I had a threesome before I got married. Do I tell my husband?
Q. I was involved in a once only threesome with my ex bf and another girl. Deeply regretted. Should I tell the man I married later? He has had premarital sex but not of this kind....
A. 2 May 2014: No, don't tell him.
If you look up the amount of posts here on retroactive/ retrograde jealousy you'll see that it can cause a massive amount of torment for a partner to know too much about the other partner's former sex life. Once it's said, you ... (read in full...)
My friends tell me I should give my boyfriend a BJ
Q. A lot of my friends are wanting me to give my boyfriend a blowjob, and he agreed to wanting me too when i asked. But i feel like we are kind of young for this to be happening. My friends said it was okay because we have been dating for 6 months, but ...
A. 2 May 2014: No.
What goes on between you and your boyfriend is strictly private (except a discussion with your parents about this might be a good idea).
Do you really want to do something you're not ready for, and which will be the talk of the school w... (read in full...)
Is porn getting in the way of our relationship?
Q. My bf is 22 and I am 24. He watches porn A LOT. As in, a few times a day. I know that most men look at porn, but is this like normal? Our sex life is ok but I feel it sometimes comes to a point where he prefers watching porn over having sex. (He, ...
A. 30 April 2014: Your are not boring compared to other women. You are "boring" compared to women who get paid to pretend to enjoy certain things that are clearly unpleasant. Notice I say pretend. I agree with everything female anon has said on that matter.
If you ... (read in full...)
Oral sex with no protection..should I worry about disease?
Q. I'm in the habit of frequenting sex workers on a weekly basis. Now, I typically use condoms where penetrative sex is concerned but there have been occasions where I've received unprotected oral sex. I've done some research and apparently, it's ...
A. 30 April 2014: And OP, you definitely, 100% MUST get yourself checked out before you attempt to date and get intimate with "normal women", as you refer to in a previous post.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/women-do-you-prefer-it-when-a-man.html
Be awar... (read in full...)
Oral sex with no protection..should I worry about disease?
Q. I'm in the habit of frequenting sex workers on a weekly basis. Now, I typically use condoms where penetrative sex is concerned but there have been occasions where I've received unprotected oral sex. I've done some research and apparently, it's ...
A. 30 April 2014: I'd say you do have something to worry about.
Firstly you say you "typically" use condoms for penetrative sex, not "always". It should, must, be ALWAYS with any stranger but especially a sex worker.
Secondly, STDs can be passed on via unprotec... (read in full...)
How much does porn influence a mans expectations of how a woman should look naked?
Q. Ok please help aunts and uncles .... I'm single and ready to date again after a lengthy marriage. I have met a few guys but one really nice one and I'm pretty sure things will become physical soon I'm just a little worried thought as I know he has...
A. 30 April 2014: I agree with the first female anon poster. I don't think the concern should be about your physical appearance. After all, there are all shapes and sizes out there in porn, plus he is fully aware that you won't have the physique of an 18 year old. ... (read in full...)
Should I be selfish for once or be the good girl?
Q. Hi, I have this problem... I have this friend I've known for two years now and we always kind of liked each other. He's much older than I am and is in a relationship. Because we were such good friends, I know his girlfriend really well now too. Bu...
A. 30 April 2014: Ask yourself how you'll feel after you've scratched this itch? I think you'll feel pretty crappy: used, and miserable in the knowledge that you've betrayed yourself and his girlfriend. Keep that in mind when you read his next "sexy" text. He sounds ... (read in full...)
How to encourage my significant other to take care of her skin?
Q. I feel bad saying this but... Sometimes, when I am really close to my girlfriend's face, I feel unattracted to her. Well, I find her attractive at a closer than conversational level. But I tend to analyze every detail, line, and freckle on her f...
A. 29 April 2014: Aargh! If you were concerned about her risk of skin cancer, I could understand it, but no, you're just interested in how attractive she is to you. Before you deny that, read your post again (I read it twice),
She's perfectly comfortable in her o... (read in full...)
Is the girl in my class jealous of me?
