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... Send *immD a private message | | | *immD's profile:Any advice I give should not be taken personally. I'm not here to judge you, so you can be sure any advice I give is strictly objective. What you choose to do with my advice is completely up to you, though you can be sure the advice I am giving you is what I feel is best for you.
Please keep an open mind when asking for advice. It seems that many people aren't really looking for advice, they are just looking for justification to do what they already have in their mind to do. This site is about gaining an unbiased perspective on things. Please don't ask a question if you've already made your mind up on what to do.
Some things to remember:
- The "pullout" method is NOT a method of birth control. This is just something people do to rationalize their thoughts that sex without a condom feels better than it does with a condom. Even though a man doesn't climax, he still secretes fluid the entire time that has the potential to make you pregnant. Don't be a fool, if you are old enough and mature enough to have sex.... use birth control.
- There is no excuse for "revenge" sex. If your partner cheats on you, immediately going out to sleep with someone else as revenge doesn't make it right.... it makes things way worse. Relationships aren't about keeping score. If you believe they are, then you shouldn't be in one.
- Relationships rarely end easily. Especially long term relationships. It is very common for one partner to breakup with the other and then continue to text them or call them. Many times sex can start again as well. Unfortunately, there was a reason you two broke up in the first place and odds are a cycle with start to where you start to spend more time together and eventually feel like you ARE together... only to break up again. So before you post those "He broke up with me but he still texts me!" questions, remember this.
- There are about 50 million posts here regarding porn. Please do a search prior to posting questions like "My boyfriend watches porn, what should I do?". This is a touchy subject here but my opinion on porn is that it's not a big deal - as long as it's not an addiction. To MOST men, watching porn is strictly a tool for masturbating. Those women are not the type men want to have relationships with. Ask and most men will tell you that as soon as they "do their deed" they shut it off. It's not like they watch it for any other purpose. From my experience, the women that have issues with porn have issues with their own self confidence and they are insecure. There are many women out there that are confident that they satisfy their men sexually and feel that their husband watching porn is harmless. However, don't get me wrong, there are times when a man is addicted to porn and will choose porn OVER sex with their partner. This is where porn is unhealthy. My point in all of this is if you are in what you consider to be a "perfect" relationship with a great guy who does anything and everything for you, there is no need to penalize him if he watches porn. If you STILL have a problem with it, try watching it with him. Make it a sexual experience for the both of you. Or, record yourself with him. You'd be surprised what that does for a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: What you need to know about Online Dating
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 August 2010: First, let me start off by saying that online dating is not a bad thing. In todays age of technology and the internet, I think online dating is just as good if not better than simply meeting someone at a bar, pub or nightclub. When you meet ...
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Are most men lazy?
Q. I am looking for a second opinion due to the lack of male influence growing up in my life. I have been with my boyfriend for about 2years. We are living together and discussing marriage. I am starting to question some issues regarding housework ...
A. 25 August 2010: As the others have said, most men aren't lazy. Just like some women ARE lazy. As mentioned earlier, how someone is raised factors heavily on their behavior when they get older. Perhaps since you had no father figure in your life and you've seen ... (read in full...)
Why do guys want threesomes? and whats the chances of a break up afterwards?
Q. Why do guys like three somes so much? Cant one girl make them happy, all girls have the same parts so theres really no difference. My bf told me he wanted one and i was upset that he would even want to sleep with another girl besides me cause i only ...
A. 25 August 2010: Guys are turned on by women. So logically, more women = better. However, guys who have found "the" girl, or at least a girl they think might bet the one don't usually want a threesome. Generally, the younger the guy the less ready they are to ... (read in full...)
I want to have a baby in a LDR
Q. I have recently got involved in a LDR, and have fallen in love with my man. I met him while on vacation in the US Virgin Islands, and Im from the states. I am 25 and I am ready to start a family, and he wants to as well. Unfortunately he is on ...
A. 25 August 2010: Yeah, I agree with CaringGuy. BAD idea. Wait till he moves to the states. Long distance relationships are WAY different then regular relationships. You need to establish a full relationship with this man before you think about bringing a child ... (read in full...)
My rape fantasy disturbed him , are my fantasys normal?
Q. I have a bit of a problem with my sexual fantasys so to speak. I've been with my boyfriend for three years, and our sex life has always been good, but my sexual fantasys disturb him. He's briefly talked about his fantasys, and I've tried to fullfill ...
