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... Send *immD a private message | | | *immD's profile:Any advice I give should not be taken personally. I'm not here to judge you, so you can be sure any advice I give is strictly objective. What you choose to do with my advice is completely up to you, though you can be sure the advice I am giving you is what I feel is best for you.
Please keep an open mind when asking for advice. It seems that many people aren't really looking for advice, they are just looking for justification to do what they already have in their mind to do. This site is about gaining an unbiased perspective on things. Please don't ask a question if you've already made your mind up on what to do.
Some things to remember:
- The "pullout" method is NOT a method of birth control. This is just something people do to rationalize their thoughts that sex without a condom feels better than it does with a condom. Even though a man doesn't climax, he still secretes fluid the entire time that has the potential to make you pregnant. Don't be a fool, if you are old enough and mature enough to have sex.... use birth control.
- There is no excuse for "revenge" sex. If your partner cheats on you, immediately going out to sleep with someone else as revenge doesn't make it right.... it makes things way worse. Relationships aren't about keeping score. If you believe they are, then you shouldn't be in one.
- Relationships rarely end easily. Especially long term relationships. It is very common for one partner to breakup with the other and then continue to text them or call them. Many times sex can start again as well. Unfortunately, there was a reason you two broke up in the first place and odds are a cycle with start to where you start to spend more time together and eventually feel like you ARE together... only to break up again. So before you post those "He broke up with me but he still texts me!" questions, remember this.
- There are about 50 million posts here regarding porn. Please do a search prior to posting questions like "My boyfriend watches porn, what should I do?". This is a touchy subject here but my opinion on porn is that it's not a big deal - as long as it's not an addiction. To MOST men, watching porn is strictly a tool for masturbating. Those women are not the type men want to have relationships with. Ask and most men will tell you that as soon as they "do their deed" they shut it off. It's not like they watch it for any other purpose. From my experience, the women that have issues with porn have issues with their own self confidence and they are insecure. There are many women out there that are confident that they satisfy their men sexually and feel that their husband watching porn is harmless. However, don't get me wrong, there are times when a man is addicted to porn and will choose porn OVER sex with their partner. This is where porn is unhealthy. My point in all of this is if you are in what you consider to be a "perfect" relationship with a great guy who does anything and everything for you, there is no need to penalize him if he watches porn. If you STILL have a problem with it, try watching it with him. Make it a sexual experience for the both of you. Or, record yourself with him. You'd be surprised what that does for a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: What you need to know about Online Dating
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 August 2010: First, let me start off by saying that online dating is not a bad thing. In todays age of technology and the internet, I think online dating is just as good if not better than simply meeting someone at a bar, pub or nightclub. When you meet ...
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He snapped at me and it stung! Why is he like this?
Q. Hey everyone! Have an issue and any feedback would really be appreciated. I'm 19 and my guy just turned 34. We've been going out 7 months. So we semi-live together, he has an apt. and we'll spend time there, I do laundry, we cook together, clean ...
A. 8 September 2010: I'm not trying to make you break up with your boyfriend, but I just need you to know that once a man gets to be his age his behavior is pretty much set. And don't confuse natural leadership skills with being stubborn. I'm not saying he's through ... (read in full...)
He snapped at me and it stung! Why is he like this?
Q. Hey everyone! Have an issue and any feedback would really be appreciated. I'm 19 and my guy just turned 34. We've been going out 7 months. So we semi-live together, he has an apt. and we'll spend time there, I do laundry, we cook together, clean ...
A. 7 September 2010: Just don't let him make you feel guilty about anything. Relationships are about equals. If he wants his way on some things, don't let him make you feel bad for wanting YOUR way.
Has he snapped at you in the past? Has he made you feel guilty o... (read in full...)
He snapped at me and it stung! Why is he like this?
Q. Hey everyone! Have an issue and any feedback would really be appreciated. I'm 19 and my guy just turned 34. We've been going out 7 months. So we semi-live together, he has an apt. and we'll spend time there, I do laundry, we cook together, clean ...
A. 7 September 2010: I hate to bring this up because I'm sure you've already heard this... but there is a bigger issue at hand here I believe. Your age difference. And it's not just the difference in age actually, it's your specific ages. Him being 34, single, playing ... (read in full...)
Who should propose first... me or her?
Q. Hi... Me and my girl are having a good friendship for the past 4 months. We know about each other very well and to be frank I Luv her and I know she Loves me too but we never proposed each other. Should i propose her? What if she denies me? Or s...