Q. There is a girl in my class who is annoying me. Whenever I'm happy she tries to make me down. And she always tries to call me fat, stupid and ugly and imperfect. Whenever a guy compliments and flirts with me, she acts like she is not listening. And ...
A. 29 April 2014: So you're both calling each other fat and ugly. It's not nice behaviour from either of you. If you know she has a bit of a tough home life, compared to yours, why not try being nice to her? ... (read in full...)
His self-harming has led to him cutting me off!
Q. Hi , would love some advice . I was dating a guy for several months and as I got into the relationship I realised the guy had some mental health issues that included self - harming . I tried to be patient and loving as he was finalisi...
A. 29 April 2014: The catalyst was the two of you getting closer and he realised he couldn't be in a relationship. Yes, you have to accept that.
I agree fully with Cerberus, relationships that start with one trying to be the others saviour (and the other leeching... (read in full...)
Do women care about premature ejaculation from a bj?
Q. I tend to have a problem with coming too quickly and so I expend a lot of effort trying to make sure I don't. Obviously this is an issue with vaginal sex, but what about with oral sex? I try not to orgasm too quickly when receiving oral, but...
A. 29 April 2014: Three things about BJ etiquette: don't take forever (if you can't get there, tell her before she gets jaw lock); warn her before you climax so she can decide whether or not she wants to swallow; reciprocate!
To the ten-second guy, I would find that... (read in full...)
Woman I'm sleeping with is becoming weird and clingy, how do I handle it?
Q. Okay, So I have a little dilemma. I've been sleeping with this woman I met. She's cool and everything and when we hang out we have a nice time, but she's becoming extraordinarily clingy. She texts things like "Do you miss me? What do you miss...
A. 29 April 2014: Solidus, you could have the talk "I don't see a relationship coming out of this, but I really would like to keep seeing you as a friend", however I don't think she'll take it very well. You see, I have a feeling she quite likes you. If I were her, I ... (read in full...)
I had sex with my best friend, but she is married to somebody else!
Q. Hi everyone. Sorry, this is a bit of a long one. My best friend is female, we've been friends for about 10 years and she's married. The past couple of years, she's sank into depression. This is due in part to her husband never being there due ...
A. 29 April 2014: I'm deeply suspicious about these feelings you've had for her that only surfaced after she told you she had feelings. I think you need to be honest with yourself about that: have you always had a 'thing' for her, or was it more about an ego boost, ... (read in full...)
Woman I'm sleeping with is becoming weird and clingy, how do I handle it?
Q. Okay, So I have a little dilemma. I've been sleeping with this woman I met. She's cool and everything and when we hang out we have a nice time, but she's becoming extraordinarily clingy. She texts things like "Do you miss me? What do you miss...
A. 28 April 2014: Solidus, it doesn't sound like she's cut out for casual/ commitment-free sex in the same way that you seem to be. Sex=attachment=clinginess for some women. You weren't to know that (about her) since you both had sex the first time you met.
R... (read in full...)
What is a sensible waiting period after a date and when should I accept that the guy is simply uninterested in me?
Q. Hi, i have a question to ask, as i am feeling slightly confused @ present. I finally got to meet my online date for the first time, this weekend just passed and we hit it off so well and spent more than 8 hrs together, doing all sorts of...
A. 28 April 2014: Since you like to let the man take the lead, you'll just gave to grin and bear it while he follows the three day rule ... unless he's following a different rule that involves 5 days.
Wouldn't it be so much simpler if there were no rules set in p... (read in full...)
Is this man a sleaze bucket or am I a prude?
Q. I recently went on a first date with a guy in the public services blue uniform high up who I met online. He tried to kiss me intimately outside a pub in the car park which I found embarrassing and then text me later that he was going to be doing ...
A. 28 April 2014: Wise decision, OP. ... (read in full...)
Is this man a sleaze bucket or am I a prude?
Q. I recently went on a first date with a guy in the public services blue uniform high up who I met online. He tried to kiss me intimately outside a pub in the car park which I found embarrassing and then text me later that he was going to be doing ...
