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How difficult is it supposed to be for a man to orgasm from receiving oral sex?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 December 2013) 4 Answers - (Newest, 11 December 2013)
A male United States age 30-35, *oobie writes:

Not sure if any of the same people are around or have even read my previous posts, but to update, I've long gotten over my anxiety and have been having a "healthy" sex life.

I'd love to ramble about how much better I am at having sex, but let's get to the important stuff: I am now a taken man. My girlfriend is bisexual, but do to some issues in her life has never before dealt with a guy (only other women until she met me).

This has turned out to be anything but a problem since she's my first girlfriend, our first night was incredible, she loves the *bleep* even though she has a low sex drive (still, she tries), and she's pretty awesome to boot.

The first time I went down on her (first time ever, actually) she came and of course, I was pumped. Since then, she's vowed to do the same for me.

She's given me oral at least 5 times now and I haven't had an orgasm from any attempt. Once she was visibly displeased about it, but there's literally nothing I could do (as far as I know). This sucks because she enjoys doing it and it even gets her wet to hear me enjoying myself.

I ask for the sake of her sanity and my own, how difficult is it supposed to be for a man to orgasm from receiving oral sex? I don't think she's doing anything wrong; it feels great and I feel like I could, but it never happens.

View related questions: oral sex, orgasm, sex drive, sex life

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (11 December 2013):

DoubleM agony auntWell, I'm uncertain because I never had such a problem (in decades), but suspect that a receiver must have an issue with doing something they consider a bit too naughty.

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A female reader, Daisy_Daisy United Kingdom +, writes (9 December 2013):

Daisy_Daisy agony auntHope you don't mind a woman replying. In my experience, the more pressure one is under to orgasm (for men and women), the less likely it is to happen. I had a boyfriend who couldn't come from oral in 18 months of being together - but he enjoyed it and I didn't really mind - though I did wonder a little if I was doing something wrong. I've also been on the other side, with a boyfriend who got so frustrated with me for not having an orgasm each time that he stopped trying (he actually said "what's the point?"!) even though I told him I still enjoyed it without having an orgasm. So just tell her how much you enjoy it, she's not doing anything wrong. You both have to relax about it, that's all.

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A male reader, Doobie United States +, writes (9 December 2013):

Doobie is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks, Cerberus.

I personally don't care if I cum from oral or not, but she has set it as a goal.

I prefer that we let the ball bounce where it may. If she does it, great. If not, I'm not worried.

I'll just assure her of that and hopefully we can just do it for the feeling.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013):

I varies, Doobie there is no set time. From oral alone I rarely reach orgasm my wife gets me to the point where it feels like I will then I'll tap the back of her head and she finish with her hand, or she'll reach the point of tiring and finish me off.

Doobie you're both putting rules on sexual pleasure when there is none, there's no rule to say you must cum. I mean it feels great that's enough she can finish you off with her hand or you can if you like, or you can switch over to her, or start intercourse instead.

This is about fun and pleasure, but where's the pleasure when you've put what may well be an impossible task on her.

Just like not every woman can orgasm from penetration, not every guy cums during oral. Doesn't mean it's not great to do, doesn't mean you're a failure for not making it happen. Sexual acts aren't solely for the purpose of orgasm. They can be great just to do the act themselves, the closeness, the bond, the feeling.

Make sure she understands that the goal isn't for you to cum, it's to feel pleasure and you feel that from the moment she puts her lips on it.

Life isn't like porn, where the money shot is the most important part. The whole process from start to finish is about pleasure and if you're getting that then ejaculation is irrelevant in oral.

Just like many guys seem to think making a woman orgasm during sex is the be all and end all of sex, which it isn't if you can make that happen other ways, well the same applies to oral. It only matters that you get pleasure.

Just do it for the fun of it and you'll get rid of your performance anxiety and that will help. The hardest thing in the world is feeling you must ejaculate. Where's the fun in feeling pressure?

Also look up some sex guides, porn is a crappy example maybe there are some techniques you haven't tried.

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