I want to leave my long term partner, but I don't know how.
Q. I need advice on how to leave my long term, live in boyfriend. This is long, I thank anyone who takes the time to read this. We have been together for a long, long time. I am 29 years old. We have been living together for the past year and a...
A. 19 April 2014: I understand completely why you want to leave the relationship but I don't understand why you're the one looking to move out? You paid the deposit, is he even on the lease? If not, I'd seriously plan the following: take a day off when he's at work, ... (read in full...)
I'm text dating but she won't ever give me her number!
Q. One of my friends knows I am single, so he suggested text dating. I started texting this K who lives local to me (the advert was in the local paper.) The texts went well, she was kind, seemed pleasant enough. With those adverts, you cannot send ...
A. 17 April 2014: You've done the right thing. I think she just wanted a fantasy relationship because she can't handle real life ones. Sorry she's been hurt but it's no excuse for dragging you along. ... (read in full...)
Should I stop seeing him if he doesn't pay for tomorrow's date?
Q. Is this going to be history repeating itself, and if so, what should I do ?. I used to date a guy whose money would go really quickly when he got paid, and then the week after he got paid, he would ask me for money because he didn't have a...
A. 17 April 2014: Put the other guy in to the history books, embrace 21st century life and pay half each. That's the norm nowadays. No "tests", get to know HIM, not his wallet. Yes it's prudent to be mindful if he's reckless with money but really, no tests, ... (read in full...)
I'm text dating but she won't ever give me her number!
Q. One of my friends knows I am single, so he suggested text dating. I started texting this K who lives local to me (the advert was in the local paper.) The texts went well, she was kind, seemed pleasant enough. With those adverts, you cannot send ...
A. 16 April 2014: Then google "text dating scams" - interesting reading. ... (read in full...)
I'm text dating but she won't ever give me her number!
Q. One of my friends knows I am single, so he suggested text dating. I started texting this K who lives local to me (the advert was in the local paper.) The texts went well, she was kind, seemed pleasant enough. With those adverts, you cannot send ...
A. 16 April 2014: If she says no to giving her number out, kindly tell her you had expected this to progress beyond texting and since that isn't happening (not even progressing to phone calls) , it's time for you to move on. ... (read in full...)
I'm text dating but she won't ever give me her number!
Q. One of my friends knows I am single, so he suggested text dating. I started texting this K who lives local to me (the advert was in the local paper.) The texts went well, she was kind, seemed pleasant enough. With those adverts, you cannot send ...
A. 16 April 2014: IF it's a scam, the local paper may know nothing about it. Why not google the name of the company behind the advert and see what you can find out? If you find something dodgy, report it to the paper. They might reimburse you some of the money as a ... (read in full...)
I'm text dating but she won't ever give me her number!
Q. One of my friends knows I am single, so he suggested text dating. I started texting this K who lives local to me (the advert was in the local paper.) The texts went well, she was kind, seemed pleasant enough. With those adverts, you cannot send ...
A. 15 April 2014: Exchanging phone numbers is hardly risky. My guess is she's so "shy" (I really mean anxious) that she can only handle this impersonal fantasy - text dating is not real dating after all. I'd drop it, because if she won't swap numbers, how on earth ... (read in full...)
Why has he stopped communicating, and why did he check my profile?
Q. Hi, should i take myself off the dating website that i am currently on? I have met a really nice guy via this dating site and we are going to meet in 2 weeks. We have been communicating for more than a few months now. It is because of me, t...
A. 15 April 2014: How keen are you, really, on meeting this guy? If you are keen, email or phone him and ask him if he still wants to meet up. Say you've noticed that he hasn't seemed as keen of late. There's nothing wrong with just being honest and finding out ... (read in full...)
What's worse? Being in a relationship with a cheating coward or an arrogant know-it-all?
Q. What's worse? - Being in a relationshpip with a cheating coward or a arrogant know-it-all? Or are both types equally undesirable? Any related comments or thoughts would be very helpful. Thank you ...
A. 15 April 2014: I would never be with a cheat, but then I wouldn't choose the other one either. Why haven't you included the single option?... (read in full...)
