A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OK, so here's my situation... it's a bit long, but still. My husband left me for my best friend the day after Boxing Day, and I found out because there was a photo of her in a bikini and him topless cuddling up to her in the snow in her garden saved on his Blackberry (it was charging when I found the photo). She's 37 and has two kids, aged 19 and 21. Also, she's married to a lovely guy, they've been together since they were 20.I am 36, with a 16-year-old son and 18-year-old daughter. My husband's 38.The kids all get on well so there are no issues there.I will be honest here; I don't understand why he left me and went off with another woman who has kids when he has kids already, won't that make him their stepdad? What happens to my friend's husband.I don't know what to do next, apart from divorcing him, what about issues like custody, access etc., tbh, I never really thought about them because up until Dec 27. last year our marriage seemed so solid.How will this affect all of us?I need your help.
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (5 January 2014):
 Sorry for your horrible experience. You sound like you're in shock: no anger towards your husband or your "friend".
When was the photo taken, was it a recent one? It seems very contrived - and uncomfortable - for your husband and your friend to go outside in the snow to take pictures of themselves in beachwear. Maybe he meant for you to find it, but it still seems weird. Did you find this and confront him? Did he admit to an affair before moving out? I assume he moved out after you found the photo; he didn't move out without his Blackberry?
Did you forward the photo to your own phone as evidence of his infidelity? Might help you with the divorce settlement.
Why did he do this? Guessing a midlife crisis.
Yup, go and see a solicitor ASAP.
A
male
reader, M Proops +, writes (5 January 2014):
I would file for divorce and be shot of him as soon as possible.He's the one who deceived and cheated on you.That all important trust has been broken,it can never be the same again.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 January 2014):
 If your husband spent a few days at your best friend then it means her husband is somewhere else. Your husband may not want to divorce you then marry her. Maybe it's just an affair however not so secret since he didn't care to delete the photo. It's almost like it took it, left it out so you could see it to cause you to react and divorce him.
Married men don't leave because they want to start another family. If you all went to the same school there are temptations to rekindle things with old classmates. It all starts with a friendly chat to catch up, a little flirting then a full blown affair. It happens more often when the kids are grown up and there is soon to be an empty nest.
It doesn't look like your husband regrets what he is doing but still, talk to him about it. He might have a place to live that he saved up for himself.
If you want to divorce him, you and him would probably have joint custody. You might want to talk to your lawyer about this, and also your assets.
I don't mean to sound all matter of fact. Your husband is a jerk. Some men do believe that after they work hard for years and raised their kids, it's time to reap the benefits and sadly that does not include their wives as they want to explore the single life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2014): I am very sorry you have experienced this at this time of year. My husband divorced me by email just before my birthday so I know how you are feeling right now. My very best advice is to get some advice from a solicitor at your very earliest opportunity. Do not be scared by them - try and get someone to recommend one to you (which is what I did). They will often give you a free initial consultation and this is essential so that legally and financially etc you know where you stand. Whilst your emotions are going crazy the less time you spend asking yourself why right now the better - you can do that when you know what you do next from a practical perspective. Your focus needs to be on protecting your house, children and your income /finances. I joined a divorce forum to share my experience and get advice and found that invaluable.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (5 January 2014):
 Your children are old enough to choose if they see their dad or not. If your youngest is still in education your husband should contribute child payment support. You need to see a solicitor if you intend to divorce but also get some advice from CAB so you know what your rights are.
If you work, now would be a good time to put some money aside because you will have quite a few things to pay for.
How will it affect all of you? Well your only concern should be for yourself and your children. Your husband needs to explain to them why he has left you, again they are old enough to hear it from him, so any anger/upset they have should be directed towards him.
Has your husband actually left the matital home?
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A
female
reader, Brokenv +, writes (5 January 2014):
Has your husband told you that he is leaving? Did he tell you who he is with? Have you talked to your best friend? Have you heard from her? What about her husband?
You need to seek legal advice. A lawyer is the best person to get the ball rolling.
Your kids are old enough to make there own decisions of who they are going to live with.
I really think you need to sit down with your husband and ask him what is going on.
Good Luck.......this needs baby steps.
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