A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently got married and it's my first time losing my virginity to my guy , we have had sex a couple of times and his complaining about that I'm loose down there and he doesn't enjoy sex with me he said his been with other girls before me and it never felt like that , I started doing kegels and excersises , I recently seen to different gynocoligist and they have checked me and said I'm tight and perfectly normal , I and they don't understand what my partner is complaing about I'm 26 of age , I been really depressed lately and don't know what to do his complaing about me always and he says he doesn't want to have sex with me cause he can't enjoy it I searched so much and read a lot any advice or help but I feel like my partner has put me down a lot I read about vaginas that they Coke in different shapes sizes depending on height body shape I read about girls having painful intercourse and that they don't get wet enough , I get wet and the gyno said I'm normal please someone give advice on what to do is it me or just him I never had sex before so I can't compare it I'm feeling very down about my self and insecure
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female
reader, Unknown 23 +, writes (10 December 2015):
Thank u all for your support and comments his not small his quite big he does have an erection but Im thinking its him masturbating that's his issue I searched up death grip and now I know what it means as I'm new to all of these things , it's really sad how he has put me down mentally and emotionally I never ever say anything to hurt his feelings or put him down , I'm trying to be strong and get out of this as we are still newly married and his complaining about me and my issue when I don't have an issue he wants me to believe him over the gyno I don't think so
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (9 December 2015):
You've been to the doctor. Have you had him checked out? This sounds very much like his penis is too small. If you break up, do him a final favor and give him a penis enlarger.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2015): Take your husband to your gynaecologist with you for them to explain how a female body works.
Then take him to a sex therapist so that they explain to him what death grip is and what it does.
You could tell him about death grip yourself but it sounds like he dismisses your thoughts.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (8 December 2015):
 OK so your BF have been with a handful of girls before you. So he has "felt" a handful of vaginas. YOUR GYNO has seen 100's if not 1,000's of vaginas and have a LONG medical education - WHO do you think knows more? Hmm, not a hard one to answer really...
Your BF is being abusive and a total dickweed.
My guess is he has been masturbating so much that even the "tightest" vagina wouldn't do it for him, because NO vagina is as tight as a hand.
And NEWSFLASH for your husband!! no 2 penises are the same neither are vaginas! or EARS or freckles!
Instead of YOU feeling BAD about yourself- RID yourself of this "husband" of yours he isn't worth a POT to pee in! My guess is he is trying to make you feel so CRAPPY about yourself that he can justify cheating on you and making it all your fault. IT IS not your fault he can't get it up and keep it up, however it IS easier for him to blame YOU than take responsibility.
The guy is 31 and doesn't know the FIRST thing about the female body.. what a ignorant little man he is.
My advice? DIVORCE him ASAP and find a REAL man. Not a man-child with a limp dick and no common sense.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 December 2015):
 Thank you for following up. I stand firm by my advice. Your husband being defensive and even calling your gynecologist a liar (saying she is full of bullshit) and then getting angry with you for believing in your gynecologist... It all tells me HE IS THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM, not you. If he was sincere and honest with you, he would not react this way. He would sit down and talk calmly with you and try to find a solution, and he'd have sex with you and try different things to help. But he is not. He has a problem, and he is not taking responsibility for it, and he is up to something.
Maybe you should do as others have advised, and leave the marriage. When your husbands threatens you with leaving because of this, then maybe you should take this seriously and leave. He does not deserve you. And he is not being honest with you. He is hiding something. There is another reason why he will not have sex with you, this is NOT because you are loose or that he can't feel you. There's something else going on. Either he has a problem with his erection (can't get it up) or he is cheating on you with someone else and the guilt makes him so uneasy he cant have sex with you, or he has an STI that he does not want to tell you about. He sure is hiding something. Because when you are lying about something and being caught, the only defense is to deny deny deny. So when he got caught by your gynecologist saying you are normal, what does he do? He tries to deny your gynecologist! Deny that your gynecologist, who KNOWS what she's talking about, is right! He denies denies denies. Oh, and then passes blame. Second strategy if denial fails. Passing blame saying it's your fault and not his.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2015): He is using this excuse to end the marriage. He is a disgusting form of a human being. Don't for one second believe you have done anything wrong. He is up to something. Please be strong and get out of this marriage ASAP. He is weakening you with theses insults. Get out FAST.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2015): I think he just cannot get it up no more and is putting the blame on you. Time for him to go see the doctor. Putting you down like this because of his shortfalls is a form of abuse.You are better than that. The doc said you are normal. I dont know you but every time i would be put down i kinda would have thrown that comeback in his face like i would say i got medically checked out doc says i am totally normal time for you to go to the doc and see what is wrong with you dear since you are the one with the problem.If he cannot satisfy a virgin he is the problem. He must have a very small penis.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 December 2015):
 A normal vagina will NEVER be as tight as a hand.
YOUR husband is being abusive to you because of HIS sexual dysfunction.
file for divorce and move on to a real man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2015): If he masterbated before you got married then maybe he got used to the tight grip of his own hand. It is quite tactless of him to compare you. I think the problem is all him. I don't have any advice except maybe put a hold on sex and masterbation for two months then try again. M
Hopefully he'll be more sensative to how wonderful you actually are.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2015): Thanks for your advice I really appreciate it I don't know what to do anymore as I'm tired of this it feels like we are married for such a long time and our relationship has died out his 31 years of age , I hate it when he compares me to other girls he had those relationships when he was younger and before we got married he used to always masturbate him self and his saying now he would rather do it him self cause he can't feel anything with me , I feel I lost my self and feel so down about my self I feel like his not sexually attracted to me or loves me deeply , it's sad cause my gynocoligist told me your hear complaining about that your patent can't feel anything and your perfectly fine she told me she has other girls who have issues they can't even have intercourse cause it's painful for them and they can't get wet naturally , she told me u get naturally wet and when your attracted to partner u get relaxed which is normal plus my partner isn't small his big I don't know why he keeps complaining and today he told me he won't have sex with my anymore saying that I believed what the gynocoligist said that it's a whole load of bullshit she said , he said he will marry someone else I'm heart broken, I have lost my self because of what his down to me
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (8 December 2015):
Your vagina is normal. You are as tight as you should be. If your boyfriend feels something isn't working for him, then the problem lies with him. My guess is, he's getting older and losing the ability to be as hard as he was when he was younger. But a man can be very insecure about his penis, so it is easier to blame the woman than to admit that the penis just isn't the same as it used to be.
How old is your husband?
Trust me though, this is not about you, your husband is experiencing some problems and is sadly taking it out on you. Your vagina is fine, and it's horrible that your husband shames you for being normal and trying to pass blame over on you. This is really stupid and immature of him, and it ruins your appetite for having sex with him as well.
Is he struggling with some illness? Depression? Is he on medication? Such behaviour is not normal in a good man, so unless your husband was a jerk from the go, then something must have happened in his life, because he is acting like a complete jerk right now. You deserve better treatment than this.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (8 December 2015):
 " please someone give advice on what to do is it me or just him" your guy is comparing you with other girls he has been with , not very nice, caring , or loving doing that to say the least. you gave your virginity to him , you gave him everything a guy could , and should want! he is putting you down and making you depressed. i will tell you the problem is him not you. he is comparing you to other girls and it is making you feel bad. you have went the extra mile to seek help by going to the doctor, there is nothing wrong with you and it sounds like he is playing games with your emotions in a cruel and cold way. i am sorry you are going through this you do not deserve this kind of treatment.
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