A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a coworker, i like him a lot we've been together as a friends for almost a year, started to see each otherfor about 3 months having diner, watching movies and snuggle on his couch with out having sex, but last month i spent the night after he asked me several times...he was doing pretty well, we were talking for long time, but i really want to make love to him..we are having sex for last month....he always says that feels good inside his soul to be with me, he says that has a lot of fun with me, but he told me that if i want to have a committed relationship that i have to stop seeing him...i really like him, he also says that i am not like other woman that i am very respectful one,he says that when i am not with him he can hear my voice talking to him, he had a dream about me saving him from a car accident, on my birthday he sent anonymous flowers..i love them but i do not know if he really loves me,he told his brother that he is having sex with someone from work, very inside of me something tells me that he does love me....but i am scare to fall in love with him, what should i do...?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 January 2013):
 Mistake #1 he’s a co-worker . It’s very rare to see co-workers date and have it work out. Once you are over and done you will have to face him at work.. that will suck.
Mistake #2 NOT listening to what he said “he told me that if i want to have a committed relationship that i have to stop seeing him...” HE TOLD YOU HE WAS NOT UP FOR A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP. IF he told you this AFTER you had sex with him shame on him. IF He told you this before you had sex with him, shame on you. HE TOLD YOU he wanted nothing more than FUN AND GAMES. YOU DID NOT LISTEN to him.
Mistake #3 believing that having a dream about you or sending flowers on your birthday (they were anonymous how do you know for sure they were from him?) indicates his level of caring for you. IT does not.
You don’t know if he really loves you. He does not. He does NOT love you at all. He told his brother not that he was DATING someone, NOT that he was seeing someone but that he was HAVING SEX with someone from work. This means NOTHING.
HE does not love you. He is not going to commit to you.
What should you do? STOP SLEEPING WITH HIM because if you continue you will fall deeper in love with him and it will hurt way more when he leaves you for a woman he does love.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): Hi, stop the fwb now with this man. He told you that if you are wanting a commited relationship get out. You are falling for him and he can see it. He wont change his mind cos he doesnt feel the same way. Life isnt like a romance novel, people tend to have an idea if you are someone they really want to be with or not. You are a here and now for him, not a future. If he had feelings for you he would of told his brother your name and that he would get to meet you.
Be thankful that he respected you enough to tell you he wasnt wanting a relationship, there are plenty who would play you until the woman he wants to commit to came along and knowing you would be hurt but not a care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): He will not give you a committed relationship so don't hold on to hope that it could be more because will only lead to you being left unhappy and disappointed. You need to ask yourself if you are willing to settle for what you have now because the longer you stay doing the more likely your feelings will grow.
Hope this helps
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): OP I never understand why women ignore the obvious when we tell you exactly how we feel.
"if i want to have a committed relationship that i have to stop seeing him"
How is that not clear? What else do we guys have to do so you'll listen to us? He does not see you as relationship material and he does not want a relationship with you. All the other stuff is just what we say and do when we're boning a woman. It's just what you do and it means nothing.
He does not want a relationship with you and he does not love you. Make your decision based on the facts OP, not what you hope.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (21 January 2013):
 It sounds to me like you are just a casual relationship, 'friends with benefits' kind of thing. He made it 100% crystal clear that if you want a committed relationship he CANNOT give that to you, so he has been honest with you from the start.
He obviously likes you, but if he doesnt want a committed relationship then it is pretty safe to say he doesnt love you, he wouldnt be so stupid to fall in love with someone he doesnt want to commit to long term.
The issue here is that you want more from him than he can give you. He told you this cant ever be a serious committed relationship, yet you are still hoping that eventually it will turn into that. IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! He doesnt want a serious relationship, but if you want something serious then you need to move on. Leave this guy, he cant give you what you want, and find a man who can get serious with you.
Who cares what this guy thinks of you, or how he feels - whatever he feels is pretty irrelevant because he has told you nothing will ever happen between the two of you, he is never going to act upon any feelings he may have.
Stop wasting your time with a man who doesnt want a relationship, and move on to someone else who is ready for a relationship instead.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): Hi , He has not told you he loves you and neither does he consider himself in a relationship with you. To be blunt its a FWB relationship as he has told you that if you want a committed relationship then you have to stop seeing him.
You need to tell him you have feelings invested and want to be recognised as his girlfriend. If he says that its just sex, you need to distant yourself from this relationship as an FWB relaionship will not work as you see him as more. We tend to read into things and not listen to what men say. You are not in a relationship.
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