What does he mean by "emotionally invested"?
Q. If a man who is known for being extremely bad at expressing his emotions but who you think fancies you, blurts out that he is 'emotionally invested' in you/your future, what does that mean? That he cares as a friend? Or more?...
A. 13 April 2014: Not sure what he means, exactly, but personally I wouldn't encourage anyone who is notoriously bad at expressing his emotions. Especiallly since you don't have the type of relatinship/ friendship with him where you feel comfortable simply asking him ... (read in full...)
The guy doesn't seem to know what he wants and I'm not into playing games. Should I just forget it?
Q. Hi , I need some honest advice . Dated a guy for three months ( he was waiting on his divorce to be finalised ) . He then sends by text the old line " It's not you , it's me ...I am not ready for any kind of relationship " . I felt annoyed ...
A. 12 April 2014: I'm with the others. He's not worth your time. If you meet up wtih him as friends and wait to see if you can "build a future" with him, he'll try to use you as his free therapist and FWB and you'll be wasting time that could be better spent with ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to immediately go from being in a long-term relationship to being just friends?
Q. Is it possible to immediately go from being in a long term relationship to being just friends? This guy who is interested in me tells me that he is over his ex with whom he's been living with for several years. They've just broken up a mont...
A. 9 April 2014: Leave it a good few months before getting involved to avoid being the rebound girl. ... (read in full...)
Did my B/f enjoy the anal play?
Q. Hi everybody. Keep it simple. I've been with my boyfriend just over four years. We've always had a good sex life but never really experimented with anal play. This was due to a previous experience I had when I lost my virginity with a different...
A. 8 April 2014: Anal play has always confused me. As a physiologist I see that area of the body as specific to one function i.e. an exit rather an an entrance. I tried it once, many moons ago, while drunk and stoned and it was "meh". Incidentally, he didn't enjoy ... (read in full...)
Relationship went from bad to worse after I moved in with my boyfriend, but I don't dare leave him.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for three and a half years and two and a half months ago, I moved into his one bedroom flat with him. Our relationship has been far from perfect but since I moved in with him, its gone from bad to worse. I agreed to mo...
A. 6 April 2014: I agree with Caring Guy, you need to leave.
Is the secret abortion the only reason you can't leave? Is it impossible for you to tell your family about the abortion so you're not over a barrel any more? I would hope that you could approach... (read in full...)
Threesome with a friend, should I do it?
Q. My best friend asked me to join her and a guy she is casually dating for a threesome. I am thinking about it because there are no feeling involved and maybe it could be a good idea to see what this is all about. Do you think I should do it? Would ...
A. 6 April 2014: I think it's important to know whether this is coming from her or from him, and I'd place that it was his idea.
No I would not do this with a friend, or any one else. But especially not a friend.
Hopefully you say no, and you and your friend ... (read in full...)
Friend/housemate problem, I don't know where to go from here.
Q. Hi Agony Aunts and Uncles, So my problem involves a fellow housemate and me. A few weeks ago one of my housemates gave out to me for his misinterpretation of an article that I was telling him about. My other housemate joined in as well and it felt ...
A. 5 April 2014: Your friends told you to tell her that you were mad at her and moving on (not the best advice!) and you chose to do it by posting something on Facebook? What did you post? I'm trying to work out whether she is right in sayng your comment was "nasty ... (read in full...)
Why would my boyfriend tell me he wants a baby when he doesn't even want to live with me?
Q. My boyfriend told me in January that he wants a baby. I was delighted and started eating a healthy diet and looking for a job in his area as I assumed we would of course be moving in together. I never discussed that stuff with him at the time tho...
A. 4 April 2014: OP, you fell for a dickhead. It feels awful, I know (I really do), but what would feel more awful would be to keep on giving him any more of your time. He fast forwarded you, he future faked, he then started pulling back. It's text book behaviour of ... (read in full...)
Why would my boyfriend tell me he wants a baby when he doesn't even want to live with me?
Q. My boyfriend told me in January that he wants a baby. I was delighted and started eating a healthy diet and looking for a job in his area as I assumed we would of course be moving in together. I never discussed that stuff with him at the time tho...
