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Whats the appropriate age for sex?

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Question - (29 January 2011) 11 Answers - (Newest, 30 January 2011)
A female New Zealand age 30-35, anonymous writes:

dear readers,

i wanted to know when you people think is the appropriate age to have sex? i know you are supposed to when you and your partner feel ready, but is there a time that is t young? is 14 or 15 to young?

what if you had been with your boyfriend for 2 years? does that make any different?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011):

If you go by legality it's 16-18. Romance movies are whenever it feels right. But if you think about it, people almost always say o wish I had waited so wait! I really hate it when people say waiting for marriage is old fashioned or tightwadish when really it's just a time tested wise move.

Abby :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011):

I don't think the matter is so much of age as it is maturity- and love-based. I lost my virginity when I was 16 to my first love, and, though we broke up, I don't regret it. I think it's wiser to wait until at least 18, but as long as you're mature enough to talk about sex with your partner (the consequences, how it'll change your relationship, ways of birth control, etc.) and also be able to handle an adult conversation about it with your parents (if under 18) and have your parents or mom know what is on your mind and your concerns and maybe have her knowledgeable advice, then you may be ready. But do realize that first boyfriends, no matter how long you're with them, generally aren't 'The One's. I was with my first boyfriend for a year and, at that time, had no idea what love was, and since I questioned my feelings for him, never had sex with him, though he asked for it plenty a times. Just wait until you're ready and definitely mature enough. But I would definitely say 15 and younger is too young, as a rule of thumb.

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A male reader, Serpico United States +, writes (29 January 2011):

This is what I will say about this.

I have heard many, many woman say "I wish I waited longer" or "I wish I waited for XYZ" or "I wish I didnt give it to XYZ."

I have never ever heard one woman say "I wish I gave it up earlier" or "I wish I gave it to someone meaningless."

You can only have a first time once. Choose wisely.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thank you readers for your answers to that question, me myself have never had sex and im older than 16, its just a question that many girls younger than me seem confused about, what is the right age they ask. well i agree with 14, 15 is too young and they should atleast wait untill they are the legal age..

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A male reader, Odds United States +, writes (29 January 2011):

Odds agony aunt15 is too young. I'd say 17 is the bare minimum, and probably best to wait until 19. Doesn't matter that you've been with a guy 2 years - in fact, I'd say add a year to guys' ages, making it 18 to 20 for them. If you're not ready by then, there's no shame in waiting longer, though.

No girl I'm aware of had sex at 15 or younger and was happy with that decision years later. They all regret it. Even 16 and 17 get a high proportion of regret cases, including with long-term guys. Younger ages are also strongly correlated with future promiscuity and divorce, so there's that, too.

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A female reader, blackgoose Australia +, writes (29 January 2011):

Depending on what country/state you live in always follow the laws. Australian laws are messy, but in Victoria the ages you are referring to should be fine if the guy isn't more than two years older than you -but not over the age of 18 - I highly recommend you seek this info out on the government website.

Within the appropriate laws, sex around 14-15 isn't a terrible thing. I know people who have lost their virginity at 18, 21 and older who COMPLETELY regret their decision, which is interesting as I have a friend who went out with a guy for a year and lost hers not long before turning 15 and could not be happier with her experience (She may be considered an exception but it just proves that it can be OK). The point is that the age you do it does not define whether or not it will be a positive or a negative experience for you. If you've been dating a person for around a year and you believe you can trust them, with something special like this - it's all up to you.

Good luck, hope it all works out

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011):

When it feels right.

But failing that, whenever the law says you can. By most accounts this is 16.

Flynn 24

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011):

14-15 is way too young to have sex. You should wait until you're in you're twenties. I don't think the length you've been together is what makes the difference, although 2 years is a good amount of time. At that age you're just not mature enough to handle everything that comes with sex, including possible pregnancy.

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A male reader, C. Grant Canada +, writes (29 January 2011):

C. Grant agony auntYes, 14 or 15 is too young. At that age too much of your world is already changing, there's already too much to try to come to grips with.

Adolescent relationships can be huge, amazing, and that's a normal part of growing up. Hell, it's an essential part of growing up. But sex? That's just too much of an add-on. As much as your hormones are saying "hell yes", your brain just doesn't need the drama. Can't really cope with the drama, usually.

If you've been together two years, you've gotten to know each other well. You're likely exploring, and that's all well and fine. There's no rush. There's no magic number, but usually for a teen the later the better.

And hey, thanks for asking before doing. Good on ya!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011):

You find some girls who lose it at 16-17 and don't regret it later. Many still regret it but some don't.

You find virtually no girls who lose it at 15 or younger and don't regret it later.

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A female reader, PatientlyWaiting1 United States +, writes (29 January 2011):

Wait until you are out of college. I say 25. I am not joking either. You will be much more wise then and even more choosy.

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