A. 25 August 2010: I don't like to use the word "normal" for this, but these types of fantasies are more common than people realize. I don't think there is anything deeply wrong with you, so don't feel bad. Your boyfriend needs to be a big boy and try to be mature ... (read in full...)
Can someone marry you without your consent?
Q. Hi, I met a very nice guy on line and now he says he has his pastor sending me a marriage certificate and he is comeing to get me to take me home next month, can he do that without my consent? I am a little worried here!...
A. 25 August 2010: You cannot marry without consent. Do not let him manipulate you. Don't sign anything, whatever you do. Also, don't give him ANYTHING. (money, gifts, etc)... (read in full...)
My husband is making bad decisions!
Q. I love my husband very much and i dont want to loose him.but he is very concern about his family.he spend his every penny for them.he dont want kids now.i am a housewife.he wants to finance his brother's MBA,which cost will be $150000.i am ...
A. 25 August 2010: Marriage is about an equal partnership. You should have equal input into the money spending decisions. If this is not the case and if originally you decided to have children and now he is changing his mind, then the two of you need to sit down and ... (read in full...)
Threesome with my boyfriend?
Q. My Boyfriend of 1 year told me his fantasy would be to sleep with 2 girls at the same time. i would like to fulfill his fantasy, but at the same time, i dont want to watch him have sex with another girl. and i know i will probably get jealous if ...
A. 25 August 2010: You want to fulfill his fantasy, yet you don't. Which means, you don't. Don't feel guilty, threesomes aren't general for people in love. In my opinion, if he truly love you he shouldn't want to have a threesome. He should only want you.
But t... (read in full...)
In a wonderful, new relationship, but I still can't get over my ex! Help!
Q. Dear Cupid, I am turning to you because I am really struggling to figure this out. Basically I am currently in a relationship with a wonderful man, S. We have been together for one year and he is caring, funny, handsome, and thinks the world...
A. 25 August 2010: I don't think a book is going to help you. The problem is, you are saying the right things.... but I'm not sure if you really believe what you are saying. My first instinct is that you got into this latest relationship too soon after your last. ... (read in full...)
It's just not working for us!
Q. Just some quick advice. Me and my boyfriend were friends for two years before we got together. We got on well together, but these days it still feels as though we are just destined to be friends. He never understands that sometimes I need...
A. 24 August 2010: Can you imagine life without him? Or at least not as your boyfriend? Sometimes relationships don't work out. Often in a male and female relationship that is just friendship there is a curiosity that brings the two together romantically. That ... (read in full...)
I Want to date my bestfriend, we are both girls.
Q. So over the past week I have been hanging out a lot with my best friend. But not like friends. We have been having sex with each other. She and I have known each other for about 4 yrs and never did any of this til recently. I like it and don't ...
A. 24 August 2010: If you two like each other, then go for it! Don't stop yourselves from doing anything because you are afraid. You may regret it later in life. At the same time, don't take it so serious. You two are friends and you've always hung around with ... (read in full...)
My weird fantasy...
Q. I have got this fantasy that I want to kiss a girl (I'm a girl too). I'm not a lesbian and I'm not bi. I'm rather curious. I mentioned this to my bf a couple of times and I made it seem as a joke, he told me that this would be cheating and that he ...
A. 24 August 2010: Jesc and Tennisstar88, I enjoy watching and attractive woman kissing another attractive woman, but I wouldn't want my partner kissing another person... guy or girl. Cheating is cheating in my opinion also.
To the anon. poster.... lots of people i... (read in full...)
What is her motive behind the question she asked?
Q. After knowing each other plutonically for more than a year, my girlfriend and I have become intimately involved and have lived together now for a month and a half. Things are wonderful, but I was a bit taken aback when she suddenly asked me how many ...
A. 24 August 2010: This is a common discussion between partners. Some people believe in the don't ask, don't tell theory. Personally, I like honesty. Not to make it sound like I think I'm better then other people.... but because finding out my partner's past gives ... (read in full...)
I want to have sex with my boss!
Q. i fancy my manager at work, hes 10 years older than me, hes married though, we flirt alot and when we go out for drinks we get quite touchy feeling, i know he wont leave his wife, and i wouldnt want him to but i really want to have sex with hi...
A. 23 August 2010: How would you like it if you were married in the future and your husband who you love more than anything in the world has an employee who says "I really want to have sex with him".
Be respectful of your boss's wife. You would want the same thi... (read in full...)
Cheated on my boyfriend...don't know what to do.
Q. I've cheated on my boyfriend and now I just don't know what to do. I'm beside myself with guilt, and feel so upset and disapppointed with myself, and above all, scared. I can't eat, I can't sleep; I'm physically sick because of what I have done. I ...