A. 28 April 2014: Personally I wouldn't give him a second chance unless you're just looking for a hook up, because it seems that is what he's after. He might prove you wrong if you give him a chance (to treat you like a lady rather than piece of meat) but I doubt it. ... (read in full...)
I just can't get over my ex co-worker.
Q. So I have been totally ruined my life because of this situation. I love my boss a lot. I am a woman too, I was not gay in my whole of my life. When I saw her first time she attracted me, I didn't feel like that for any of other girl. I was thin...
A. 26 April 2014: OP, if a man was writing this about a woman it would be truly alarming wouldn't it? It would be freaky, we would say that the man was stalking and harrassing the woman. Well the same applies. You are making her uncomfortable, and you know that she ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my ex that he gave me an STI without freaking him out or sounding like I'm blaming him?
Q. I found out today that I have an STI. It's common and treatable and hopefully not a huge deal, but I'm still pretty mortified. I had negative test results before I got together with my ex, and I also had a negative test about 6 weeks after we ...
A. 26 April 2014: OP, he could easily be carrying whatever it is with no symptoms. If you think he passed it on orally, it might be worth mentioning that in your letter to him because he should have a mouth/ throat swab in addition to the routine tests. I had to ask ... (read in full...)
Is he not interested or does he want me to take the lead?
Q. I met a guy online and after a couple weeks of messaging each other we exchanged phone numbers. He text me that same day and has every day since. This was almost a month ago. Sometimes the texting lasts all day and other times its not as long. I saw ...
A. 25 April 2014: No, texting is not a sign of interest, it's a sign of laziness and/ or boredom. Texting is too easy. It lacks, well, everything and requires no effort while keeping you hooked. Are there any phone calls? The whole online thing gives me the creeps ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my ex that he gave me an STI without freaking him out or sounding like I'm blaming him?
Q. I found out today that I have an STI. It's common and treatable and hopefully not a huge deal, but I'm still pretty mortified. I had negative test results before I got together with my ex, and I also had a negative test about 6 weeks after we ...
A. 25 April 2014: You are very being generous about his feelings, considering he gave you an STI. I would probably have let the clinic tell him, but anyway. You say it pretty well yourself in your penultimate paragraph, so you can just tweak it:
"Dear John,
I... (read in full...)
Dating just 3 weeks, I'm discovering more and more things about him that don't match what I'm looking for. Am I right to ask?
Q. I've been dating a guy whomImet online for about 3 weeks now and I'm finding that as we're getting to know each other, I'm discovering more and more things about him that don't match what I'm looking for. I'm a fairly private, reserved woman a...
A. 25 April 2014: You're not in the wrong, he's a liar. I once chatted to a guy online who unfolded much in the same way as the guy you mention: he went from being single without children, as his profile stated, to divorced with children, and then went from being ... (read in full...)
I want to keep this private. What should I say if classmates ask about my absence, without sounding rude and mean?
Q. Hi I'm 14 and need advice on what to tell people when I go to the therapist. I will go on Monday for the first time. It is weekly and will fall on the same day, time and lesson. The teachers know but I'm unsure about what I'll say to my 'class...
A. 25 April 2014: Just to add, you hid it away in a bracket that you don't think therapy will help because you find it hard to talk to new people. The therapist will only be a stranger at the first appointment. The therapist is used to dealing with people who are ... (read in full...)
Have you ever found hard physical evidence of an affair?
Q. My husband had to go to a branch office to concur with people, because the branch office was closing down. It was a day trip. When he got home from work at his normal time he changed into a t-shirt, I noticed 3 long scratches on his left bicep. ...
A. 25 April 2014: Like intrigued, I had the gut feeling. Coupled with him wearing new aftershave, acting shifty, and keeping his phone either turned off or in his pocket. Oh and he kept mentioning Katie, a new colleague. I didn't find out for certain until after the ... (read in full...)
I want to keep this private. What should I say if classmates ask about my absence, without sounding rude and mean?
Q. Hi I'm 14 and need advice on what to tell people when I go to the therapist. I will go on Monday for the first time. It is weekly and will fall on the same day, time and lesson. The teachers know but I'm unsure about what I'll say to my 'class...
