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... Send *immD a private message | | | *immD's profile:Any advice I give should not be taken personally. I'm not here to judge you, so you can be sure any advice I give is strictly objective. What you choose to do with my advice is completely up to you, though you can be sure the advice I am giving you is what I feel is best for you.
Please keep an open mind when asking for advice. It seems that many people aren't really looking for advice, they are just looking for justification to do what they already have in their mind to do. This site is about gaining an unbiased perspective on things. Please don't ask a question if you've already made your mind up on what to do.
Some things to remember:
- The "pullout" method is NOT a method of birth control. This is just something people do to rationalize their thoughts that sex without a condom feels better than it does with a condom. Even though a man doesn't climax, he still secretes fluid the entire time that has the potential to make you pregnant. Don't be a fool, if you are old enough and mature enough to have sex.... use birth control.
- There is no excuse for "revenge" sex. If your partner cheats on you, immediately going out to sleep with someone else as revenge doesn't make it right.... it makes things way worse. Relationships aren't about keeping score. If you believe they are, then you shouldn't be in one.
- Relationships rarely end easily. Especially long term relationships. It is very common for one partner to breakup with the other and then continue to text them or call them. Many times sex can start again as well. Unfortunately, there was a reason you two broke up in the first place and odds are a cycle with start to where you start to spend more time together and eventually feel like you ARE together... only to break up again. So before you post those "He broke up with me but he still texts me!" questions, remember this.
- There are about 50 million posts here regarding porn. Please do a search prior to posting questions like "My boyfriend watches porn, what should I do?". This is a touchy subject here but my opinion on porn is that it's not a big deal - as long as it's not an addiction. To MOST men, watching porn is strictly a tool for masturbating. Those women are not the type men want to have relationships with. Ask and most men will tell you that as soon as they "do their deed" they shut it off. It's not like they watch it for any other purpose. From my experience, the women that have issues with porn have issues with their own self confidence and they are insecure. There are many women out there that are confident that they satisfy their men sexually and feel that their husband watching porn is harmless. However, don't get me wrong, there are times when a man is addicted to porn and will choose porn OVER sex with their partner. This is where porn is unhealthy. My point in all of this is if you are in what you consider to be a "perfect" relationship with a great guy who does anything and everything for you, there is no need to penalize him if he watches porn. If you STILL have a problem with it, try watching it with him. Make it a sexual experience for the both of you. Or, record yourself with him. You'd be surprised what that does for a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: What you need to know about Online Dating
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 August 2010: First, let me start off by saying that online dating is not a bad thing. In todays age of technology and the internet, I think online dating is just as good if not better than simply meeting someone at a bar, pub or nightclub. When you meet ...
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He is blaming her for "not telling the truth"! What should I advise her?
Q. What should I advise to my daughter ( 20 years old 0? Her boyfrend (18 years old )is blaming her for not telling him the truth about past with others which happend before they started commited relationship. She is crying very ofter from the way he ...
A. 9 August 2010: I know it's hard, but the first thing you should really try to do is look at things objectively. As a parent you will always want to take your child's side. Is she really keeping anything from him? Even if it's before they were together, he ... (read in full...)
How long does it take the average guy to cum?
Q. So my question is simple I was just wondering how long does it take the average guy to cum ..... like for a guy does it happened quicker during intercourse compared to oral ? ...
A. 9 August 2010: This is far from simple. Each guy is different. Each girl and her technique is different (when it comes to oral). Guys will generally cum quicker earlier on in a relationship as opposed to later on (after a few years). There are many different ... (read in full...)
He can't seem to stay loyal to me, like I am for him! Should I dump him?
Q. Im a ninteen year old girl, and dating a 38 year old man. I have been seeing him for more than three years now. When we started dating our relationship was not that serious, we didnt really care what the other did in the absence of the other. Now ...
A. 9 August 2010: Your friends are right, it won't work. Actually, let me rephrase that - he won't change. He's not a young guy just trying to get this out of his system... this is who he is. When a 38 year old man dates a 19 year old girl.. it's usually for one ... (read in full...)
What exactly does being a virgin mean?
Q. How is a virgin man? Does it mean that the man has not have sex with any girl? What about if he does masturbation then is he still a virgin?...
A. 7 August 2010: Virgin means that you have not had sexual intercourse with a women. More specifically your penis penetrating a woman's vagina.... (read in full...)