A. 23 August 2010: Your relationship as you knew it was over the minute you decided to cheat on your boyfriend. The biggest mistake a person in your position makes is thinking things can go back to the way they were. They can't. They won't ever be the same for ... (read in full...)
Has anyone had a relationship work out w/ an age difference of 10+ yrs?
Q. Why does everyone say that a relationship with a huge age difference will never work? I have been dating Greg for 6 months, I will be 20 next month and he is 32. EVERY ONE always says that he is only in it for the sex yet our relationship is NOT by ...
A. 23 August 2010: Everybody is telling you it won't work out because more times then not... it won't. This doesn't mean you two aren't compatible on a basic level. You two may get along great. The biggest problem a relationship like that consists of is where each ... (read in full...)
Did I overreact about my boyfriend's drinking?
Q. I'm very staunchly against drinking and doing drugs. To make a long story short, I am the only sober person in my family. I'm proud of that. Alcoholism runs in my family, and I hate how people change when they get drunk. I hate how people make ...
A. 23 August 2010: You made the right decision in breaking up with him. Not because he's a drunk and doing something wrong, but because apparently you are not right for each other. He clearly wants to go out, party, and get drunk. That's all well and good, but that ... (read in full...)
My married friend is having an affair!!
Q. Ive just found out that my friend is having a affair with a single guy. She says that they have no love in the marriage and he provides litle support when she needs it. She doesnt want to separate since this would be her second divorce. In addition, ...
A. 23 August 2010: I think her record is speaking for itself here. She's had 2 failed marriages so far. The only reason she doesn't want to admit this one is failed is because it would "look" bad. But the fact remains, there's something wrong with her. Either ... (read in full...)
Husband's co worker is obsessed with him, is he cheating with her?
Q. My husbands co worker (girl) has been telling me things such as they are planning a weekend together and sexually explicit details between him and her. But he denies that he has ever touched her and we have been dealing with face book remarks and ...
A. 20 August 2010: This woman clearly has some issues, and as far as I am concerned she's a stalker. However, the biggest point in all of this is your husband's reaction... or lack there of. YouWish is 100% right.... if she was 100% wrong your husband should be ... (read in full...)
How to Confront a possible Cheating girlfriend?
Q. I’ve being dating with this girl for 3-4 months now, things are going very smoothly. However, recently I found out something suspicious. A week ago I found an email address she uses, which contains Eric.(her name)@livedotcom. I became paranoid. I ...
A. 20 August 2010: Don't. Other then this e-mail address, has she given you any reason not to trust her? If not, then LEAVE IT ALONE. You are being paranoid. She's already said if you snoop in her private stuff, you two are done... which means she already thinks ... (read in full...)
He asked me to have sex, should I tell his girlfriend?
Q. A friend of mine has been flirting with me a lot lately, and i don't just mean casual flirting, i mean things like talking about what we used to do in bed etc... we used to have a casual thing going on last year. He has a girlfriend, and i feel bad ...
A. 20 August 2010: I vote for "stay out of it". Many times even though you have good intentions, YOU end up looking like the bad guy.... (read in full...)
I'm completely in love with my BF... but I can't stop hooking up with other men!!
Q. Sorry for the long comment- I've been dating my boyfriend for two years now and i'm completely inlove with him- i think. when i think about him it's wonderful, and i love kissing him and he has the sweetest eyes. The problem is that i often ...
A. 19 August 2010: Strong, healthy relationships are not about keeping score and "getting back at each other". That is a sign of distrust and is generally unhealthy.
If you want to change your ways, then do it. CHANGE. There's no sense feeling sorry for yourself... (read in full...)
I'm completely in love with my BF... but I can't stop hooking up with other men!!
Q. Sorry for the long comment- I've been dating my boyfriend for two years now and i'm completely inlove with him- i think. when i think about him it's wonderful, and i love kissing him and he has the sweetest eyes. The problem is that i often ...
A. 18 August 2010: Everybody has some type of fantasy about someone else when they are in a relationship. It's natural. HOWEVER... acting on it is different. Being in love, and being with your "everything"... that stops you from acting on any fantasies because ... (read in full...)
What type of women do men prefer? Petite or tall?
Q. I have heard that short women ( 5'-5'2) with long legs are the most attractive. Is it so? What do you think about this?...
A. 18 August 2010: Every man is different. There is a general preference that the individual man may have, but similarly... each woman is different to a man. Bottom line? Just be yourself. Don't try to be someone you are not.
