A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've been talking to someone for the past 4 months and I met him online. It was a day after my ex blocked me out if his life. I had told this current guy, "X", how distraught I was after what this guy did to me. He complimented me so much about how pretty I look. I always said thank you b/c he was acting very sweet after my whole situation. So I thought of this as an encouragement to bounce back. I finally admitted to him I really like him and he says he likes me too. But the twist here is that when I started to have doubts whether he likes me or not I would accuse him of talking to other girls because of the past issue and he'd never assure me that I'm wrong. I know it's probably too much to ask but I wanted to see proof and I didn't see it. When he figured what I wanted he got defensive by saying, “I don't have to show that I'm innocent. So I left things like that and this was barely 3 months into the relationship. He's in the Air Force and he goes to school that's 4 hours. from my home. He says he's going to come see me but in the end he leaves me hanging. It’s either, I’m not available on the weekend or something pops up for him. I want to make "us" work but I feel that ever since my insecurities popped up he lost interest or something. We did do the whole webcam and phone sex just to make up the distance between I feel more promised to him b/c I showed my body that I'm not too confident with. Is this both our fault for rushing or is it me? I text him but I never get a response, am I being too clingy?
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jealous, my ex, phone sex, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (7 December 2013):
 It's a good idea to just let it go. It doesn't have to be on bad terms, you can just quietly fade out once you've made your decision. All the best to you (hug)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe've talked recently & now I just think I'm gonna let this go. It's best for both of us.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe recently talked over the phone & he just listened. He didn't really seem to want to help out my feelings on the situation. He was just like "I like you. That's it. There's nothing else I can say b/c that's all you need to know." So I'm just guessing that this is going to end in bad terms as well.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (6 December 2013):
Hi,
There are several issues here as I see it. You 'met' him when you were on the rebound from your ex, and you probably still aren't over your ex (you mention past issues). That makes you vulnerable to accepting attention from people who aren't necessarily the best choice, just so you feel a little better about yourself. I always think it's better for people to be single for a while after a breakup to regroup and reflect, then (hopefully) make better choices.
You both said that you like each other, but that doesn't mean you are in a relationship. Has he defined this as a relationship, or is this something you've assumed? The other thing is that you haven't actually met yet, so - to me - you are not in anything other than a fantasy-type relationship.
He keeps on cancelling on actually meeting up, and that's a very bad sign. It suggests to me that he's enjoying the attention, the phone sex and webcam sex, but doesn't want any more than that. He doesn't want to make it a 'real' relationship, and he probably is talking to other girls since he's not in a 'real' relationship.
Your insecurities may have been a red flag to him, but it's equally possible that he never meant for this to be more than a bit of cyber fun.
I suggest: stop texting him. Stop the webcam stuff (you never know who else is seeing what you are showing him, if he's recording it - yes, those things do happen). Give him an ultimatum re meeting up to see whether he's really, genuinely interested in you. If he cancels this again, call it quits.
Or (and this is what I think would be best for you): break it off right now, stop all contact and be single for a while. Take a while to address your insecurities and think about the sort of man you'd like to be with. I don't think this is the right guy for you, and I really worry about the webcam sex.
Either way: stop texting or you may just find yourself blocked like your ex blocked you.
Good luck, OP. There are nice men out there, don't feel like you have to hang all your hopes on this guy.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 December 2013):
 You are being clingy with a man you are NOT having a relationship with.
Use this to live and learn...
1. never jump into a relationship right after breaking up with someone else
2. never webcam or send "sexy" pictures... you have no clue who is on the other end watching or who is taping it and will share it with others.
3. LDRs are hard. Having NEVER met in real life you have a "pretend" relationship right now.
4. you are the only one rowing this relationship boat. STOP calling him or texting him. Get on with your life and live it.
This relationship never got past the word GO and is not going to happen.
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