A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i m in a commited relationship...its a ldr..well jst for fun i asked my bf..How do you think a woman and a man in a relationship should handle money together? n the reply which he gave i found completely irrelevant...he said that Money organisation will be done by noone. If i wud lyk to investmoney nething useful or affordable, m free. We can spend money forentertainment n comfort n fashion, bt first d necessites lykeducation, parents, medical sud be fulfilled.n that gave me a thundershock,i mean he's going to be my future husband and saying like this makes me have a second thought that whether to stay with him or leave.cuz according to me..after marriage,ofcourse a husband should pay heed to the demand of wives...lolz n i asked him 1 more question- If you won 20 million dollars, what goals would you be pursuing? n he said- he'll invest money in brothers education. Den, he has a dream ofhaving a big bunglaw. Fulfill my demands, hobbies.rest in banks, ifleft.does this show that he gives importance more to his brother and family then me.and even if he does then why does he says that i m vey much important to him?its very confusing.i need some serious replies...thanx 4 ur patience.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionah..i know..but he says i'll keep u happy in future..
this that..well i think the only way left is,to wait for the future.hehehe.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (4 April 2010):
The priority is a house, a car, a good lifestyle. And he can't have that if he's spending his money on you. You get the lifestyle by working. You are the emotional priority in his life. you are not the one he has to spend every penny on. If he has to spend all his money on you to keep you happy, then that's not fair to him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno no m not at all selfish regarding this.
i m just talking bout the priority.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (2 April 2010):
 If you want money to spend, perhaps you should consider getting a really fine education so you can earn your own, rather than worry how to spend a hypothetical husband-to-be's hard earned cash.
With all due respect, my dear, you still have some growing up to do!
Good luck in the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell m 16..and planning to marry after 10 yrs!
haha..i know it sounds weird bt still..
i feel that when it comes to money after marriage
he ought to spend on wife..i mean she should be the first criteris..rt?moreover he repeatedly says..i'll keep u happy in future...i promise..dis dat..bt i wonder how he will keep me happy.neways thanx 4 replying.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 April 2010):
'Heed the demands of wives'. Wonderful. Young lady you have a HUGE amount to learn about men, and you're nowhere near ready for marriage. He is being totally sensible about money.
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (1 April 2010):
Lol "heed the demands of wives"? Are you mad? Ur pretty young to already be this mad. Like if u get married all u have to do is demand something and he has to produce it. I bet if he didn't heed your demands you would stop sleeping with him wouldn't you? Your young so I guess you gotta grow up. Lol"heed the demands". Hahahaha!
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (1 April 2010):
 I'd break up with him if I were you. Who needs a guy like that? Caring about other people over himself. Being responsible. Not wanting to blow money on needless things. Yuck.
Now, what do you think is the RIGHT way 2 people handle money when married? And also, how would YOU spend the 20 million?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): It shows that he would spend his money wisely not all at once
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 April 2010):
How old are you? Do you have a wedding date set? If you are proceeding with marriage, I would suggest that you get some premarital counseling right away, so that you can work through these issues.
When you get married, you have to look at each other's expectations, priorities and communication style. He obviously has a different approach to money and family than you do. One is not better than the other, it is just different. You are going to face lots and lots of these issues in a marriage and you should discuss all of this before you get to the wedding day.
I found and shamelessly copied a premarital counselor's questionnaire. I'm not going to judge it or give you grades, it is merely a tool for you to use to start this discussion with him. I'll add it below my answer. Each of you can fill it out separately, then you can discuss the answers. The key to remember is that there is no right or wrong answers, there are just different approaches to life. If you get all weepy and upset about his approach, are you quite sure you are old enough to be contemplating such a big step as marriage? Have you ever met this man in real life? Do you have an entirely online LDR, or did you meet then one of you moved away? I ask this because you may be discussing a fantasy of a life together, rather than something that will really happen. Just be honest with yourself about this.
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Here's the checklist for you:
YOUR CONCEPTS OF MARRIAGE
1. Why do you want to get married?
2. What do you expect of marriage? (Please complete the statements)
"I expect to get . . . (a)
(b)
(c)
"I expect to give . . . (a)
(b)
(c)
3. Do your parents know of your engagement?
4. Do your parents approve of your engagement/marriage?
5. What do you believe is the husband's role in marriage?
6. What do you believe is the wife's role in marriage?
ENGAGEMENT PERIOD
1. How long have you known your fiancé?
2. How long have you been dating each other?
3. How long have you been engaged?
4. Have you and your fiancé ever lived together?
COMMUNICATION
1. What subjects have you and your fiancé discussed? (Please check all that apply)
Communication
Expectations
Goals For Self
Roles / Responsibilities
Finances
Family
Mutual Goals
Sex
Goals
Needs
Other
2. Which of these topics have produced the most stress / tension in your relationship?
3. Who does the majority of the talking when you are alone together?
4. How do you communicate to your finance that you are angry?
5. Describe your behavior / action / attitude when you are angry or upset
6. How does your finance communicate to you those areas that bother him/her about your
behavior or lifestyle?
7. What is the primary way your fiancé expresses his/her love or affection to you?
8. How do you express your love or affection to your finance?
SEX
1. Do you know of any reason why you are unable to have a normal sex life or unable to have
children?
2. Please state any fears you have concerning sexual intimacy:
3. Is there any event in your past that might hinder your sexual relationship with your fiancé?
4. Have you discussed sex with your fiancé?
5. What areas do you have questions concerning sex?
6. What are your views on pre-marital sexual relations?
7. Have you been or are you now sexually active in this present relationship?
SUMMARY
1. Are there any questions or concerns you have regarding these issues or marriage in general?
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Good luck.
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