My LDR complains that I have a mixed personality
Q. It's a long distance relationship. I met this guy online and I've fallen in love with him. He use to text me everyday but for two weeks now, the texting has stopped. When he called this week he complained that I have a mixed personality and if I ...
A. 15 February 2014: Hello, Thanks for clarifying.
Well, as I said, he can't really comment on your personality since he's never met you so don't take any negative comments to heart.
I'd be wary about investing too much emotion in someone you've never met because ... (read in full...)
My LDR complains that I have a mixed personality
Q. It's a long distance relationship. I met this guy online and I've fallen in love with him. He use to text me everyday but for two weeks now, the texting has stopped. When he called this week he complained that I have a mixed personality and if I ...
A. 15 February 2014: I started to answer but realised what I was writing was all based on the assumption that you haven't actually met this guy yet in real life. But I may be completely wrong.
Please could you tell us whether you've met him face to face, how ofte... (read in full...)
Will I have to be involved in my child's life in the future?
Q. I had a night out 2 weeks ago and slept with this girl who was on holiday in the city where I live. We exchanged email addresses and now I'm told she is pregnant. I honestly don't know how that happened because we used a condom, and sure I ...
A. 15 February 2014: You should ask her to confirm that she's been to a doctor and is definitely pregnant. If she's this tearful and presumably stressed, it could have a knock on effect in making her period late. Don't accuse her of lying, just ask her if she's had the ... (read in full...)
The guy I've been dating is torn between taking things further with me or his female best friend. What should I do?
Q. Really need help So since early January I have been seeing this lovely guy, and we both really like each other and everything has been going so well but now just as we are on the verge of becoming boyfriend and girlfriend to one another he has t...
A. 15 February 2014: How long does he intend to take making this decision? He can't drag it out forever. It's not fair on anyone, and the situation doesn't have to be so difficult for him. He just has to have the balls to tell one of you how he feels, because he must ... (read in full...)
Would it be a bad idea for me to get in touch with my ex?
Q. I'm not sure whether to contact my ex or not. We haven't spoken for a year and a half. The last time I spoke to him, he told me that he didn't want us to contact each other again. We used to have a lot of arguments, and now that I am older and a lot ...
A. 15 February 2014: I assume the post below is from the OP. In that case, he requested no contact because he wasn't over you and he needed time to heal. It sounds like he's done that and has moved on.
He hasn't "won", OP. All you know is that he's in a relation... (read in full...)
The intimacy is gone from our relationship
Q. Hi I am a 33 year old female I feel like I am in my prime. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 yrs now he is 27. We do not have any children together but I do have 2 boys 11 and 16. We have custody of them every other week. Within the past year or ...
A. 15 February 2014: Well he's not only addicted to meth but also to porn. I say it's an addiction because he's hiding it from you, and it's affecting his day to day life and his relationship with you. And yes, porn addiction does have a significant effect on real-life ... (read in full...)
Would it be a bad idea for me to get in touch with my ex?
Q. I'm not sure whether to contact my ex or not. We haven't spoken for a year and a half. The last time I spoke to him, he told me that he didn't want us to contact each other again. We used to have a lot of arguments, and now that I am older and a lot ...
A. 15 February 2014: I understand the urge to make amends and smooth things over. Especially after a bereavement when it's brought home to you that life is short and some things feel left undone or unspoken. But if he requested no contact, you really have to accept ... (read in full...)
Will I have to be involved in my child's life in the future?
Q. I had a night out 2 weeks ago and slept with this girl who was on holiday in the city where I live. We exchanged email addresses and now I'm told she is pregnant. I honestly don't know how that happened because we used a condom, and sure I ...
A. 14 February 2014: I think you should seek information from the Citizens Advice Bureau
http://www.cas.org.uk
I agree with others posters doubts: is she really pregnant, and is it your child? If yes, think long term. You may not be ready to be a father now, but ... (read in full...)
Should we stay 'just good friends' at the expense of my heart, or should I cut & run, even if it hurts both of us?
Q. I'm romantically interested in a guy who isn't over his ex, who left him in extremely abrupt circumstances approx. 4 months ago. We get along brilliantly and he's the first person I've ever truly 'clicked' with in terms of personality. The problem ...
