What did he mean, "you don't have to sell your soul"
Q. Hello, I have been having an affair with a separated man. He has been separated for 5 years but remains in close contact with his wife who lives close by. She has never found anybody else and always hopes they will get back together. He has been ...
A. 6 January 2014: OP, you're making excuses for him and for you. He might be legally separated but he's also legally still married. He has a wife who he still sleeps with, who he's in no hurry to divorce. How do you know whether or not he spends the night, and why is ... (read in full...)
Invited out for a drink, but what to drink when I have to drive!
Q. I'm going on a first date with a guy I met at a party and we're going to get a drink. I'm not a big drinker and we're both driving there separately. I've maybe drank 5 times in my life. I really don't drink a lot. I already agreed to get a drink so ...
A. 6 January 2014: You could order a 'mocktail' - a non alcoholic cocktail. More exciting than a lemonade or equivalent without the risk of being under the influence when driving home. I wouldn't advise even one alcoholic drink, unless it's weak (eg white wine ... (read in full...)
What did he mean, "you don't have to sell your soul"
Q. Hello, I have been having an affair with a separated man. He has been separated for 5 years but remains in close contact with his wife who lives close by. She has never found anybody else and always hopes they will get back together. He has been ...
A. 6 January 2014: He's a fine one to talk about selling his soul to the devil, being a married man with a mistress.
The things you said in email about him using you were correct. You were right to tell him it's over.
I wouldn't try to turn things around. You've s... (read in full...)
My husband left me for my best friend. How is this all going to work out for us?
Q. OK, so here's my situation... it's a bit long, but still. My husband left me for my best friend the day after Boxing Day, and I found out because there was a photo of her in a bikini and him topless cuddling up to her in the snow in her garden saved ...
A. 5 January 2014: Sorry for your horrible experience. You sound like you're in shock: no anger towards your husband or your "friend".
When was the photo taken, was it a recent one? It seems very contrived - and uncomfortable - for your husband and your friend t... (read in full...)
I feel so low, I thought he cared but he implied I am a stalker!
Q. Please give a good advice I'm really hurt I thought a guy I worked with for ages liked me and we became close He told me he was unhappy with the girl he lived with and had 'issues' Anyway over time we became close and he gave me the impression t...
A. 5 January 2014: He strung you along and then freaked out when confronted with the reality of you at work, so he reacted strongly with strong words. Try to put the name calling behind you. You didn't stalk him, unless you're omitting details.
But CMMP is correct:... (read in full...)
He is big and I am little!
Q. I consider myself to be pretty fit; I work out 5 days a week in the mornings before work (sometimes gym, sometimes jogging), and many weekends I'm doing some other kind activity whether it's biking or hiking. I LOVE food, but try to limit myself ...
A. 4 January 2014: I don't think you're an odd couple. My brother and his wife have a similar difference in height and it didn't stop them producing three children (all taller than their mum and still growing - a running joke!).
Don't worry about the physical... (read in full...)
Boyfriend of four years drinks, smokes, and gambles but won't admit he has a problem
Q. Hi everybody, I could so do with some sound and serious advice, I feel as if I am going around in a circle about this. I've been with my boyfriend for going on 4 years now. It's long-distance but we see each other as often as possible, at l...
A. 4 January 2014: You say you've already worked out the answer after writing this down, which is great, but I wonder whether you'll act on this decision/ epiphany moment.
People who attach themselves to addicts - and can't leave - can be called codepend... (read in full...)
My husband walked out when we found out I was pregnant!
Q. My husband walked out when we found out I was pregnant with our second child in August. (We had been having fertility treatment so it wasn't a surprise). He has been suffering from mood swings and depression so the doctor gave him antidepr...
A. 4 January 2014: I feel very sorry for you in this situation. Could you seek some advise from his GP? He or she won't be able to divulge any personal information your husband has given them, but could possibly offer some advise (for you) more generally about ... (read in full...)
I wanted to give this guy my number but didnt...then I found him online!
Q. Is it fate? I need advice on what to do next and how? Here is the story: I've been sort of seeing this guy, let call him " Jim" but nothing serious. We spent new year's eve together, and we accidentally ran into each other at a bar on new year's d...