A. 4 April 2014: OP, was it you who made the comment about not being a slut because he's been separated for 5 years? No one even remotely called you a slut. The point is, if someone hasn't chosen to get a divorce in all that time, it's a red flag that there are ... (read in full...)
Struggling to understand why my sister married this man?
Q. Any psychologists out there who can help me to understand what is happening with my sister? I will try to make it as short as possible though this story is long. My sister who is in her mid 40s lost her husband of 17 years around 7 years ago...
A. 4 April 2014: The choice she made was based on her being in a bad place. She was grieving the loss of her husband, then put on a lot of weight and no doubt felt unattractive. Then she lost the weight, got some confidence and this Romeo wooed her and boosted her ... (read in full...)
This phobia is ruining my life!
Q. Seeing all of these comments about sickness phobia makes me feel a bit better it isn't just me. I struggle every day, If I try new food I have to try it in the morning because otherwise I wont sleep at night worrying I will be ill! I have only ever ...
A. 4 April 2014: Hi OP, I don't have a phobia like yours but I do suffer excessive anxiety about other things. I had CBT and can happily tell you that it did help me. It didn't 'fix' me, and I still have work to do myself, but it helped. I hope it helps you, too. I ... (read in full...)
He showed a lot of interest at first and now he's seemingly backed off. Why, and what should I do?
Q. I met this guy about a month ago in a club. A foreigner, that moved to my country to play water polo for one of our clubs. He was staring at me all night, then he introduced himself, we started talking and found out that we have so much in common. ...
A. 3 April 2014: To me it sounds as if he's been genuinely busy since he got back. But also, he may be wary that you're not as interested as he is - he may not want to appear too pushy or keen. I'd go for it and suggest a date. And if he suggests a date first, pleae ... (read in full...)
I'm frustrated over being single for so long!
Q. It's going to be 4 years soon that I am single. Sure, I've met people and "dated" (very very briefly) a few guys but haven't been able to find a guy to actually have a decent relationship with in all this time. I enjoyed being single (primarily for ...
A. 3 April 2014: To the OP and Euphoric (and Eurphoric, I completely agree with your second post), I think meeting new people is key, not just to find a partner but to make new friends. I use meetup.com (not the singles/ dating groups, though).
I am also single a... (read in full...)
Did my suggesting a daytime date put him off the idea? Should I cancel?
Q. After chatting online a guy asked to meet for dinner. I was happy to and we had a nice evening. We paid half each I had no problem with that. He since suggested I go to his for an eve meal. I feel this is too soon as he is an hour away to drive so ...
A. 3 April 2014: Glad to hear that he's history, but you write:
"Whilst I don't expect a guy to be exclusive from the first second of the first date I would certainly expect that if I was going to sleep with him".
NEVER assume that because a guy is ready to sleep... (read in full...)
As I haven't heard from my boyfriend in over a month, does that mean I'm single?
Q. It's been about 4 or 5 weeks since I've spoken or even remotely heard from my boyfriend. About this time last month he asked me to pay his phone bill. I politely declined because I thought it was too early in the relationship to be asking to pay one ...
A. 2 April 2014: Try not to be upset. Yes, you're single but it's better to be single than have a moocher for a boyfriend. It's not about you, it's about him being a silly mooch. You did the right thing in not giving him any money. Take care. ... (read in full...)
He broke things off since he was falling for me and now I might be pregnant! How do I handle this?
Q. Hey so I'm 19 and I recently lost my virginity to a 28 year old anyway we were sort of together with no labels for two and a half months. He decided to block and delete me out of his life as he was "falling" for me I know I was used worst thing is ...
A. 2 April 2014: Agree that you should take a STD tests as well as a pregnancy test. It's not much fun but go to a family planning clinic and get it all done.
Your stress levels may the cause of the late period, but you still need to get the all clear and not just... (read in full...)
Should I cancel my membership or will that make me look needy?
Q. Hi, i'm wondering what i should do. My online date and i have been hitting it off so well, over the past few mths, that now he has decided to leave the dating site where we met for good, so that he and i can pursue a possible future relation...
