an explanation is not owed. Now, if you two have (or had) the "past relationships" ... (read in full...)
Should I wait to see if he'll leave his girlfriend
Q. I know this 30 year old guy for a few years he used to come in my shop. Had not seen him for a few months when he started coming in my shop again. after a few times coming in my shop, I told him I had divorced from my husband. The next thing he did ...
A. 25 October 2010: I agree with Aunt Honesty. I understand you've been lonely and it's great that he's been there for you. However, you don't want to be stuck waiting around forever for him.
Also, no matter how nice he may seem, his track record has to, unfortun... (read in full...)
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