A. 11 February 2014: If he invites you, you could politely let him down and tell him that you don't think a friendship is possible and you think it's better to cut contact. Be civil but firm.
The fact that you have hardly any friends makes you even more vulnerable in t... (read in full...)
Should we stay 'just good friends' at the expense of my heart, or should I cut & run, even if it hurts both of us?
Q. I'm romantically interested in a guy who isn't over his ex, who left him in extremely abrupt circumstances approx. 4 months ago. We get along brilliantly and he's the first person I've ever truly 'clicked' with in terms of personality. The problem ...
A. 10 February 2014: Hanging out and being just good friends doesn't include kissing and holding hands. It sounds like this could evolve in to a friends with benefits situation, which would be a disaster since you already talk of feeling sad and depressed.
I know tha... (read in full...)
Why do women at night clubs dress provocatively?
Q. Why do the girls at the clubs dress like sluts?? We went to a club last weekend and there were many women barely dressed. One had a dress on so short that her ass was showing and she bent over a few times. Do they really need that much attention?...
A. 5 February 2014: Yes, some women do seem to want that sort of attention, whether for validation or to pull a guy (or both). I think it's a bit degrading, though I wouldn't call such women sluts, but each to their own. ... (read in full...)
Why do all women judge me by my weight and looks?
Q. Why do all women immediately judge me by how overweight and ugly I am and give me disgusted looks? No matter where I go in public women look down upon me. The constant glares female strangers give me is really becoming bothersome. I try and smil...
A. 5 February 2014: OP, sorry for suggesting you might be leery. I just couldn't think of any other reason why people would tell you that you're disgusting. It's a million miles away from what I'd ever say to anyone - unless I was referring to disgusting behaviour ... (read in full...)
Why do all women judge me by my weight and looks?
Q. Why do all women immediately judge me by how overweight and ugly I am and give me disgusted looks? No matter where I go in public women look down upon me. The constant glares female strangers give me is really becoming bothersome. I try and smil...
A. 5 February 2014: I don't think you are misreading people and I don't think it's all in your head; you can't be imagining women telling you are disgusting to your face, after all.
Are you approaching women in a certain way that could be interpreted as somethin... (read in full...)
Should I forgive again? Can I trust him again?
Q. I am trying to gain clarity on my relationship and figure out what to do... I have asked many friends for their advice, but realize that they all have some kind of biased opinions (they are, after all, close friends), so I need an objective and ...
A. 3 February 2014: OK, I genuinely don't think you have been "stupid", but the very first thing that came to mind when I read your post was 'co-dependant'.
You are obviously not a stupid person - your post is very astute - but something unhealthy is keeping ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and stopped smoking. How do I help my partner quit the habit as well, without nagging?
Q. I could do with some advice on how to encourage my partner to quit smoking. We both used to smoke but when I fell pregnant 4 months ago I quit immediately and haven't touched one since, nor do I desire too as quite frankly the smell of them makes ...
A. 2 February 2014: I agree that it's not about willpower but about having a true desire to stop smoking. When I quit, I didn't need willpower (just nicotine patches for a while) and I didn't need willpower because I really didn't want to smoke anymore.
That said... (read in full...)
He walked out on me. Is contacting him a bad idea?
Q. A man that I was dating walked out of my life in October '12. We were only dating for 6 months but it was intense. He told me he was in love with me and hinted toward marriage in the future. He was recently divorced, his father died while we...
A. 2 February 2014: I must agree that I think it's a bad idea to contact him, though I do understand the temptation since the connection was intense, you feel you did something wrong (not telling him you loved him), and you got absolutely no closure when he ... (read in full...)
Is the guy I'm dating a sex addict?
Q. I am concerned that the guy I met online and I am currently dating is possibly a sex addict! I've ignored some obscenities and red flags but now I am confused!!! I like him very much but I can't help but to be concerned with his preoccupation with ...
A. 1 February 2014: My further input would be to take it slowly with this guy, really. There's no need to spend the night at his house for "convenience" sake - you are putting yourself in a position where things WILL get more sexual. Then, if you are like most women, ... (read in full...)
