A
female
age
30-35,
*andid
writes:I am seeing a guy who I go to university with. He is home for the holidays (Diff. Province entirely). We have been using web cam to stay in touch. I was taken by surprise when I saw that he was 'shaven'. My question pertains to why might he shave unless he had intentions of 'hooking-up' with someone else. He has spoken of his x, and how she would like to get back together. I am just concerned because there is no way I would ever know if he were to cheat. I just know that the essence behind that kind of maintence is for sex appeal(Is it not!?). At the end of the day you only have your integrity; is it plausable to question his under the circumstnaces?
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female
reader, candid +, writes (25 December 2007):
candid is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thank you all for your advice. I am hurt, but pain heals over time. I am a passive person, so if I were to bring it up, it would be after the holidays in person- if I can even find the courage to.
I wish all who has put their advice out there to know it means a lot to me. Best wishes and God bless.
Have a wonderful Christmas with loved ones.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (25 December 2007):
 I agree with Dearkelja. If you add everything, it does seem like he is involved with someone else. He should give you some explanations, but I'm afraid they won't come from him if you don't ask. Listen to what he says and decide on that basis.
I have something to add. Whatever is going on, you need to spend a happy Christmas. Don't think about him and focus on the good reasons to be happy that you have now.
I promise I will think a bit more about your case and come back later. Maybe tomorrow.
Take care, and DO HAVE a Merry Christmas.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (24 December 2007):
 I don't think he went to a movie with a male friend. I'd say he has some "splaining to do". I wouldn't try to do this over the phone or email or web cam. I'd wait until he gets back.
I'd say it is possible that he is spending time with his ex because of what happened last year. I can't say if he's just being a good friend for her or if he's decided to give it a go. The fact that he shaved, told you his ex wanted him back, there was a female in his vehicle and he wasn't in communications with you for a very long time isn't adding up to something innocent, I'm sorry to say.
I am sorry you are hurt over the holidays. It isn't any fun I'm sure. You're a million miles away and not able to do a thing, I feel for you. Hugs being sent.
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A
female
reader, candid +, writes (24 December 2007):
candid is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. But to be clearer: He would not often, and if he did, he would not shave'everything'. In addition, the web cam situation was very out of the blue. And more current news...He said last night he was going out to a movie with a buddy. Just them two. In fact to a movie which I said I wanted to go to the Theatres to watch with him and had told him that. Well... after about 5 in the afternoon he wouldnt pick up his calls or return them. Finally close to 12 am when I called him again, he picked up. I heard a female cough in his car. After she coughed he asked if he could phone me back later... 2 am hits. I get a call. But I am so hurt that I dont even bring it up. Any opinions ! HELP. Hurt at Christmas time. Ps. His ex girlfriend's brother commited suicide last Christmas Eve. Could he be spending time with her?
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (24 December 2007):
 I'm glad you cleared it up as well. Until I saw the update I was going to mention, being a single male, I shave my face daily.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (24 December 2007):
The fact that you mention his shaving suggests that he hadn't done it before. If shaving the pubic area were something he usually does, then I suppose you wouldn't talk about it.
I also suppose you have been intimate before, or he wouldn't dare to use the webcam to show you his being shaven.
As to the shaving, I think I wouldn't have enough information to give real advice. Yes, I suppose he is doing it for sex-appeal, but I'm not sure whether this could mean he is seeing someone else.
On the other hand, his mentioning that his ex wants him back could be a reason for concern. His ex has told him he wants him back, and a) he has given some thought to it, because he is pondering whether he should go back, or b) he is mentioning it because he wants you to know it from him, not someone else. But, of the two signs, I would worry more about his comment about the ex.
This is the sort of events that are so difficult to manage. You really can't know whether something is going on. Doubt is the worst of enemies.
I suppose this is a dumb question, but, does she live in his province of origin?
What impression do you have of him? Do you have grounds to suspect him, other than shaving and mentioning the ex?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2007): Thank you for clearing that up. I must have posted my question, just at the same moment as you answered. I can understand your concern. Has he ever shaven before while in this relationship, with you? Was he trying to look appealing for 'you' on webcam? I guess I'm trying to say, if he's never shaven before, why would he do this while in another province so far away from you? I guess that suddenly shaving one's pubic area is a very incredibly delicate, time consuming job. So why do it, when the gf is several hundred miles away, in another province? Did he not realize that you would notice and why would he do such a thing to make you wonder "what the heck?" If he said nothing to reassure you, or to even explain this unusual behavior, then you may have to ask him why he's shaved? Has he ever done uncaring things, in the past, to keep you off balance. I would say that hinting that the ex gf is waiting in the wings, is a good indicator of his unthinking behaviors. What that could mean is he is not the kind of guy you want in your life. But firstly, I suggest you come right out and ask him what is going on? See what he says. I am not sure you will get a viable, honest answer, but if you know him well enough, you will be able to tell if he's being honest with you.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (23 December 2007):
LOL...sorry. Guess he didn't do it for Mom!!! Well then. I guess I don't know what to say. I still say though that if he is cheating or planning to there really isn't anything you could do to prevent it. The best thing to do is to give him your complete trust. If you wanted you might kid around about his spruced up appearance and see what kind of reaction you get from him. I wouldn't call him on it. You need to show him you trust him. If he thought you didn't he wouldn't feel as guilty if he betrayed you.
I wish you the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2007): Are you talking about him shaving his pubic area? Or his face?
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A
female
reader, candid +, writes (23 December 2007):
candid is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen I say 'shaven'... I mean his pubic area. Sorry, I just found it difficult to say.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (23 December 2007):
There are a lot of reasons men shave. He could have done so to appease his mom, to take a family photo or because hsi scruff got to him. It isn't good in a relationship when you don't trust your partner.
And to be honest the man I like looks best when he has the 8pm shadow going on. He knows this and when he knows he's going to be seeing me, this is how he looks.
It's Christmas, enjoy your holiday. If your man cheats, there really is nothing you can do anyway.
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