A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this guy who is 42. He was very, very into me, and pursued me for about 2 months. He really gained my trust, and I liked him a lot. We started having sex (three weeks ago) and virtually overnight he stopped being on time, checking in with me, and we haven't gone an actual date. He has a night job, and works hard, but he's flaked out several times, or shows up late, and says he doesn't understand why I'm upset. He keeps talking about moving in together, and stuff like that, but I feel really upset about it. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): Hi, I'm the woman that wrote the question. Thanks for all these great replies. They gave me confirmation of what I already knew.. This guy is a player, and I think he thought things would be different with me because he liked me so much. When push came to shove, he just fell back on his old habits.
I am sure he's not cheating on me YET, bbut why does he think he can't be accountable to me for where he is? Why does he feel like meeting regularly and on time for dates is too much to ask? It's only a matter of time, it seems.
I told him I didn't want to be a concubine, and he agreed that he was relying on sex too much. But still, even after that conversation, no dates and no show.
Actions speak louder than words.
The truth is that he has to change from within - not wait for the right girl to come along to inspire him to change. I have too much self respect for this. THANKS AGAIN!!!!
I have too much self respect to be played, and THANK YOU everyone for their advice.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Sorry mate, but once the chase was over it's down to football socks in bed, get us a beer darling, and loud obnoxious personal habits.
He doesnt sound like a real player but just a guy who thinks that he's put in enough effort for you to accept the real him.
I wouldnt if I were you.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Hi, It would appear to me, that this gentleman (being kind)likes the pursuit, he is very charming, knows how to breakdown a woman's defenses, so that he can move in for what heis really after. Which seems to be a sexual conquest, and not a real relationship. I would certainly take my time, before even considering, moving in with him. There must, or should be, mutual respect between the two of you, that is not apparently the case here. I would take this as a lesson in "how to tell if he is a cad", but in the future, you must recognize it, before you go too far. Take it slow, if you really like him, but remember, love or luv, is not always enough. Don't allow yourself to be used, for purely sexual purposes. You deserve better treatment. Take care of yourself, and good luck to you in the future.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (30 April 2008):
 It sure seems like he's had what he wanted. Try not having any sex and asking him why the change. If he gets so upset that he goes away, you'll have your answer and he won't be abusing you anymore.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (30 April 2008):
 This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Just what is he looking for, a roomate with benefits? This man should be showing you some respect and dating you properly. He should be taking you out to dinner and hanging you on his arm to show off to the world. I think the start of this relationship was about getting to the sex and now that that's accomplished, he isn't showing you any kind of respect at all.
If you really like him then I would sit down and have...the talk. If it scares him off then you'll have your answer, this relationship isn't mean to last.
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