A
male
age
30-35,
*B.
writes:Hey all I have a question on the confusing female mind!I was chatting with a couple of women recently and they both confused the hell out of me. One had slept with some chavy guy who she regretted sleeping with but said she did it because the he carried a knife and it turned her on and the other said her idea of an ideal relationship would actually be her partner hitting her and then after they finished arguing they could have make up sex. Now don't get me wrong I understand that women want a confident man who can look after them and I get the whole dominance thing but isn't there a line between being able to look after your women and being a dick. I being trained in multiple martial arts know I could look after myself and other yet I would never think of ever carrying a knife or hitting a lady and I know that if someone did that to any of my female relatives there is no way i'd allow it even if apparently 'they enjoyed it'. So I think my main question is do women actually find things such as aggression and threatening behaviour attractive despite the fact that a lot of the guys who show these traits can't always back up how they act if they got trouble from it?Also would you have a line between being confident and dominant and actually beating and hurting you. Women confuse the hell out me!Thanks for reading and replying. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (24 January 2013):
I have heard many woman say they dont like an aggressive male. I have not seen many act that way.
I have heard many woman say they dont like an arrogant male.
Right before they date the Wall St trader, the Navy SEAL, or the lead guitarist
One of the tragedies of our evolution is what attracted women to men thousands of years ago is incompatible with todays society. Back the, to ensure the survival of her offspring, women looked for a domineering violent man who could and would defend her, their children, and their possessions. Such behavior is no longer overtly necessary today, but the relic of evolution remains. This is why you see so many nice girls with so called "bad boys," especially at younger ages when their maturity has not caught up with their intrinsic drives.
So you will hear many woman SAY they dont want or like an arrogant man. They may even believe it themselves when they say it. However, if you watch actions instead of listening to words, it tells a very different story.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2013): I think you've just come across two adrenaline junkies (of sorts) simultaneously.
The first girl sounds like she gets a turn on by the adrenaline rush from a sense of danger being present.
The second one, well, she sounds a bit more on the twisted side. She sounds like a woman I used to know who constantly had injunction orders out against her violent ex boyfriend to stop him coming near her, but when it suited her she would allow him into her home to dominate, beat her, and then rape her, (all part of the fun and attraction she said, but of course cries wolf afterwards).
I guess we can't understand everyone we come across in life, but it just goes to demonstrate, these people aren't the right girls for you lol.
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A
male
reader, JB. +, writes (22 January 2013):
JB. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't expect so many replies so fast, it was just something I was thinking about while bored on a work break. Thanks for all the replies and mixed opinions though.
I figured I might have ended up meeting a couple of nut jobs but it got me thinking a little since abusive relationships are very common and with my family being mainly female I am always hearing from them or their friends about how their boyfriend treated them badly, hit them, cheated etc. yet a large proportion of the time these women seem to take it for quite a while. A little confusing for me.
At Cerberus, I can totally understand them being turned on, like you say, if you were being aggressive to defend them. It is just confusing when you see these guys being complete asses to their girlfriends and sometimes intimidating or violent and yet they are so quick to forgive them and blame themselves or others.
I have an older sister who is a prime example. Some of the trash she has been out with and she's loved them madly yet she had 2 opportunities with 2 of the nicest guys I've ever known her meet and she just cheats on them. She even had one guy leave his wife for her and then she left him and married some complete dick. As you can probably tell she isn't the nicest of people around but you can't pick your family I guess!
All of your feedback has made me think women aren't so crazy but there's still a lot of you that are! HAHA!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2013): What you describe sounds more like a fetish. Fetishes are not very common, though not unusual.Not me or anyone I know like men beating them up. In fact, I've met few women who left their boyfriends, husbands after the first incident.After a few incidents where guys were rude to me, I wished my husband was very tall and big muscles guy and could beat them up, it's true, but I would like it to happen only because I wanted to punish those as..s. Not because it turns me on.Violence and sex sometimes had a weird connection, but it's hardly a common occurrence.I think men arre more likely to be turned on by violent sex than women by far. Just look at all these serial killers, who's killings are based on some sexual perversion, they are all men.You are trying to draw a parallel between violence and confidence, I frankly don't see any connection whatsoever.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 January 2013):
 We do? My boyfriend is a shy skinny quiet nerdy guy who is the least angry person I've ever met. He does not yell and he has never gotten physically angry at me ever. If he did, we would be over. I once dated a guy who got so mad he punched a wall. He did not get another date. I dated another guy who bragged about his gun collection. We did not date again either.