A. 4 January 2014: I think your below the radar relationship with Jim is getting in the way of you being a real relationship. It's preventing you meeting other guys; at least it did on this occasion, meanwhile Jim didn't mind flaunting the cute girl in front of you. ... (read in full...)
What are women's preferences when it comes to male grooming habits?
Q. The recent post about the doctor seeing a man fully shaved got me thinking. What is a woman's preference? Do y'all prefer your man to be shaved bald? ...
A. 4 January 2014: Shaved bald is unattractive and the stubble that inevitably comes afterwards - no, no, no.
Neatly trimmed is better in my opinion.
Au naturele is definitely off putting (for me). ... (read in full...)
I have been chatting with a possible scammer online
Q. I have been chatting with this guy online and on my email and we haven't met each other yet. He was telling me that he would be away in Africa for the holidays and won't be back until Jan5th. He said he is anxious to meet me and I am having some ...
A. 29 December 2013: He's a scammer. Did he give you Western Union details to transfer the money to him?
Yes you're right to question him, and anyone else dubious. 2014 is a new year for you to find someone. ... (read in full...)
I met a guy online and he kept on postponing because of back problems. Should I wait it out?
Q. Hi guys, I have come looking for advice, just slightly confused about a sitaution .So a while ago I decided to give online dating a go. I met this guy online. We hit it from the start.Its been five months and we speak everyday, skype text etc.....
A. 28 December 2013: I feel sorry for this guy but also worry that you're wasting your time on what may only amount to a fantasy (on his behalf) relationship.
I am sure he's stalling because of anxiety, not back problems. His anxiety won't go away until he gets over... (read in full...)
My husband had an affair but the woman would not leave him alone.
Q. Please help. My hubby had an affair with this girl about 2 years ago and we resolved the issue. But now th ex refuses to let go. She calls my husband's phn daily, sometimes with different numbers, even up to more than 10 times each day and says sh ...
A. 28 December 2013: I agree with Sage, he can change his number again and only give it out to trusted friends and family ... if he really wants. You can change your number too. He can refuse to answer unrecognised numbers ... if he chooses. Or, not sure how it works in ... (read in full...)
He promised to spend New Year's Eve with him but cancelled to be with his friend. Should I stick it out or move on?
Q. I've dated my boyfriend for a year and out of the blue the past January he broke up with me. He became easily influenced by his mates as they broke up with their gfs and were single and he was the only one attached at the time. We spend New Year's ...
A. 28 December 2013: "Leave and peacefully move on" sounds like an excellent idea. He's a great big flakey, non-committal let down, hope you can move on swiftly and find someone more deserving of you. Enjoy New Year's Eve and block this guy so he cannot keep coming back ... (read in full...)
Wait for the ex, or be with the new guy?
Q. I broke up with my ex of almost two years way back in February. Things started off well in the relationship, but gradually things went downhill. He only had a job for the first two months of our entire relationship, and I was the one that had to pay ...
A. 28 December 2013: Yes it's clear who is the better option.
Regarding your ex, you only hear from him "every now and then" and rarely see him; it's not like you have to dump him, you just carry on with your life and if he brings it up (getting back together... (read in full...)
I drove him to the airport, so why isnt he texting how he is away?
Q. My bf left for vacation to see his fam n hasnt txted me or anything. I tried texting him bt he doesnt reply. I know he is with his fam n his enjoying his time, bt just texting to know how I am is not much. Afterall, I was the one who volunteered to ...
A. 28 December 2013: Putting it into context with your other post, where you're anxious about him leaving in 12 months and wanting to avoid getting hurt: I'd take this as a warning sign that he really meant what he said and doesn't see the relationship as a long term ... (read in full...)
Is there a tactful way to ask someone to back off on Facebook?
Q. Hi everyone, I need a little help here... So I have this friend... he has told me he's been interested in me, but I have absolutely no interest in him whatsoever. I've made this clear to him, and he seems to be just fine with that. However, I...