He seemed genuine in his texts but when we met up he only wanted one thing!
Q. Hello, so confused. I've been talking to this guy for about a week, the conversation was going good andhe kept asking if we could meet up normally I dont meet them straight away I l like to talk to them for a couple of weeks first. However he seeme...
A. 1 February 2014: No I don't think it's a good sign that he's immature, or that he has a bad sense of humour (though I don't honestly think he was joking when he called you frigid).
A good sign would be if he apologised for making that remark and asked you out on a... (read in full...)
He seemed genuine in his texts but when we met up he only wanted one thing!
Q. Hello, so confused. I've been talking to this guy for about a week, the conversation was going good andhe kept asking if we could meet up normally I dont meet them straight away I l like to talk to them for a couple of weeks first. However he seeme...
A. 1 February 2014: Hi Rebeccaa,
First, you don't get a good idea of someone via text. Getting to know someone means face to face meetings. Also, look at actions not words; do his actions match up to his words?
Second, your first date or meet being at his house is... (read in full...)
Is the guy I'm dating a sex addict?
Q. I am concerned that the guy I met online and I am currently dating is possibly a sex addict! I've ignored some obscenities and red flags but now I am confused!!! I like him very much but I can't help but to be concerned with his preoccupation with ...
A. 1 February 2014: You're ignoring red flags (why?) and now putting yourself in a position where you're likely to have sex, or at least oral sex. Why? If you're concerned that he is just after sex (which I think he is), isn't it better to stay away from each other's ... (read in full...)
Was this man just using me?
Q. Hi I'd like your opinion. I was going out with my ex from March 2013 to Nov 2013, he called a halt to our relationship after I text him asking what was up and not to shut me out. I was right, there was something up, but he called it all off. In...
A. 31 January 2014: p.s. I meant his nonsense, not that you were doing anything wrong other than giving him the time of day. ... (read in full...)
Was this man just using me?
Q. Hi I'd like your opinion. I was going out with my ex from March 2013 to Nov 2013, he called a halt to our relationship after I text him asking what was up and not to shut me out. I was right, there was something up, but he called it all off. In...
A. 31 January 2014: He keeps contacting you when he's drunk, it seems, not when he's sober and has his wits about him. Stop doing favours for him, in fact stop responding to him all together. He can't give you what you want in a relationship and he can't even act like ... (read in full...)
I suspect my husband of cheating but can't confront him.
Q. Hi, where do I start! My husband and I have been married for 15 years and have 3 children. Over the last 3 years I've found several occasions where my husband had been trying to get the attention of other women by both texting and facebook. I'm ...
A. 31 January 2014: What was happening that prompted you to snoop? Your gut instinct must have come from something he's doing or not doing. So discuss that with him rather than coming out with accusations of cheating, if that's as far as your courage can take you. It's ... (read in full...)
I'm not so interested in sex and I'm afraid my boyfriends desires will lead him to cheat
Q. Hiya aunts and uncles, my fiancé of 4 months and dating for 3 years has been talking in his sleep and has expressed the same concerns in his waking hours. He is 26 and im 23 on valentines day. well, its like this: he doesn't feel like we are inti...
A. 31 January 2014: I think you need to go and see your GP and discuss your extreme fatigue and loss of libido.
Secondly, it is not the responsibility of the man to instigate intimacy each and every time. That is an extremely outdated notion.... (read in full...)
Specific online help from an expert...does it exist?
Q. I have noticed that there is a lack of UK online counsellors/psychologists who can help with a specific problem and answer really quickly. Have you found that? There are forums such as this one where someone can answer and be really helpful but ...
A. 30 January 2014: Hi,
I don't think such online exists unless you're willing to pay. There are plenty of psychologists and counsellors who will work with clients online, for a fee, but I don't think they'd just give a rapid response to a specific problem - they... (read in full...)
How do I ask her out and what should I wear on the first date?
Q. This us a very short question. Okay I have been seen this girl for 1 month now he haven't met yet we speak everyday non stop, she's great a lovely caring girl I like her a lot, I am going to ask her out in person when we meet. What do I wear and how ...
