A
female
age
36-40,
*ubie
writes:i have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and love him very much. in recent months, things have gone a bit stale in the bedroom. i recently plucked up the courage to speak to my boyfriend about it and he said lets try using some music. this sounded like a good idea and so i agreed.the other night we tried using music. he put on his favourite scaramanga silk mp3s and it really got him in the mood. the thing is i hate that scaramanga music and it really put me off. he is now upset and so am i.i dont know what to do next. i really love my boyfriend and dont want to lose him. what should i do please?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2013): I think it is time to see life through the eyes of an adult.
Your boyfriend was using the bedroom as a battleground.
He was simply tired of your relationship and had to come up with an excuse before he dumped you.
Accept the reality he doesn't want to be with you, and you were wasting your time trying to please him. I think you knew that all the long. You were doing everything you could in desperation. However; I think you already knew it was over by his lack of interest. it was almost become silly.
All you can do is go through your grief and get over him.
He doesn't sound like that much of prize. He dumped you over a difference in musical taste. Seriously!?
A
female
reader, Yubie +, writes (23 December 2013):
Yubie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks again for your tips. i really love my boyfriend but i did not like the idea of dressing up as a dj. anyway, i listened to what you said and decided to give it a go. it was not fun so i stopped. my boyfriend got proper angry and has now dumped me :-
what shall i do? he is saying that he will just go online and meet a girl who will be happy to listen to his scaramanga silk mp3s when they are in bed. he says there are plenty of girls into the same stuff as him on music dating website or a sound match page.
should i just pretend i like the music even though i don't so that i can get him back?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2013): If you are not comfortable with his idea for you to dress as a DJ, I would suggest that you tell your partner this. You do not have to do anything that you will not enjoy. If he loves you, he will understand.
However, what is it about the idea that puts you off? Admittedly, it is an unusual request (I have never been asked for such an outfit), but where is the harm in it? There is nothing dangerous about what he is asking for. Perhaps the thought of it will be far worse than the reality. Why not give it a go and see how you both feel? Put on some music you like in the headphones and that may help the mood as well - your boyfriend could still listen to his music on a stereo at the same time too. You can always stop if you are not enjoying it.
One thing may be a concern for you. Is your boyfriend bi-sexual or has he had homosexual inclinations?
His request for you to role play as a DJ is not in keeping with a heterosexual man. Straight men normally fantasise over much more feminine character types (my partner loves me to dress as an air hostess ;-)). If your partner's sexual orientation is not a direct match with yours, it could explain why you are both having issues.
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A
female
reader, Yubie +, writes (10 December 2013):
Yubie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for your tips. i do love my boyfriend so i hope we can work things out. i heard it was a seven year slump? i don't like classical or country neither.
i spoke to my boyfriend again and suggested dressing up like you said. he wants to try this. he wants to keep with the music thing still - he wants me to dress up as a dj by wearing those big headphones. i have not told him yet but i am not sure that i want to. it sounds weird to me. don't most people dress up as nurses or school girls?
what do you think please? i think it is freaky. should i do it or not?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2013): When things have fizzled down to choosing music as a aphrodisiac; and even that doesn't work? I think you've hit the five-year slump. When couples start feeling they're in a rut. Sex is the first thing to go. You hardly agree on anything, not even the music. As we say in the States:"It just ain't happening!!!"People only in their twenties who are losing sexual attraction; are usually bored beyond finding that spark again.They're just plain tired of each other. Maybe the relationship has run its course. Do you love your boyfriend, or are you just really used to having him around out of force of habit? Are you his live-in maid? You cook, clean, and do laundry?Boyfriends aren't just people you keep around to keep you company. Anyone can do that. A cat, or a girlfriend. Your sweet old auntie!Sex is losing steam; because one, or both of you are losing interest. You're feeling the lifeless complacency of a slowly dying relationship. You're too young to be bored.Someone lacks sexual creativity. Is you, or your bf? Both?For your sake, let's be more optimistic!Does he have stamina? Does he use foreplay, kiss, tickle, and slowly torture you with finger and tongue-action? Are you adventurous? Do you know every sensitive spot of his anatomy? How to physically manipulate him until you make him quiver and gasp in ecstasy?Do you have a longer list of "I will not" than "I will?"If the good stuff is missing, and your "will-list" is too short. Get a sex manual! Start adding I will's.Learn and experiment. Guys aren't responsible for doing all the work; but if it's over in 10 minutes, he's hopeless as a lover. If he has a tiny willy, you have my condolences. But there is still hope! There are toys and vibrators!If you're hot for someone; music is nothing but background noise between screams and moans. Get to work! Search for fulfillment through creativity. That requires research. That's your homework assignment.Avoid porn. Get a sex manual with vivid illustrations. That requires you to mimic what you see without distraction from moving images. Guys will become more attentive to the video, if you use porn. It's funny, and alleviates a lot of tension. Sometimes the illustrations look impossible to emulate. Try anyway, and add your own twist to it. It can be hilarious, and sensual at the same time.Creativity in the bedroom should be fun, spontaneous, and adventurous. Let your imagination run wild. You don't really need a book.The possibilities are endless; if all is well in the relationship otherwise.Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013): If you and your boyfriend do not have similar music tastes then I suggest that you end the relationship with him. Music taste is a clear indicator of compatability. How many rockers do you see dating hip hop fans? Somebody mentioned Ravel as a tonic. Would that work for you if you are into R&B?
I have dated guys into anything from Funk to Jazz. Some were sweet but none lasted. I am now in a happy relationship with a fellow Country lover and I have never been happier. (BTW, we find a bit of Shania Twain always gets us in the mood ;-))
It is time for you to move on. If you do not like the same music then there are probably other parts of your relationship that do not work either.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (9 December 2013):
 Music is a good idea but only if you both like it. People used to talk about making love to Barry White songs; I would find that positively off putting, so it's a very personal thing. In fact I can only think of one band that turns me on. Have another chat with him, about music but also other ways to spice things up.... role play, dressing up, etc. Doesn't have to be OTT kinky, just something to get you both out of your 'vanilla' rut.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 December 2013):
 try to find music you both like that works...
Ravel's Bolero is a classic due to the movie TEN...
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