A. 19 December 2013: Don't feel awful. You did the right thing, and hopefully when he's stopped being upset he will have learned something. He is not your responsbility, don't beat yourself up. He must have family who can help to steer him in the right direction, and ... (read in full...)
Why do men send photos of their genitals to women they barely know?
Q. Okay, inquiring minds must know. This appears to be a relatively new phenomenon, but in all seriousness, why do men send pics of their penises to women? I'm not talking about if you're in a committed relationship or if the girl ASKS for it. I'm...
A. 17 December 2013: I think men think it's alluring (it's not) and possibly because they want a compliment. The good thing is that as soon as a guy sends you such a 'selfie', you know to throw him in to the 'no' pile. ... (read in full...)
Is there a tactful way to ask someone to back off on Facebook?
Q. Hi everyone, I need a little help here... So I have this friend... he has told me he's been interested in me, but I have absolutely no interest in him whatsoever. I've made this clear to him, and he seems to be just fine with that. However, I...
A. 16 December 2013: You could have a general talk about what is and isn't socially acceptable, and then bring up the FB stuff. If he doesn't know what is inappropriate, someone (unfortunately you by the sounds of it) needs to gently steer him in the right direction.
Y... (read in full...)
Should I spend three more years pursuing a degree in a field I dislike?
Q. this isnt really a relationship question but more of a futuristic decision. I have never been confident, stuck in a dead end job, got a great degree but all employee's care about is previous experience. I ask myself how can u get experience without ...
A. 15 December 2013: I think you're right that you'd have to pay back any money the employers spend on your education - and you may find that they expect you to work a certain amount of time (example 6-12 months) after completion of degree. That would tie you down for ... (read in full...)
I discovered my boyfriend texted his ex girlfriend. Should I say something?
Q. I borrowed my boyfriend's phone to make a call and noticed in his call history a unsaved number that been texted loads but the messages had been deleted, it bugged me I said nothing to him tho and he went back to camp (he's in the army). Now th...
A. 13 December 2013: Is this post also from you?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-8-months-pregnant-and-my-boyfriend-has.html
Sweetheart, you're not nagging him into his behaviour. He shouldn't be texting his ex and then covering it up. You have every right... (read in full...)
Should I send this letter to my narcissistic ex?
Q. My ex dumped me 6 months ago. A few months ago after I read something on the Internet, I realized that I'm a narcissist victim. I'm trying to move on, but I still think about him a lot. The last time i sent him a message was 2 months ago and he ...
A. 13 December 2013: No point sending a letter to a narcissist. It won't make any difference to how he feels, he won't care that he hurt you. Plus, he won't reply, which will leave you even more hurt (I imagine).
I can see that letter writing to an ex has it place (I... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said he would feel uncomfortable around my gay friend!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months now and I want him to meet my friends. He hasn't met them already yet as there hasn't been an opportunity for him to. So I asked him the other day if he would like to come and watch one of my friends ...
A. 13 December 2013: Did your boyfriend refuse to meet your gay friend, or simply express his concerns? If he's agreed to meet him, then the problem will soon be solved. Your boyfriend will meet a gay man and realise that he's totally normal, he can enjoy a beer and a ... (read in full...)
I really want him back. Was it wrong to say what I said, especially as I did not mean it?
Q. I previously wrote here and took some advice on tactics to win my ex back. We only dated 2 months but I fell for him hard. I started pressuring him to put a title on the relationship which ultimately pushed him away. We broke up a little over a m...
A. 11 December 2013: Cancelling a date at the last minute in favour of another woman is really, really rude. Did you also wait til the last minute to decline the weekend away (to hang out with a dude)?
Unless he comes back to you and says that he didn't realise ... (read in full...)
How do I get rid of this loser from my head and my life????
Q. I've been in love with a loser for two and a half years. He is 7 years older than me. I believe he is addicted to drugs (cocaine, addy, maybe even speed). And I believe he is a cheater. I have found articles of women's clothing/accessories, ...
A. 10 December 2013: Hi OP, you could try reading some of Melody Beattie's works including The Language of Letting Go. Essentially her writing is about codependent relationships, which doesn't always mean being stuck with an addict (though it's the common theme), it ... (read in full...)