A. 7 September 2010: What do you mean by propose? Here in the US proposing means you are asking your partner to marry you. Is that what you are asking? Or are you talking more about dating or becoming boyfriend and girlfriend?... (read in full...)
Should I start things up with him again or leave it and move on?
Q. I have a bit of a problem and I would like your advice. When I was in high school, I had a crush with a guy that I was in the same class with. I confronted him about this and he did not show interest in me. At tht time I was 13 yrs and he was 14. ...
A. 7 September 2010: He sounds like trouble. I suggest moving on. For one, you gave it a chance years ago and it didn't work out... what makes you think it'll be any different? And second, he seems like he's got issues of his own. It shouldn't be this hard to keep ... (read in full...)
I am frightened for her safety!
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been together nearly 2 years. Unfortunately most of the year we are spent separated by 200 miles. She works in a big city where as I live in the countryside, where we both met and are from. I love her dearly, and she ...
A. 7 September 2010: I don't mean to sound like I'm over simplifying this.... but the options seem clear. She either stays in the city and lives with it or she moves away. I understand you are upset for her safety and I would too if it were my partner, but are there ... (read in full...)
I used to fancie a guy who's now my best friend but I love him now what do I do?
Q. before you read this sorry about the amount of writng but i felt it needed explaining in full: about a year ago i had a crush on a boy who was friends with a couple of my best friends so i asked him out and he rejected me, but its been nearly 1 an...
A. 3 September 2010: If you do tell him how you feel, you have to be willing to take the chance on being turned down. He made his feelings clear from the start, it's been you who have been more or less hiding them just to get what you can get. I don't blame you for ... (read in full...)
I've moved on with another guy and I'm happy. My ex won't stop calling me and telling me he loves me. What should I do?
Q. I used to date this kid Mike but he dumped me two weeks after we started. I was sad but had another guy Adam who was there for me. So after talking to this guy Adam who talked to me for a month. We started dating and im so happy with him. Yet mikes ...
A. 3 September 2010: CaringGuy is right. Don't even give your ex an opening to get his foot in the door. The best way is to completely ignore him. He had his chance and lost it. If you talk to him at all, even just to be nice to him he will look at it as making ... (read in full...)
Has anyone actually become pregnant after the pulling out technique?
Q. Hey Me and my boyfriend have been having unprotected sex but he doesn't actually ejaculate inside me.. I've been hearing mixed comments about this as some people say it is very unlikely to get pregnant and some think it is very likely.. Has anyone ...
A. 3 September 2010: You can absolutely get pregnant while using the "pullout method". In all reality, pulling out isn't a method at all. Men do secrete fluid at any point of intercourse and there is always a potential for becoming pregnant. I don't think there are ... (read in full...)
After 6 years ex contacts me but I'm still just as hurt as I was then!
Q. Bit of help needed here. It is about my very first boyfriend.We had been going out for four years, being inseperable, his family was practically my family and vice versa. When we broke up he vowed to be my friend forever and for two years he was, ...
A. 2 September 2010: There's nothing wrong with not wanting to talk to him. What he did was harsh and you don't need to feel guilted into talking to him. Clearly your friends that are telling you otherwise don't quite understand just how hurt you got.
It sounds l... (read in full...)
He cheated but says he has changed now, what do I do?
Q. My long distance year and half relationship shattered when my boyfriends friend told me my boyfriend had slept with a girl at the beginning of our relationship, and that he continuely flirts with others. He had always text girls that were 'friends' ...
A. 2 September 2010: Whenever one partner cheats and the other partner cheats for revenge, it's over. I'm sorry, I'm not being judgmental here, it's just experience. Relationships aren't about who's winning. You should want to be with your partner and only your ... (read in full...)
I really want to be pregnant! Do I have the symptoms?
Q. hi,im married and i met my husband on my ovulation day after a week i started having symptoms of pregnancy like tenderness,soarness and fullness of the breast,a green outline below my ...
A. 2 September 2010: Perhaps you should take a pregnancy test. This is the ONLY way to know.... (read in full...)
If I don't have sex with him soon will he leave me?
Q. Dearcupid i have been with this guy for a year and couple of months,he now want to have sex with me and iam confused.my mind want to leave him but my heart still loves him,i love him so much,he always tells me that he loves me but it is hard to ...
A. 2 September 2010: If he is just looking for sex then yes, a guy could dump a girl if she doesn't give it to him. But a guy who just wants sex is not a good guy. Do not have sex if you are not ready. If he really loves you then he will understand and wait for you. ... (read in full...)
Everytime we break up I get a chnage of heart and realise how much I love her.
