A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Should i wait for my girlfriend. She finished with me saying she has too many emotional issues from her last relationship which was abusive.I begged her to give us a second chance and she agreed but needs more space and time. I love her so much but I am finding it so hard as she is going out with her mates a lot and not contacting me, am i being blind to the obvious?I feel very alone, and in a wierd position. I dont think she realises i am hurting, but also i dont want to pressure her in case i lose her forever. i will wait for her but its churning me up inside. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (28 April 2008):
 First off, she doesn't realize you are hurting because she can only deal with her issues at this time. She didn't intend to hurt you but she herself knows she can not participate in a relationship now.
While you might think it's a good idea to wait for her, she will likely look down on this. How long are you willing to wait? Ten years? No-one knows how long this process will take for her including her. You are best to come to the conclusion that she is not emotionally available at this time and there is nothing you can do to make her want you or make her heal so the best thing to do is to move on with your life. Leave the door open for her but really do not stop living. If she comes back and you are available and willing to give it another go, then great. If she never comes back then you haven't wasted precious time pining over her.
I know this is hard advice but I am being kind by telling you this. I was given this same story by a guy I cared deeply for and I waited for a few months only to realize that 1) he may never be ready and 2) for all I know now, it could have been his way to let me down easy. So I have made the decision to move on. It is hard but I believe it is for the best.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): When you asked for a second chance, were you promising to also be her shrink too?
She's doing you a favor, understanding that she needs a lot of help and time to get over her pain, and until that is resolved, will she be healed to start a relationship.
I understand you care for her, but to prevent you ruining the good part you have, you need to back off, and possibly move on. When she gets better, she may contact you to start up again, if you haven't found someone else.
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A
male
reader, DearSteve +, writes (27 April 2008):
 You need to decide whether you really want to wait for her. Take some time to think about how you really feel and ask yourself whether a relationship with her has any true long-term potential. If not, then you’re kidding yourself by waiting around for her. By all means let her know that you’re there for her and that you want a relationship, but you have to let her know that you can’t wait around forever. This may force her to think about what she really wants. Despite that, get yourself out there and meet some new people. You may end up finding the woman of your dreams who is emotionally available.
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A
female
reader, Lady lilly  +, writes (27 April 2008):
That feeling is horrible isn't it of not being wanted, but you sound like a really nice guy being able to ask for advice.
It sounds to me like she has made up her mind and i don't think it is for the reason she gave.
my advice would be to cut your loses and try and work through it by telling yourself you are worth more than begging for some one to have you back.
Hit the town and start be friending other ladys, there lots out there looking for a great guy. Good luck :)
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