A
female
age
30-35,
*allyn11
writes:Hi ladies (and gents), I was searching for some opinion here! Long story cut short, what do you think of a married man or your spouse getting a happy ending after a massage? Would that be considered as cheating? Would you be upset if he told you he had one or if you found out he did it behind his back?Looking forward to hear your answers!
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 June 2016):
 One thing to consider - it is NOT common for a therapeutic masseuse to offer a "happy ending" to a massage. It's actually ILLEGAL to ask or offer a happy ending during a massage. Reputable therapists will not offer one, no matter how much money is offered or who the person is doing the asking. Al Gore faced an Inconvenient Truth when he was accused of sexual assault when he demanded happy endings from a number of massage therapists, only to be turned down because they were licensed reputable therapists. On one occasion in 2010, he groped, pushed the therapist to the bed, and pushed her hand to his groin while tongue-kissing her as she fought him off.
Kevin Costner was another who was exposed for being lewd in his advances towards a massage therapist while ON HIS HONEYMOON with his wife. He asked for a happy ending in code, and when his masseuse refused and tried to end the massage, he grabbed her arm and proceeded to..uhh...attempt to violate it. When she broke free and left, he complained to the manager about her (didn't talk about the happy ending attempt) and got her dismissed from the hotel until she brought up the charges (everything eventually got settled, but her license was in jeopardy because of the slander and who he was.
My point is - To find a place that gives a happy ending requires a lot of effort. There is a code and a double-speak as well as a LOT of extra money being paid for the service. There was a sting that happened a few years back involving an Asian sun-spa with an exclusive back-room that involved not-licensed massages that hooked eager guys up with happy endings both with hands and mouths. The police busted the place naturally.
Reputable massage therapists go to college and invest a lot of money in their careers. They do NOT give happy endings. To find a happy ending, a guy either has to use word of mouth and actively LOOK for shady parlors, or they have to find that one needle in the proverbial haystack and go to a massage therapist over and over, tip extremely well, build a long-term rapport with this person, to the point where the money is so good over the long term and secrecy is assured for this person to risk her license.
Otherwise, many happy ending seekers simply throw away all semblance of double-speak and hire an escort and pay for her "time" with all that this entails, in which case a happy ending usually goes a lot further than a massage.
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (28 June 2016):
Hubby will not have a happy ending now :)))
Yes it is cheating...Unless marriage is between him and every other women out there.
Some fools believe if you don't put it in a woman, it's not sex or cheating. If it's not your wife or hubby...wrong.
Still don't understand how men do this...Who know where that person was last, who they touched, and their personal hygiene habits.
Plus...that is such a good role play for husband and wife.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 June 2016):
 After reading the answers... I have to add that I never considered accidental as I can't imagine it happening as an accident but I guess for a very young inexperienced horny young man it could.
if it's an accident then he could mention it after the fact but there is no need as it would be embarrassing I'm sure.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 June 2016):
Have not read the other replies yet so if I'm repeating something I'm sorry.
IF my husband came to me and asked to have one prior to having it, and i was permitted the same experience then I'd say go for it.
IF he came to me after the fact, or he did not tell me. that's a no go
Cheating is defined in my world as anything you can't don't or won't tell your partner.
Telling AFTER the fact is not acceptable.
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A
male
reader, DarrellG  +, writes (28 June 2016):
 Yes it is. Even if its an accident then the happy ending is clearly a result of him lusting after that other women so yes either way - accident or intentional.
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A
female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (28 June 2016):
 Another vote for the 'yes, it's cheating if it's intentional otherwise it's just embarrassing' camp.
I like that...'specialises in happy endings', lol.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 June 2016):
 What an odd question.
While a "normal" massage CAN feel relaxing, soothing and sensual - I have never felt sexually around by it and it's certainly NOT something that you should expect from a massage. Honestly, I fell asleep 9 out of 10 times, I'm that relaxed.
I don't know how it is for men though.
And I agree if the intention and agreement was to be felt up in the crotch area and thus "orgasm" it IS cheating. And it's not a "real" massage... let's be honest. That's an erotic massage which again is pre-arranged and PAID for like you would a hand-job from a prostitute.
If the guy just lacked self control during a "real" massage, it's not cheating... THAT is just embarrassing for both masseuse and him, I'd think.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (28 June 2016):
 First, I object to the phrase "happy ending" because there is nothing happy about indulging in prostitutional activities. And yes, it is cheating because any sex outside of marriage, intentional or not, is cheating.
To reverse roles: would I be upset? Totally irrespective of how I found out, being told or by snooping. Infidelity in my book is grounds for immediate divorce without any time being wasted to "work it out". Everything that a cheater has to say has been said right during the act of infidelity, massage parlor, accidental or not.
Of course, others have their own views on infidelity with gradations and such.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 June 2016):
 Yes, it is cheating. If another woman or man placed her hand to his junk to give him the happy ending, it is also called a hand job, and is a sexual act, thus cheating. If he performed this on himself, then it is called masturbation, and is not cheating.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 June 2016):
If the happy ending was intentional, then absolutely it's cheating. People don't usually categorize an involuntary ejaculation as anything but an embarrassing ending. I've only ever heard of involuntary ejaculation/orgasm taking place by patients with back injuries, and many times, women are the receivers of that involuntary reflex, and it is NOT a happy ending! In the same vein (no pun intended at all!), such clients have had that embarrassment occur during a chiropractic adjustment, and it is a horrifying and awkward occurrence for both therapist/chiropractor and client.
