A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for 2 years and have been with my husband 8 years before we got married.I never wanted children - he did. I was honest from the start about children- he was upset- understandably but accepted that we wouldn't have any and that he loved me anyway and wanted to be with me- regardless.Before we were due to get married I gave him the choice to walk away (in fact I gave him several opportunities to leave before we even got engaged as I knew I was asking a lot of him) if he still wanted children as I knew he'd resent me 1 day but he refused and promised me he would never resent me.I now see how he is with his nephews and how sad he looks when people ask him when he's thinking of starting a family, he lies and says "1 day" as he's ashamed to admit we arent having any.He says he's ok with our choice but I know deep down he isn't.I love him but I think we should leave each other. I'm never changing my mind and I can see it's hurting him. I'm so angry at us both - at myself for going ahead with the marriage knowing deep down this would happen and at him for "accepting" it but now not.. He'd make a great dad so I know leaving is the best thing for us. Has anyone experienced this and what's the best way to go about it? Thanks.
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male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (18 December 2015):
It seems as though he loves you very much and he probably thinks he would rather spend his life with you than with anyone else, even if they could give him children. While he is saddened that he doesn't have the prospect of having children, he could well be a lot more sad if he wasn't able to spend his life with you.
On the other hand, you don't say much that indicates your love for him is at the level that he loves you, which makes one wonder if you don't want out for other reasons.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2015): Im in exactly the same position as you. Unfortunately my husband is still convinced ill eventually change my mind, even though i repeatedly tell him that's never going to happen. I've thought about leaving him several times, but then i think if we did break up that's no guarantee he'll meet someone else and be able to have children. Nevertheless it breaks my heart to think i cant give him what he wants. Id be very interested to hear what you decide to do and how it works out for you. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2015): You will get to that AGE where you won't be able to have kids anyway. So, you will be ok for your future ex husband to be with someone else with children? Is this what you really want?. Don't you love him enough to just give him the one child? or is there something else your not telling your husband? Children do grow up to be adults and when you get into old age they are the ones there for you as you were there for them. Really think long and hard. He loves you and no doubt you love him. Love does conquer all and you may not find anyone like him again and become full of regrets whilst he has moved on with his life. Children are a blessing NOT a burden.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (16 December 2015):
 Are you sure that you shouldn't have a heart to heart with him? Is it possible that you are feeling guilty even though you shouldn't? TALK TO HIM! Don't assume that you know what he is thinking and feeling. He knew how you felt, he married you and has been with you that long, don't you think he loves you enough and made the sacrifice (as you see it) willinging??
My husband is 6 years younger than I am and although was married once before, he never had children. I had 2 (both grown). I knew at his age that he still could have a child or two (he's 46). We dated for years and he always knew how I felt that I didn't want anymore children (I was 40 when we met). He agreed even though like you, I gave him many opportunities to walk away. We are VERY happy together and he says I am his "baby". I believe him when he says he doesn't need a child.
Don't you believe your husband? Again..talk to him...tell him you can handle the truth, but you need to know. Listen to what he says, and if he chooses you over kids..then there isn't a problem...is there?
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 December 2015):
 He married you knowing this was the way it was.
MAYBE he hopes you will change your mind but that's on him.
You did not lie and now you are trying to make decisions for him.
If you tell him you are setting him free to go have children you are making the choice for him. IF he wants to go he will post here and ask us how to tell you... that we can advise him.
reminds me of a Dr Who Episode where Amy tries to divorce Rory for exactly the same reason..
are you sure that your wanting to "set him free" is for him and not hiding something you want?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 December 2015):
 Life is made of hard choices and often forces you to prioritize, to choose A over B. It's very few lucky people who can have absoutely all they want.
It's like this for your husband. He made, willingly and freely, his choice. Between having children with some other woman, and staying childless with you, he chose you.
Of course he still loves children, of course at times he will be a bit wistful, a bit regretful that he is never going to be a dad. That's only human.
But , he made his choice, with plenty of time and fredom to do it. So you have no reason to feel guilty or fear you are making him unhappy. He'd be MORE unhappy if you left him .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2015): interestingly enough i can give you a further down the line perspective but not through my personal experience.I have been closely linked with others in similar relationships and the need to have a family that includes the patter of tiny feet can become overwhelming to the point where the frustrated party breaks away and sets themselves free to travel further down the pathway of their choice.I understand that later the non advocate of children can change their minds when they hear of their fella and some suitably equipped female happily embarked on the newborn euphoria of tiny hands and feet.Following that there is a slow filtering back of all their fine family achievements , so i can understand your doubt at this point-I have heard it said "I could have had my man ...if only i realised how much he wanted a child...i would have had the baby and the man."Those little bundles transform into talking walking captivating little souls and the solitary accomplishments of the outside party can pale in comparison.It seems to me that right now you have what you thought you wanted but you see that your man wants more and kindly you are considering releasing him to the general female population so that he can acquire a more suitable mate.But what if you miss your man?What if your entire world falls apart as your man evolves into another person with another partner and other plans?You will be dropped from their social circle and that is the end of your social and domestic comfort.You will need a new partner for all your future dinner dates and social events.If thats the desired end result and you want to cut offf then go and find a decent solicitor and get the court papers sorted out amicably as possible telling him you cant stand the pain of taking his future life from him.But dont look back and bemoan your fate at a later date.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (16 December 2015):
 There are sadnesses in life and not having children may be one of them to some people. However stacking that against the years you have had together must seem worth it to him.
To split up after all this time will take years of recovery for you both. If you feel that your relationship is strong then I would stick with it. He knows he can't have everything in life and he would rather have you.
If he is desperate to reproduce then he can become a sperm donor and help another couple.
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