A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi.. This is not a love post but I need some honest advice. I lent to my bf $400 cash 2 months ago. He was supposed to pay me back two weeks after. Anyway he came to me saying I can't pay you back now because so and so.. Yesterday He told me I have your money. He handed to me a credit card wich he says it has $300 and the other $100 in cash today. Well I got upset and I told him that I gave him $400 cash so I am expecting cash too. No credit cards (the card is his personal credit card). He got mad at me saying that I only think in money and he doesn't see a problem that I use his credit card. The thing is as I told him, why when you needed my help I did so fast, went to ATM and gave you the money.. And when you were supposed to pay me you came to me full of excuses and now you handed me a credit card? I did not accept his credit card I told him I need the cash period. Do I am overreacting?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 December 2015):
 you are very wise to not accept the card.
he can take a cash advance.
or let him pay you 100 per week till it's paid off and
NEVER lend him money again...
in fact, consider that he can't manage money well which is a bad sign for a long term relationship with this man.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2015): I have two words for you....JUDGE JUDY.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 December 2015):
 Something sounds fishy.
If this is his personal credit card with a $300 limit, then march him to the bank to take out a $300 cash advance against that card. For you to accept HIS personal credit card is nothing short of fraud. He didn't put you down as an authorized user, and this is not a pre-paid credit card.
This means that if you take HIS card, under HIS name, and start charging it up, he can dispute it, which tarnishes YOUR name as an unauthorized user and makes you an accessory to bank fraud.
He *can't* give you his credit card unless he's made you an authorized user, and even then, a credit card is NOT cash, and the fact that he looks at it that way as a means to "borrow from Peter to pay Paul" is to me an absolute and total dealbreaker in a relationship. Borrowing money from you and then offering this as a form of repayment?? Will he bankrupt you after you live together? Will he take out a credit card in *YOUR* name next??
I would end this relationship immediately. His view on money and borrowing is damning and irreversible.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2015): You're right. He's wrong. If you lent him Cash. He should return Cash. He's being a jerk. Don't lend people money. Never a good look.
But if you really have to... Make sure to set the rules right from the start. So there's no confusion on either side.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 December 2015):
 I don't think you are overreacting at all.
But learn from this. NO more loaning him money. Be borrowed $400 in cash, UNLESS you are OK with any other payments, he GIVES yo $400 in cash back. It's simple, it's common sense.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2015): In my opinion it's never wise to lend a loved one or friend money as money can turn things sour easily. I know he said he would give you back the $400 in two weeks but that seems an awfully short time to try and get that back to you.
It is your money and you deserve to get back what is rightfully yours but could you possibly try and accept the use of the credit card? Could you pay for the things you need such as groceries and essentials on the credit card and then it's up to him to pay the interest charges, just use it like a debit card.
I personally wouldn't care if I had the cash back in my hand or if I was given the card to use as long as I could pay for the things I needed with it. Put it this way it's not causing you hardship doing that. Are there any problems that could arise if you don't have the physical cash?
If all else fails I know with the credit card I had I could withdraw money from the cash machine in emergencies. They charged me loads in fees if I did that but if you have to have the cash back make him do that.
I will warn you though that when I used my boyfriends card in a shop before they saw that it had a man's name on it and took the card off me. Luckily my boyfriend was waiting outside and said it was his.
Don't let money get in the way of your relationship, he has found a way round being unable to pay it. If he's really struggling at the moment to pay you back would you want him getting into problems, say with debts he may owe or rent, trying to get you cash?
Have a think and feel if it is really necessary getting this cash back or can you use the card.
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