I dated a guy who turned out to have a girlfriend. Who, or what, was I to him?
Q. I met this guy three months ago at school. We hit off well and started dating, then he asked me to be his girlfriend. Things went well for the first week we were together, after that he became a little distant and we only saw each other once a week ...
A. 9 December 2013: I remember asking a counsellor this question after an ex cheated on me. He (the counsellor) talked about how some people can compartmentalise; he (the ex) could be with me and say he loved me etc, do the same with the other girl, though he only ... (read in full...)
How difficult is it supposed to be for a man to orgasm from receiving oral sex?
Q. Not sure if any of the same people are around or have even read my previous posts, but to update, I've long gotten over my anxiety and have been having a "healthy" sex life. I'd love to ramble about how much better I am at having sex, but let's g...
A. 9 December 2013: Hope you don't mind a woman replying. In my experience, the more pressure one is under to orgasm (for men and women), the less likely it is to happen. I had a boyfriend who couldn't come from oral in 18 months of being together - but he enjoyed it ... (read in full...)
We are not making sweet music
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and love him very much. in recent months, things have gone a bit stale in the bedroom. i recently plucked up the courage to speak to my boyfriend about it and he said lets try using some music. this sounded ...
A. 9 December 2013: Music is a good idea but only if you both like it. People used to talk about making love to Barry White songs; I would find that positively off putting, so it's a very personal thing. In fact I can only think of one band that turns me on. Have ... (read in full...)
I had a drunken one night stand when my fiance broke up with me!
Q. I have woken up feeling awful. I just need to vent. 3 months ago I was a normal , happy girl , engaged to my lovely partner, we had our problems but doesn't everyone. A classy, professional , quiet girl, but always laughed and smiled. We had ...
A. 9 December 2013: I am not going to call you names. You are obviously berating yourself enough without other people making it worse. You know what you've done wrong so I won't repeat it. What I will say is that you should get your drinking in check. And I'd strongly ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend makes me out to be a nag...am I?
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been seeing a guy for around 6 months. At around 5 months in, he mentioned he was looking to buy somewhere in future and live on his own or with his sister. I asked him about this as I thought if things worked out between us that ...
A. 8 December 2013: p.s. Maybe his sister didn't really mention his OCD and drinking 'in passing' but rather as a warning or at least to make you aware. I don't think that either her or your housemate will make you feel awkward if you decide to move on. As you say, ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend makes me out to be a nag...am I?
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been seeing a guy for around 6 months. At around 5 months in, he mentioned he was looking to buy somewhere in future and live on his own or with his sister. I asked him about this as I thought if things worked out between us that ...
A. 8 December 2013: Thanks for feeding back, OP. You are allowed to be "completely selfish" about this major issue. You really are (though I don't call it selfish). You are perfectly justified in walking away and saying "I have enough on my plate without dealing with ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my housemate that his girlfriend cheated on him?
Q. Basically, I haven't known my housemate for a long time. Only about 3 months and he and his girlfriend have been together for about 7 months. This guy is a wonderful, decent and honest who absolutely adores her. Last night, I discovered from ...
A. 8 December 2013: Also, if you tell him and she denies it, she'll likely accuse you of meddling, fancying him, trying to break them up, etc. You have to share a house with this guy for the next 6-9 months? I really would let someone else be the messenger. ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my housemate that his girlfriend cheated on him?
Q. Basically, I haven't known my housemate for a long time. Only about 3 months and he and his girlfriend have been together for about 7 months. This guy is a wonderful, decent and honest who absolutely adores her. Last night, I discovered from ...
A. 8 December 2013: Honeypie is right, you're in a horrible position.
I think someone should definitely tell him - but I'm not sure it should be you. Ideally of course his girlfriend would say something, one way or another (she may have only kissed and slept on... (read in full...)
Can a guy be really sweet to you and yet not think of you when he's masturbating?
Q. I don't know this has been asked.... How can a guy open doors for you, pay for drinks, stare longingly into your eyes, drive you around, hug you and not think you about when masturbating? It hurts thinking about it. Is it because I'm not...