A. 29 January 2014: So you have already arranged to meet? Well, first of all, see how you feel about her in real life before "asking her out". Just spend some time together and see how it feels. You might not like her as much in the flesh.
If you do like her, and it s... (read in full...)
Going back and forth on my decision to break up
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. In that period I have cheated on him 3 times, 1 being a one night thing, 2 lasting longer than that. My last affair has been in the last few weeks, and I started to lose feelings for my boyfriend. I ended ...
A. 29 January 2014: Does he know that you cheated on him 3 times? I assume not, since he wants to marry you. Perhaps if you tell him, your dilemma will solve itself and he will realise that he does deserve better.
He does deserve to be with someone who loves him back... (read in full...)
How much value should I put on something my boyfriend said in his sleep?
Q. My boyfriend was mumbling in his sleep the other night and he said: "no I don't want to get engaged!" Now I know I'm probably being silly but do you think that's how he actually feels? Wish fulfilment and all that. He has expressed that w...
A. 29 January 2014: I agree with the other posters. Dreams are so random that he could have been "thinking" of anyone/ anything when he said that. I've witnessed people doing and saying all sorts of odd things in dream sleep (as part of my job) and these things are ... (read in full...)
Why send me a message, I went no contact with her!
Q. Hi there, it´s been almost two months now after she dumped me and I went no contact from the first day on. Now she sendt me something via facebook the day after my birthday, but I haven´t read it yet.... She broke up things and it wasn´t ve...
A. 28 January 2014: Why would she send a message? Hard to guess without knowing what the message said, but perhaps she wanted to be pleasant after ending things in an unpleasant way. Perhaps she was just trying to be civil and friendly - and a birthday is a perfect ... (read in full...)
S going NC out of the blue considered childish?
Q. A girl I was dating, and that was very into me about two months ago seems to have lost interest in me. She never said so explicitly, but it's obvious. She no longer initiates conversation, takes a lot longer to reply to my texts and is way more dry ...
A. 15 January 2014: Could you have some something different? You could have picked up the phone to call her. Texting gets very boring.
Going NC out of the blue is fine unless you're bound to bump in to this woman, if you work with her or have mutual friends.... (read in full...)
Should I tell him or continue to go with the flow until we have dated a little longer?
Q. So it's been awhile since I've been on here but I am actually in a new relationship with a great guy for the most part. I just don't know if he is in it for the long term or just passing through. We met on match.com, and we both want the same things ...
A. 15 January 2014: You've only been dating him a short while. Dating is a discovery phase for both of you, so he doesn't even know if he's "in it for the long term". It is too soon to have this sort of a discussion.
He has only known you for a short amount of time,... (read in full...)
Missing condoms have raised my suspicions
Q. Dating a great man for about one year and he is not ready to commit. He has been divorced for 5 years and is not ready for a serious relationship ( I know I know I'm stupid for staying loyal to him ) He is 34 and I am 31 I went to his house on Sat...
A. 13 January 2014: You are not crazy to think the missing condoms = him having sex with someone else. Condoms don't just disappear, cleaning ladies don't just throw out boxes in night stands. But that is only part of the issue here, because even if he hasn't slept ... (read in full...)
I have a fantasy, but is it too 'out there' to share with her?
Q. I have a strong desire to cum in my girlfriend's long hair, but I know it will be really messy and difficult to get out. How can I bring this fantasy up to my girlfriend? Do you think she will think I'm weird? If you are a woman would you allow a ...
A. 12 January 2014: OP, I don't think women actually enjoy men ejaculating in their face, as you suggest. It's something that some women will tolerate for the sake of their partners enjoyment, but it's not a sensory delight for women (that's a porn fuelled myth, I ... (read in full...)
I find my boyfriend's dry humping annoying. How do I deal with this without offending him or putting him off?
Q. This is a really stupid problem, but my boyfriend is always dry humping me... When I'm cooking dinner, when we're in bed, etc. It is kind of annoying, but I worry that I am thwarting his masculine sexual urges or something by telling him to stop and ...