I'm Engaged to Someone I Don't Trust
Q. *OP Title* I met my fiance about 6 yrs ago in college. We began dating for about 8 months, but eventually broke up. Nothing serious happened we were just young college grads and decided to remained friends. Over the yrs we dated other people but ...
A. 6 August 2010: Well, from what you've told us it appears you have more reason not to marry him then you do to marry him. Your past with him? That's not 1 mistake, that is a behavior. He can try to say he's changed and even dangle that diamond in front of you... ... (read in full...)
Hair
Q. This is for all you guys out there what do you like a womans hair long or short? Witch is more of a turn on? Me personally I like my hair long. :) what do you guys think? Thanks for reading ~Lucy...
A. 6 August 2010: That is a wide open question. Every woman is different. Some can look good with short hair, while some most definitely do not. All and on, extremely short hair is usually very difficult to pull off so if you have any doubts.... keep it longer. ... (read in full...)
He'll go to Canada to meet a girl, but not to see me!
Q. I have been seeing this guy for over a month now. He is sweet and all that. He seems to be the perfect kind of boyfriend. As for our relationship, I have no clear idea about it. First he said that he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now ...
A. 6 August 2010: You both agreed this would just be a summer fling and then it would end. Now you are changing the rules. He's meeting this girl because you two aren't in a relationship. To me, it sounds like you just agreed to those terms so you could continue ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend went behind my back to meet his ex. How do I get over it?
Q. About 8 months and go my and my boyfriend had a fall out because he went behind my back and met up with his ex [after saying he never would] and didn't tell me. Then I found out. We worked things out but I have days even now where I think about how ...
A. 6 August 2010: Difficult to tell. But I think it will factor heavily on his treatment towards you and how he acts in your relationship in the future. He should be doing everything he can to earn your trust. If he continues to do things that shake your trust in ... (read in full...)
Want to have sex with my boyfriend so badly!
Q. [OP original title] Ive been going out with my boyfriend for over a year. i love him alot, and he's so kind to me. But theres something thats bothering me ALOT. we still havent had sex! he cant stay hard enough to go all the way. i never let it both...
A. 6 August 2010: Having sex is a very important part of a relationship. It symbolizes love and desire. You shouldn't feel bad about wanting that. You need to talk to your boyfriend. Something is wrong, and it's either physical or mental. Every new relationship ... (read in full...)
What do you make of "co-incidents"
Q. [OP original title] Hi, I wondered if anyone can help here. What would you do if you had loads of strange co-incidents (more than 15) from a long time ago that are suddenly taking you back to that period in your life? I have had loads of th...
A. 6 August 2010: Sometimes coincidences are a matter of perception. Sometimes an individual is in a certain mindset or has certain things on their mind that they connect these so called coincidences to. For example, after 20 years you start thinking about a girl ... (read in full...)
New to sex, what can happen from this?
Q. Ok. So I'm really new at the sex thing right. All my friends are doing it but i never really cared before but now I met this guy that I really like and stuff happened and we almost had sex right. So like what could happen if a dude rubs his dick on ...
A. 6 August 2010: Yes, you can get an STD from him rubbing his penis on your vagina without protection. Pregnancy is not likely from rubbing the outside (though there is probably some exponential percentage of a chance). Always use protection. You have a chance of ... (read in full...)
All I think when we have sex is I wish he was my ex.
Q. i came out of a 4 year relationship with a guy i love. i am with someone else and my ex knows. this has happened very fast. when we have sex all i can think is i wish he was my ex,i know i have made a foolish mistake. if he is with someone else it ...
A. 6 August 2010: Agreed CaringGuy.
It sounds like it's way too soon for you to be in a relationship with a new person. You're just using him and that is not good. You need time to be with yourself to get over your ex.
And as far as your ex saying something... (read in full...)
Do all women squirt?
Q. do all women squirt ??? and can all women cum from clit and from vagina??...
A. 6 August 2010: No. Very few women squirt.... (read in full...)
Did I scare him away by asking him out to soon?
Q. ok so there is this guy that i have worked with for about 3 months. we flirt when we work with eachother well at least im pretty sure we do. he is single and 25 years old and i am 18. so i recently called him up and asked him if he would like to see ...
A. 5 August 2010: 25 and 18 is a fairly good size gap in age. He may be hesitating because of that. If you want, you can put one more hint out there by saying something like "I'm still up for dinner and a movie if you are..." and leave it at that. Otherwise, he ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend can't stay hard anymore!