A. 31 March 2014: Is there an inbetween option whereby you can disable your account, but not delete it/ end membership? That would indicate that you're only interested in him (for now, perhaps forever), and would give you the option of easily reinstating things if, ... (read in full...)
Why can't I get over this offensive incident?
Q. I took a tennis class and this pretty woman walked up to me during the first one and said, "Hi Bob! I lost your e-mail address!" I replied that it was no big deal and I'd give it to her again. She then said to me, "Err, no, that's okay," etc. I wa...
A. 30 March 2014: It was rude and unpleasant, and those types of things do stay in our memories. But try to focus on all the pleasant people and experiences you've come across in life, even if it's just someone who gave you change for a parking meter or some other ... (read in full...)
Condom wrapper and girl's scarf found in my boyfriend's car… I'm having trouble trusting him! Any advice?
Q. I'm having trouble trusting my boyfriend of a year and a half . I have been burned in the past (cheated on) and am a naturally suspicious person. Here's my dilemma. 1) I found a ripped open condom wrapper in my boyfriends car. Near the drivers...
A. 30 March 2014: To me it doesn't sound as though this guy is worth investing any more of your time. It may not even be that he's not that in to you, it may be that he doesn't really commit to anyone. Some people are quite happy having 1-2 year relationships without ... (read in full...)
Her new hair colour makes a radical difference!
Q. This is probably a very unusual question to ask, but I'm just curious. My girlfriend has always had very dark black hair in the time that I've known her and we've been together. In fact, her dark features are what I found very attractive and b...
A. 30 March 2014: Like Aunt Westie, I remembered a similar post. The answers that guy got might help, in addition to the replies below.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-girlfriend-has-dyed-her-hair-and-looks345.html... (read in full...)
Are adults too busy to make new friends these days, do we not even try anymore?
Q. Do we not see those that are alone and may need a new friend? are we so suspicious of someone making small talk or being friendly, say when we meet them, that we ignore them for our own friends? or our own lives, family etc etc. Many ppl have bu...
A. 30 March 2014: OP, have you tried meetup.com? If you live in a reasonably populated area, there should be some groups to suit you. People there are usually looking to make new friends. ... (read in full...)
She lied and said she wasn't a virgin. Now that I know she is one, I feel like I can't trust her if she would lie about something that big!
Q. Can I be annoyed at this girl I've just started to date for lying to me about something big like this. She says she did it to protect herself, but I feel insulted she judged me to be like those guys... We got to talking and I asked her how ma...
A. 29 March 2014: I think she's the one who should feel annoyed actually. You're virtually a stranger and you asked her something very personal. Perhaps she shouldn't have lied, rather said 'we can discuss this when we know each other better', but I do understand why ... (read in full...)
I have a massive crush on my much-older, married landlord. Would it be worth it if I could sleep with him just one night?
Q. Ok I don't know where to begin here but I have a massive crush on my landlord. Like I'm not saying I want to run of to the sunset and marry him lol, but I have fantasised sleeping with him! He's older than well by 20 years but looks like fecking ...
A. 28 March 2014: Not worth it. ... (read in full...)
Condom wrapper and girl's scarf found in my boyfriend's car… I'm having trouble trusting him! Any advice?
Q. I'm having trouble trusting my boyfriend of a year and a half . I have been burned in the past (cheated on) and am a naturally suspicious person. Here's my dilemma. 1) I found a ripped open condom wrapper in my boyfriends car. Near the drivers...
A. 28 March 2014: It's also possible to delete single messages or entries on the call log, at least it is with the iPhone. So he needn't have to delete the entire call log. Back in the day when I snooped, phones were more basic and it was an all or nothing thing. ... (read in full...)
Condom wrapper and girl's scarf found in my boyfriend's car… I'm having trouble trusting him! Any advice?
Q. I'm having trouble trusting my boyfriend of a year and a half . I have been burned in the past (cheated on) and am a naturally suspicious person. Here's my dilemma. 1) I found a ripped open condom wrapper in my boyfriends car. Near the drivers...
A. 27 March 2014: OP, I wouldn't even confront him.
Your suspicious nature, which is actually your gut instinct, led you to snoop, and that alone is enough, don't you think?