And I completely disagree with you... (read in full...)
I caught him cheating on me with my ex-besfriend!!
Q. I just sarted dating this boy. I really like him and he said he would do anything for me. I'm not sure if he really likes me though. I caught him cheating on me with my ex-besfriend. He doesn't know that i know, he said he had something important to ...
A. 17 August 2010: You say you just started dating his boy.... how long is that exactly? For someone who just started dating, he's already saying he wants you do move in with him, and that he'd die for you?
He sounds like trouble. Don't forget what you saw... t... (read in full...)
I feel a bit violated after my friend tried it on with me, but should I tell my boyfriend what happened?
Q. I have been for my bf for about 8 months he makes me very happy, but last night i went out with some friends most of them male i am quite friendly with one in particular there is alot of banter between us. I went back with him and his housemat...
A. 17 August 2010: You don't have to tell him since nothing really happened, however... to avoid this in the future I would avoid sleeping in the same bed with another guy. Especially a guy who you've been flirting with all night. ESPECIALLY while drunk. Alcohol is ... (read in full...)
Why do men lie about small things?
Q. Today is my boyfriend's mom birthday. I didn't know until now, even if we've been going out for a year. He invited me to his place to celebrate his mom, but I couldn't be there, since I'm out of town, so I asked him to tell her "happy birthday for ...
A. 16 August 2010: I would not lump this all up into a generalization about "Why do men lie about silly things?". This is not normal. He is flat out lying to you and he doesn't trust you to even talk to his mother. In my opinion, this is something you need to ... (read in full...)
Sexual addiction??
Q. Sexual Addiction? Anyone out there have a sexual addiction that has caused a lot of pain and distrust between you and your partner? Did you get help? Can a person in this situation change? Can a partner trust again? Did therapy help? Love to ...
A. 16 August 2010: Sexual addiction is not to be confused with cheating. It should never be used as an excuse for cheating. While someone may be addicted to sex, they still know the difference between right and wrong. If your partner has sex addiction, they should ... (read in full...)
In love with my stepdaughter...
Q. I recently slept with my step daughter, she's 20 i'm 40 and now have these deep, deep feelings of love for her and everything I try to I can't get her out of my heart, she has mentioned to other family members that she has feelings for me as well. ...
A. 16 August 2010: You never actually asked a question in your post. Are you looking for advice on how to proceed? Are you asking if it's okay to want to be with your step daughter?
Unfortunately, all you are going to get is people pointing out how wrong what you... (read in full...)
She's 15, I'm 21, I know its wrong but I like her!
Q. Hey im 21 im a guy...im not a retard i dont do crap that isnt wrong...i work im just a good guy but the problem is that i really like a girl and the thing is she is 15 we click so well and i know its illegal and to me its wrong but the fact that i ...
A. 16 August 2010: Jrod, there is a difference between asking people's opinions on your situation and looking for people to support a decision you've already made. Whether it's legal or not, the age gap is big. You already know this or you wouldn't be even on here ... (read in full...)
She says she feels like I'm her soulmate, but that I'm too young for her, what should I do?
Q. Hi all, I met this amazing lady about 2 months ago.....we met on the dating site.....and it was a fluke as she doesn't go there often and she was about to log off....I instant messaged her and she replied and we hit it off from the start....nor...
A. 13 August 2010: Well, she's partially right. You two may be perfect for each other for many reasons. Unfortunately, each of your ages puts you in a different stage of your life. She has kids and at this stage she is probably just looking for a good man to be ... (read in full...)
Alcoholic cheating husband. what do I do?
Q. hi. im a 35 yr old mom with two kids. 6 and 4. a girl and a boy. married for ten yrs. my husband is a social alcoholic or thats what he says. got a dui driving his girlfriend home at 4am and isnever home to help with children. he keeps saying ...
A. 13 August 2010: A marriage counselor is only part of it. He's got a lot of issues that he needs to address, first and foremost being his drinking. Especially if kicking him out and filing for divorce hasn't even scared him. Has he always been like this or is ... (read in full...)
She's 15, I'm 21, I know its wrong but I like her!
Q. Hey im 21 im a guy...im not a retard i dont do crap that isnt wrong...i work im just a good guy but the problem is that i really like a girl and the thing is she is 15 we click so well and i know its illegal and to me its wrong but the fact that i ...
A. 13 August 2010: If you truly "don't do crap the is wrong" then don't do this. I believe you when you say you have feelings for her. And I'm sure she probably seems mature for her age. But the bottom line is, having a relationship with her would be illegal. In ... (read in full...)