Q. help me please :( i've been with this amazing girl for nearly 3 years now. well i had, we broke up last monday. our relationship started off so well. and we've had loads of good times. i split up with her last year because i was unhapp...
A. 2 September 2010: You have to understand, breaking up with a girl is very hard on her. So far you've done this twice and each time you've begged her to take you back and told her you will never do it again, yet you have. In her mind she is thinking what is to stop ... (read in full...)
If a relationship switches to friendship, will it ever switch back to being a sexual relationship?
Q. I would like to pose this as a general question, to both male and female opinion/perspectives. If a relationship switches to "friendship" on the part of the guy, is there ever hope that it will switch back to sexual? Perhaps there is some kind of ...
A. 2 September 2010: I don't think a man will usually be able to "switch gears" like that. He likes the girl sexually? Fine. But for him to switch to friends it usually means A) he's not interested in her anymore or B) she doesn't want to have that type of ... (read in full...)
What does this text mean? Friends or something else?
Q. What does this text mean? Friends or something else? We've been close friends for a year at university, and recently we've got closer since we saw each other with other friends in a small summer get-together. Nothing happened but afterwards since...
A. 2 September 2010: Generally if you're "gut" feeling is telling you something is different then most likely it is. It's hard to just tell from that text on our end, but from what you are describing it sounds like she has more than a simple friend interest. You two ... (read in full...)
How do I make it the least painful for her?
Q. ok, so me and my girlfriend have been going out since may, and we've always had this problem where we want to wait till her birthday before we sleep together, but no matter how hard we try, we always end up in a possition were if we didnt stop the...
A. 2 September 2010: I would recommend waiting till she is finished her period. I'm not saying it'll be really painful or anything for her, but girls just don't feel themselves while on their period many times. Each girl will describe something different, but the ... (read in full...)
What you need to know about Online Dating
Q. First, let me start off by saying that online dating is not a bad thing. In todays age of technology and the internet, I think online dating is just as good if not better than simply meeting someone at a bar, pub or nightclub. When you meet ...
A. 1 September 2010: If enough telemarketers targeted me, then I might start tracing their calls. lol Or at least waste their time too.
Believe me, I was just as surprised as you are with the amount of attention to detail these guys pay. But to them, it's just fun... (read in full...)
15 years ago we slept together but now he wont?
Q. We spent two seperate nights together years ago, nothing happened just a fumble, I knew he fancied me then and the feeling was mutual. 15 years after the fumble I saw him again the first night we walked and talked he was sweet, but we slept alone. ...
A. 31 August 2010: He could care about you more than you think. Years ago he may have had a hard time getting over you and wants to be careful this time. Also, he could respect you more than those other girls where he wants more than just sex.
This is all speculat... (read in full...)
She won't divorce her husband to be with me! What should I do?
Q. Hi, I am 21 years old, and my gf is 15 years older than me, and she is married from last 17 years, having 2 daughters staying with her husband, her husband is like not good not even bad, we are from different countries so we are million miles away, ...
A. 31 August 2010: I'm sorry but this is a very common situation. The truth is, if she wanted to end it with her husband she would have already done it. The fact that she hasn't means she won't. The is going to stay married. Whether it's for her children or ... (read in full...)
What you need to know about Online Dating
Q. First, let me start off by saying that online dating is not a bad thing. In todays age of technology and the internet, I think online dating is just as good if not better than simply meeting someone at a bar, pub or nightclub. When you meet ...
A. 31 August 2010: Thank you for being honest about your experience. I want to make it clear to everyone else out there that these guys are very good at what they do. If you do fall victim, you should never blame yourself. They are extremely believable.
And t... (read in full...)
I have fallen in love with my ex wife's cousin
Q. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I am a divorced man 38 yrs old with 2 great kids. I have been divorced for 10 yrs. I have recently fallin in love with my xwifes cousin. I feel My xwife has turned my kids against me. We stopped seeing ...
A. 30 August 2010: I'm a little unclear here. You are saying your ex wife knows you are in love with her cousin, right? And because of that your ex is keeping your kids from you while you are seeing her cousin?
If that is the case, then you don't have much of ... (read in full...)
Interested in step brother but want to get over him too!
Q. My stepbrother's home for a few days. We see each other every now and then but not often. He's going to start college and I'm in high school. We're a few years apart in age and not related related; since our parents are married, but had us before ...
A. 30 August 2010: These type of relationships never end well. Sure, you don't have any blood ties.... but how would your parents react? It would just cause too many problems that aren't worth it. Just make up your mind that he's off limits and move on.... (read in full...)