If that happy ending had anything to do with the masseuse's hands either on or extremely close to his or her genitalia, then it's absolutely cheating. He (or she) would be asking for a sexual act done by someone who is not their wife or partner, and the act was an expected and welcome pleasure.
I would not put up with that under any circumstance whatsoever, and my response if it were my husband would differ whether or not he were to come clean or I were to catch him or find out he did it behind my back.
There should NOT be a double standard! There are masseurs who can give women "happy endings" and do a fantastic job relieving a woman's sexual tension in mind blowing ways, leaving her a trembling, spent, happy mess when it's over. Would her husband want another man bringing her to orgasm, his fingers massaging her bare clitoris while she moans and throbs?? I'm being graphic because no honest husband or partner would find that anything except cheating and a slight to his ego and manhood. Any other reaction is either a guy who is lying or a guy with some sort of cuckold fetish.
I would be devastated, and if I were to catch him, he'd be gone. If he came to me on his own, there would be a lot of healing, and a lot of marriage counseling, because my trust would be as shattered as if he were seeing a prostitute or had a one night stand. He paid money to another woman to perform a sexual act on him. That's a dealbreaker, and I wouldn't feel the least bit ambiguous about it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2016): No it is not. It is a part of the relaxation and stress releasing technique
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2016): It doesn't matter if he went to a massage parlour that caters to "happy endings" and he KNEW it or whether he decided to go for it in the heat of a moment. It is still cheating. The end result is the action. The decision. The choice HE made. He put himself in the position. That should be enough. A guy who is not attempting to cheat will not put himself in that position to begin with. Like alcoholics who know they have a drinking problem would never walk into a bar. Even a guy who walks into a bar who didn't plan to drink at all is putting himself in a position to have a drink or two. At any given point, he could have stopped it. Or not even entertained the thought to begin with. Men ARE capable of controlling themselves.I really don't think he should have even gone to such a place. Because in my opinion, he already went there with the intent of getting a hand job (or oral, not sure which).Yes, a man can do this for strictly sexual reasons. Likely he has NO feelings for the girl who took care of him. This I believe. It was a business transaction IN HIS MIND. This does not make it right, though. Or acceptable to his wife or girlfriend. In his mind, it meant nothing. Just a quick release. But what about in YOUR mind? The damage is done either way to your emotional health. Now you are going to forever be paranoid that he has the ability to cheat on you in any given situation. And it will cause problems to your relationship. I mean, he has poor impulse control. Poor control of his own actions. He just flies by the seat of his pants. Who knows what he could do at any given time? He did not give one single thought to his wife or girlfriend as he was being taken care of. It was purely selfish and thoughtless. What kind of a man is this? The kind who does not belong in a relationship. The kind who does not deserve a woman's heart in his hands when he does something like this to destroy it.You can say you will forgive and forget but we all know this is impossible.I believe the proof is in the actions. Not in the intentions. So many guys say they never meant to do it. Nice excuse. At the end of the day, nobody forced them to cheat. They made that choice all by themselves and need to deal with whatever consequences arise from that choice. So many guys, if caught, come up with all kinds of handy dandy excuses, to justify or excuse their behaviour. Most don't want to lose their girlfirends. But, once you engage in that behaviour you are risking a good thing for something that was fleeting, likely not that good either. Most guys feel sorry for what they did when it is too late. The mind blowing sex comes from your girlfriend not strange and random wham bam thank you ma'am's. This is what they find out. A woman who loves you will always give you the best sex. Any other is just scratching an itch. Nothing more.Think of this way. Think a husband or boyfriend would like it if his wife or girlfriend had a guy go down on her or give her a hand job? All hell would break loose! Guarantee you that! And most likely the women would be dumped pretty quick! Women tend to give more chances when it comes to sexual betrayal. Men, don't. Because society expects and even gives a hall pass to the "boys will be boys" behaviour, even the boys themselves, but women are supposed to behave. Unfortunate double standard that is.How many times have they done it before WITHOUT being caught? If if they were not caught, how many times would they have kept doing it? AND EVEN IF CAUGHT and they promise they will never do it again, HOW CAN YOU TRUST THEM NOT TO?So, cheating is cheating. Whether they went in with the intention or not. The end result is what counts.Guys should stop getting passes for this behaviour. It is wrong. It destroys trust. It destroys relationships. And do you know what passes do? They enable them to keep on cheating!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (28 June 2016):
 Like IvyBlue and CindyCares said: accident, no - deliberate, yes.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 June 2016):
 If you refer to those kind of massage parlours where the whole point if the massage is to get to the happy ending- as shown by the fact that you pay an extra for it - then sure, of course it is cheating, what else ? Unless you think Bill Clinton- style that if there's no intercourse it's not sex.
If you refer to an accidental ejaculation happening because of some therapeutic manipulaton, then no, it would be an involuntary, innocent mechanical reflex. But let me tell you that I can't think of ONE instance of sport / therapeutic / aesthetic / relaxing massage where the stimulation is so strong and irresistible to take by surprise the poor unwilling client.
Here our beaches are flooded with Asian ( and I suppose, alas, unlicensed ) masseuses who for a modest fee will give you a nice soothing rub down there and then, under your beach umbrella- and luckily I have never seen anything untoward happening !
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (28 June 2016):
 Depends. If he went to get a massage that specialises in "happy endings" then sure-cheater! but if he went for a massage and his body alone cause it too happen then, no. Hope that makes sense?
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