A. 25 April 2014: I agree with anon, just say you started new treatment. Most will assume it's medical, e.g. physiotherapy. In this case, though you have nothing to be ashamed of in seeing a therapist, you are entitled to privacy and a white lie about the exact ... (read in full...)
No clear discussion of commitment, so is it OK to talk to others?
Q. So I recently met a guy from out of state, and it has been going well but we have only seen each other a few times. The first time we met, we had dinner and a great time, just cuddled and no sex. A month later we meet again and spend a few days ...
A. 24 April 2014: This is a bit of a cop out but the second guy took quite a while to respond to your initial message to him so you under no obligation to respond to him right away. So, why not take some time, meet up with #1 guy again, and reassess your feelings ... (read in full...)
We are both virgins in a LDR together. How should I initiate touching her chest?
Q. I have been in a long distance relationship with an amazing woman for over 2 years. We are both virgins, and I just wondered how I should go about touching her chest? Should I ask her first or just go ahead and try? I really have no idea what I s...
A. 24 April 2014: Don't "suddenly" do anything! When you're getting close, having a kiss, let your hands gently explore. She will give you signals if she's uncomfortable. You can approach the chest area by moving your hands slowly down from her neck to shoulders, or ... (read in full...)
Thought I had a chance with my crush when his relationship failed, but now they're back together. Should I move on?
Q. Hi all, I need some advice. I've had this massive crush on a guy for the last 5 years. He's a year older than me and I met him in school. He's an amazing guy, extremely good looking, gentleman personality and has a great career ahead of him. I ...
A. 24 April 2014: I agree with the other aunts that you probably need some professional help dealing with this.
Your first step is to remove him from Facebook and stop following him on Twitter. Stop talking to his friends about him. I know you will find that har... (read in full...)
If I start dating someone else, should I inform my FWB after a few dates, or should I wait for sexual intercourse to take place before performing my notification duty?
Q. I have a bit of a dilemma: I'm in my late 40s, and I have a lady friend in her mid 50s. We are what I believe is called these days "friends with benefits", i.e., I have my manly needs, she has her womanly needs, and once a week we get together to ...
A. 23 April 2014: OP, you're not ancient, of course there's still the possibility for love. There's nothing wrong with dating, but I'd just make sure your FWB knows that's what you're doing so she can decide whether she wants to hang around under the change of ... (read in full...)
If I start dating someone else, should I inform my FWB after a few dates, or should I wait for sexual intercourse to take place before performing my notification duty?
Q. I have a bit of a dilemma: I'm in my late 40s, and I have a lady friend in her mid 50s. We are what I believe is called these days "friends with benefits", i.e., I have my manly needs, she has her womanly needs, and once a week we get together to ...
A. 23 April 2014: You have a conscience and want to do things correctly. It's refreshing.
Since you are on good terms with this lady, perhaps you could tell her that you are actively dating other women (though this is implied if you have told each other you are look... (read in full...)
I found out my married lover is not planning on getting divorced after all! Who should I confront, him or his wife?
Q. I fell for my coworker who told me that his wife had left him, only to find out from another colleague that they are actually planning buying a new house together! I feel so stupid and sick to the stomach, but I can't bring myself to say anything...
A. 23 April 2014: Easy for me to say but you should have walked when the colleague told you he was married and still living with his wife. I personally wouldn't have believed his lies from then on, but I'm older and I've had a few experiences - and read a lot on this ... (read in full...)
Should I get rid of this guy because he seems to be hiding something? I'd love to hear your interpretations of his text messages
Q. I have had the most awful experiences with online dating, and am really skeptical about every man I meet now. I'm not sure if I'm looking for red flags because I'm so afraid of not spotting them. I've been on three dates with this 29-year-old...
A. 23 April 2014: How about you keep dating him for a while and see if he hangs around when you keep the dates in public places? If not, then you know he's speeding things up so he can get laid. If not, if he stops pushing to visit yours, maybe he's an OK guy. It ... (read in full...)
Should I get rid of this guy because he seems to be hiding something? I'd love to hear your interpretations of his text messages
Q. I have had the most awful experiences with online dating, and am really skeptical about every man I meet now. I'm not sure if I'm looking for red flags because I'm so afraid of not spotting them. I've been on three dates with this 29-year-old...
