A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I borrowed my boyfriend's phone to make a call and noticed in his call history a unsaved number that been texted loads but the messages had been deleted, it bugged me I said nothing to him tho and he went back to camp (he's in the army).Now the other day when drunk he randomly said I've not been texting anyone for weeks now cause I've realised how much I love you. I said who have you been texting and I think he realised what he'd said and turned around and said "oh just the lads you know no girls or anything". I accepted that answer because I thought it was pointless saying anything while he was drunk but it's been been bugging me ever since so I looked on an ex gf Facebook of his who he recently added and her phone number is there, it's the same number that had been unsaved in his history. Now I dont know what to do, we have been having some problems in our a relationship he said I nagged him too much. I'm 8 months pregnant and I guess I've been feeling insecure and vulnerable through the pregnancy and took it out on him. This ex was someone who he was with for 5months year or so before we even got together so I don't understand why he would even talk to her, he had 2gfs after her then me, we've been together nearly 2yrs im his longest girlfriend. I don't know what to do, he is due home for xmas today and I'm scared to say say anything. I love him, our baby is due next month but the texting his ex thing is really getting to me, should I say something?
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (13 December 2013):
 Is this post also from you?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-8-months-pregnant-and-my-boyfriend-has.html
Sweetheart, you're not nagging him into his behaviour. He shouldn't be texting his ex and then covering it up. You have every right to confront him about this.
If the other post is also from you, this relationship is just wrong and unhealthy. Sorry to say it but you're grasping at straws with him - I say that with no malice or judgement, because I think I might well have acted the same in your situation at 8 months pregnant and at your age.
I understand you're in a vulnerable position but unfortunately I think you may have to face the fact that this man is not good boyfriend material (to say the least) and he won't be around to co-parent your baby, at least not as your partner.
Speak to him but don't put up with this shit. Being a single mother would be better than putting up with all this stress and uncertainty from a guy who's not around much anyway., who breaks up with you and shows strong signs of infidelity.
Best of luck with your new arrival, be strong.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 December 2013):
 I think that he should be honest about it.
I also think that YES folks change and maybe he's realized he was close to blowing a good thing with you.
I would wait till a calm moment after he gets home and say "remember when you were drunk and you called and said you weren't texting anyone else? I know that means something was weighing your mind down with guilt... today is amnesty day my love and without fear or repercussions you and I BOTH need for you to come clean and get it off your chest. I know there's something you are holding back and I promise not to blow up"
then hope and pray he tells you the truth.
if he does BE STRONG and do not yell or punish him for it... in fact, reward him as best you can in any way you deem proper for TELLING THE TRUTH.
and if he doesn't tell about her..and gives you some BS about it you can say "well what about so and so (use her name)....
I think that this is very fixable since it appears he may have realized what a good thing he has with you and he won't want to wreck it.
make sure also that he knows that if he does it again it won't be so easy for him. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me as they say.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2013): Prepare for single-motherhood. Get a monetary allotment for your child from his soldier's pay. If things don't workout (I hope they do) as far as continuing your relationship with your soldier-boy, you deserve financial help with your childcare.You and I both know you'll never trust him. You never have. You never will. You know his history.I particularly loved they way you "oh so innocently" had to use his phone; and for no particular reason, went through his messages. Low and behold, to your surprise and dismay!You knew what he is capable of from the start. You committed to him too soon after a year's breakup, and two failed rebound relationships after. Now you're pregnant, and no more secure than you have ever been. In fact, you never really expected him not to cheat again. It was just a matter of when. You just had to have him so badly. You put all logic and warning aside to make him yours.That's why you needed an excuse to do spy work. You went GCHQ (UK's NSA) and got your intelligence. Put it to good use.You're pregnant with his kid. HELL YEAH! YOU BETTER ADDRESS HIM ABOUT SOME OTHER WOMAN!!!You are going to have to make the decision to raise a child alone; or within a loving two-parent environment. Now is the time to get it out in the open and deal with it. When is a better time? When he has dumped you all alone with a child to support and a broken heart to heal?WiseOwlE doesn't meant to be mean to you. I just want you to use your commonsense and the information you found to your best advantage. He will apologize until the sun freezes into a snowball; but he isn't marriage material. Not for a long time. He's still a teenage boy, not a man. Being a soldier will quickly mature him. It will not make him a good boyfriend or father. That comes from character. The Army only builds character to an extent. For their purposes. He serves his country as a whole. He chooses those he loves according to his own heart. You deal with his human/civilian personality. A different creature. Not the killing-machine.He's busted! He can run and hide anytime; anywhere in the world. Get your ducks in a row. If he's for someone else, let her have him. He has pretty much taken that liberty on his own. As usual.The drunken slip-up is proof he is unfaithful to you, and his guilty conscience was eating at him. Drunk people love everybody. They'll kiss a mangy dog on the mouth. All he said was he loved you, in spite of the fact he's big fat cheat. I'm not saying he doesn't love you. He just doesn't love you enough not to cheat on you with other women. Motherhood is a blessing. In this case, it's a complication.Reclaim your freedom, preserve your dignity, and demand child-support; if he isn't a committed boyfriend and a deserving father. This bullsh*t is the last thing you need in your life at this time. Do it for you and your baby.Choices you make now are life-altering decisions.It's better to give him up, than cling to a cheat.
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A
male
reader, M Proops +, writes (13 December 2013):
I don't think he should be texting this girl either, especially that you're now pregnant.I wonder if she reignited contact with him?You say all the messages were deleted,does he usually do this? which kind of suggests a lot of messaging has been going on which would be suspicious in itself.He should be concentrating on you now and becoming a good father.It's not on to be contacting old girlfriends.It's very disrespectful to you,you have enough on your plate as it is without worrying about potential cheating.
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