Guy threatening to give my boyfriend proof that I cheated!
Q. I had an affair with A, a guy from work. And I called it off after 2 weeks, no more texts, phone calls, email, facebook. I felt really bad and guilty towards to my bf, because deep inside me i know it is not his fault that he has to work long hou...
A. 13 August 2010: There is a very very very easy way to make this other guy go away. It's a tactic used by top level specialists who deal with celebrities being blackmailed. You need to take away the blackmailers power and leverage over you. Do you know what that ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend talking to ex's mother... I'm scared to ask him about it
Q. I recently found out my boyfriend is talking to his ex girlfriend's mom on face book. I think he is looking up his ex on face book also. I found he is looking up a house the ex bought. He does still have pictures of her when they were engaged. I am ...
A. 12 August 2010: You should just talk to him. It's either that, or live in doubt.... which will take it's toll on you even further. Talk to him and let him explain.
Sure, it could be unresolved feelings... but there are also other reasons he could be doing th... (read in full...)
Sick from finding out ex cheated on me
Q. I hope someone can offer some advice. After a very difficult off and on summer, my girlfriend of 2 years recently broke up with me completely, telling me she had no feelings for me. She moved on to another guy almost immediately, and that was hard ...
A. 12 August 2010: The only thing that will help you get over this is time. You can't rush it. The harder you "try" to get over it, the more obsessed you will get. Get out, take your mind off of it with some friends or family. If you do start thinking about her, ... (read in full...)
What are the signs that you are having an orgasm?
Q. Im 16 and my boyfriends trying to get me to reach orgasm . I've got the peeing sensation , apperently i need to let go as if im going to pee , but what if i actually do ? and what are the signs of an orgasim ,can people pee while having sex ? people ...
A. 11 August 2010: A woman can be more specific, but all I can say is: Once you have an orgasm.... YOU WILL KNOW.
(there's no mistaking it)... (read in full...)
Is this considered incest?
Q. [Mod Note - OP's own title] I recently visited my cousin during my vacation in LA. She's my first cousin and she's a very attractive girl. We're both also 29 years old. While we were hanging out I asked her about the night clubs in LA. She said...
A. 11 August 2010: My opinion, if you are single... then you're fine. Yeah, she MAY have used you... but I don't think it was with bad intent. She knows you're a guy, obviously she's comfortable enough to do this sort of thing with you. As long as you are not ... (read in full...)
I am wondering about anyone elses experience about having a baby with someone they love but are not "in love with"
Q. Hi I'm 31. My live in boyfriend of a year and half and I broke up and he moved out 4 weeks ago because as much as we wanted the same things in life our values are very different. After a death scare 3 years ago I am one to enjoy as much in life as I ...
A. 10 August 2010: I don't have any experience with this specifically, however, I do have experience with people who stay together "just for the children". And I've just got one thing to say: Don't do it. It's not fair for a child to be raised by a parent who is ... (read in full...)
My partner would not go into a restaurant because he saw his ex wife's car was there, does this mean he is not over her?
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years and I were about to go into a restaurant/bar when he saw his ex wife's car in parking lot and didn't want to go in! I was mad bc it seemed like he was afraid or embarrassed to have her meet me. She is in a relationship and ...
A. 10 August 2010: It does not necessarily mean he has unresolved feelings for her. Often, if a man in his position still had feelings he'd WANT to see her, not the reverse. You can be on good terms with an ex but still not want to be around them at the same time. ... (read in full...)
Moving in with my boyfriend could be a bad idea if his brother moves in too?
Q. I have been with my current significant other for 3 years and we are planning to move in together. At first, it was very exciting searching for apartments and actually viewing them! We actually started saving money months ahead and made a list of ...
A. 9 August 2010: This needs to be addressed immediately between you and your boyfriend. I say immediately because this can turn into a major problem. Not just for the apartment, but for everything. Your boyfriend may be the type of person that blindly cares for ... (read in full...)
He is blaming her for "not telling the truth"! What should I advise her?
Q. What should I advise to my daughter ( 20 years old 0? Her boyfrend (18 years old )is blaming her for not telling him the truth about past with others which happend before they started commited relationship. She is crying very ofter from the way he ...
A. 9 August 2010: I know it's hard, but the first thing you should really try to do is look at things objectively. As a parent you will always want to take your child's side. Is she really keeping anything from him? Even if it's before they were together, he ... (read in full...)
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