A. 23 April 2014: It might be because he has a significant other or it might be because the place is a pigsty and he's embarrassed. You could suggest you pop over for coffee one afternoon - I'm sure his neighbours wouldn't object to that!
What also strikes ... (read in full...)
I'm a shy, quiet person and wonder what volunteer or other opportunities I should explore?
Q. I am on Jobseeker's Allowance, which are benefits that we have here in the UK. I get these benefits from the jobcentre. I have been told my advisor at the jobcentre that I have to do some voluntary work soon. She said that I can choose where to ...
A. 22 April 2014: OP, I'm glad you're making plans re voluntary work even though it's not in your comfort zone. I say this for two reasons 1) your life is being restricted by your shyness and anxiety, and getting out there should really help you, and 2) the ... (read in full...)
A few guys on dating site have been insulting to me.
Q. I am currently on a dating site and I have talked to some of the guys on there and they are very nice and respectful. I like the compliments I get on my looks they tell me I am beautiful. I try to be honest about what I am looking for and they ...
A. 22 April 2014: People are like this online. I've tried online dating (on and off) and I always screened who I contacted very carefully first. More often, I let other people contact me first.
Are you on a reputable website? That's the other thing; free sites like... (read in full...)
What next? I don't want her to lose interest!
Q. So I signed up for eHarmony recently. It's been a long time since I've really dated anyone, and I've had absolutely zero luck finding anyone in the real world. Most of my "matches" are either girls way too far away or a bit too old for me (into...
A. 21 April 2014: OP, your question isn't stupid at all.
After two weeks, with the level of correspondance you've had, I would say it's definitely time to exchange numbers and arrange a date. It won't come across as pushy.
If you leave it too much longer, it may r... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is a selfish bitch but I love her.
Q. my gf is a selfish bitch but I still really love her. Ive argued with her a few times over whatwe have said to each other and lately she saidsomething to me and I always have to put up with it but as soon as I say the same thing backshe hates me...
A. 21 April 2014: She calls you names, you call her a bitch. Doesn't sound like you two are compatible. ... (read in full...)
Break up because I sent him to work?
Q. Met this guy six months ago. Before that he was working but resigned from his job due to a disagreement with his boss. Six months later and he is still unemployed. Talking all this crap on marriage and having kids which i see it as a sacrifice. I ...
A. 20 April 2014: "How can I make him realize that what im saying is true? How can I make him realize what he is?" - you can't, and although frustrating, it doesn't really matter any more. He's history. Why waste any more of your time on him/ trying to change him in ... (read in full...)
Break up because I sent him to work?
Q. Met this guy six months ago. Before that he was working but resigned from his job due to a disagreement with his boss. Six months later and he is still unemployed. Talking all this crap on marriage and having kids which i see it as a sacrifice. I ...
A. 20 April 2014: No it is not your PMS and you're not overreacting! You have effectively taken on another child in the form of this man. He wants another mummy to take care of him.
Send his movies back to him. If you see him walking down the street...."walk on by".... (read in full...)
I only reconnected with my ex so we could be friends, but I think he wants more
Q. A bit of an odd question. I reached out to an ex of mine because enough time had passed where we didn't speak and I thought of just asking to remain friends. We dated for only 4 months, nothing too serious. The awkward part is that he seems to...
A. 20 April 2014: Just cut off contact.
I had an ex stay in touch with me who (it turned out after several messages over the course of months) was convinced that I still loved him. He was certain, despite my protestations. I let him know that wasn't the case, whic... (read in full...)
I want to leave my long term partner, but I don't know how.
Q. I need advice on how to leave my long term, live in boyfriend. This is long, I thank anyone who takes the time to read this. We have been together for a long, long time. I am 29 years old. We have been living together for the past year and a...
A. 19 April 2014: I understand completely why you want to leave the relationship but I don't understand why you're the one looking to move out? You paid the deposit, is he even on the lease? If not, I'd seriously plan the following: take a day off when he's at work, ... (read in full...)
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