A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello, not sure how to start but im desperate for some advice...... im in my 20's married to an squaddie (army) we been married two years and in those two years have moved around 3 times with the army. I have a 6year old from a previous relationship. we now live 2.5 hours from where im from and our support etc. the last year me and my husbands relationship has hit rock bottom.he gambles, takes loans out behind my back he now is in debt. he constantly wants to be with his friends and not us. I recently found out he kissed someone in January this year. we broke up in april for 3 months but then got back together as he promised he had already started changing no gambling etc which at that point very much believed. im not saying for a second im an angel but im not like this. a part of me wants to leave but im scared to uproot my daughter again! another school/house etc. I know it upsets her. also her biological dad takes every opportunity to get on my back about parenting etc I feel abit scared to do this because how he'll react. I just feel really lost and confused on what to do? I love my husband but will he actually change and put his family as a priority?
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broke up, debt, gambling, got back together Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (10 December 2015):
 Guys don't "change"..... they are who they are... and - if you hoodwinked yourself in the first place (about who he was) then you have to swallow hard and admit that you've made a mistake...... Face up to it...
Good luck....
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 December 2015):
 he SAYs he's better.. does he SHOW you he's better?
Is is going to Gamblers Anonymous and getting support and help? if not, then he's full of hot air.
giving up addictive behavior (drinking, drugs, sex, gambling, shopping etc) is very difficult without proper support and mindset.
if he Says he is getting better.. does he SHOW it or is it just his word?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 December 2015):
 I am afraid Denizen is right. And tbh I am also surprised that you quote as one of the main reasons why you'd choose to stay stuck in an unhappy marriage... the fact that you don't want to displease your ex and don't want to deal with his criticism. Let him criticize all he wants !, it's not like HE stayed around to try and make you and your daughter blissfully happy ...
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (10 December 2015):
 I am told that it was Confucius who said: "The way out is through the door. Why is it that no one will use this method?”
It is very said that your husband, who you love, couldn't see what he was about to lose when you broke up with him. He's had his second chance, and it seems that the penny didn't drop.
It's time to get a divorce. Sorry to tell you but I think it would take a minor miracle to make him change.
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