When it reaches the level of checking phone records, you already know something is not... (read in full...)
Condom wrapper and girl's scarf found in my boyfriend's car… I'm having trouble trusting him! Any advice?
Q. I'm having trouble trusting my boyfriend of a year and a half . I have been burned in the past (cheated on) and am a naturally suspicious person. Here's my dilemma. 1) I found a ripped open condom wrapper in my boyfriends car. Near the drivers...
A. 27 March 2014: OP, I was in your position once but just with the third bit of evidence (call history deleted). I wasn't sure and gave the benefit of the doubt only to be dumped a few weeks later, as it turned out for the other woman.
People don't delete call hist... (read in full...)
Condom wrapper and girl's scarf found in my boyfriend's car… I'm having trouble trusting him! Any advice?
Q. I'm having trouble trusting my boyfriend of a year and a half . I have been burned in the past (cheated on) and am a naturally suspicious person. Here's my dilemma. 1) I found a ripped open condom wrapper in my boyfriends car. Near the drivers...
A. 27 March 2014: OP, I was in your position once but just with the third bit of evidence (call history deleted). I wasn't sure and gave the benefit of the doubt only to be dumped a few weeks later, as it turned out for the other woman.
People don't delete call hist... (read in full...)
Question about social media and I guy I like...
Q. Does anybody know about the other messages folder on fb? I met this guy at work, I said hello to him on fb and I'm not sure if he got my message. Shortly after I sent it he hid stuff from me like all the porn and girly mags he's fans of (not my ...
A. 27 March 2014: I'd never heard about this 'other folder' but apparently it's to filter out spam messages from strangers. So, if you're not 'friends', the message may indeed have gone to the other folder.
Why is it obvious you're not his type? And is he your typ... (read in full...)
I'm worried I should have given it more time!
Q. I met a guy and we dated for 3 months and it was amazing in the beginning he chased me took me to places I met all his friends. The only thing was that he ended a relationship for 2 years and after 3 months she started to date his friend so that ...
A. 27 March 2014: The bottom line is "he's not totally in the relationship with me" - he is not fully emotionally available for a relationship at the moment.
Get the thought that you did something wrong out of your head. As Cerberus says, he is in rebound ... (read in full...)
I'm worried I should have given it more time!
Q. I met a guy and we dated for 3 months and it was amazing in the beginning he chased me took me to places I met all his friends. The only thing was that he ended a relationship for 2 years and after 3 months she started to date his friend so that ...
A. 27 March 2014: Yep, he tried downgrading you from a relationship to some ambigious arrangement that I'm betting was heading towards friends with benefits. Since that's not what you want, you did absolutely the right thing in ending it. I wouldn't advise any more ... (read in full...)
Sex when on my period?
Q. My boyfriend won't have sex with me when I am on my period. It's nothing to worry about to have sex on my period - what should I do??? ...
A. 26 March 2014: OP, some men just don't enjoy it, find it a bit yucky (especially in the first 1-2 days when heavier). I don't know whether you two use condoms, but if not, he could try using a condom so it doesn't feel/ seem so yucky to him. Put a towel under you ... (read in full...)
I'm so worried I could not sleep .........
Q. What is happening? I've still not heard from him:( I'm worried? I spoke to my boyfriend saturday afternoon and he said he was going to take a nap he will ring me when he wakes up. He didn't ring me in the evening, I tried to call him but I ...
A. 26 March 2014: Good news! Now exchange email addresses so this kind of thing doesn't happen again - he could've emailed you from an internet cafe days ago and saved you sleepless nights!
You do worry excessively (or at least, you did in this situation) - I know... (read in full...)
I'm so worried I could not sleep .........
Q. What is happening? I've still not heard from him:( I'm worried? I spoke to my boyfriend saturday afternoon and he said he was going to take a nap he will ring me when he wakes up. He didn't ring me in the evening, I tried to call him but I ...
A. 24 March 2014: If you're texting him via Whatsapp (or equivalent), he won't see the messages until he gets to a place with wifi. Hope you hear from him soon. ... (read in full...)
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