Is he really interested or only being nice?
Q. I have history with a guy I really like. He also expressed an interest in me and his attraction to me. But we didn't act on it out of respect for the fact I was married. We kept in touch via the email and online chatting occasionally but it was ...
A. 30 August 2010: It's unclear exactly what he's thinking. It could be a combination of him being busy and being nervous about you still being married. I will say, though, that if he wasn't interested at all that you'd be able to sense it when talking to him. But ... (read in full...)
I slept with my bestfriends boyfriend!
Q. i blacked out and ended up sleeping with my good friends boyfriend, at the same time his best friend and i were seeing each other, i screwed up, now what should i do? ...
A. 30 August 2010: What advice are you looking for? Are you still dating this other guy? Do you want to know if you should tell the guy you are seeing? Tell your best friend? Do you want to see this new guy you have slept with? We need some more information to be ... (read in full...)
Question about dating my third cousin
Q. Ok I'm dating my third cousin. Now I look things up and found out by time it your third cousin it like if you had it with anyone else now here my problem her grandpa and grandma were cousin and since my mom was the 9th child of my grandma her bro is ...
A. 30 August 2010: Okay, I didn't understand any of that. Can you be a little more clear and explain exactly why you think they are your third cousin? Is there ANY specific blood (dna) ties between you two?... (read in full...)
Am I doing something wrong? should I not be annoyed by this?
Q. Is it me or him?? So last night, I was busy doing household chores, when my boyfriend said it was too late to do things and he wanted to spend some time with him. So I stopped what I was doing and went upstairs with him. We both showered but when I ...
A. 30 August 2010: If a couple has a little spat like this, it's not the end of the world. However, it seems to me like your annoyance with him is more long term... like this isn't the first time he's done this to you. Would you say that is true?
If somethin... (read in full...)
I think I'm in love with my therapist
Q. I googled this topic recently when I started to have strong feelings for my therapist recently. I read all about transference and many other cases where patients have felt these strong feelings toward their therapist so I know it's not uncommon. I ...
A. 27 August 2010: I suggest bringing it up to her. Clearly you understand why you feel this way, but it's not stopping you from having those feelings. Her knowing this will allow her to be more conscious of the subtle things she does in attempt to not lead you on ... (read in full...)
We had an affair, left our marriages, but now she is considering going back to her husband!
Q. A bit of a long story but the background is important. I was a happily married man (so I thought) until I met somebody else last year. She was also happily married (her words). Anyway, we had an affair and tried to end it by walking away but we ...
A. 27 August 2010: In my opinion, this appears to be a pattern for her. I'm willing to bet she'll never be happy with one person. She'll always be looking to see where "the grass is greener". I know it sucks because you sacrifice your life and your marriage to be ... (read in full...)
He got upset that I told his to seek help!!!
Q. I have a bf and we have been dating for nearly 3 years now. I think that he's the perfect guy for me except he has a problem..he has an anger management issue and he's been trying to get better(he's even taking boxing classes to take away the stress ...
A. 27 August 2010: What you are describing is the very definition of "anger issues". Of course he's going to get angry when you confront him about it because, well.... he's got anger issues. The worst thing you can do is feel guilty for making him angry. Don't let ... (read in full...)
My older BF said "I could be your dad...". What's going on??
Q. I'm 18, my bf is 34. We've been seeing each other for six months. I'm happy with him and he seems happy too. Lately though, we never seem to go out anymore. We cook at his place, read, watch movies and go to sleep and he clings to me like crazy and ...
A. 27 August 2010: The others have pretty much summed it up. He's having doubts about your relationship due to the age difference.
As far as your issue goes, are you two practicing safe sex? Why do you think you are pregnant?... (read in full...)
I'm truly in love with my teacher, should I wait 2 years to be with him?
Q. I'm in love with my 35 year old maths teacher... and, please don't tell me it's just a crush, because I've researched into what love feels like, and I asked my mum (not telling her about my teacher though) so I know for sure that I'm in love with ...
A. 27 August 2010: Her infatuation is going to override any logic Tisha. The same went for me when I was her age, and I'm sure it did for you as well. How did we get over it? The hard reality eventually hit us, just as it will hit her.
To the young girl posting,... (read in full...)
Having trouble staying interested in straight sex with my wife
Q. I have been faithful to my wife for the better part of two decades. I love her very much. Physically, however, I find myself having grown very bored with "regular" sex over the last few years. When we have sex, I have to fantacise to get into it. ...