A. 8 December 2013: OP, it's a good thing when a guy doesn't "use your sexuality much" and treats you like another human being rather than a blow up doll. Ok it's nice to be told that you're attractive, but if a guy tells you how hot you are and that he can't stop ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend makes me out to be a nag...am I?
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been seeing a guy for around 6 months. At around 5 months in, he mentioned he was looking to buy somewhere in future and live on his own or with his sister. I asked him about this as I thought if things worked out between us that ...
A. 8 December 2013: I wonder why it took you so long in your post to mention his OCD and heavy drinking. Because I think the OCD the major problem. I don't think you're nagging or were unreasonable to suggest moving in with him at some point in the future. But red ... (read in full...)
Am I being too clingy? Did we rush into this too soon? I get jealous and possessive and he's often unavailable, to me.
Q. I've been talking to someone for the past 4 months and I met him online. It was a day after my ex blocked me out if his life. I had told this current guy, "X", how distraught I was after what this guy did to me. He complimented me so much about...
A. 7 December 2013: It's a good idea to just let it go. It doesn't have to be on bad terms, you can just quietly fade out once you've made your decision. All the best to you (hug)... (read in full...)
Am I being too clingy? Did we rush into this too soon? I get jealous and possessive and he's often unavailable, to me.
Q. I've been talking to someone for the past 4 months and I met him online. It was a day after my ex blocked me out if his life. I had told this current guy, "X", how distraught I was after what this guy did to me. He complimented me so much about...
A. 6 December 2013: Hi,
There are several issues here as I see it. You 'met' him when you were on the rebound from your ex, and you probably still aren't over your ex (you mention past issues). That makes you vulnerable to accepting attention from people who aren... (read in full...)
Last month Court found me "not guilty' and her accustions as "false". But this girl has ruined my life. How do I move on?
Q. Dear Cupid, I need any advice I can get. I was in a very volatile, messy relationship. At first I thought this girl was amazing. She was beautiful, independent, all of the above. After a few months things didn't appear to be as what they should ...
A. 5 December 2013: I echo Abella. I think regular counselling will do you the world of good. As will getting out into the community and learning to trust people again.
OP, this is not something you should have to hide from potential partners in the future. You are ... (read in full...)
I'm worried if I have a serious health problem that my fiance will be getting cheated
Q. I have a problem that I am feeling very unsure about. I am getting married soon and my life with my partner is fantastic. I love her to bits. She is beautiful inside and out, caring, loving, and I have never been happier. We have a big wedding pl...
A. 5 December 2013: Sorry you're not well. I hope it's nothing serious.
I think you should invite your fiancée to your next appointment with your consultant, let her ask questions and generally let her support you through all this. Then it's really up to her to d... (read in full...)
My ex overstepped the mark!
Q. Hi, my ex (we broke up 4 years ago and are now 'friends', albeit distant) came to visit me, to give me a present for my birthday. He said his last train was at 22:30. Then we got something to eat. He was taking forever finishing his glass of wine ...
A. 5 December 2013: You both could have kept a better eye on the time to avoid this scenario.
Let him reach out to his other friends if he feels isolated and you don't feel comfortable being his confidante/ getting closer. Don't feel bad - he's not your responsi... (read in full...)
Nasty comment has caused devastation and despair.
Q. I am seeking advice for a close friend. She is from Latin America, moved to Canada a few years back so English is her second language. She is hoping to work in Health Care, she now has her masters and was asked this evening to do a presentation. ...
A. 3 December 2013: Just noticed your flag - oops, sorry. There may also be some *Canadian* ESL classes on Youtube.... (read in full...)
Nasty comment has caused devastation and despair.
Q. I am seeking advice for a close friend. She is from Latin America, moved to Canada a few years back so English is her second language. She is hoping to work in Health Care, she now has her masters and was asked this evening to do a presentation. ...
A. 3 December 2013: Sorry your friend had to put up with this nasty comment - please encourage her to use it in a positive way to improve her spoken English rather than to put her off completely.
I was chatting to a friend who teaches English as a Second Language... (read in full...)
| *aisy_Daisy's friends
These are mutual friends, so *aisy_Daisy has
added them and they have added *aisy_Daisy!
|