Q. My boyfriend and I have a lot of sex. Every night if we could. We were both eachothers firsts, so of course we're gonna have a ton of sex. For the past 2 or 3 months, he's been having a hard time getting and maintaining an erection, or eve...
A. 5 August 2010: Can he masturbate and ejaculate still? If he can, then it means his plumbing is still working at least. If not, it sounds like a mental issue.... (read in full...)
I haven't heard from my long-distance boyfriend for a week! How long is too long?
Q. How long is a long time to wait for a guy? Dear all - I have been involved with a LDR guy who isn't the most reliable guy in the world but I do care for him and he has been making contact regularly to me. However, recently he hasn't been in t...
A. 5 August 2010: You're going to have to give us some additional details on your relationship. How far away do you live from each other? How many times do you SEE each other a month, 6 months or year? On average, how long do you two talk a week? How long have ... (read in full...)
Is there a way to not sound insecure?
Q. [OP original title] I'm in a long-distance "relationship" where my friend doesn't always like sharing her personal feelings with anyone, it makes her uncomfortable sometimes (which I understand, I'm kinda the same). I last saw her in early june when...
A. 5 August 2010: The best way to not seem insecure is to NOT be insecure. Could your previous actions have caused her to drift away? Possibly. But if you understand and feel on your own that you did something wrong, then you don't need her telling you whether you ... (read in full...)
My ex-boyfriend vs. My current boyfriend
Q. [OP original title] Hi everyone, I have a pretty complicated situation on my hands at the moment. I'll try to make it as quick, and to the point, as possible. I have had a boyfriend now for about 5 months. He is great. Funny, affect...
A. 5 August 2010: It sounds like you are more in love with the idea of the Englishman then you are of actually doing what is necessary to be with him. With LDR's, one person has to make a choice to move to be with the other. You were right in hesitating because of ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend is mad at me for not reacting stronger to this guy.
Q. Hello dear cupiders. I have been in a relationsh ip with my girlfriend for four years on and off, and through a lot of cheating, lies and now a pregnancy we have managed to work everything out. But lately I feel like Im doing everything wrong...
A. 5 August 2010: Cheating? Lies? Now she's pregnant? Did you two talk about the pregnancy? Since she's pregnant, does that mean she cheated on you? You don't like children? This entire thing sound really crazy. Perhaps you both need to take a step back and talk ... (read in full...)
He came too quickly and now seems embarassed, but I don't want this to ruin our chances at a relationship!
Q. Hello everyone I seriously need help. I met this guy through a friend and we've each had our eyes on one another for quite some time and I really like him, well last night we had sex it was great but he ejaculated quick and he kept saying he ...
A. 5 August 2010: Very common for new relationships. As other's have said, it's you turning him on. You two need a few encounters to get used to each other. He will learn to control himself with you pretty soon.
Advice? Tell him that him cumming quickly ... (read in full...)
Is there anyway that you can get rid of a tan?
Q. This may sound like a stupid question - everyone wants to get a tan: how can you get rid of a tan??! I am a model and naturally dark skinned so I tan in ridiculously short spaces. A week ago, I walked to the store (10mins walk) and when I returned I ...
A. 4 August 2010: I don't know of any ways to get rid of tans, but I do suggest keeping sunscreen with you at all times. Get some of the kind that you spray and put it on whenever you go out if you want to eliminate future tans.... (read in full...)
What should I expect when I lose my virginity to my best friend?
Q. Im only 15. i know im young but me and my best guy friend decided we might have sex. I dont know what to do or what to expect....We are just friends and its going to stay that way we are just going to do it to expiriment kinda. I dont really think ...
A. 4 August 2010: Advice? This is going to be the person you remember for the rest of your life as being "your first". You should seriously think about whether or not you want your first to be someone you don't really think is cute and that you just want to do it ... (read in full...)
New girl, horrible anxiety
Q. Ok, I really need help here. I've known this girl through somebody else for a couple months, never really talked too much or hung out. now she's moved into another place near me and we've been hanging out. So I like her and I'm pretty sure she likes ...
A. 3 August 2010: I don't want to sound insensitive to any conditions you may have, but these are all normal feelings we all go through in the world of dating. Sometimes it just comes down to considering the alternative... which is NOT talking to her or asking her ... (read in full...)
Does it matter if someone you love has had too many partners?