A. 12 January 2014: OP, I don't think it's a stupid question and I think you have every right to complain. You're not a sex object to be pawed at every time your boyfriend feels horny. His behaviour is inappropriate.
I think you can, or should be able, to tell him ... (read in full...)
Feeling guilty for not pairing my wedding rings with my fiance's.
Q. Hi. I'm in a long distance relationship for two years and now I'm going to UK for my boyfriend for holiday to spend time with him and meet his family, so he gave a ticket to go there and as a gift for my graduation day, which he promise it befo...
A. 12 January 2014: Congratulations on your engagement.
No, I don't think you did anything wrong. You chose rings you will be happy wearing for the rest of your life. It doesn't matter if they don't match your fiance's wedding band. I don't think I know of a couple... (read in full...)
How can you move on from someone you've been with for years?
Q. This may be long so bare with me. Sorry in advance for it being long. After five years of being together my now ex bf broke up with me a week ago. We;ve had our share of problems over the past 5 years but we've managed to over come them. The ...
A. 12 January 2014: Sorry you're having a hard time of it at the moment.
Yes, people can be friends at the end of a relationship, but I think that can only really happen when you are both over it, which you can't be after only a week (and a flimsy/ dubious rather t... (read in full...)
How can I motivate my obese mother to look after herself?
Q. I could use your help. I'm very worried about my 65 year old mother and her weight. She has always been overweight but she has recently retired and is rapidly putting on more weight. She is probably about 8 stone overweight. I live abroad and j...
A. 10 January 2014: It strikes me that your mother is depressed. Staying in bed until 3pm, not really wanting to face the world, is so typical.
Sadly there's not much you can make her do. It's up to her to see her doctor and describe these symptoms, get her thyr... (read in full...)
Would she be offended if I asked her to wear a wig during sex?
Q. I'm in a relationship for almost 2 years, we're both divorced and not rushing into marriage. she lives with me weekdays being I'm very close to where she works. We have a good relationship and I don't want to rock the boat asking her to wear a wig. ...
A. 7 January 2014: I would not be very comfortable with this, either. At the very least, discuss this with her and decide together - please don't just go out and buy her a wig to wear in bed. If she's generally open to role play and quite liberal in bed, she might not ... (read in full...)
I can't get over my ex.
Q. Hello readers, I am having trouble getting over my ex girlfriend. We have been together for 2yrs and over that time we have had our ups and downs. Ultimately though I have been happy but she said she hasn't been. Since our break up I have been s...
A. 7 January 2014: Hi,
You've told your ex how you feel and she has been clear with you. Unfortunately you have to respect her decision that it's over, even though it's not what you want.
The best thing I can suggest is to stop meeting up with your ex. I know ... (read in full...)
Doesn't a guy usually try to grab a girl's boob while kissing if he likes her?
Q. this new guy ive been hanging out, is really nice to me, and comes to see me everytime i ask.. and helps me out with anything i need. He also said he likes me, but everytime were together he wont reallly iniciate the first move even tho we kissed ...
A. 7 January 2014: He sounds like a gentleman. Not grabbing your boobs doesn't mean he doesn't fancy you, it shows that he has some respect and isn't just after the physical side of things. He's happy to take things slowly - you've got a good catch, if you ask me! ... (read in full...)
What did he mean, "you don't have to sell your soul"
Q. Hello, I have been having an affair with a separated man. He has been separated for 5 years but remains in close contact with his wife who lives close by. She has never found anybody else and always hopes they will get back together. He has been ...
A. 6 January 2014: OP, you're making excuses for him and for you. He might be legally separated but he's also legally still married. He has a wife who he still sleeps with, who he's in no hurry to divorce. How do you know whether or not he spends the night, and why is ... (read in full...)
What did he mean, "you don't have to sell your soul"
Q. Hello, I have been having an affair with a separated man. He has been separated for 5 years but remains in close contact with his wife who lives close by. She has never found anybody else and always hopes they will get back together. He has been ...
A. 6 January 2014: He's a fine one to talk about selling his soul to the devil, being a married man with a mistress.
The things you said in email about him using you were correct. You were right to tell him it's over.
I wouldn't try to turn things around. You've s... (read in full...)
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