A. 27 August 2010: Honesty is the best policy. Sit down and talk to her. But I agree with CaringGuy, don't bring up the threesome. Women get offended with things like that, they feel like they can't satisfy you alone.... (read in full...)
I'm truly in love with my teacher, should I wait 2 years to be with him?
Q. I'm in love with my 35 year old maths teacher... and, please don't tell me it's just a crush, because I've researched into what love feels like, and I asked my mum (not telling her about my teacher though) so I know for sure that I'm in love with ...
A. 26 August 2010: Excellent post Tisha.... (read in full...)
What does it mean when one person hates you one minute then loves you the next?
Q. What does it mean when someone is so mean to you one minute and then loves you and wants to see you the next? This same person always seems to come in and out of my life...
A. 26 August 2010: It means that person has serious mental and emotional problems and you should stay away.... (read in full...)
He said if I sleep with him he will trust me!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend on and off for the past year and a bit. I have known him for a total of 9 years. We have been in and out of touch over our friendship. About 2-3 years ago we become closer and I hooked up with a good friend of his ...
A. 26 August 2010: You are not wrong, he is a jerk. Sex doesn't create trust, sex is supposed to happen AFTER two people trust each other. Don't let him force you into losing your virginity. You two have serious trust issues to work out, but it has nothing to do ... (read in full...)
If I keep my cheating secret, will it come back to bite me later?
Q. What might be some negative consequences of marrying my fiancee without telling her that I cheated on her a year ago? We were clearly in a committed relationship back then, and I had sex with another woman--who you can say I had somewhat of an ...
A. 26 August 2010: Not telling her will always leave the possibility that she will find out. All it takes is a slip up from either you (which is less likely) or the woman you cheated with. She could decide to use it against you or blackmail you. Or, she may just ... (read in full...)
Do I only like her because she compliments me so much?
Q. Hi I am having a little girl trouble, i met this girl at a party and we realized we have a lot in common and we really hit it off. I think i like her but i think i only like her cuz she always says how hot i am , sweet talks me and i think she is p...
A. 26 August 2010: Do you find her attractive? Do you have fun with her? Do you look forward to hanging out with her in the future? Do you think about her when you are not together?... (read in full...)
I'm truly in love with my teacher, should I wait 2 years to be with him?
Q. I'm in love with my 35 year old maths teacher... and, please don't tell me it's just a crush, because I've researched into what love feels like, and I asked my mum (not telling her about my teacher though) so I know for sure that I'm in love with ...
A. 26 August 2010: I know it's difficult for you to understand, but you have to believe us when we say we've all been in your position. Every one of us has been in love with a teacher or someone in a similar position. It's part of being a teenager.
Unfor... (read in full...)
5months pregnant... how to tell my mom?
Q. Okay I am 13 years old and 5 months pregnant..... I have no idea how to tell my mom and I don't know how she'll react. I've kept this from her for 3 months. I am not really showing yet. I have a little bump showing. A few of my closest friends know ...
A. 26 August 2010: You must understand that the longer you are pregnant without telling your mother, the worse it will be.
There are things that need to be done in preparation of a child. Special vitamins, doctor visits, etc. These things are NECESSARY. You must... (read in full...)
Broken heart
Q. How does one survive a broken heart?! I'm just dying inside. Everyday I wake up crying, go to bed crying and just break down in tears at the drop of a hat. My heart hurts so bad! My 9 year marriage to my best friend and soul mate is ending. ...
A. 26 August 2010: Have you considered a marriage counselor? The thing is, if his life truly revolved around you and making you happy, I would think that he'd be willing to seek help.
Is this really a case of "All is lost"?... (read in full...)
How can I 'Wow' my boyfriend while giving him oral?
Q. My boyfriend really enjoys me giving him head, but I'm not too good at it and don't really enjoy doing it. Please can you give me some tips on how i could improve my technique or is there any throat excercises i could do to improve it?? ...
A. 26 August 2010: Person12345 hit the nail on the head - use your hands as well. Many girls who are less experienced think that they need to only use their mouth, and that is incorrect. A combination of mouth and hands is absolutely necessary. Keep it very wet and ... (read in full...)
Are most men lazy?
Q. I am looking for a second opinion due to the lack of male influence growing up in my life. I have been with my boyfriend for about 2years. We are living together and discussing marriage. I am starting to question some issues regarding housework ...
A. 25 August 2010: As the others have said, most men aren't lazy. Just like some women ARE lazy. As mentioned earlier, how someone is raised factors heavily on their behavior when they get older. Perhaps since you had no father figure in your life and you've seen ... (read in full...)
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