Q. If you meet somone and you then develop feelings for them and then love them, will it not matter to you if they've had too many partners or hardly any at all. No matter what age (be it 20, 30 or 40)? Just asking out of curiosity as I'm not the most...
A. 3 August 2010: It should not matter how many partners your love interest has had. Try not to let it worry you. If you find the right girl, she won't care how many you've had. Don't rush, and don't feel like you need multiple partners. Wait for the right ... (read in full...)
Slowly going crazy with guilt!!!
Q. *OP Title* This is a bit of a mess. I recently married my boyfriend (now husband) of 8 years. We are so happy and I love him so much and I know he loves me too. Ever since we got engaged I have been thinking about a mistake I made in the first 3 w...
A. 3 August 2010: Tough to answer. I do agree with the others that it was so long ago, it's not worth disturbing your relationship over. However, if your guilt is effecting you THAT bad, then it already is disturbing your relationship.
If it helps, I'd want to ... (read in full...)
What does his text message mean exactly???
Q. I've been seeing this guy for about ten months. We aren't dating because I'm leaving the state for graduate school for a couple years and he's not a fan of long distance relationships. We've talked about this and are doing what we can. We have a...
A. 2 August 2010: The only way long distance relationships can work is if they are no longer long distance relationships. Two people need to be together for it to work. With that said, he's probably just being honest. To take the pressure off of you he might have ... (read in full...)
We wants to bring another man into the bedroom! I don't know what to think of this!
Q. I have been Married for 12 years and with my husband for 14 years. we have 4 wonderful children together. Friday night in the midst of our sexcapade in the bedroom out of the blue he asked if i would be ok with him bringing his male friend into the ...
A. 2 August 2010: There are some men that get turned on by other men having sex or doing sexual things to their wife. I'm not saying I agree with it. Heck, I would never ever do anything like that. However, I have noticed quite a few men who seem to get turned on ... (read in full...)
Do I respond to an email from a 14 year old when I'm 30?
Q. I got to work this morning to find an email that I don't know what to do with, so I'm looking for some help here. It's from a girl who I'm pretty sure has a crush on me. I'll give you a little backstory. I work for a local bank. I used to manag...
A. 2 August 2010: My first instinct is to suggest not answering it. Just ignore it. However, from a professional standpoint if you really feel you must, I would send a 100% professional reply. Make it along the lines of a form letter. Nothing personal. For ... (read in full...)
How can I make my ex regret dumping me?
Q. I cut all the contacts with my ex when he told me about his new gf and said he was very happy together . But he wanted to stay with me as a friend.I denied saying that it may spoil his present relationship.But He insisted me to keep in touch with ...
A. 2 August 2010: I suggest you just focus on getting over him. You broke up and he's already got another girlfriend. Move on with your life. If he wants you back he will find a way to contact you. Do not subject yourself to crawling back to him. He does not ... (read in full...)
Why do men have to think about other girls when they masturbate?
Q. Hi there, I need some other thoughts on this matter. It is causing both myself and my boyfriend a lot of stress and arguments. I would be so grateful for your help: I have an issue with my boyfriend masturbating. This is because of...
A. 2 August 2010: There is a huge debate regarding this matter. Some people believe men are just pigs. Others feel there is nothing abnormal about it. My opinion (which is again, just my opinion) is that men are programmed through instinct to desire multiple ... (read in full...)
Sex is nonexistent with my husband, so I have an affair. Should I leave my marriage?
Q. I am going to try to make this long story as short as possible. I've been married for over 36 years and have 2 grown children. My husband and I have been together since high school. He was my first real love. I built everything around him. We have ...
A. 2 August 2010: Let's see, your husband is suffering from repercussions due to a prostate tumor and because of this you feel you are not getting to physical stimulation you desire, right? You know your husband has it in him because of your sex life before the ... (read in full...)
How do I tell if what I'm feeling is a crush or something more?
Q. Hi. How do I tell if what I'm feeling is a crush or something more? Since about two years I've grown closer to someone who was at school with me. I really like him but I don't understand what I'm feeling. I've never felt remotely attracted to anyon...
A. 2 August 2010: I'd say it's a little more than a crush. Time around him over the years has caused you to develop feelings for him. I wouldn't worry about "why", the fact is the feelings are there so don't be afraid to explore them. :-)... (read in full...)
Does it mean he wants only sex?
Q. If a guy says he wants to lie you down and strip you, does that mean he wants sex, and does it mean he wants only sex ?...