Some women, especially ones who have been abused as children, find themselves seeking out mistreatment for various reasons stemming from the abuse. It's hardly the norm.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 January 2013):
 NOT attractive at all. A total turn off.
BTW forcing a woman to have sex with you under the threat of physical harm is called RAPE.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2013): You'd be surprized how many do OP. Look how many gush over domestic abuser Chris Brown, or a lot of other rappers notorious for carrying weapons and being criminals. Turn on Jeremy Kyle and you'll see lots that love punishment.
It's also estimated that 1 in 5 women in the UK are currently in a relationship where they are being abused and they stay. A friend of mine's cousin has a long term ex who she still is in contact with and sometimes ends up sleeping with him, he used to beat her, he broke into her house late a night when they broke up so he could "talk" to her and she's tried numerous times to get a restraining order but they won't give her one because she won't break off contact.
OP with all due respect to previous posters I bet at some point they felt an inexplicable attraction to some low life, be it a bad guy in a movie or a bad boy musician. Women are generally wired for guys who excite them and most, in my experience find the idea of a bad boy outlaw, pure unadulterated 'fuck the world' alpha male as the pinnacle of excitement.
Regardless of what they tell you, women love drama, every TV show, book, movie, song aimed at women contains some form of drama to do with men and they lap it up. Now lots have the good sense to keep that as fantasy only, they have a good foundation of morals and won't go near a guy they know steps too far beyond that but most act on emotional impulse and will very easily go against their better judgement just to go with what they feel.
Look no matter how many women tell you they would never date a scum bag, no matter how many tell you there must be something wrong with a girl who likes that kind of thing just look to the popularity of books like 50 shades of grey where the woman enters an exceptionally abusive and thoroughly fucked up master/slave dynamic with an emotionally unhinged scum bag that she wants to save through submission and you'll see they find violent and painful dominance somewhat alluring.
I can't count the number of times I've heard women criticize some sleazy asshole in a club, or talk about how much of a bastard their boyfriend is then melt away into getting with him that night as soon as he pays them a bit of attention.
With all due respect OP, only women think they're not as strange as we think, I can tell you after more than 30 years of life, 20 years of dating, relationships and nearly a 100 one night stands they're a messed up bunch of feckers that defy logic because they live mainly on emotion and what feels right. Trust me, you'll never figure them out so don't bother trying. Just stick to less insane ones.
I mean my fiancée just yesterday out of nowhere brought up the fact I hadn't knocked someone out in front of her in ages and as much as she abhors violence she gets very aroused and worked up when I jump to her defence or beat the crap out of someone who threatens us on a night out.
I'm a well built martial artist who only ever fights in terms of self-defence although I consider someone squaring up to me to be a physical threat and will act first.
I mean she is the type that swears violence solves nothing and hitting a woman under any circumstances is never right, yet the last time I was in a fight it was against two women who had attacked her on a night out, pulling her hair, kicking her hard etc. and I knocked both those fuckers down hard. Instead of being pissed she got insanely horny and we had awesome sex when we got home, she was all over me in the taxi.
OP women will call me sexist for this and they're welcome to, I speak from experience when I say to them strong emotions are a far more potent drug than they generally are for us. Sure we're susceptible to emotions in the same way but they lust after them like a heroin addict that needs a fix and they love nothing better than to indulge their emotions through men. Intellectually they may think a scum bag is undesirable but when they become the focus of his attention that can illicit a very powerful emotional response that a lot of them will do anything just to feed. You only have to read five questions on the front page of this site by women to see the insane depravity of things they will put up with from guys just to feed their emotions, they will stay abused, be cheated on, disrespected, used all just so they can feel those emotions and not lose their source.
