A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Does sleeping with friends work what i mean is when your friends with a guy and you start sleeping with him do you still have his respect. Or does he start to lose respect for you as if he would if you were a one night stand.?So if you have been in this situation can you shed any light on it.Thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013): I have a FWB thing going on for years with the same woman. It may be a little different because we're both married to others. Her husband is a drugged out drunken loser. My wife is a despicable sex whore and has sex with anyone she wants. I don't have sex with her at all and both marriages are basically over. This woman and I have been friends since grade school. For the last 7 years we meet for sex a few times a month. I still respect her for who she is, not just as sex object but as a friend who like me has sexual desires and needs. I feel safe with her, I love her in many ways and we both enjoy the closeness we don't have at home. It's an escape from our troubled marriages. In talking with her, neither one of us would consider a relationship other than sharing sex. It's an arrangement that works quite well for us because we both know the limits of what we're doing. I will always respect her for being there sexually, even if it all ended I will always be grateful to have had a real friend share passion even if it was just for the fun and sexual tension release of it. My wife knows I have sex with her, her husband knows too, but we don't care. I will always respect my FWB, after all she is a real and long time friend.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 February 2013):
 I think it's going to depend on the guy and the situation.
I mean if you are using a friend for sex and they are willing to sleep with you, do you have respect for them? why or why not?
and as folks have pointed out... there is respect... and there is will he make me his girlfriend.... they are two different things.
I can easily respect someone I don't want to date.
you have to consider WHY you are FWB with someone... if it's just to pass the time and scratch an itch and both parties are on the same wavelength then I don't see how lack of respect comes into play
what I think you mean is "will he consider me gf material if I put out for him" the answer is probably not.
being a gf and being respected are two different things.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (5 February 2013):
 It depends on how clear you are about your intentions with each other from the start, how close you are as friends and if one of you has feelings that are more than just 'friends'.
For example, if you are casual friends with a guy who you know from hanging out with mutual friends, but are not close (as in dont spend that much time alone hanging out etc) then a FWB relationship can work fairly well. As long as neither of you have any romantic feelings for each other, it has to be pure platonic friendship with a small amount of physical attraction thrown in. In this kind of situation I very much doubt a guy would lose much respect for you, because chances are he didnt know you that well to start with.
However if you are very close friends with a guy, spend a lot of time together and really value each other's friendship, then I would say yes a FWB runs a huge risk of him losing respect for you and damaging your friendship eventually. It is too difficult to ever go back to being close friends once you have slept together, it makes things way too complicated.
Equally if you have feelings for a guy you are friends with i.e. one day you would like him to be more than just a friend and would hope that one day you could be his girlfriend, then starting a FWB is the wrong way to go to get him to like you if that is what you want to achieve.
Men dont view their FWB girls as potential girlfriend material - basically if you give sex away easily and frequently without requiring any committment then they will never want to take you home to meet their mothers!
Men tend to respect classy, intelligent and funny women who dont give sex away easily and respect their own bodies. FWB is just another form of casual sex - it is sex without a committment, one that still runs similar risks to one night stands like STD's and unwanted pregnancy. So if a girl is willing to risk her body like this of course a guy is going to lose respect for her - casual sex is not a very lady like thing to do and most men value a woman who has morals and is classy.
Think long and hard before you enter into a FWB - if it is with a male friend who you dont have any feelings for and wont ever want him to be a boyfriend, nor is your friendship that valuable you would mind losing it; then a FWB might be ok. But if you have any feelings for him at all, or you want something to develop in the future, or your very close friends, then I wouldnt go there as you are risking too much.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): If the guy is a good friend, then respect may stay intact. But will he stay a friend for long. One or other, in these FWB situations, often begin to have feelings the other person. Or think of it as sex on tap without the bother of a girl/boy friend - it is not as easy and straight forward as some might like to think.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): "when your friends with a guy and you start sleeping with him do you still have his respect."No, if you're friends with a guy and you start sleeping with him then he never respected you in the first place. iAmHereToHepYou has nailed it (as usual): most guys do not consider a girl who "puts out" to be girlfriend material; if you're so easy that a guy can get you into bed without offering you a relationship, then he'd be getting what he wants without having any incentive to offer you anything more because in his eyes you'd have nothing more to offer him. If a guy is genuinely interested in you, then he'll continue to pursue you even if you say "no" the first time, second time, third time, etc. Many women seem to think that continuing to sleep with a guy somehow builds up a reservoir of feelings leading towards a more serious relationship but just the opposite is true: saying "no" is your currency, once you agree to sleep with a guy then he will always see you in that light. In less polite terms, "Once a f*ck buddy, always a f*ck buddy."
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A
female
reader, Teenage-Rebel +, writes (5 February 2013):
 A one night stand can either stay like that or it can develop into a relationship but don't do the friends with benefits thing because it doesn't work.One person gets attached and wants more whilst the other just see's it as sex and nothing more than that.Don't get into that situation but ask if he's interested in having a relationship rather than just sex because a relationship is more rewarding than just having a sex buddy. He may lose respect in you and just see you as a sex object and will ruin your friendship in the long run.Don't get to that. If you like him ask him out, if he says no and want's sex say no, even if you want to. It keeps your dignity intact and you can hold off for someone who wants to be with you without wanting just sex
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