A. 30 July 2010: It definitely means he wants sex, but we cannot determine if he ONLY wants sex by that brief description you gave. We would need more details about his behavior with you to come to a better conclusion.... (read in full...)
Is it normal to find your husband looking at other naked men?
Q. Is it normal to find your husband looking at other naked men, in provocative way on internet, and find myself am I married to a closet case? Sex is good, when I initiate, due to medications he is at times unable to finish performance...
A. 30 July 2010: It is not normal. Medications may be the cause of his inability to "perform" or there may be other, more deeper rooted issues at hand.... (read in full...)
Will my boyfriend's feelings towards me change if he knew I liked lesbian porn?
Q. I am a female in my early twenties and I like to watch lesbian porn sometimes. I'd say I watch it about 50/50 compared to hetero porn. I'm worried that my (serious)boyfriend will think of me differently if I tell him I do. He likes girl on gi...
A. 30 July 2010: I wouldn't have a problem with a girlfriend of mine being turned on my lesbian porn. However, I also wouldn't automatically assume because she is into lesbian porn that she wants to have a lesbian relationship. Different things turn people on in ... (read in full...)
I am falling in love with my cousin, what should I do next?
Q. ok im 18 and i am falling in love with my cousin i want to be with her and dont know what to do.... she and i are close we tell each other stuff we wouldnt tell anyone else what do i do i want to be with her so could someone help me...
A. 30 July 2010: What is there to do? Does she feel the same way about you? How would you be able to have a relationship with her? Would you be able to go out into public? What would your family think? Where would your relationship lead? Marriage eventually? ... (read in full...)
Are soulmates always destined to be together?
Q. *OP's Original Title* Hi, I'm a 17 year old girl, and about 4 months ago I've met a guy one year younger than I am. Initially it started as friendship, but soon enough we developed a very strong bond, and we started hanging out more and more unt...
A. 30 July 2010: Maybe you should look at this as fate's way of testing the two of you. If your love survives a few years apart, then perhaps it can survive anything.
You may believe that fate could be keeping you apart, but you have control over your own feel... (read in full...)
Question for men: why is he acting like this?
Q. ok so i would like some advice , from men please. i have a few questions if you could kindly elaborate. what does a man really mean when he says these things:: After a string of dates with someone, the following occures, he is clearly interes...
A. 29 July 2010: I think the layout of the post is confusing people. Here's what I got out of it:
- You met a man and things were hot and heavy (without sex)
- All of a sudden the man you met cooled off blaming previous relationships telling you he thinks yo... (read in full...)
Does sending me raunchy pics, mean she likes me?
Q. So this female friend who I've know for about 2 years and is one of my best friends and who I used to have the biggest crush on. Sent me topless pics, she has a boyfriend, who hates me, and he found out about the pics and is giving me death threats ...
A. 29 July 2010: Well, topless pictures could definitely be a sign she likes you. However, it could also be a situation where she wants to make her boyfriend angry and trusts you enough to send you those pictures. Perhaps her and her boyfriend are having ... (read in full...)
Does this mean he really wants to see me?
Q. I really like this guy and he has expressed an interest in me too. But, we stopped talking about 3 months ago because situations were too difficult. He travels a lot for his job so he's rarely in town and I had some things going on too. Anyway, ...
A. 29 July 2010: Yes, "I can make time" is a good thing for him to say, but as Ask oldersister said - that's just the first half of it. He has to follow through with his statement, and if he does then it is a very good sign of his feelings for you.
Be cautious... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for wanting to know??
Q. OP's own title: Ok so to it keep short...my husband has never really trusted me due to me cheating on him before we got married. We've been married 9yrs now and I have been faithful. Recently he told me that a source of his told him that I have ...
A. 29 July 2010: He's already cheated on you in the past as "payback"? Ok, now more things are coming out. Honestly? Your marriage is in trouble. Cheating is one thing. You made a mistake before, fine. But to cheat as payback? That is incredibly unhealthy for ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for wanting to know??
Q. OP's own title: Ok so to it keep short...my husband has never really trusted me due to me cheating on him before we got married. We've been married 9yrs now and I have been faithful. Recently he told me that a source of his told him that I have ...
A. 28 July 2010: Of course you have the right to know. Our society is built on "Innocent until proven guilty" so you should at least have a chance to defend yourself. Yes, you cheated before you were married and that eliminates giving you the benefit of the ... (read in full...)
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