I mean can you explain why these women are still with these guys?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-partner--is-constantly-belittling-my-looks.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-says-he-still-has-his-ex-on45.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/does-my-lover-really-love-me-or-does.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-wont-my-ex-boyfriends-accept-the-fact.html
I can, simply because they'd rather not lose that source of powerful emotions and would rather fuck themselves up in the long term just to get that short term fix.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2013): Women are into many different things and many different levels of sexual encounters as are men.
The average women is not into that kind of stuff you describe and were likely saying it to show off, for shock value or they have some serious issues with past abuse, low self-esteem, etc....when it comes down to it, a women wants to be loved, feel safe, secure and know their partner wants them and is attracted to them and they do not want to be physically or mentally hurt.
They should be ashamed of themselves if they had any brain cells at all with all the women who are sexually and physically abused by their partners and struggle to get away or live with it for years.... what a couple of immature losers, sorry.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (22 January 2013):
 As eyeswideopen has pointed out, you have just come across 2 rather disturbed individuals who clearly have issues - I would say that 99% of women would be turned off by what they both described.
If I found out a guy that I was dating was carrying a weapon, I would report him to the police and never see him again. I would find that frightening and not in any way arousing, it would be a very quick end to the relationship.
As for being hit, again I would leave any man that even raised a hand to me. I have had experience of domestic violence once before when I was younger and it is not something I am keen to experience again, and when it happened a few years ago I ended the relationship immediately and never went near the guy again. Ok so some women are into being dominated sexually, there are lots of fetishes out there and perhaps this girl is just one of those people who gets turned on by being spanked/hit etc. I'm sure in reality if she were beaten up by a violent partner the last thing she would want after that is sex - she probably is a bit immature and confusing a desire for dominance and a male to be a bit forceful with her during sex, with a violent relationship.
So to answer your question - do women actually find things such as aggression and threatening behaviour attractive? The answer is no, the majority of us do not.
Some girls may like to be dominated in the bedroom, but I very much dobut you would find any girl that would like to be involved in domestic abuse. And as for the girl who likes guys with knives, she obviously has some issues surrounding danger and feeling out of control, she sounds like she needs professional help ideally from a therapist because she is putting her life at risk by being with these guys.
I'm only 25 by the way - so while I'm not as young as you are I'm fairly close to your generation so you can take it from me, even young girls these days dont want agressive men. It simply is not cool.
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A
female
reader, misLadYd..  +, writes (22 January 2013):
 well ppl are diferent.. And those women are not sane.who wants to be beat up and then have sex afterwards.? I dont get. They are not normal
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 January 2013):
 Yeah, you need to increase the size of your poll sample. You inadvertently found two wackos.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2013): I think their "ideas" are very flawed, because you DO need to draw the line somewhere. There is a huge diffetrnce between sexual dominant behavior and being an abuser. Its the ideas that turn them on but I can gaurentee if a man bf or whatever started beating them, they wouldnt be fond of it, nor eould they throw themselves at whom ever beat them.. I like some sexual dominance, but have had a bf that held the backs of knives to my throat, Ive been held down in bed, to the point where no "safe" words worked and it no longer is sexually thrilling, ; infact its nt appealing at all. You feed disrespected, used, mistrustful... there certainly is a fine line. I dont mind having a partner that is dominent or kinky in bed, I dont even mind being slapped or spanked a few times- in bed, but in bed is as far as it goes. If its outside the bedroom or you no longer want your partner to do physically aggressive things in bed and they do, no matter what you do or how many times you ask them to stop then THAT in my mind is what crosses the line and makes the guy a jerk. Thats just my opinion. :)
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (22 January 2013):
 The two women you spoke to are definitely not the norm. Especially the second one. What she described is twisted.
A bit of assertiveness and confidence is attractive, but not violence! And a man can be dominant without inflicting pain. Two separate things all together.
Hope you feel a bit reassured that the opinion of the two women you spoke are out of the ordinary, and women's minds aren't quite as strange as you thought!
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