A
male
age
41-50,
*igglywood
writes:Hi all,Over the last month I have been in touch with a woman from a dating website. We have clicked really well on emails and then on the phone when we can be on for up to 3 hours at a time. We both felt that we 'get eachother'. We met today for the first time and had a good day out, held hands, kissed and ate together and it was fun. Later we agreed on texts that we thought of eachother as 'lovely' then on next text she said that she didn't feel the 'spark'. She was really gutted and upset and I chatted with her later and she said that she felt that I was 99% everything she wants but that tiny bit was missing today.She said she felt that her right arm had been cut off and hated the thought that we'd put the phone down and never talk again. She also said I was the nicest man she'd ever come across. She'd woken up thinking that today she may meet Mr Right and i'm just worried that she wants everything 100% straight away and is maybe a little unrealistic. She feels unsure about throwing away any possibility of me and her right now after one date, she realised that she could be throwing away a great possibilty but doesn't want to mess with my head.We agreed to sleep on it and talk again.The spark/chemistry isn't always there straight away is it? Or if you don't feel it on the first date should you run and cut your losses?
View related questions:
spark, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, wigglywood +, writes (13 May 2008):
wigglywood is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for that Dear Kelja.Well we had been swapping texts then chatted on Sat and Sun nights and she thinks she made a mistake to judge so quickly and was living in fairytale land.We agreed to chat again soon and go out again and see how it goes.Sounds ok and i'll let her make the next move which will show if she's keen, I really don't feel like instigating things at the moment.Gut instinct says that it'll all fizzle out and we won't meet again, but let's see!
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (11 May 2008):
 All of the relationships I've had in the past the spark was developed over time getting to know the person, talking to them and feeling the connection. Once you feel the connection that is what generates a spark. For some people the spark totally represents the physical interaction with another. For others, it's a meeting of the minds so to speak.
On-line dating is difficult because you have so much interaction before ever meeting the person and you tend to build people into a creation in your mind instead of what they really are in person. I really don't think one meeting is enough for a spark to generate. When you think about it, the first meeting is filled with nerves and expectations. The second meeting is when you let your guard down a bit and open yourself for letting that spark develop.
Everyone is different though and I do know lots of people who say that no matter how long you've been interacting with people that when you meet them the spark has to be there in the first 30 seconds or it never will be there. But that is a physical spark.
I don't know what to tell you. I had a date with a guy I met on-line. I had talked to him for weeks before, we got along great. We met and I thought we got along pretty good at dinner. I didn't want to see him again though because at the end of the date he didn't walk me to my car in the dark parking lot of the restaurant. (Fatal error gentlemen!) He didn't want to see me again because he said he didn't feel the chemistry was right. So, for some they need the spark. For others, they allow it to grow over time.
The woman didn't feel what she needed to feel. Not all of the women will be like this. Cut your losses on this one and find someone who is willing to grow with you. You may try asking the question for your future encounters "do you need to feel the spark on the first meeting?" If they answer yes, then I think there is a lot riding on the first date and maybe you want to stick with people who say no.
...............................
|
